they just got engaged yesterday, bought their house already, and are picking their outfits for the wedding on July 3. he's only been dating her for 3 months and they're engaged. what do you think? I personally think it's way too rushed and he's just pushing it. plus her kids are living with her and my dad and they don't even like him. he hardly knows her! he's just acting weird and showing off to her but once they're married his true personality (which will piss off his girlfriend a lot) will come out.

plus, i was talking to his girlfriend's niece on my bus today and she was saying how nobody in her family really likes my dad much and they're all sick of him already. how are they going to deal with him once he marries into their family? and on top of it, he says i HAVE TO go to his wedding. he can't make me and i don't think i should have to. he says if i don't, i'll be a disgrace to his family. he was already one to my family, so why would he care?

what should i do? i really don't want to go to the wedding and my dad's asking me what i think of all this.

tell him it's ridiculous that they're already getting married, because it is.

tell him it's ridiculous that they're already getting married, because it is.
:yeahthat :yeahthat BTW: Hi,Mike!!!!!!!!!!

tell him it's ridiculous that they're already getting married, because it is.

i did tell him that, because he hardly knows what he's getting himself into. he's just trying to marry the first person who will fall for him. he said to me "its really none of your business when i get married because i love Maureen and that's all i care about". he doesn't seem to realize he makes it my business by talking to me about it :rolleyes: but anyway, he can't make me go to his wedding. his sister told him he should date her for at least 2 years before getting married but does he listen to anything we say? no.

i did tell him that, because he hardly knows what he's getting himself into. he's just trying to marry the first person who will fall for him. he said to me "its really none of your business when i get married because i love Maureen and that's all i care about". he doesn't seem to realize he makes it my business by talking to me about it :rolleyes: but anyway, he can't make me go to his wedding. his sister told him he should date her for at least 2 years before getting married but does he listen to anything we say? no.

that seems like good policy!

but once they're married his true personality (which will piss off his girlfriend a lot) will come out.
disgrace to his family. he was already one to my family, so why would he care?

lol


what should i do? i really don't want to go to the wedding and my dad's asking me what i think of all this.


Tell him how you really feel.

He shouldn't force you to go to the wedding if you don't want to, just simply state you are not going and you do not support his marriage.

tell him it's ridiculous that they're already getting married, because it is.

I agree. I have a friend I've known for 3 years and I still don't know enough about him to marry him, so 3 months?! Geez. I guess I just don't think love can truly mature in that short length of time, no matter how old you are.

He shouldn't force you to go to the wedding if you don't want to, just simply state you are not going and you do not support his marriage.

you could go to the wedding and be a total bitch and that will piss HIM off. ;)

he says if i don't, i'll be a disgrace to his family. he was already one to my family, so why would he care?

Sounds like he's trying to guilt trip you.

I feel so bad for you Mike. Luckily I never had to deal with stuff like that. Why are they rushing - do you know? Could she be pregnant? How long has he been single and what age is he (it could have something to do with it).

That is pretty damn fast. I wouldn't go to the wedding either. I'm sorry that you have to deal with this.

I think even though you don't want to go to this wedding, you should. If my dad was in this situation, I would go, just because it's my dad. And 3 months?! That is rushed. You should try talking to your dad again, but I doubt that would work. I'm sorry you have to go through all this :(

I agree with Janet. I think you should go. It's only one day and you should be there to support your dad. I do agree that it is rushed but it is his decision to make and if it's a mistake he will soon find out. I take it that the relationship you have with your dad is not a very good one as it is and if you choose to boycott this wedding it will most likely put a perminant rift in your relationship with him. It's not right you being stuck in the middle all the time because you are still a kid and deserve to be happy. Just try and stick it out. Your dad is going to marry this woman regardless so you might as well support him and if he doesn't appreciate it at least you know you made the effort.

i did tell him that, because he hardly knows what he's getting himself into. he's just trying to marry the first person who will fall for him. he said to me "its really none of your business when i get married because i love Maureen and that's all i care about". he doesn't seem to realize he makes it my business by talking to me about it :rolleyes: but anyway, he can't make me go to his wedding. his sister told him he should date her for at least 2 years before getting married but does he listen to anything we say? no.It's ridiculous he told you it was none of your business when he asked you about it. The only thing you can do is tell him the truth and if he doesn't like what you said it's on him, but he'll learn on his own. 3 months is not enough time to marry someone.

