Family Ties Forever!
03-08-2005, 10:43 AM
Cold Storage
Scene 1:
Livingroom: Mallory is sitting on the couch.
Mallory: Alex, I have a problem.
Alex is standing by the table close to the front door.
Alex: You've narrowed it down to one?
Mallory walks over to the table where Alex and Jennifer are standing.
Mallory: Come on. You know I have to do that paper on the Louisiana Purchase. I thought it was about shopping in Louisiana. Can you help me out?
Alex: Mallory, you know I'm willing to help the less fortune then myself, and you certainly fall into that category. But I have to go to Grandma's in a few minutes. So catch me when I have a spare decade.
Mallory: Thanks Alex.
Jennifer: I just wish we could go straight to Grandma's. I wish we could talk Mom and Dad out of going to that Lamas Reunion.
Alex walks over behind the couch. Mallory is sitting on the couch. She's looking at papers on the coffee table.
Alex: I don't think so Jen. They said we're just going to stay for a few minutes. I am as anxious to get to Grandma's as you are. I mean I love that woman. We have a very special relationship. I can't wait to go to her house.
Alex puts cologne on.
Jennifer: That's only because Lisa Toben lives next door to Grandma.
Alex sits down on the couch next to Mallory. Mallory is holding a pencil.
Alex: I have no interest in Lisa Toben. Anyways she lives two doors down. Anyway Jennifer you're only anxious to get to Grandma's because she has cable tv.
Jennifer: That's not true. I love Grandma. If she happens to have 136 channels so be it.
Elyse and Steven are at the top of the landing upstairs and have their hands full.
Elyse: Ok everyone, we're ready to go.
They come down the stairs.
Steven: We have everything. Pictures of the baby, the baby's diapers, the baby's seat, the baby's food.
They place all the baby stuff on the table by the front door.
Jennifer: Where's the baby?
Steven: He should be along any moment. I better go hurry him up.
Steven goes back upstairs to get Andrew.
Mallory: Mom, you'll be sure to tell Grandma why I can't come?
Elyse: Now are you sure you don't want to come with us?
Mallory: No, I'll be fine.
Alex: Yeah, Mom we better get going. I don't want to disappoint Lisa, Grandma.
Jennifer: Can't we just go straight to Grandma's? Do we have to go to this reunion?
Elyse: We don't have to, we want to. We have a lot in common with these people. We went through nature childbirth classes with them. Your father and I are really looking forward to it.
Steven comes down the stairs with Andrew.
Steven: Elyse, do we really have to go to this reunion. Why don't we just go to your mother's?
Elyse: We'll have a great time Steven.
Steven: Ok, let's go. Mal you sure you'll be ok?
Mallory: I'll be fine.
Steven: Ok, well we're very proud of you for putting your school work first.
Alex: That's right Mal, your pursuit of passing grades no matter how futile is entirely commendable. And to reward you, I'm going to let you use the Alex P. Keaton archives, located in the Alex P. Keaton trunk in the Alex P. Keaton basement.
Steven: Ok let's go.
Steven, Elyse, Alex, Jennifer, and Andrew move towards the front door.
Mallory: Have a great time. Say hi to Lisa for me.
Steven: Ok. Lisa? Who's Lisa?
Steven closes the front door.
Mallory is holding a piece of paper. She starts reading.
Mallory: Contrary to popular belief, the Louisiana Purchase is not about shopping in Louisiana.
Skippy enters the Livingroom from the kitchen. Mallory doesn't hear Skippy enter.
Skippy sneaks up behind Mallory quietly. He looks over her shoulder. She gets up and sees Skippy and screams. Skippy takes off his coat.
Skippy: I came in the back door. I thought I'd surprise you. Are you?
Mallory: Skippy, what do you want?
Skippy: Someone to talk to. A friendly face.
Mallory: Well there's no one like that here, please leave. I have some studying to do.
Mallory sits back down on the couch.
Skippy: Oh, can I watch? Oh please? I'll be quiet.
Skippy goes and sits in the chair next to the couch.
Skippy: You won't even hear me breathe. I won't breathe.
Skippy holds his breath and motions for Mallory to go ahead and study.
Mallory: Knock it off Skippy.
Skippy lets his breath out.
Mallory: Oh wait, there is something you can do for me.
Mallory stands up. Skippy stands up also.
Skippy: Name it. Anything.
