Grandpa: Ya know, Herman, I wonder if I should've stopped off at the freight
yard and bought a livestock permit before we boarded the train.
Herman: Why do you want to do that?
Grandpa: Because I've never traveled with a jackass before.

Herman: I just don't understand what went wrong with my child psychology.
It always worked on "Leave It to Beaver."

Grandpa: Lily, please let's not bring up the past. For once in this family, let's
let the dead stay buried.

Herman: [About the Funeral Parlor] "...We're just too busy. People are dying to get in here."

(from Tin Can Man)

Lily: [About Herman] "...You have a nack for going into a place just when there's a lull in business.
Grandpa: "Lily's right Herman. You know that, and being stupid, are the two things you do best."

(from Herman, the Tire-Kicker)

Herman: [About Marilyn's wedding] "...We're all so happy for you my dear, now that we've finally unloaded you."

(from A Man for Marilyn)

Those are good ones.

Lily (upset): "I could just lie down and die....again."

Herman:
Say, have you two guys ever heard the joke about the astronaut and the Playboy bunny?

Lou the bank robber:
No.

Herman:
I wish you had, because it sounds like a great one.

Dr. Frankenstein IV: "Johann, how many times do I have to tell you, this is a very respectable hotel, we do not eat the furniture."

Johann: "Run, run, run."

Charlie: "Ah Marilyn, you look pretty... pretty... uh, how you do in school dear?"

Mrs. Cribbins: "...And the one they call "Herman", he's got the kind of a body you'd expect to see fall out of a closet."

Lily: "Herman, if your head gets any bigger, you'll pop your bolts again."

Herman:
Say, have you two guys ever heard the joke about the astronaut and the Playboy bunny?

Lou the bank robber:
No.

Herman:
I wish you had, because it sounds like a great one.


How risquee for the '60s! Today they'd show the actual act, but then, that's like promoting nudist camps!

Pat

I remember hearing that line way, way WAY back and it really made me laugh that Herman seemingly started a joke only to find out he'd never even heard it himself. :) And he was right. It did sound like a good one.

Fearing that Herman will be tortured while on board the Russian cargo ship, Lily and Grandpa arrive to see Herman dancing with the crew, particularly with a rather hefty short woman.

Grandpa: "Lily, maybe they are torturing him. I mean, you know, that's not exactly Juliet Prowse he's wiggling his watusi with."

Lilly: "Herman, you goofed it again".

Any line of Grandpa's that started with "Back in the old country..."

Eddie (to Googie): "You're a fink, and a rat fink, and a miserable little brat."

Lily - "Oh Marilyn, those circles under your eyes, how lovely you look today."

From "Munster Go Home" - but also repeated in a series episode I can't recall:

Eddie: "Kiss Woof Woof goodnight for me"
Terry Thomas (British snob): "I'd really rather not"
Eddie: "Then kiss me goodnight"

(Given this choice, TT picks takes Woof Woof from Eddie and kisses him goodnight)


A classic without question

Grandpa -"Hmm, what smells so good?"
Herman - "I cut myself shaving."

Marilyn: "Why all the formality Aunt Lily? It almost seems like the reading of a will."
Lily: I'm afraid it's not that happy of an occasion."

Herman: "Life is real
life is earnest
If you're cold
turn up the furnace!"

Herman: It doesn't matter what you look like. You can be tall or short, or fat or thin, or ugly or handsome, or you can be black or yellow or white. It doesn't matter. What does matter is the size of your heart and the strength of your character.

A Grandpa quote:

A Lily quote:

After Grandpa and Herman got themselves locked in a bank vault, they called the emergency number for help and got this in response" Sir, I'd like to help you but this is a recording!":lol: :lol:

Talk about a preview of things to come. :rolleyes:

Grandpa: "Why do I always wake up in the middle of a good nightmare?"

Lily looking out at the storm:

A Lily quote:

"Well, Grandpa, aren't you going to wish me luck?"
"Drop dead."
"Well, it's better than nothing."

"A little of that ole' Munster Charm goes a long way" From My Fair Munster.

A Munsters grandpa quote:

A Herman quote:

From "Herman's Child Psychology":

Raven: "Squawk. 9:00 and where's the kid? Squawk!" (as Lily slams the door in its beak)

Lily: "Herman, that bird is right. Eddie has been gone for over an hour, and there's no sign of him. Now just when is he going to come knocking on our door, begging forgiveness?"

Raven: "Nevermore! Nevermore!"

A Lily Munster quote/line:

Herman (to Lily): "I haven't been this shocked since the last time I sat in Grandpa's chair."

A Lily quote/line:

Grandpa and Herman seem completely lost while driving- but Herman says that they should follow a fire engine because it might be driving towards the direction of their neighborhood.
To which Grandpa replies: And with YOUR luck, it'd be OUR house!

Herman: Grandpa, you're the greatest!
Grandpa: Son-in-law, that's the first thing you've said in years that I agree with.