I agree with Janet. I think you should go. It's only one day and you should be there to support your dad.

i disagree because he was never there to support me when i needed it so why should i return the favor?

i'm just not going to go because he ditched my family and being there at his wedding would mean i stand by his side in that choice. besides he doesn't really want me to go, he just wants to make himself look good.

What I think is not important because I have never had to face anything like this. My parents were married for 56 years and I have been married since I was 18. So I cannot be objective. But I do think that 3 months is not enough time to really know someone. But I sure do hope that he is making the right choice for his sake and yours. I can only wish you and him happiness. It must be a really hard thing to accept a new wife into the family. I am just grateful that I or my kids never had to experience this thing! Good luck! :wave:

What I think is not important because I have never had to face anything like this. My parents were married for 56 years and I have been married since I was 18. So I cannot be objective. But I do think that 3 months is not enough time to really know someone. But I sure do hope that he is making the right choice for his sake and yours. I can only wish you and him happiness. It must be a really hard thing to accept a new wife into the family. I am just grateful that I or my kids never had to experience this thing! Good luck! :wave:

i've been getting along with his girlfriend pretty well now but it's him i am concerned about. he'll treat her just like he treated my mom and it won't end well. but she's choosing this for herself so she apparently thinks it'll be a good life for her.

thanks :wave:

I feel so bad for you Mike. Luckily I never had to deal with stuff like that. Why are they rushing - do you know? Could she be pregnant? How long has he been single and what age is he (it could have something to do with it).

he separated from my mom about a year ago but the divorce was only final since February. so he's definitely rushing into it.

she's not pregnant, trust me. he either is desperate or they want to get married early because they go to a holy-roller church and they would kick them out for premarital sex. either that or he's just stupid.

he separated from my mom about a year ago but the divorce was only final since February. so he's definitely rushing into it.

she's not pregnant, trust me. he either is desperate or they want to get married early because they go to a holy-roller church and they would kick them out for premarital sex. either that or he's just stupid.


Oh wow - that's sad Mike. (Meanwhile, I can hear Dr. Phil in my head freaking out and siding with you). He would probably advise you to show up for some of the wedding anyway. (At least then, you know YOUR conscience is clear and you're there for him - even if he isn't for you).
It's sad, but I guess you just have to throw up your arms and say he's a big boy - he'll make his own mistakes. Its unfortunate that he'll probably take her down too, but again, it's all their choices. You can't be the only one telling them this or showing surprise at it.

As I say, I've never had to go through this, but I do know my parents were splitting up and I had a fight with my father over the phone. My mom had arranged for us to get together three weeks later for dinner and discuss things. He died of a massive heart attack two days before the dinner. I never spoke to him after that fight.
How I wished I had the chance to tell him that even though I was mad at him and disapproved of some of the things he did, I still loved him deep down. I carried the guilt about it for years. I just try to live and treat everyone as if that could happen again (which it could) and make sure they know how I really feel. By attending the wedding, I think you could show him that deep down you love him, but you could still let it be known that you're not in favour of it. Certain things can never be done over. Hang in there!

That's not fair that he's not even considering his own son's opinion on it.

i admit would possibly go to the wedding if i didn't have to stand next to my dad on the altar. by doing that it's basically saying i accept his decision in ditching my family and rushing into a relationship he will ruin. i love my dad because he's my dad, but it's not like he deserves having me there because all my life he's mistreated me and made me feel like ****, so i really don't think it's my responsibility and requirement to show up that day. some might say "but he's your dad!! you should go to his wedding!" they really don't know all i've been through and how my dad treated me. maybe if he treated me better and didn't make me cry in my room every night, he might still be married to my mom.