Mallory: There's something I need out of the basement. It's a big, heavy trunk there, it's dusty and covered with cobwebs and as soon as you bring it up you gotta leave.
Skippy: (smiles): Thanks Mal. I knew you'd come around.
They exit the livingroom.
Scene 2:
Basement: Mallory and Skippy go into the basement. Mallory turns on the light.
Mallory: Oh, is it yucky in here. Look at all these cobwebs.
Skippy: These webs remember me of the web you've spun around my heart Mallory.
Mallory: Uh, let's get the trunk. Come on.
Skippy drags the trunk toward the stairs.
Skippy: What's in here?
Mallory: It's just Alex's old papers.
Skippy: He must have used heavy ink.
Skippy walks up the stairs and pushes on the door of the basement, but it doesn't budge. He tries again.
Mallory: What's going on? Open the door.
Skippy: I'm trying Mallory.
Mallory: Just reach around and flip the latch.
Skippy: What latch?
Mallory: You mean you shut the door all the way?
Skippy: Yeah, is that bad?
Mallory: Skippy we're locked down here now. And my family is out all day and then is staying over night at my Grandmother's.
Skippy: You mean we're going to be locked down here all night?
Mallory: (unhappy): Yes.
Skippy: (smiles): Darn the luck.
Scene 3:
Reunion: Elyse, Steven, Andrew, Alex, and Jennifer arrive.
Steven and Elyse say hi.
Alex: Lenard, how are you? Nice to see you.
Elyse: (points) This is Andrew. And you remember Jennifer and Alex.
Marge: He's very cute.
Alex: Oh thanks Marge, I just got a new haircut.
Steven: Where's your baby?
Lenard: This is Lewis.
Marge: And this is Lois.
Lois laughs.
Elyse: That's right, you had twins. I don't know what I'd do if I had twins. That must be an awful lot of work, isn't it?
Marge: Yes, it is a lot of work. But we're very happy. Hi Jennifer. It's good to see you again Alex. I'm glad you could come.
Alex: Oh, no problem. Our grandmother lives near here so we're just going to spend the night there.
Jennifer: She has cable tv.
Alex: Yeah, and if she gets a vcr, we might spend Christmas with her.
Lenard: We have cable tv too, 63 stations.
Alex: Really? Len, Lenard, Len, do you by any chance happen to get channel 31?
Lenard: The Playboy Channel. Yes, we do.
Elyse looks over at Alex.
Alex: Oh, is that what that is? I thought it was religious programming.
Jennifer: Alex, I asked him first about the cable tv, and I want to watch the hockey game.
Lenard: Well, that's on channel 28. It's in the den.
Alex: Look, Jen hockey's overrated. Jen they're all men.
One baby starts to cry which causes the other baby's to start crying.
Steven: Hey, hey, hey.
Steven and Elyse go over to where Andrew is and pick him up. Elyse holds Andrew.
Steven: I guess this crying is a little contagious. He dabs his eye with a kleenex. He then sits down on the couch and the babies continue to cry. The doorbell rings and no one makes a move to answer it. Steven finally realizes he should go to answer it.
Steven: Oh, I'll get that.
Steven gets up from the couch and goes and answers the door.
Steven: Hey, Susie, Larry.
He shakes their hands. They don't have their baby with them.
Larry: Hi everybody. Nice place.
Susie: You brought your babies?
Larry: I told you we we're supposed to bring Larry, Jr. Susie.
Susie: Well, I'm sorry Larry. I misunderstood the invitation.
Larry: Wait a second. Two couples, three babies. Susie someone brought an extra.
Steven: No, Marge and Lenard had twins.
Susie & Larry: Oh twins.
Susie: That's great. And if Larry, Jr. where here you'd see how great a baby he is too.
Larry: He really is.
Susie: Well, maybe we should run home and get Larry Jr. We could be back in two hours.
Larry: Susie, don't be ridiculous. We're already here, without Larry Jr. thanks to you.
Jennifer: Dad, Alex won't let me watch the hockey game.
Alex: That's not true. It's between periods and I just wanted to watch a few minutes of Congress In Session.
Jennifer: I've never seen naked congresswomen before Alex.
Alex: I'm just so proud to be an American.
Steven: Would you two knock it off?
Jennifer: Well, tell him to give me back the remote.
Alex: Jen, hang on.
Lenard: Marge, Lois won't stop crying.
Marge: What do you want me to do Lenard? Reason with her?
