No Nukes Is Good Nukes Transcript (Season 1)

Scene I:
Kitchen: Elyse, Mallory, Alex and Jennifer are standing by the counter in the middle of the kitchen. Alex and Jennifer are talking.

Jennifer: Alex, who do you think is going to win today's game, Notradame or USC?

Alex: Well, I'd have to go with USC.

Jennifer: I don't know USC is favored by two and half. I think I better go with Notradame.

Alex: Jennifer, you always ask me what team I pick and then you go and bet the other side.

Jennifer: I know. It works every time.

Mallory: What are you doing here Mom?

Elyse: Nothing Mallory.

Alex: I knew it. Bean sprouts in the stuffing.

Elyse: What are you guys the vegetable patrol?

Mallory: Mom, this is Thanksgiving not Chinese New Year.

Elyse: I just want to try something a little different this year that's all.

Alex: This is a traditional American holiday. How is Jennifer supposed to know what Thanksgiving is all about if you insist on serving foreign food?

Jennifer is sitting at the kitchen table.

Jennifer: I know what Thanksgiving is about Alex. It's when the Indians and pilgrims ate together and the Indians got stuck with the check.

Alex: That's not how it happened at all Jennifer. You have to understand that civilization marches forward and it marches better on paved roads.

Jennifer: The Indians had the land first Alex.

Alex: Yeah, but they weren't using it. They were just roaming around, cooking out doors, wearing beads, living in tents. Just like Mom and Dad used to.

Elyse: Alex, the fact is that we stole that land from the Indians.

Alex: What do you want us to do now Mom? Give it back?

Mallory: Yeah, starting with your room.

Steven enters the kitchen through the swinging door. He is carrying peace signs.

Steven: Look at these Elyse. I found them in the attic. I figure we could use some of them today.

Mallory: This is so embarrassing. I can't believe that you two are going to go out there and make fools out of yourselves this afternoon.

Steven: We're going out to demonstrate against nuclear arms. There's nothing foolish about that.

Elyse is sitting at the kitchen table. Alex is standing by the table.

Elyse: The question you kids should be asking is why we continue to make hydrogen bombs when we already have enough to kill the Russians forty times over.

Alex: Don't be so melodramatic Mom. From the beginning of time there's been weapons and there's always been fringe element of overreacting. I'm sure that even in the early days that there were bleeding heart cavemen running around with signs that said make love not clubs.

Steven: Alex, are you actually in favor of nuclear weapons?

Alex: I'm in favor of having them, not using them.

Jennifer: Why do we have them if we're not going to use them?

Alex: That's a dumb question Jennifer. It's called a deterrent force.

Jennifer: Do both sides have a detergent force?

Alex: Deterrent force Jennifer. It means that the more weapons that both sides have the less chance that either side will have to use them.

Jennifer: Why can't both sides just have no bombs?

Alex: It's too late, we already paid for them.

Steven is sitting at the table.

Elyse: Well, your father and I don't think it's too late, nor do a lot of other people. They expect a very big crowd out there today.

Mallory: Come on admit it. You two are just going out there because it makes you feel young and alive again.

Steven: No, we're going out there so that one day you can feel old and alive.

Jennifer gets up from the table and stands between Elyse and Steven who are sitting at the table.

Jennifer: Daddy, I want you to know that I'm behind what you and Mommy are doing hundred percent.

Steven: Well, thank you Jennifer. I'm very happy to hear that.

Jennifer: If I didn't have to supervise the cooking I'd go with you.

Elyse: Grandma and Grandpa will be here and Grandma will do all the cooking.

Elyse gets up from the table.

Jennifer: That's what I'm talking about.

Steven gets up from the table.

Elyse is standing at the center counter.

Elyse: Grandma is an excellent cook.

Mallory: An excellent cook? Mom, I'm using one of last year's biscuits as a door stop.

Jennifer looks at one of the signs.

Jennifer: What does flower power mean?

Alex is standing at the center counter.

Alex: It was a symbol of that twisted era. You know love, flowers, peace. Gives me the creeps.

Steven is standing next to Elyse.

Elyse: Don't listen to him Jennifer. Flower power was another way of telling people to put down their weapons and to give each other flowers and love instead. For a while all the girls wore flowers in their hair.

Jennifer: Did you Mommy?

Elyse: Yes, until your Dad made me stop.

Jennifer: Didn't he like flower power?

Elyse: Yes, but he had hay fever. It was a very difficult period for him.

Kate & Charlie arrive.

Mallory: Oh! They're here!

Everyone says hello.

Elyse: Why don't you guys sit down and I'll put the water on for tea.