(Paraphrased because I can't remember the exact quotes.)
Eddie: That's a neat piece of wood, Pop. Where'd you get it?
Herman: Oh, I found it standing out on the front porch.
Grandpa: Standing out on the front porch? Herman, what do you think is holding UP the front porch?
Herman: Grandpa! Are you suggesting that I am fat-headed enough to remove a piece that was supporting the porch?
Grandpa: Precisely.
Herman: Poppycock and balderdash!
*Porch collapses*

Herman: Good evening, all. Did I overhear my sweet little offshoot contemplating homocide?
Grandpa: A bully was picking on Eddie at school. Eddie just wants to massacre him.

Lily: Herman! Tonight of all nights, with your son lying in the hospital, how could you come home in this condition?
Herman (slurred): I'm not in this condition! I'm just full of gassing laugh!

Lily (having just walked in on Herman and Grandpa spying through binoculars): Herman Munster, are you looking at Mrs. Kelly doing her deep knee bends again?

Grandpa: This is not just a wrestling match, this is a shining crusade, a contest on the battlefield of life that will lead you a stronger and nobler person.
Herman: Really?
Grandpa: Of course, the next bum comes along, get in there and kick him in the teeth!

Lily (about Grandpa): Last time we had a family spat, he turned himself into a frog and lived under the porch for weeks.
Herman: Yes, and I've never seen him happier. He could croak every night.

Lily: "It's nice to be versatile."

Lily: (to Herman)"When they made you, they broke the mold."
Herman: "Doctor always was a butterfingers."

Herman: "What a fink."

Herman: "Grandpa...Mickey Mantle just struck out."

Grandpa: "Herman, if Tony Curtis looked like you, there'd be no stopping him."

Eddie: "There should be a law against foolin' kids like that!"

Herman: "Lily, you may not believe this, but I'm Agent 702."
Lily: "Herman, you might not believe this, but I'm Sonny Liston."

Herman Munster: [reading a poem he wrote as an advertising jingle for his mortuary employer] When your days on earth are over / And you've gone to your reward, / Let us put you 'neath the clover / At a price you can afford.

Lily: "Herman, you and your stories. Sometimes you act so childish, it's hard to believe you're 150 years old."

"Herman Munster: Grandpa, have you found anything yet to make me brave? When I think of riding a bucking bronco, I'm petrified!
Grandpa: What are you knocking? Some of my best friends of petrified."

Grandpa: "In that great furnace known as romance, your pilot light's gone out."

Lily Munster: When is that silly bird going to get girls off his mind?

The Raven: Nevermore, nevermore

Herman: "It's easy when you cheat."

Lily: "Grandpa, what about you? Would you like to take me to the movies?"
Grandpa: "Movies? What's playing?"
Lily: "To Kill a Werewolf and Vampires of Blood Alley."
Grandpa: "Lily, I go to the movies for escapism. I don't want to see everyday people doing everyday things."

Marilyn Munster: It certainly was nice of Uncle Herman to get us this private Box.
Lily Munster: Well, we Munsters always feel more at home in a box.

Eddie: "Boy. Look at the neat lightning. I sure hope it hits our house."

Herman: (to Grandpa)"...telling those shaggy wolf stories of yours."

Grandpa: (to Mrs. Daly)"You remind me of my wife. I had 167 of them."

Tom Daly: (to Marilyn)"You told me you had a fun family!"

Lily: "Don't all children howl when the moon comes up?"

Grandpa Munster: Hmm. What smells so good?
Herman Munster: I cut myself shaving.

Herman: "Oh....darn."

http://i.pinimg.com/736x/4e/fa/09/4efa09c9a1dcc3a435d323d212e6ca22.jpg

A Lily Munster quote:

Grandpa Munster: Hmm. What smells so good?
Herman Munster: I cut myself shaving.

Mr. Murdoch: "Even my boys couldn't hurt this dump."

Grandpa: "I mean, what would the neighbors think if they saw a bunch of strange-looking people living in our home?"

Hotel bellhop: "Since when has the morgue been giving curb service?"

Herman: "You know, they're almost as good as Kate Smith."

Musician: "We really dig you people."
Grandpa: "And someday we'll return the favor."

Grandpa: "...I fell asleep the moment my head hit the slab."

Herman Munster: The Munsters, mind you, the entire family, has won a membership to the Mockingbird Hights Country Club [the entire family cheers]

Lily Munster: Oh Herman, oh, that club is so exclusive! Why, you know, you have to wait for one of the members to pass away before you can even be considered for membership.

The raven clock's catchphrase: "Nevermore."

Lily Munster: Oh, Marilyn... the circles under your eyes. How lovely you look today.

Marilyn: "It certainly was nice of Uncle Herman to get us this private Box."
Lily: "Well, we Munsters always feel more at home in a box."

Lily: Eddie! You better start dawdling, or you're going to be on time for school!

Grandpa: "Dropped it again. Butterclaws..."