Larry: A sea of babies, and we're the only ones without one.
Susie: Show them the pictures Larry.
Larry: Pictures aren't the same thing as a real baby. I mean--
Everyone starts arguing.
Scene 4:
Basement: Skippy is throwing himself against the door in the hopes of making it open. Skippy's wearing a hat and hold a mop.
Skippy: I felt something give that time. It might of been my shoulder.
Mallory: Don't worry about that Skippy, just keep going.
Skippy tries again, but the door doesn't open.
Skippy: No, Mallory it's no use. Do you happen to have any explosives on you?
Mallory: I can't believe we're locked in the basement. We could run out of air.
Mallory looks worried and starts taking deep breaths.
Skippy: Try not to think of it as a basement. Think of it as a dungeon.
Mallory: Oh ok, I feel better now.
Skippy walks up the stairs.
Skippy: You see I've been sent from the Noble House of Handleman to rescue you.
Skippy jumps down from the stairs.
Skippy: You're the beautiful damsel in distress and I am your night.
Mallory: You are an idiot.
Skippy: What about that window? It leads to the backyard doesn't it?
Mallory: Yeah, it's nailed shut.
Skippy walks over to the window and checks it.
Skippy: Well, at least no one can break in.
He walks back over from the window.
Mallory: We're stranded here, no one's going to be here until the morning we don't even have anything to eat.
Skippy: Oh, that's where you're wrong Mallory. Look at this.
Skippy takes a packet out of his pocket.
Mallory: What is that?
Skippy: It's a package of cup of soup.
Mallory: Skippy, you're a real dope. Where's the cup?
Skippy: Right here.
Skippy takes out a foldable cup from his pocket. He pops it up.
Mallory: Where's the hot water?
Skippy: (looks at the package): I've never tried it that way.
Mallory looks over at the hot water heater.
Mallory: (smiles) Well, well, well, what do we have here? A hot water heater.
Skippy: (smiles): Mallory, you're a genius.
Skippy gets excited. He walks over to where Mallory is.
Skippy: This is terrific. We've got heat, we've got hot water, we've got soup. We could live here.
Mallory: Just make the soup Skippy.
Skippy: Uh, stand back. This is my first wet cup of cup of soup.
Skippy moves a few things around in the hot water heater.
Skippy: Uh oh.
Mallory: What?
Skippy: If you want my professional opinion, I busted it.
Mallory: Oh great, now we have no heat.
Skippy: Uh, don't worry now, it's probably just a fuse.
Mallory: Fuse? Do you know anything about fuses?
Skippy walks over to the fuse box. Mallory walks over to where he is.
Skippy: Are you kidding Mallory? They don't call me Handy Handleman for nothing. Now stand back. Let's see now.
Skippy looks at the fuse box.
Skippy: Here's the culprit. Uh.
The lights go out.
Mallory: Nice going Handy. Now we have no heat and no light.
Skippy: But we have each other Mallory.
Mallory walks over to the window.
Mallory: (screams): Help!
Mallory stands right behind Skippy as he looks at the fuse box.
Skippy: There's just one more thing I need.
Mallory: What?
Skippy: An electrician.
Mallory pushes Skippy out of the way.
Mallory: Let me look at it.
Mallory: Lets see, if this were my hair dryer, what would I do?
Skippy: You'd be drying your hair with a fuse box.
Mallory: What if I took this one out of here.
Skippy: Mallory, I wouldn't do that.
Mallory: And put it into here.
Skippy: Don't.
The lights come back on.
Skippy: That's very nice, we can see each other again.
Mallory: I'm so grateful. Skippy, look the only way we're going to get out of here is the window. There must be some way to open it.
Skippy: All right, let me have a look at it. Stand back. Mallory, this maybe the last time we ever see each other.
Mallory: Good.
Skippy works on the window and gets it partially open.
Skippy: I got it open. Oh, well there's plenty of snow here if we need it.
Mallory starts rubbing her arms from the cold.
Mallory: Can you get out Skippy?
Skippy: No, I'm sorry, there's no way I can fit through the bars. Maybe if I buttered myself first.
Skippy tries to shut the window, but it's stuck.
Mallory: Oh great, now the window's stuck open. We're going to freeze to death.
Mallory starts doing jumping jacks. Skippy comes over to where she is and starts doing jumping jacks also.
Skippy: What are we doing?