Steven takes Kate's basket from her.

Steven: Kate, you didn't have to bring your own dishes.

Kate: Those are biscuits. I think they came out lighter this year.

Charlie sits down at the table.

Charlie: She baked them last night so that she'd have more time for pies today.

Jennifer: Grandma, your baking pies?

Kate sits down at the table.

Kate: Yes.

Jennifer: Oh boy. I don't know if our oven's working.

Elyse puts a hand over Jennifer's mouth for a second. Mallory is sitting at the table.

Elyse: Jennifer. The oven's fine. Mom, we're really pleased to see you, but we didn't expect you here so soon.

Kate: Well, we wanted to spend as much time with you as possible. Also, our tv is broken and Grandpa wants to see the game.

Jennifer: Who do you pick in this game Gramp?

Charlie: Are you kidding? Notradame. Two and half points, it's a steal.

Jennifer: All right.

Jennifer high five's Charlie.

Jennifer: See Alex.

Alex is sitting at the table.

Charlie: We would have been here earlier, but we got held up in traffic. There's some kind of dumb demonstration starting up downtown.

Steven picks up the peace signs.

Charlie: What kind of idiots would demonstrate on Thanksgiving?

Alex: Just your everyday run of the mill ones.

Elyse: Actually Dad, Steven and I are planning on going to that demonstration.

Charlie: Oh, you almost had me going there. For a minute I believed you.

Elyse: Well, it's true Dad, we're going.

Charlie gets up from the table.

Charlie: What's the issue this week? The Chad Sudan Border dispute? More fluoride in the water. More fluoride in the toothpaste.

Steven: Nuclear disarmament.

Charlie: Here we going again. Oh look Kate, they even have the old signs out.

Kate: Charlie, don't get yourself all worked up.

Alex: You know by going out there you two are giving aid and comfort to the enemy.

Steven: Yeah, the Kremlin called us this morning and specifically asked us to be there on time so if you don't mind--

Charlie: Aren't you two ever going to learn? We're not the ones escalating the arm's race. It's the Soviet's. We're just trying to keep up.

Steven: What it all boils down to Charlie is that the innocent people of the world are being held hostage by the political disputes between the Silver Powers.

Charlie: But, it's always been that way Steven.

Steven: Yes, but we haven't always had weapons capable of wiping out civilization in one foul swoop. Charlie, one of these governments is got to be first to start acting rationally.

Charlie: Well, it's not going to be us.

Steven: Listen Charlie--

Elyse: Steven, Dad, look this is Thanksgiving Day, let's not argue. Steven and I will be gone for a few hours and then we'll be back and we'll have a nice meal together. This is a happy occasion right?

Charlie: You're right I'm sorry.

Elyse: That's more like it.

Charlie: You two want to go off and demonstrate I guess that's your business.

Steven: See you later Kate. Kids I want some of that cranberry sauce.

Jennifer: Dad, you want to take any of Grandma's biscuits with you?

Steven: No, thank you. We've already got some sandwiches.

Jennifer: Not to eat, to play Frisbee with.

Steven and Elyse leave.

Scene II:
Livingroom:

Charlie is asleep on the couch. Mallory is sitting on the floor and watching tv. A soap opera can be heard. Alex enters the livingroom from the kitchen.

Alex: What's the score of the football game Grandpa?

Mallory: Shh. He fell asleep a few minutes ago.

Alex: So what's the score of the game?

Mallory: I don't know. As soon as he dozed off I changed the channel.

Alex: A soap opera? How can you watch that junk? It's demented. It's depraved.

Alex goes to turn the channel on the tv and stops.

Alex: Who's that?

Mallory: That's Belinda.

Alex: Is that guy her husband?

Mallory: Which guy?

Alex sits down in a chair.

Alex: The one in the strapless evening gown.

Mallory: No, that's the plumber. Her husband hasn't been around since he lost his job. He had a nervous breakdown and moved to Union City and now he gives sowing lessons.

Jennifer enters the livingroom from the kitchen.

Jennifer: Everything in the kitchen is under control. I'm keeping Grandma away from the stove.

Mallory: Good going.

Jennifer: I've got her doing some busy work. You know, organizing the potholders, folding and unfolding the paper bag.

Alex: That's nice.

Jennifer: Alex, I'm surprised at you. How could you watch this stuff?

Jennifer sits on the arm of the chair.

Alex: I'm simply monitoring what you kids are watching Jennifer. I have no interesting in this trash.

Jennifer: Me neither. Is that plumber back?

Alex: Yeah.