That's not fair that he's not even considering his own son's opinion on it.


Some parents are like that and I agree - its selfish. A family is a family. If you want to be single or not have kids so you're free to do entirely as you wish then fine, but to me, once you have kids, you have to report to them (almost) as much as they do you in order to have a truly balanced family. Unfortunately, some people the old way (my parents included). If I spoke up - I was told I was the one who was selfish or being self-centred. Although as I say, I never had to go through such a big decision that affected the family as much I guess.

That's not fair that he's not even considering his own son's opinion on it.

he's always asking for my opinions and advice but then he adds in "not like anything you say is going to change what i do because you are only my son and she's my girlfriend." :rolleyes: if he's not going to listen to my advice why does he ask? just looking for approval, probably. he's wasting his time because he's not getting it from me.

Some parents are like that and I agree - its selfish. A family is a family. If you want to be single or not have kids so you're free to do entirely as you wish then fine, but to me, once you have kids, you have to report to them (almost) as much as they do you in order to have a truly balanced family. Unfortunately, some people the old way (my parents included). If I spoke up - I was told I was the one who was selfish or being self-centred. Although as I say, I never had to go through such a big decision that affected the family as much I guess.

if i go to the wedding and support my dad (which i don't want to) i'll be ditching my mom because if it wasn't for her defending me against my dad, they'd still be married. basically i'd be forgetting how she defended me and made sure my life stayed in order and instead i'd be supporting the cause of all the problems. it just seems so wrong.

he's always asking for my opinions and advice but then he adds in "not like anything you say is going to change what i do because you are only my son and she's my girlfriend." :rolleyes: if he's not going to listen to my advice why does he ask? just looking for approval, probably. he's wasting his time because he's not getting it from me.If he ask for your opinion again, just say "I'm not in this, you're an adult you don't need you're son's opinion".

he's always asking for my opinions and advice but then he adds in "not like anything you say is going to change what i do because you are only my son and she's my girlfriend." :rolleyes: if he's not going to listen to my advice why does he ask? just looking for approval, probably. he's wasting his time because he's not getting it from me.
He said that? He ****ing said that??!?! You're only my son? Like she's more important? That's crap, don't go.

i admit would possibly go to the wedding if i didn't have to stand next to my dad on the altar. by doing that it's basically saying i accept his decision in ditching my family and rushing into a relationship he will ruin. i love my dad because he's my dad, but it's not like he deserves having me there because all my life he's mistreated me and made me feel like ****, so i really don't think it's my responsibility and requirement to show up that day. some might say "but he's your dad!! you should go to his wedding!" they really don't know all i've been through and how my dad treated me. maybe if he treated me better and didn't make me cry in my room every night, he might still be married to my mom.


What about telling him that. Be honest - do it without yelling. Tell him you'd like to go to the wedding, but considering your feelings you think it would be hypocritical to stand up at an alter with him.

If he can't meet you half way, then wow - I see what you mean about him.

i disagree because he was never there to support me when i needed it so why should i return the favor?

i'm just not going to go because he ditched my family and being there at his wedding would mean i stand by his side in that choice. besides he doesn't really want me to go, he just wants to make himself look good.

Believe me. I know what it's like to have a father who is not there but being all bitter isn't going to make the situation any better. Have you ever talked to a professional about these issues you have with your dad, like a school counselor or something? At the advice of my boyfriend I finally began seeking professional help last year to deal with the resentment I have toward my parents and finally at 32, for the first time in my life, I am truly happy. I know from personal experience that if you don't let go of this animosity now, as you grow older you will end up carrying that baggage into all your other relationships you have with people and that is not good. I wasted a whole decade being unhappy and I wouldn't want to see the same thing happen to you.
Just wondering too what your mom thinks about this. Does she want you to go to the wedding or does she support your decision not to go?