Lily: "Herman, you certainly have a good heart."
Herman: "The best money can buy."

Lily: (to Herman)"You show him who you're made of."

http://78.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m5s0shDUJ31qftgzjo1_500.jpg

Grandpa: "Why do we need a master plan to go to a drive-in movie?"

http://media-cache-ec0.pinimg.com/736x/12/33/68/123368e59f45e94e208c058616ca70d6.jpg

Lily: "Yes, it's amazing how some boys will overlook a girl's appearance."

Herman: "You can't be too careful these days. There are a lot of strange people in this world."

Grandpa: "I haven't been this insulted since the day I died."

Lily: "How do I look?"
Herman: "Positively awful."
Lily: "Thank you."

"Mr. Balding: Good grief, Taggert. Don't tell me you've become a beatnik at your age?
Mr. Taggert: I have just come from the Munster's house and I was lucky to escape with my life. Any boy who comes from that background has got to be a delinquent. You should see the boy's grandfather. He looks like a fat Jack the Ripper!"

Grandpa: "Why, in the old country, whenever we needed a man, didn't I always manage to dig someone up?"

Woman: "This was such a nice neighborhood until (turns to Munster house) they moved in."

Lily Munster: Herman tried to build a ship inside a bottle. We had to break the bottle to get him out.

Grandpa: "Herman, I've got to hand it to you. You've bought the only car I've ever seen that junks itself."

Lily: "Stuck you? Herman, you've been shish kabobed."

Grandpa: (to Herman)'You've tried? So did Napoleon at waterloo."

Herman: "I've missed half of 'My Three Sons' already."

Grandpa: "You know a better way to be a loser?"

Herman: "You know, this is a nice place to visit. But I wouldn't want to live here."

Herman (retelling the dynamite incident): And then there was this terrible explosion, and the next thing I knew I was lying in the gutter three blocks away, and Spot was licking my face.

Marilyn Munster: It certainly was nice of Uncle Herman to get us this private Box.
Lily Munster: Well, we Munsters always feel more at home in a box.

Lily: Eddie! You better start dawdling, or you're going to be on time for school!

Herman Munster: [to a wax statue of himself] Don't do anything I wouldn't do, you rascal!

"Grandpa: And what is this, Tijuana phone book?
Herman Munster: No, this is my Twenty Easy Lessons. See, here's a chapter on how to follow men, see... here's a chapter on how to follow women... and here's a chapter on how to follow men disguised as women."

Grandpa Munster: Hmm. What smells so good?

Herman Munster: I cut myself shaving.

Marilyn Munster: What does Ramone look like?

Lily Munster: Well, it was very nice of Mrs. Farber not to send for the police after the way Herman acted.

Marilyn Munster: Mrs. Farber was very understanding. As a matter of fact, she said whenever her husband goes on a diet, he acts hardly human. Becomes a regular fiend.

Lily Munster: When is that silly bird going to get girls off his mind?
The Raven: Nevermore, nevermore.

Grandpa: Herman, I must ask Freddie where he gets his slime. It looks imported.

Herman (retelling the dynamite incident): And then there was this terrible explosion, and the next thing I knew I was lying in the gutter three blocks away, and Spot was licking my face.

Eddie: Then what did you do?

Herman: We took a taxi home. Eh, of course, when we got here, I made Spot give it back to the driver.

Lily: "Grandpa, this place is depressingly cheerful."

Lily: "The fabric is made of black widow's webs."

Eddie Munster: [gazing out the window on a stormy night] Boy, look at the neat lightning. I sure hope it hits our house!

Marilyn Munster: What does Ramone look like?

Lily Munster: He looks a little like Cary Grant, the poor man.

Grandpa: I got it in here somewhere, let me see, what do we have here? Heh. Oh, a rabbit's foot carried by General Custer. Oh, Mother's day card from Lizzie Borden. Compas off the Titanic. Ah! Here it is!

Herman Munster: See, I've never written mush to girls before. I usually write my mush to flowers and sunsets and waterfalls, junk like that.

"Dr. Victor Frankenstein IV: Before my grandfather perfected you, if you'll pardon the expression, he had one or two near misses.
Herman Munster: Oh?
Dr. Victor Frankenstein IV: Yes. Johann is one of the rejects. He was discovered, oh, about six months ago living in the woods on the old ancestral Frankenstein estate in Germany. He had managed to survived since 1815. Well, he was terribly uncivilized. Running about the countryside, frightening young maidens and terrifying the populace.
Herman Munster: Well, I did a little of that myself before I got married."

Grandpa: "Give him one for Grandpa. Bite him in the neck!"

Zombo: "I'M GLAD IT HAPPENED,...I am made for much better things. 'MacBeth,' 'Hamlet', 'My Mother the Car'."

Herman: I don't understand... it always worked on Leave It to Beaver...

Grandpa: "Herman, I've never been so seasick while on dry land."

Lily: "Oh, Grandpa! Now stop bickering or I'll send you up to your slab!"