Mallory: Jumping jacks.
Skippy: Oh good idea. It's important to be in top physical condition when we die.
Mallory: Skippy, I'm just trying to keep warm.
She starts to jog.
Skippy: Where are you going? What are you doing?
He starts jogging after her. He hurts his ankle.
Skippy: Ow!
Mallory: What's wrong?
Skippy: My ankle. It's an old cub scout injury.
Mallory: Here, come on, sit down. Come on.
Skippy hops over to the trunk and sits on top of it.
Skippy: I'm sorry. This is all my fault. I got us locked down here, and I goofed up the window and now I hurt myself. Right when you need me the most.
Mallory: Skippy just relax.
Skippy: I can't relax Mallory! I'm supposed to be your knight.
Skippy gets up and starts hopping around.
Skippy: No I've got to find something to keep my damsel warm. There's gotta be something. What did you say was in that trunk?
Mallory: It's just Alex's old junk.
Skippy hops over there. He opens the trunk.
Skippy: Mallory, there are clothes in here. We can put them on and stay warm.
Mallory: Oh great Skippy, nice going.
Skippy: Oh don't thank me. That's what us knight's are for.
Mallory and Skippy put on chipmunks' outfits.
Skippy: Are you sure this goes on this way?
Mallory: I'm positive.
Skippy: Well, I'm certainly am warm now huh? You know, we're lucky your parents like to get dressed up like chipmunks.
Mallory: Skippy, I told you it was for a halloween party.
Skippy: It's a good thing they didn't go as nudists.
Mallory: I can't believe this. I don't mind freezing to death half as much as I mind being found looking like this.
Skippy looks in the trunk.
Mallory: What are you doing?
Skippy: Oh I'm looking for something to eat. I suddenly have a craving for chess nuts.
Skippy picks up a piece of paper from the trunk and reads it.
Skippy: My summer vacation by Alex P. Keaton. This summer I went to the zoo. It only cost fifty cents because I am a minor. It cost my parents a dollar because they are majors. One day I'd like to run the zoo and charge two dollars to get in with no discounts for anybody.
Mallory: Maybe we could warm up by setting this on fire.
Skippy and Mallory close the trunk.
Skippy: Oh that Alex.
They laugh and Skippy hops around and his ankle starts hurting again.
Skippy: Ouch!
Mallory: What is it?
Skippy: It's my ankle again. It really hurts. Mallory, I think I'm going to need an ankle transplant.
Mallory: Why don't you sit down or something?
Skippy sits down on the trunk.
Skippy: All right. I didn't know that you were so highly trained for medical emergencies.
Mallory: Why don't you put some ice on it?
Mallory gets some snow and brings it over to Skippy.
Mallory: Which paw is it?
Skippy: (points to right foot): This one.
Mallory places the snow on Skippy's ankle.
Mallory: There how's that?
Skippy: Much better. You know Mallory you'd make a good veterinarian.
Mallory: Fat chance of me ever being anything important.
Skippy: Well, you're not exactly dressed for success.
Skippy looks at a picture.
Mallory: What's that?
Skippy: I found it in Alex's trunk. It's a picture of your seventh birthday party.
Mallory sits down next to Skippy on the trunk.
Skippy: Here, take a look at this.
They look at the picture as Skippy points out who is in the picture.
Skippy: There's your parents, there's Alex, there's Jennifer, and there's me.
Mallory: Where am I?
Skippy: You're the one in the corner sticking your tongue out at me.
Mallory: Oh yeah, I remember that party. You had to leave early because you swallowed a party favor.
Skippy: Yeah, we've had a lot of good times Mallory.
Mallory: Yeah, a lot of water under the bridge.
Skippy: I know what you mean.
Mallory: In fact, I guess we all kind of consider you an honorary Keaton.
Skippy: You mean it?
Mallory: Yeah, I'm used to you Skippy. Even though you're really annoying, when you're not around I kind of miss you.
Skippy: You do? See I didn't know that. I always feel like an outsider, wherever I am. You wouldn't know what I'm talking about would you?
Mallory: Don't be so sure. See sometimes I don't feel like I belong anywhere. You know Alex is real smart, Jennifer's great at sports, Andrew's cute, and well I don't know. I'm nothing special, I'm just me.
Skippy: Mallory, you have to be kidding me? You're the most special person in the whole world.
Mallory: (smiles): Thanks Skippy. You're kind of special in your own way.