Kate enters the livingroom from the kitchen. She is carrying a tray of sandwiches.

Kate: I made some sandwiches to tide you over until dinner. Who wants one?

She holds out the tray toward Jennifer, Mallory and Alex.

Alex: Grandma thank you, but we don't want to spoil our appetite.

Kate: Oh don't be silly. We won't be eating for hours.

Jennifer: We know that, but your food is so special we don't want to rush into it.

Kate: Oh you're just saying that.

Jennifer: No I'm not.

Jennifer, Mallory, and Alex all take a sandwich.

Kate: Well, it didn't take him long to conk out. What are you kids watching?

Alex: Oh it's a documentary.

Kate sits down on the couch.

Kate: Is that plumber back again? He just never gives up.

Charlie wakes up, sits up and rubs his eyes. Alex gets up and quickly turns the channel back to the football game.

Charlie: Did I miss anything? What's the score of the game?

Kate: Charlie, can I fix you something to eat?

Charlie: No! I mean no thank you. I don't want to spoil my appetite.

Jennifer: Come on Rick. That's clipping. Give me a break here.

Mallory: What happened to the picture?

The tv can be heard: Here's an update to a fast breaking story. Trouble broke out this afternoon at The Blackstone Nuclear Research Laboratory.

Alex: That's Mom and Dad.

TV: No one knows exactly who started it, but it looks like a lot of people are going to spend this Thanksgiving in jail.

On the tv screen it shows people protesting with signs and then people, including Steven and Elyse being arrested.

Scene 3:
Jail: Several people are in a cell along with Elyse and Steven.

Steven: You're not going to close the door on us are you?

Guard: Well, I was seriously considering it.

Steven: Look, technically, I know we are prisoners you are the guard, but is this really necessary? It seems a little excessive.

Guard: Humor me.

The guard closes the door.

Steven: When can we get out on bail?

Guard: The judge has to set bail and if he has to come in on Thanksgiving to do it he ain't going to be in a real generous mood.

Elyse: You mean we might have to spend the night in jail?

Guard: Unless the judge goes out of town. Then you'll have to spend the weekend in jail.

Elyse: Thanks for being so sensitive.

Woman: I can't believe this. I've never been arrested before. I don't know what to do, or what to say. Am I dressed all right?

Man: Perfectly, as if when you put those clothes on you knew you'd end up in jail.

Steven: Look, I think we should get organized here.

Woman: Right, we need a spokesperson. Has anyone here ever been arrested before

Elyse: I have.

Steven: I have.

Elyse: We're together.

Woman: Did you meet in jail?

Steven: No, we we're arrested in Washington DC for the big peace rally.

Man: I was arrested in Washington too.

Elyse: For protesting the war?

Man: No for armed robbery.

Everyone moves to the other side of the cell.

Man: Hey, give me a break. I did my time. I'm over with that, sort of.

Elyse: What do you mean sort of?

Man: Well, I got arrested at the demonstration today.

Elyse: Well, we all did.

Man: I got arrested for pick pocket.

Steven: All right. No matter what our different backgrounds maybe. We are in this together.

Steven removes his wallet from his back pocket and puts it in his front pocket in his shirt.

Steven: Now, what I think is obviously on everybody's mind is how do we get out of here? Anyone have any ideas?

A woman raises her hand.

Steven: Yeah.

Woman: I say we tie all the sheets together, hang them out the window, and go over the wall.

Elyse: We don't have any sheets.

Steven: Or any windows.

Man: Other than that, it was a great idea.

Alex and Charlie arrive.

Alex: Mom, Dad are you all right?

Elyse & Steven: Alex!

Elyse: How are you?

Alex: I'm fine.

Elyse: Hi Dad.

Steven: Hello Charlie.

Charlie: Well, this sure does bring back memories.

Steven: How did you know we were here?

Charlie: You were on the news.

Alex: Listen, we have good news. They're handing these out to everyone who was arrested at the demonstration. The judge drew it up. All you have to do is sign it and you can come home.

Elyse takes the paper.

Elyse: (reading) As a condition of bail, I the undersigned pledge to never again to take part in any form of protest against nuclear arms, furthermore, I will sign a public statement--. That's blackmail.

Man: Could you pass one of those over here please?

Elyse: What do you think.

Steven: I don't think we should sign it Elyse. There's a principle at stake here.

Alex: Hey, what a minute. We're not talking about a weekend in Hawaii here. This is jail. You're surrounded by hardened criminals, societal misfits, vermin.

The people in the cell look at Alex

Alex: No offense.

Man: None taken.