He said that? He ****ing said that??!?! You're only my son? Like she's more important? That's crap, don't go.

his girlfriend's daughter and i are convinced they only want us there so they'll look good. and yes he said that, also "I love Maureen and if you loved me you'd keep your mouth shut and just accept that you can't control my life". :rolleyes: :rolleyes: i'm definitely not going.

if i go to the wedding and support my dad (which i don't want to) i'll be ditching my mom because if it wasn't for her defending me against my dad, they'd still be married. basically i'd be forgetting how she defended me and made sure my life stayed in order and instead i'd be supporting the cause of all the problems. it just seems so wrong.


Is this how she would feel? Have you talked about it with her? She might understand (although the divorce is still fresh....God - why does he want to jump into another?!?!).

It's horrible when parents put their kids in the middle of a divorce. That is SO wrong. No kid should have to make these sorts of decisions. I really feel for ya. :(

Believe me. I know what it's like to have a father who is not there but being all bitter isn't going to make the situation any better. Have you ever talked to a professional about these issues you have with your dad, like a school counselor or something? At the advice of my boyfriend I finally began seeking professional help last year to deal with the resentment I have toward my parents and finally at 32, for the first time in my life, I am truly happy. I know from personal experience that if you don't let go of this animosity now, as you grow older you will end up carrying that baggage into all your other relationships you have with people and that is not good. I wasted a whole decade being unhappy and I wouldn't want to see the same thing happen to you.


:nod:

Just wondering too what your mom thinks about this. Does she want you to go to the wedding or does she support your decision not to go?

my mom said "truthfully i'll be disgusted if you do go because going would be supporting the guy who treated you badly and broke up the family in the first place. but i respect your right to make up your mind."

my mom agrees with me about all of this and she says i don't have to go. he might fight it though and make me go anyway but he will regret it if he makes me go.

his girlfriend's daughter and i are convinced they only want us there so they'll look good. and yes he said that, also "I love Maureen and if you loved me you'd keep your mouth shut and just accept that you can't control my life". :rolleyes: :rolleyes: i'm definitely not going.
Good. Sounds really immature.

(why does he want to jump into another?!?!).

either because he thinks his reputation will be better as a married man, he is desperate for acceptance of women since he never got it from my mom, or he's a pervert. or maybe all 3 or none of them.

he always brings me into the divorce but gets pissed when i support my mom's side. isn't that hypocritical?

Good. Sounds really immature.

he is. talking to him is like bashing my head against a wall.

either because he thinks his reputation will be better as a married man, he is desperate for acceptance of women since he never got it from my mom, or he's a pervert. or maybe all 3 or none of them.

he always brings me into the divorce but gets pissed when i support my mom's side. isn't that hypocritical?


I'm sitting here just shaking my head in disbelief.

Well, you know, if it really would hurt your mom, and you - yourself truly feel he's to blame for most of the family's troubles and you'd just be miserable and may end up acting out at the reception or something, then yeah - don't go. I think parent's have to learn some responsibility in relationships with their kids also. It's almost at a point it's all up to the bigger "man" here.

he is. talking to him is like bashing my head against a wall.
I wouldn't bother going if he's acting like that. If he won't sit down and talk to you and take your opinion into consideration, why should you try to please him?

I wouldn't bother going if he's acting like that. If he won't sit down and talk to you and take your opinion into consideration, why should you try to please him?

i wouldn't even bother trying to please him but he apparently asks my opinion and expects me to say what he wants to hear. i don't call that an opinion.

he sits down, listens to my opinion, and then says "but it's not like i'll take it into consideration because i love Maureen ...blah blah blah" so i really waste a lot of energy talking to him.

I'm sitting here just shaking my head in disbelief.