Albert Daly: Oh dad, thanks very much for putting in a word with mom. If we invite Marilyn's folks, well, it will really help me out with her. You know how it is.

Tom Daly: Son, I haven't known how it is for years.

[walks off]

Lily: "The last time we got a box from the old country, there was somebody in it."

Grandpa: I'm not talking. Why, that's the way Eddison got the electric light away from me.

Marilyn: "What does Ramone look like?"
Lily: "He looks a little like Cary Grant, the poor man."

Herman Munster:
It's not a funny joke when it's at the expense fo your poor, broken down Grandfather.

Grandpa Munster:
[with slight bow] Thank you Herman.

Lily Munster:
Grandpa, if you want the ketchup, just say "Please pass the ketchup", not "Shoot me the plasma!"

Lily Munster: Herman tried to build a ship inside a bottle. We had to break the bottle to get him out.

Grandpa: "Ohhh, the Angels won again."

Herman: "...what's all this talk about fiends and monsters? There's no such thing."

Grandpa: "Lots of people have insomnia, and you don't find them losing any sleep over it."

Lily: (to Herman)"Have you tried counting wolves?"

Herman: "In this day and age, no enlightened person believes in fiends and monsters."

Herman: "Ha! Spot's afraid of his own shadow... Come to think of it, I don't blame him."

Grandpa: "Herman, Herman, I've told you a hundred million times, don't exaggerate."

Herman: "See? I told you there's no such thing as monsters."

Herman: "TV... It's a great medium for cultural exchange."

Herman Munster:
Grandpa, what am I going to do? I can't spend the rest of my married life sleeping on the couch and eating poon pits

Grandpa:
Herman, if you give in now, she'll have the upper hand forever. Aheh, But, If you hold out, she'll come around. That's the way to handle women!

Grandpa:
[Herman eats a prune pit] What are you doing?

Herman Munster:
Well, just in case she doesn't come around, I'm gonna get used to eating prune pits.

Lily:

Lily: "Grandpa, Herman has a very mechanical brain. In fact I think it used to belong to an old mechanic."

Grandpa: "War surplus parts..."

Lily Munster: Eddie! You take those curlers off your ears this minute!

Grandpa: "How can there be a draft, 25 feet underground?"

Mr. Pike: "That's what you get for hiring a neurotic."

Mr. Pike: (to worker) "And don't come back until you get a haircut."

Lily: "I'm sorry, but Spotty gets terribly excited when we have visitors."

Lily: "That will come in terribly handy for a sunny day."

Lily: "I think we should take Herman's advice. After all, he's been the levelheaded one of the family."

Herman: "...oh, just a headstone's throw from here."

Lily: (to Herman)"...you're not looking well. Ooh, you've even got color in your cheeks."

Eddie Munster: Nobody is gonna notice me with just plain pointed ears. Can't I curl them just a little?

Herman:

Bank Robber: "How many times do I have to tell you? People are basically honest."

Herman: "A lot of rude people in this world."

Eddie: "You know I can't go to sleep 'til it's light out."

Grandpa: "Well, there's just no accounting for taste."

Lily:

Eddie Munster:
Mom, if we do rent the place, can I use some of the money to buy Spot a new toy?

Lily Munster:
Oh Eddie, we gave him a foreign sports car for Christmas, he played with it a couple of times, and then he threw over the back fence.

Eddie: "I'll comb the snarls out of Spotty."

Herman: "Here in America, no one cares about royal blood."

Lily: "I could just lie down and die... Again."

Lily: "Oh, and we were so looking forward to that cruise on the Dead Sea."

https://i.pinimg.com/originals/26/92/9b/26929bb759b3d426a335f18a58d5b971.jpg

Herman: (to Eddie) "The lesson I want you to learn is, it doesn't matter what you look like."

Grandpa:

Grandpa to bellhop in hotel: What's that thing ?
Bellhop: It's an air conditioner sir.
Grandpa: Well turn it on, the airs awfully fresh in here.

Lily: "I think a little cactus juice dressing will be fine for the salad."

Grandpa: "That Benjamin Franklin was a piker."

Eddie: "This family was beginning to sound awfully dull."

Eddie: "...whose hobby was do-it-yourself people kits."

Mr. Bradley: "This is written with the reddest red ink I think I have ever seen."

Grandpa: "Keep your shroud on..."

(Last line of the series.)
Herman: "I'm gonna sit down, and finish my breakfast."

Coach Roger Denman:
Now, how tall are you?

Herman Munster:
I'm, eh, seven foot three.

Jerry:
In your stocking feet?

Herman Munster:
No, in my stocking feet I'm seven foot four. I wear very thick socks.

Grandpa:

Lily Munster:
The last time they made a present for Eddie, it broke loose and swallowed a milktruck.

Lily: (to Grandpa)"How's the market?"
Grandpa: "Not so good. International Pine Box closed at a new low, American Tombstone toppled from its high point, and now thge government is threatening
to slap a lid on International Casket."
Lily: "Well, never mind, Grandpa. Remember, everything that's down, has to go up."
Grandpa: "...which is what keeps Herman in business."

