I need your guy's help badly. My boyfriend of almost a year's grandmother died this morning. She was basically the only thing holding the family together (or what's left of it-- they don't have the greatest family situation, by any means). She died of a stroke, just like my grandmother did, when I was 10.The thing is, I have no idea what to do or say. I seem to A] have no idea what to do when bad situations arise, and B] I lack sympathy. I'm not a cruel person, please don't get me wrong- but I just have no emotions.

I just want to know what to do and what to say. I want to be able to be there for him. What makes it worse is I hate his whole entire family, and they aren't too fond of me (though, they ain't too fond of anyone). I wanted to make him his favorite kind of cookies to cheer him up, but then decided not to because if I showed up at his house with a plate of cookies, I figured that it would seem like I'm trying to make light of the situation. I just want to know what to do and what to say.

And let it be known that I do indeed feel like an idiot for posting this. Any normal person would know how to be sympathetic. I feel like Hannibal Lector or something.

can anybody help? =/

Just tell him your there for him whenever he needs you. Give him a shoulder to cry on that kind of thing...

Just be there for him. Making food for people who have lost a loved one is an old tradition and it is not a bad thing to do. So, go ahead and make the cookies for him and be there for him. Don't worry about his family, but if you want you could send a sympathy card to them.

Yeah just be there for him, he'll appreciate that. Tell him that you're sorry for his loss and then he can lean on you if he ever needs someone to talk to.

Just tell him how you feel. I also think you have more sympathy and emotions then you give yourself credit for. If you didn't, you would not have been concerned with what to say to your boyfriend to begin with.

I think the cookies are a good idea, personally.

Just be there for him, let him cry, cry w/ him... but also, give him space. Don't freak out if for the next couple of weeks he seems distance, cause chances are it will have nothing to do with you.

All you need to do is just tell him that you know how much it hurts and that you've been down that road before. The cookies are a good idea but I think a cake would be better. I've been there before. I've lost 2 cousins aged 25 or younger.

I agree with what everyone else has said - just be there for him and let him know you care about his loss.

just the basic "i'm sorry, i know how it is" type of thing, really.

what i hate about having to tell people that my mom died (especially in a non-sad situation) is that i feel like i'm making THEM uncomfortable, like putting them in the situation you're in now and not knowing exactly what to say to me in worry that it will hurt my feelings. really they don't have to say much, a semi-sympathetic "sorry about that" will do, they don't need to make a care package for me or anything.

Thank you all for your responses, I do appreciate it. They're all at her apartment cleaning it out now. I was kind of upset today because I wanted to be with him and be there for him, but whoever said to give him space is right. I'll wait for him to come to me. I don't want to be pushy, especially on a situation like this.

I agree with everyone else.

Now, I know you have emotions. Like others are saying, just be there for him. Cookies are still a good idea. Even though you're not on good terms with his family, I would still send them a sympathy card. Relations may improve one day, and you won't regret your kindness.

Maybe you could write a poem in tribute to his grandmother and give it to him. You're a good writer, and I'm sure he would cherish a gift from the heart. :heart:

can anybody help? =/I would make cookies!!!! They have to remember the thought counts, you're trying to cheer people up. If they can't figure it out, don't let that stop you from being the better person.

Karly, Im just like you- I show NO sympathy. Customers or people will tell me something sad and instead of being like 'oh thats too bad' or 'Im sorry', I freak out and say 'aww' or 'ohh' and kinda frown. I just have a hard time saying sorry, ya know? I hate situations like that and try to avoid them because I do come across as being heartless. Hmm.. cookies would be nice. And, if you have a hard time telling him how you feel, how about writing him a nice letter in a sympathy card or something? :)

And let it be known that I do indeed feel like an idiot for posting this. Any normal person would know how to be sympathetic. I feel like Hannibal Lector or something.

That's not so bad, you could invite someone over for dinner with a nice chianti and fava beans. :D :eat: :liplick:

And let it be known that I do indeed feel like an idiot for posting this. Any normal person would know how to be sympathetic. I feel like Hannibal Lector or something.

Don't worry, you're not the only one. I have trouble being sympathetic, giving compliments, and the like, because to me, it all comes out sounding forced or insincere, even if it's not. I guess because I feel like it's always insincere when it's being directed toward me. So we can both be Hannibal Lector.