Well, you know, if it really would hurt your mom, and you - yourself truly feel he's to blame for most of the family's troubles and you'd just be miserable and may end up acting out at the reception or something, then yeah - don't go. I think parent's have to learn some responsibility in relationships with their kids also. It's almost at a point it's all up to the bigger "man" here.

he was generally the cause of the family problems. but he always blames it on everyone else so he doesn't realize where he's at fault. i guess i had something to do with it because i fought with my dad but he always started it by treating me like crap when i didn't start anything.

No matter what your dad does or did, I think it is wrong of your mom to say she would be "disgusted" if you go to the wedding. She should have just said that it is your decision and left it at that. And it is just as wrong if your dad says ill things about your mom. They chose to marry each other and they chose to bring you into this world and for them to put you in the middle of problems that you didn't create is Wrong, Wrong, Wrong. One good thing I can say about my parents is that they never talked bad about each other in front of us kids and I'm appreciative of that. Throughout my parents marriage my dad cheated on my mom, drank heavily, spent up all the money etc, but my mom still never really talked bad about him or his second wife and always encouraged us to visit them whenever we were invited. My mom had her faults too but I still can not think of a time when my dad talked **** about her about her in front of me.

No matter what your dad does or did, I think it is wrong of your mom to say she would be "disgusted" if you go to the wedding. She should have just said that it is your decision and left it at that. And it is just as wrong if your dad says ill things about your mom. They chose to marry each other and they chose to bring you into this world and for them to put you in the middle of problems that you didn't create is Wrong, Wrong, Wrong. One good thing I can say about my parents is that they never talked bad about each other in front of us kids and I'm appreciative of that. Throughout my parents marriage my dad cheated on my mom, drank heavily, spent up all the money etc, but my mom still never really talked bad about him or his second wife and always encouraged us to visit them whenever we were invited. My mom had her faults too but I still can not think of a time when my dad talked **** about her about her in front of me.


Good for her - that's the way it always should be handled (unless maybe the father beat, abused or sexually abused his children I feel they should always have rights and be involved). That's the way divorce should be handled by BOTH parents always.

he separated from my mom about a year ago but the divorce was only final since February. so he's definitely rushing into it.

she's not pregnant, trust me. he either is desperate or they want to get married early because they go to a holy-roller church and they would kick them out for premarital sex. either that or he's just stupid.

Getting married just to have sex?! What's this world coming to? And here I thought marriage was for love.

Funny though, I had a friend who got married when she was, oh heck, 22 maybe? He was like 19. My mom told me she wished he didn't want to marry her just to have sex with her. I thought that was tacky for a guy whose dad was a minister. But he was also an *******, so who knows.

his girlfriend's daughter and i are convinced they only want us there so they'll look good. and yes he said that, also "I love Maureen and if you loved me you'd keep your mouth shut and just accept that you can't control my life". :rolleyes: :rolleyes: i'm definitely not going.

If my dad ever said anything like that to me, I'd jump in my car, yell some obsenities, and drive away.

Well, actually, I'd have a heart attack, cuz I can't see my dad saying that, but you know what I'm getting at.

Tell him exactly how you feel about it and what you think of it and do not go to the wedding, no matter what. Hold out for as long as you. If you don't want to go you shouldn't have to.

No matter what your dad does or did, I think it is wrong of your mom to say she would be "disgusted" if you go to the wedding.

maybe if it was someone who was neutral and didn't side with anyone, but i fully side with my mom so we're just expressing ourselves. based on how i relate to what she says about the divorce, i think it was right. i'm only going to the wedding if forced.

maybe if it was someone who was neutral and didn't side with anyone, but i fully side with my mom so we're just expressing ourselves. based on how i relate to what she says about the divorce, i think it was right. i'm only going to the wedding if forced.
I agree with your mom, you shouldn't go to the wedding. Its a good thing that she doesn't want you to go either, because then you have a better chance of not going.