Mallory kisses Skippy on the cheek.
Skippy: Mallory, because of this kiss, I shall never wash my face again.
Mallory: Then you'll never be kissed again.
The next day Elyse comes down the stairs.
Elyse: Steven, come on down they're down here in the basement.
Mallory and Skippy are asleep side by side on the floor.
Elyse, Jennifer, Alex and Steven come down the stairs.
Steven: Lets try to imagine what series of events lead to this.
Alex: I'd rather not Dad.
Mallory wakes up. She sees everyone and stands up and hugs Elyse.
Mallory: Oh, thank God you're home.
Elyse: What happened?
Mallory: We came down here to get Alex's trunk and Skippy shut the door and locked us in and then the heater broke and we almost froze to death.
Alex: Aren't you going to ask us how our day was?
Jennifer shakes Skippy to wake him up.
Jennifer: Skippy wake up.
Skippy wakes up and looks around.
Skippy: Oh, you should have let me sleep. I was having the nicest dream. I dreamt that I was in the big barrel of macodameon nuts.
Steven: Let me ask you kids something. We're you in the chipmunk costumes when you came down here? Or is--
Mallory: No, no Dad we found them down here. We put them on to keep warm. We almost froze to death.
Alex: Mallory, you will do anything to get out of writing a paper.
Mallory: Yeah, right.
Mallory looks up at the door.
Mallory: Oh no, you shut the door.
Steven: Yeah, why?
Mallory: That's how we got stuck in here, it locks automatically.
Steven: No it doesn't. All you do is this and your out.
Steven does something to the door and it opens.
Elyse: Come on lets get out of here before hunting season starts.
Skippy: Mallory, I'm really sorry. I didn't know. I know this was a terrible night for you.
Mallory: Well it, (smiles): it wasn't so bad.
They put their arms around each other and walk up the stairs together.
The End.
Scene 1:
Livingroom: Mallory is sitting on the couch.
Mallory: Alex, I have a problem.
Alex is standing by the table close to the front door.
Alex: You've narrowed it down to one?
Mallory walks over to the table where Alex and Jennifer are standing.
Mallory: Come on. You know I have to do that paper on the Louisiana Purchase. I thought it was about shopping in Louisiana. Can you help me out?
Alex: Mallory, you know I'm willing to help the less fortune then myself, and you certainly fall into that category. But I have to go to Grandma's in a few minutes. So catch me when I have a spare decade.
Mallory: Thanks Alex.
Jennifer: I just wish we could go straight to Grandma's. I wish we could talk Mom and Dad out of going to that Lamas Reunion.
Alex walks over behind the couch. Mallory is sitting on the couch. She's looking at papers on the coffee table.
Alex: I don't think so Jen. They said we're just going to stay for a few minutes. I am as anxious to get to Grandma's as you are. I mean I love that woman. We have a very special relationship. I can't wait to go to her house.
Alex puts cologne on.
Jennifer: That's only because Lisa Toben lives next door to Grandma.
Alex sits down on the couch next to Mallory. Mallory is holding a pencil.
Alex: I have no interest in Lisa Toben. Anyways she lives two doors down. Anyway Jennifer you're only anxious to get to Grandma's because she has cable tv.
Jennifer: That's not true. I love Grandma. If she happens to have 136 channels so be it.
Elyse and Steven are at the top of the landing upstairs and have their hands full.
Elyse: Ok everyone, we're ready to go.
They come down the stairs.
Steven: We have everything. Pictures of the baby, the baby's diapers, the baby's seat, the baby's food.
They place all the baby stuff on the table by the front door.
Jennifer: Where's the baby?
Steven: He should be along any moment. I better go hurry him up.
Steven goes back upstairs to get Andrew.
Mallory: Mom, you'll be sure to tell Grandma why I can't come?
Elyse: Now are you sure you don't want to come with us?
Mallory: No, I'll be fine.
Alex: Yeah, Mom we better get going. I don't want to disappoint Lisa, Grandma.
Jennifer: Can't we just go straight to Grandma's? Do we have to go to this reunion?
Elyse: We don't have to, we want to. We have a lot in common with these people. We went through nature childbirth classes with them. Your father and I are really looking forward to it.
Steven comes down the stairs with Andrew.
Steven: Elyse, do we really have to go to this reunion. Why don't we just go to your mother's?
Elyse: We'll have a great time Steven.