Lily: (to Eddie)"He'll be home in two shakes of a werewolf's tail."

(Lily Munster) "Grandpa, if you want the ketchup, just say "Please pass the ketchup", not "Shoot me the plasma.""

Herman Munster:
Lily, you may not believe this, but I'm secret agent 702.

Lily Munster:
Herman, you may not believe this, but I'm Sonny Liston.

[Knocks him out with one right hook]

(Marilyn Munster) "What does Ramone look like?"
(Lily Munster) "He looks a little like Cary Grant, the poor man."

Herman:

Herman Munster:
Grandpa, have you found anything yet to make me brave? When I think of riding a bucking bronco, I'm petrified!

Grandpa:
What are you knocking? Some of my best friends of petrified.

Lily Munster: [Taking Marylin's temperature] Oh! She has a fever: Ninety eight point six.
Marilyn Munster: But, but isn't that normal, Aunt Lilly?
Lily Munster: Oh heavens, no. We Munsters average in the low fifties.

Grandpa: "I only flew in to get out of the rain!"
Herman: "For two weeks?"

Jerry: "You mean it took him six years to get through high school?"

Coach Denham: "Okay, so he's a big dummy from the hills."

Moose Mallory: "Well, we best get walkin'."

Herman: "...I'll just bet you they don't have rules like that at Princeton."

Moose: "As soon as we hit that bus station, I should've knowledge this town is full of fancy dudes."

Pop Mallory: "Now, Moose, I ask ya: Did you ever see a house like this in all your born days?"
Moose: "I sure didn't, Paw. Ain't nobody back home could afford nothin' this fancy."

Pop: (to Grandpa)"...if you was to come to our town duded up like that, (chuckles), folks would bury you before you could blink an eye!"
Grandpa: "Oh. Thank you! I'll consider that an invitation."

Grandpa:
Oh boy! He's got his head in the harp again!

The Raven:
Agh! What a crack up.

Herman Munster:
Eh, watch the face, I'm gonna be a star!

From Hot Rod Herman:
Grandpa: "I happen to have the solution to this whole dilemma."
Herman: "Grandpa, you aren't going to try to talk me into shooting myself again are you?"

Hurry. Herman, what's wrong?

I know, they fired you at the parlor.
You've been lying down on the job again.

No, the one time I did lie down,
they mistook me for a customer.

I almost got carried
away that time.

Oh, Herman, you're such a monster sometimes.
— Lily

Lily Munster: Grandpa, if you want the ketchup, just say "Please pass the ketchup", not "Shoot me the plasma!"

Hey, where's that old man?

What old man is that?

The old creep with the monkey
suit who was sitting right there.

I didn't see any creep. Did
you see any creep, Marilyn?

Lily Munster: [Taking Marylin's temperature] Oh! She has a fever: Ninety eight point six.
Marilyn Munster: But, but isn't that normal, Aunt Lilly?
Lily Munster: Oh heavens, no. We Munsters average in the low fifties.

I'm gonna be in
the picture, too.

Now, when I count to
three everyone say "cheese."

Can I say Limburger?

Now, cut that out.

Grandpa: [to Herman] Boy, if Louis Pasteur had had you looking over his shoulders, I'm sure he never would have invented rabies.

Say, that's the worst looking
set of tonsils I've ever seen.

And look, why, there's a little
hole in the back of them right there.

We'll have to sew
that up immediately.

These two men are desperate
criminals, and you have the evidence...

that could identify them.

Oh, boy. Then I'm a hero!

I'm a hero!

You may wind up as a dead hero.

Herman Munster:
You know, Clyde, it makes me feel very good to have been of some help to you. I mean, there have been hundreds of ghost in my family, but never a ghost-writer.

Lily Munster: Eddie, I am very upset with you this morning. I told to keep Spot's water dish filled out in the yard. Last night he got thirsty, he went down the street, and drained Mr. and Mrs. Haslett's pool.
Eddie Munster: Oh, I'm sorry, I forgot.
Lily Munster: Well Mrs. Haslett just phoned. She was very embarrassed when her husband went out for his morning dip, and dove into an empty pool.
Marilyn Munster: What kind of a neigborhood is this, where people begrudge a poor dumb animal a drink of water?

Lydia Gardner: Uh, do any other members of your family live with you?
Lily: No, they're all dead.
Lydia Gardner: I see. Passed away?
Lily: [smiling] No, they haven't gone anywhere. They're just dead.

Lily Munster: Herman tried to build a ship inside a bottle. We had to break the bottle to get him out.

(Lily Munster) "Oh, Marilyn -- the circles under your eyes. How lovely you look today."

Grandpa:
I wish she'd get married. We could use some fresh blood in this family.

From a Walk on The Mild Side

A MAN'S VOICE SCREAMS IN THE DISTANCE

HERMAN: That's Marilyn's voice! I'd know it anywhere.