I agree with your mom, you shouldn't go to the wedding. Its a good thing that she doesn't want you to go either, because then you have a better chance of not going.

good point :) besides the fact that i'm my dad's son, he hasn't given me any other good reasons as to why i should go to the wedding. like if he was a good father all these years he could say "i supported you so it's your turn to support me", "everyone will be sad if you don't go", etc. all he says is "my son must go to my wedding".

if i go to the wedding and support my dad (which i don't want to) i'll be ditching my mom because if it wasn't for her defending me against my dad, they'd still be married. basically i'd be forgetting how she defended me and made sure my life stayed in order and instead i'd be supporting the cause of all the problems. it just seems so wrong.
I don't think you should go,mike.I agree with you 200%

Sounds like your dad's one of those guys where it's "My way or the highway". He's got to learn you don't speak to people like that.

He sure could use some negotiating skills! :rolleyes:

I mean, if he said, I want you there because I love you and want you to share my day with me - but as you say - it seems like he's more worried about what it'll look like to others if his son doesn't show up. Sad.

Sounds like your dad's one of those guys where it's "My way or the highway". He's got to learn you don't speak to people like that.

He sure could use some negotiating skills! :rolleyes:

I mean, if he said, I want you there because I love you and want you to share my day with me - but as you say - it seems like he's more worried about what it'll look like to others if his son doesn't show up. Sad.

it's like when he goes to parties and i don't go, he always says "will you please go? everyone thinks either i don't care about you or you don't like me when you don't go". does he even care because he actually wants me to go? :rolleyes: although his family knows i don't get along with him so i think they'll understand.

I second what everyone else said. It's ridiculous. But it's his life, let him **** it up if he wants- just don't be there when he comes crying.

And her name is Maureen... boy I hate that name.

Are you sure that they've only seen each other for 3 months? I hate to bring this up, but maybe he was seeing this woman while still being married to your Mom? Either way, if you don't feel comfortable then don't go, but I'm sure your father loves you. Maybe he has a weird way of showing it.

They've only been dating for 3 months and their getting married? :eek: That's ridicioulus

Anyway I wouldnt go

I second what everyone else said. It's ridiculous. But it's his life, let him **** it up if he wants- just don't be there when he comes crying.

And her name is Maureen... boy I hate that name.

he won't be the one crying, he'll be making Maureen do the crying.

he doesn't even say her name right and it's his girlfriend's name :rolleyes:

Are you sure that they've only seen each other for 3 months? I hate to bring this up, but maybe he was seeing this woman while still being married to your Mom?

he separated from my mom a year ago and the divorce became final in February, and right after, they started dating. they go to a strict church and they had to ask their pastor for permission to date. so no.

I didnt read every single post, so maybe this has already been answered.. but what about your mother? Is there any way you could live with her? How far away does she live and such? Its nice though that you atleast get along with his girlfriend.

I didnt read every single post, so maybe this has already been answered.. but what about your mother? Is there any way you could live with her? How far away does she live and such? Its nice though that you atleast get along with his girlfriend.

i do live with my mom, full time. i only see my dad a few hours a week.

he doesn't even say her name right and it's his girlfriend's name :rolleyes:

Well there's the first problem right there- anyone who's name is Maureen is definitely not dateable. My first love's name was Maureen and she turned out to be an assclown.

i do live with my mom, full time. i only see my dad a few hours a week.
Ohhh ok.

Ugh! He sounds like my ex-uncle! What a jerk!

He's trying to guilt you into going. That is reason enough not to go.

Are you sure that they've only seen each other for 3 months? I hate to bring this up, but maybe he was seeing this woman while still being married to your Mom? Either way, if you don't feel comfortable then don't go, but I'm sure your father loves you. Maybe he has a weird way of showing it.


You know the same thought hit me - I wondered if there was an affair before the marriage was over. Its REALLY headed for disaster then if that's the case.

Like seeing a train wreck ready to happen but you don't have the power to turn the switch to change tracks.