Steven: Ok, let's go. Mal you sure you'll be ok?
Mallory: I'll be fine.
Steven: Ok, well we're very proud of you for putting your school work first.
Alex: That's right Mal, your pursuit of passing grades no matter how futile is entirely commendable. And to reward you, I'm going to let you use the Alex P. Keaton archives, located in the Alex P. Keaton trunk in the Alex P. Keaton basement.
Steven: Ok let's go.
Steven, Elyse, Alex, Jennifer, and Andrew move towards the front door.
Mallory: Have a great time. Say hi to Lisa for me.
Steven: Ok. Lisa? Who's Lisa?
Steven closes the front door.
Mallory is holding a piece of paper. She starts reading.
Mallory: Contrary to popular belief, the Louisiana Purchase is not about shopping in Louisiana.
Skippy enters the Livingroom from the kitchen. Mallory doesn't hear Skippy enter.
Skippy sneaks up behind Mallory quietly. He looks over her shoulder. She gets up and sees Skippy and screams. Skippy takes off his coat.
Skippy: I came in the back door. I thought I'd surprise you. Are you?
Mallory: Skippy, what do you want?
Skippy: Someone to talk to. A friendly face.
Mallory: Well there's no one like that here, please leave. I have some studying to do.
Mallory sits back down on the couch.
Skippy: Oh, can I watch? Oh please? I'll be quiet.
Skippy goes and sits in the chair next to the couch.
Skippy: You won't even hear me breathe. I won't breathe.
Skippy holds his breath and motions for Mallory to go ahead and study.
Mallory: Knock it off Skippy.
Skippy lets his breath out.
Mallory: Oh wait, there is something you can do for me.
Mallory stands up. Skippy stands up also.
Skippy: Name it. Anything.
Mallory: There's something I need out of the basement. It's a big, heavy trunk there, it's dusty and covered with cobwebs and as soon as you bring it up you gotta leave.
Skippy: (smiles): Thanks Mal. I knew you'd come around.
They exit the livingroom.
Scene 2:
Basement: Mallory and Skippy go into the basement. Mallory turns on the light.
Mallory: Oh, is it yucky in here. Look at all these cobwebs.
Skippy: These webs remember me of the web you've spun around my heart Mallory.
Mallory: Uh, let's get the trunk. Come on.
Skippy drags the trunk toward the stairs.
Skippy: What's in here?
Mallory: It's just Alex's old papers.
Skippy: He must have used heavy ink.
Skippy walks up the stairs and pushes on the door of the basement, but it doesn't budge. He tries again.
Mallory: What's going on? Open the door.
Skippy: I'm trying Mallory.
Mallory: Just reach around and flip the latch.
Skippy: What latch?
Mallory: You mean you shut the door all the way?
Skippy: Yeah, is that bad?
Mallory: Skippy we're locked down here now. And my family is out all day and then is staying over night at my Grandmother's.
Skippy: You mean we're going to be locked down here all night?
Mallory: (unhappy): Yes.
Skippy: (smiles): Darn the luck.
Scene 3:
Reunion: Elyse, Steven, Andrew, Alex, and Jennifer arrive.
Steven and Elyse say hi.
Alex: Lenard, how are you? Nice to see you.
Elyse: (points) This is Andrew. And you remember Jennifer and Alex.
Marge: He's very cute.
Alex: Oh thanks Marge, I just got a new haircut.
Steven: Where's your baby?
Lenard: This is Lewis.
Marge: And this is Lois.
Lois laughs.
Elyse: That's right, you had twins. I don't know what I'd do if I had twins. That must be an awful lot of work, isn't it?
Marge: Yes, it is a lot of work. But we're very happy. Hi Jennifer. It's good to see you again Alex. I'm glad you could come.
Alex: Oh, no problem. Our grandmother lives near here so we're just going to spend the night there.
Jennifer: She has cable tv.
Alex: Yeah, and if she gets a vcr, we might spend Christmas with her.
Lenard: We have cable tv too, 63 stations.
Alex: Really? Len, Lenard, Len, do you by any chance happen to get channel 31?
Lenard: The Playboy Channel. Yes, we do.
Elyse looks over at Alex.
Alex: Oh, is that what that is? I thought it was religious programming.
Jennifer: Alex, I asked him first about the cable tv, and I want to watch the hockey game.
Lenard: Well, that's on channel 28. It's in the den.