Young Doctor:
I want you to notice his head. Barring an absurd skull thickness, his brain capasity measures 2500 centimeters.

Prof. Gearhart von Fagenspahen:
Mr. Munster, you have enough brains to fill a lard bucket!

Lily: I could just die....................................................again

Herman Munster:
It's not a funny joke when it's at the expense of your poor, broken down Grandfather.

Grandpa Munster:
[with slight bow] Thank you Herman.

Herman: "We've been operating with a skeleton crew."

Lily: "No, Grandpa. Fighting is wrong, and Herman knows it."

Grandpa: "And in the meantime, uh, what is the kid supposed to use for teeth?"

Lily: "I wonder how Eddie made out with the bully today."

Lily: "Oh, Eddie. You forgot to wash behind your points."

Eddie: (to McGinty)"Okay, you just provoked me."
(Eddie punches McGinty.)

Herman: "We must keep our streets tidy."

Now, when I count to
three everyone say "cheese."

Can I say Limburger?

Now, cut that out.

I'll be darned. T.V.

It certainly is a great medium for cultural exchange.

Lily: "He just loves to get to the soil."

Grandpa: "Herman. Herman, please! I asked you never to pound stakes when I'm around. You know it gives me heartburn."
Herman: "Oh. Uh, sorry, Grandpa. I forgot."

Mr. Haskell: "Must be a new kind of middle-aged juvenile delinquent."

Herman: "I guess they have a lot of hot springs around here."

Herman: "...I hope the moon doesn't come out and spoil it all."

[Squeaks]
Will you be quiet, Igor?

He hates television ever since
Bat Masterson went off the air.

[Squeaking]

Herman: "What does matter is the size of your heart and the strength of your character."

I have found a husband
for Marilyn. You have?

Where is he? Where
is he? Down in the lab.

In exactly one minute, you will
meet the future Mr. Marilyn Munster.

Herman: "We could use some new faces around here. "

Googie Miller: "I've never seen a penguin smokin' a cigar before."

Grandpa: "I've seen better things brought up out of the swamp."

Lily: "A boy like that will destroy our normal routine."

Grandpa: "Shakespeare. What a cornball."

Eddie: (to Googie)"You're a fink, and a rat fink, and a miserable little brat."

Lily: "I don't know how he's done, but he's goofed it again."

Lily: "If you go with bad companions, some of it is bound to rub off on you."
Herman: "Exactly."

Herman: "No, Lily, I want to meet him face to face, so he can get the full experience."

Last time you hypnotized
me, I woke up in the morning...

and my wallet was gone.

That was just a coincidence.

“I’m not a Frankenstein. I’m a Munster!” – Herman Munster

“I may be a vampire, but I’ve got a lot of heart.” – Grandpa

“Sometimes I feel like a square peg in a round coffin.” – Herman Munster

“I’ve mastered the art of looking busy while doing nothing.” – Grandpa Munster

“I don’t have a problem with authority. I just have a problem with people telling me what to do.” – Marilyn Munster

Marilyn Munster: What does Ramone look like?
Lily Munster: He looks a little like Cary Grant, the poor man.

Herman, we can't
sit still this long.

What do you think we
are, a bunch of stiffs?

Yes, Herman. Please hurry up.

Focus angle: 3.9.

There. All set.

Now, everyone hold that pose.

Lily dear, would you
move over? But...

I have the automatic
shutter timer set.

Herman, when he thought Lily was pregnant :"Grandpa, do you think Lily will have,A boy or a girl?"
Grandpa: "Probably."

Herman singing: "Back with Dr. Frankenstein is where my story starts. Everything I have may not be,mine, but I'm a gentleman of parts."

Cowboy (pointing at Grandpa): "This old stew bum thinks he's a horse!"

Grandpa tells one of the cowboys at the rodeo: "Watch it, Bub, or I'll get ya for cruelty to animals." He isn't aware that he no longer looks like a horse.

I know, they fired you at the parlor.
You've been lying down on the job again.

No, the one time I did lie down,
they mistook me for a customer.

I almost got carried
away that time.

Lily consoling Eddie after he thinks Boris will take his place.:"We love you from the points on your ears down to your little hooves. "

"It seems that cousin Wolfie has passed away again."

Here we are, Blue Belle.

"Odds, 30-to-1.

"Handicapper's comment:

"Last workout,
horse was clocked...

with a calendar
instead of a stopwatch."

Marilyn Munster:
Oh, what do you have in the jar, Eddie?

Eddie Munster:
It's my science project for school. It's a Black Widow spider.

Lily Munster:
Oh, that could be dangerous. You be real careful when you take the spider out of the jar, Eddie, so that nobody hurts it.

Herman crashes through an upstairs window.
Marilyn: "Uncle Herman, where did YOU come from?"
Herman:"I was teaching Eddie how to pole vault and I forgot to let go of the pole."