Elyse: Alex, this is illegal. They're asking us to sign away a basic constitutional right. The right to descent.

Alex: Mom, it's just a piece of paper. They can't change how you feel.

Steven: They can change how I feel about myself and if I sign this paper I have a hunch I won't feel very good.

Charlie: Look, you have other people to think about besides yourselves.

Alex: Yeah, in case you've forgotten, the names are Alex, Mallory and Jennifer.

Steven: I am thinking of you. I want you to know your father is a man who stands up for what he believes.

Alex: I'll take your word for it. I'm easy, just come home.

Woman: What do you think? Should we sign it or shouldn't we?

Steven: Well, I think it's pretty obvious, don't you?

People in cell: Yeah.

Steven: All right. Good.

Woman: Goodbye.

Everyone besides Elyse and Steven sign the paper and leave the cell.

Man: I'm with her.

Guard: Nice try.

Man goes back into the cell.

Steven: I'm sorry Alex, I can't.

Alex: Mom?

Elyse: Alex, I want to come home more than anything in the world, but I won't sign this. Please try to understand.

Charlie: If you'd rather stay here fine. Come on Alex, lets go.

Elyse: Dad.

Steven: Alex, come on. Try to see our point here Alex.

Elyse: Dad please.

Alex: You know what's wrong with parents today? They still think they can change the world.

Scene 4:
Livingroom: Mallory and Jennifer are looking out the window.

Mallory: They're back!

Mallory and Jennifer run over to the front door. Kate walks in from the kitchen and Mallory opens the front door. Charlie and Alex come in. Mallory and Jennifer walk outside and then walk back in.

Jennifer: Where's Mom and Dad?

Mallory: Why didn't you bring them home?

Alex and Charlie take their jackets off.

Alex: Let me tell you two something about your parents. They're stubborn. They're childish. They're making me old before my time.

Jennifer: They must be ok if they had time to fight with Alex.

Charlie is sitting on the couch.

Kate: You couldn't bail them out?

Charlie: Of course we could bail them out. They wouldn't let us. So they're staying in jail.

Kate: I don't understand this. Why would they choose to stay in jail?

Charlie: Well, they wouldn't sign the paper.

Kate: What paper?

Charlie: It was nothing. It's just an apology that's all.

Kate: That's all?

Charlie: And something about never demonstrating again. Routine stuff.

Kate: Routine stuff? Sounds more like blackmail.

Alex: Grandpa, I'm surprised at you. Can't you control your own daughter?

Charlie: No. Never could either.

Mallory is sitting in a chair and Jennifer is sitting on the arm of it.

Jennifer: Our parents can't control their daughters either. I guess you have a lot in common.

Charlie: I thought it was supposed to get easier as your kids get older.

Alex: I thought it was supposed to get easier as your parents got older.

Mallory: Why were they out there demonstrating in the first place? Today is Thanksgiving. A day for tranquility, for harmony, for peace.

Kate: Isn't that what they were demonstrating for?

Alex: They have to care in public?

Mallory: They do everything else in public.

Alex: Why go to jail over something like this? Nobody's insane enough to use nuclear weapons. Not when they know the enemy has them too.

Alex sits down on the couch.

Jennifer: What if the people in charge of the bomb aren't as smart as you Alex?

Mallory: I still can't believe they could do this to us. I mean how can they be so selfish?

Kate: Wait a minute. What are they doing to us? They're not the one's being selfish. We're here in a nice house surrounded by people we love. They're in a jail cell because of something they believe in.

Jennifer: I think it takes a lot of guts to do what they're doing.

Kate: So do I and I'll tell you something else. I wish I had the guts to go out there and demonstrate with them today instead of staying here and cooking.

Charlie: We all do dear.

Kate: I don't know about the rest of you, but I'm going to have Thanksgiving dinner with my daughter and my son-in-law.

Jennifer stands up.

Jennifer: I'm having dinner with her daughter and her son-in-law too.

Kate: Anybody else?

Mallory, Alex and Charlie look away and don't answer. Kate and Jennifer leave.

Scene 5:
Jail: Elyse, Steven and another man are present.

Elyse: What about decorating?

Elyse sits down next to Steven.

Steven: First thing I'd do is take out those bars.

Elyse: It wouldn't take much just a few green plants. Maybe a throw rug right there.

Elyse points.

Man: Some end tables.

The guard comes over to the cell.

Guard: All in for grub.

Elyse: Why do I expect we're going to be disappointed with this meal?

Steven: Come on honey, lets go.

Steven and Elyse stand up and walk over to where the guard is standing. The guard hands all three cups.

Steven: Don't we get something special for Thanksgiving?