Marilyn mistakenly thinks Herman is drunk, when he's actually full of laughing gas: "Uncle Herman, to look at you now, no one would believe that you're the president of the Pat Boone fan club."

But sir, we never expected
anyone to have a cellar that deep.

No excuses. Now, get out of here.
And don't come back
until you get a haircut.

Lily Munster:
What I want to know is, what's Herman been doing this past week after he left the house every morning?

Grandpa:
He's been out looking for work. He's had five jobs in five days. You can't ask for a better record than that, he's a perfect failure!

I made a fresh batch
of sour lemonade...

and Aunt Lily made
these gorgeous cookies.

Leo Durocher:
I have a business propostion for Mr. Munster, and I wonder if, eh, I could talk to you alone?

Herman Munster:
Eh, eh, certainly. Would you excuse us?

Lily Munster:
Of course, dear.

Grandpa:
In case you need me, Herman, just give me a howl.

Marilyn Munster:
[Lily, Marilyn and Grandpa move off] I wonder what the business propostion is, Aunt Lily.

Lily Munster:
I don't know, but the last time a man talked to Herman alone, he wound up buying a second hand Edsel!

Moose Mallory:
[Moose's feet have caught fire] Hey Pah?

Pop Mallory:
Yes, what is it, Louie?

Moose Mallory:
You're closer to my feet then I am. Would you mind puttin' out the fire?

Pop Mallory:
O.K., son, but don't expect me to do it every time.

Herman Munster:
By the way, what time is it?

The Raven:
[shrieks] At the tone, it will be later than you think, ne'er more.

Herman Munster:
I had no idea it was that late.

Doctor, you're looking at
your own tonsils in the mirror.

Huh? Ooh!

They used to yell at me about
that at Johns Hopkins all the time.

Herman Munster: How are you gonna get the frog to drink the potion out of that glass?

Grandpa: Oh, my boy, that's very simple.

The Munsters are not gonna rent
their guest room while I'm still boss.

I declare the issue closed!

Whoever we rent it to, I
sure hope he's a live one.

Herman Munster:
Come, on, hurry up, Grandpa, we're all set to go to the drive-in. They're having a Porky Pig cartoon and I wanna get there for the beginning, so I can follow the plot.

Well! I think it's high time we met
this young man's parents.

You can't be too careful these days.

There are a lot of strange people
in this world.

Marilyn Munster: What does Ramone look like?
Lily Munster: He looks a little like Cary Grant, the poor man.

Herman, commenting on grandpa changing himself into a bat for Eddie's class' pet day:"I must admit I take my hat off to Grandpa turning himself into a bat. I know I wouldn't want to go out in public looking grotesque."
Lily, a bit later in the day: "How could you trade your grandfather for a squirrel?"

And you know how
reluctant companies are to...

hire people when
they're up in their 150s.

Lily Munster: "Oh Herman, I just can't wait to see your face on a wide screen. Forty feet wide and twenty feet tall. The audience's eyes will just pop out!".

How's the market? Not so good.

International Pine Box
closed at a new low.

American Tombstone
toppled from its high point...

and now the government is threatening
to slap a lid on International Casket.

Well, never mind, Grandpa, remember,
everything that's down has to go up.

And by the same token,
everything that's up has to go down...

which is what keeps
Herman in business.

Lily Munster:
[to Eddie] Oh, eh, before you go to bed, be sure to put on the heavier lid. It's going to be chilly tonight.

Now, Eddie...

sensitive, intelligent
creatures such as we...

do not stomp one another.

Herman Munster:
Charlie Munster is a scoundrel and a con-artist from way back. Why, the doctor who put him together didn't have an honest bone in his whole laboratory.

Grandpa:
Oh, Herman, you're just jealous. Why, having Charlie here in the house is like a breath of fresh earth.

Herman is on the train and gets up in the middle of the night to get a drink of water. Holding a paper cup, he turns the tap to get a drop of water:
"Here I am, dying of thirst and somebody drank all of the water. I'd kill 'em, that's what I'd do." He keeps muttering, "I'd kill 'em," as he exits the bathroom and makes his way through the sleeper compartment. The train jerks to a sudden stop and Herman stumbles. He goes down the aisle, waking and frightening passengers as he shouts, "I'll kill 'em, I'll kill 'em, I'll kill 'em!"
When they glimpse Herman, the other passengers quickly run from the sleeper compartment, leaving Herman to say, "Who knew so many people were scared of traveling by train?"

Mr. Mallory wanted to ensure that Moose got "A cornvertible."

- Why haven't you come to bed?
- I'm just going over these bills.

Oh, you've been reading
in the dark again.

It'll ruin your eyes. And then we'll
have to get you another pair.

Lily Munster:
Who were you calling?

Herman Munster:
Oh, I was just trying to make an appointment at that new barbershop.

Lily Munster:
What's wrong with your old barber?

Herman Munster:
Oh Lily, he always made me very nervous, dear, the way he'd always blindfold himself before he'd give me a shave.

When Lily and I are
together, we don't think of food.

We think of moonlight
and desert breezes...

and soft, soft violins.

Lily Munster: Herman, I'm so sorry. I never should have blamed you for doing anything wrong, pussycat. I'll never mistrust you again, in all my lives.

Herman, we can't
sit still this long.

What do you think we
are, a bunch of stiffs?

Grandpa:
Where is the, eh, poor innocent victim?

Marilyn Munster:
Uncle Herman came home a couple of minutes ago. took one look at that telegram, the green completely drained out of his face, he ran up to his room and hid in the closet.

I hate the whole world.

I'll never talk to anyone again.

Never, never!

Never, never, never, never!

Herman.

Herman.

Oh, Herman, what's
happened? Where's Eddie?

Lily dear, I don't want to
come to any hasty conclusions...

but I think our little
boy is rather upset.

Lily: "Ohh, what a beautiful day."

Grandpa: "Why that's positively spooky!"

Grandpa: "It sure beats burying yourself in the sand."

He's chasing cars
again, being playful.

I'd wish he'd stop
eating those hubcaps.

People will start thinking he's
some kind of a juvenile delinquent.

Spot, scat!

Lily Munster:
So you see Herman, when that woman hit you with her car, she thought she disfigured you.

Herman Munster:
Well I just don't understand it, it was the same handsome face I've had all my life.

Lily Munster:
It's like I always say: you should never leave the house without shaving.

I forgot my key.

That's all right, dear. We'll
get a new door in the morning.

Lily Munster:
Oh, Herman, isn't it a lovely night?

Herman Munster:
Yes. I hope the moon doesn't come out and spoil it all.

Hurry. Herman, what's wrong?

I know, they fired you at the parlor.
You've been lying down on the job again.

No, the one time I did lie down,
they mistook me for a customer.

Clara Mason:
Is this Herman Munster's house?

Ann Carter:
This is it, 1313 Mockingbird Lane.

Clara Mason:
Oh, this is just the kind of place I would expect my mysterious romantic writer to live in!

Just another minute, Lily,
and I'll have this thing tuned.

[creaking]

Would you sound that A?

♪♪[piano playing]

Good.

I think I'll try high C.

[cawing]

I'll be a dirty bird.

Perfect!

Good evening, all.

Herman Munster:
[shouting] Hi Marylin! Come on in and bring your boyfriend. We'd love to have him for dinner!

Will you be quiet, Igor?

He hates television ever since
Bat Masterson went off the air.

Lily Munster: Herman, I'm so sorry. I never should have blamed you for doing anything wrong, pussycat. I'll never mistrust you again, in all my lives.

I want an around-the-clock
stakeout in Midcity Park.

Tell them to be on the lookout
for a greenish man,

about nine or 10 feet tall,

with bright red eyes
and cold hands.

Lily Munster: [Herman is on the phone] Well, I hope that's not another salesman on the phone trying to sell us more cemetery plots. We have enough trouble making the payments on this place without thinking of resort property.

Igor, my friend, keep
your wings crossed.

I think I've finally
found the ingredients...

to make Eddie a speed champion.

Here we have a derby that I
had flown in from Kentucky.

Herman Munster: "Ibbedy bibbedy, sibbedy sab. Ibbediy bibbedy canal boat... Life is real, life is earnest. If you're cold, turn up the furnace."

Eddie, get your
surfboard in the car.

We're ready for the
beach. Okay, Mom.

Well, I'm all set.

With a little luck, I might
dig up a couple of old friends.

Grandpa: That doctor is ill. He shouldn't be allowed around sick people!

Come on now, junior, open up
your mouth and I'll give you a lollipop.

Would you get him to open
his mouth, Mr. Munster?

If I do, will you
give me a lollipop?

Herman Munster:
Charlie Munster is a scoundrel and a con-artist from way back. Why, the doctor who put him together didn't have an honest bone in his whole laboratory.

Grandpa:
Oh, Herman, you're just jealous. Why, having Charlie here in the house is like a breath of fresh earth.

We wouldn't want Marilyn marrying into the wrong sort of family.
I've never heard of these Dalys, and after all, we Munsters are a very old family.
You're right, dear.
It's not as if someone just dug us up yesterday.

Lily Munster: "Oh dear, I think he's going to recite!"

You know, Lily, I think our
mailman is overcoming his shyness.

He used to stand across the street
and throw the mail over our wall.

Herman Munster: "I was in their medical school for six years... in several different jars."

Herman: [talking to family] We shouldn't be too hasty to retaliate when someone treats us ill. In other words, one who fights fire with fire, only gets in trouble with Smokey the Bear.

Lily Munster: I think I'll break the news to your uncle Herman gently. His birthday's coming up week and, eh, you know how he feels about strange people in the house.
Marilyn Munster: Yes, you'd better tell him while he's in a good mood. We wouldn't want him to go all to pieces.
Lily Munster: No, I know. It's such a nuisance putting him back together again.