Guard: Yeah, this is it.

Steven: Yellow water with green stuff floating in it?

Guard: You're lucky. Most days you don't get the green stuff.

Guard: Well, have a happy. safe Thanksgiving.

The guard walks away.

Elyse: That man needs to get outdoors more often.

Elyse and Steven go and sit back down. They clink cups together. They look at what's in the cups and set them aside without drinking from them.

Elyse: Steven, do you think we did the right thing?

Steven: I did until they brought us this.

Elyse: Kids are mad at us, Dad's mad at us.

Man: I'm not mad at you.

Elyse: That's quite a consolation.

Kate and Jennifer arrive with food.

Kate: Anyone here interested in a home cooked meal?

Elyse and Steven walk over to the bars.

Steven: You don't know how wonderful it is to see you guys.

Kate: Without you two at home it just didn't seem like a holiday.

Elyse: Well, we haven't exactly been whooping it up in here either.

Jennifer: I brought you this flower for your hair Mommy. Happy Thanksgiving.

Jennifer hands her a flower.

Elyse: Oh thank you sweetheart.

Elyse kisses Jennifer.

Jennifer: I missed you.

Elyse: Not half as much as we missed you.

Steven: Where are the others?

Kate: Um...well...it was hard to get everyone in the car, well with all the food and all.

Elyse: They didn't want to come?

Jennifer: If you're still here at Christmas maybe Alex will drop in.

Kate: Well, there's a lot of food I cooked up here. So lets get to it.

Steven: Ok.

Kate: There's plenty for everyone if you'd like a little taste.

Man: You Kate?

Kate: Yes.

Man: No thanks.

Elyse: Well, we can't wait. I think it's so sweet that you thought to bring food down to us. Oh I want to give you a hug.

Steven: Yeah, come on sweetheart.

Elyse tries to hug Kate and Steven tries to hug Jennifer, but the bars are in the way.

Steven: Hey, wait a minute. Let's do this right.

Steven hugs Elyse and Kate hugs Jennifer. Mallory, Alex and Charlie arrive.

Mallory: I can't believe it. You two can't even control yourselves in prison.

Elyse: Mallory! Alex!

Steven: How are you?

Jennifer: Grandpa, I thought you weren't coming in until the cow jumped over the moon?

Charlie: That's just a figure of speech Jennifer.

Mallory: It just didn't seem right that's all. I mean a family's supposed to be together for Thanksgiving.

Elyse: Yeah I know. We're sorry if we spoiled your Thanksgiving.

Alex: No, we're the ones who should do the apologizing.

Mallory: It's something Grandma said that made us realize that this is something you two care very deeply about.

Elyse: What did she say?

Mallory: This is something you both care very deeply about.

Jennifer: You really have a way with words Grandma.

Alex: I just want you both to know that I respect the fact that you're standing up for your beliefs. Even if I don't agree with them.

Mallory: Yeah, I think that goes for all of us.

Charlie: Yeah all of us. I mean I might not agree with everything you have to say, but what kind of American would I be if I didn't support your right to say it?

Steven: Thank you. That means a lot to us.

The man in the cell sniffs.

Man: One of the happiest days of my life.

Steven: Hey, that's my handkerchief.

Kate: Come on lets eat.

Steven: Good idea.

Elyse: Mom, how did you get all that food in here?

Kate: Well, lets just say there isn't a guard in the joint who doesn't have one of my dumplings.

Jennifer: It's a plot. They're all get sick and you can escape.

Kate: Lets save the sweet talk for later and eat. I'm starved.

Charlie: You want me to file the bars or carve the turkey?

Jennifer lays down a cloth napkin on the floor.

Charlie: Or I could file the bars with the turkey.

Elyse: This is turning out to be a great Thanksgiving.

Everyone sits down. They set out food.

Elyse: We've got our health. We've got each other. We've got turkey. What else do we need?

Jennifer: Mommy, could I say a Thanksgiving grace this year?

Elyse: Of course sweetheart.

They all bow their heads.

Jennifer: Thank you God for all the good things that you've done this year and for keeping us well and happy. I'm really sorry about that incident with Ronnie Dorfmin's lunch box and the turtle.

Elyse and Steven look over at Jennifer.

Jennifer: But, we can discuss that later. Most of all I'd like to thank you for looking over Mommy and Daddy today and not letting them be hurt. They're the best parents in the whole world even if they are a couple of jail birds.

Elyse and Steven look over at Jennifer.

Jennifer: Amen.

Everyone: Amen.

They all start talking and get ready to eat.

The End

Transcript