Alex: Look, Jen hockey's overrated. Jen they're all men.
One baby starts to cry which causes the other baby's to start crying.
Steven: Hey, hey, hey.
Steven and Elyse go over to where Andrew is and pick him up. Elyse holds Andrew.
Steven: I guess this crying is a little contagious. He dabs his eye with a kleenex. He then sits down on the couch and the babies continue to cry. The doorbell rings and no one makes a move to answer it. Steven finally realizes he should go to answer it.
Steven: Oh, I'll get that.
Steven gets up from the couch and goes and answers the door.
Steven: Hey, Susie, Larry.
He shakes their hands. They don't have their baby with them.
Larry: Hi everybody. Nice place.
Susie: You brought your babies?
Larry: I told you we we're supposed to bring Larry, Jr. Susie.
Susie: Well, I'm sorry Larry. I misunderstood the invitation.
Larry: Wait a second. Two couples, three babies. Susie someone brought an extra.
Steven: No, Marge and Lenard had twins.
Susie & Larry: Oh twins.
Susie: That's great. And if Larry, Jr. where here you'd see how great a baby he is too.
Larry: He really is.
Susie: Well, maybe we should run home and get Larry Jr. We could be back in two hours.
Larry: Susie, don't be ridiculous. We're already here, without Larry Jr. thanks to you.
Jennifer: Dad, Alex won't let me watch the hockey game.
Alex: That's not true. It's between periods and I just wanted to watch a few minutes of Congress In Session.
Jennifer: I've never seen naked congresswomen before Alex.
Alex: I'm just so proud to be an American.
Steven: Would you two knock it off?
Jennifer: Well, tell him to give me back the remote.
Alex: Jen, hang on.
Lenard: Marge, Lois won't stop crying.
Marge: What do you want me to do Lenard? Reason with her?
Larry: A sea of babies, and we're the only ones without one.
Susie: Show them the pictures Larry.
Larry: Pictures aren't the same thing as a real baby. I mean--
Everyone starts arguing.
Scene 4:
Basement: Skippy is throwing himself against the door in the hopes of making it open. Skippy's wearing a hat and hold a mop.
Skippy: I felt something give that time. It might of been my shoulder.
Mallory: Don't worry about that Skippy, just keep going.
Skippy tries again, but the door doesn't open.
Skippy: No, Mallory it's no use. Do you happen to have any explosives on you?
Mallory: I can't believe we're locked in the basement. We could run out of air.
Mallory looks worried and starts taking deep breaths.
Skippy: Try not to think of it as a basement. Think of it as a dungeon.
Mallory: Oh ok, I feel better now.
Skippy walks up the stairs.
Skippy: You see I've been sent from the Noble House of Handleman to rescue you.
Skippy jumps down from the stairs.
Skippy: You're the beautiful damsel in distress and I am your night.
Mallory: You are an idiot.
Skippy: What about that window? It leads to the backyard doesn't it?
Mallory: Yeah, it's nailed shut.
Skippy walks over to the window and checks it.
Skippy: Well, at least no one can break in.
He walks back over from the window.
Mallory: We're stranded here, no one's going to be here until the morning we don't even have anything to eat.
Skippy: Oh, that's where you're wrong Mallory. Look at this.
Skippy takes a packet out of his pocket.
Mallory: What is that?
Skippy: It's a package of cup of soup.
Mallory: Skippy, you're a real dope. Where's the cup?
Skippy: Right here.
Skippy takes out a foldable cup from his pocket. He pops it up.
Mallory: Where's the hot water?
Skippy: (looks at the package): I've never tried it that way.
Mallory looks over at the hot water heater.
Mallory: (smiles) Well, well, well, what do we have here? A hot water heater.
Skippy: (smiles): Mallory, you're a genius.
Skippy gets excited. He walks over to where Mallory is.
Skippy: This is terrific. We've got heat, we've got hot water, we've got soup. We could live here.
Mallory: Just make the soup Skippy.
Skippy: Uh, stand back. This is my first wet cup of cup of soup.
Skippy moves a few things around in the hot water heater.
Skippy: Uh oh.
Mallory: What?
Skippy: If you want my professional opinion, I busted it.
Mallory: Oh great, now we have no heat.
Skippy: Uh, don't worry now, it's probably just a fuse.
Mallory: Fuse? Do you know anything about fuses?
Skippy walks over to the fuse box. Mallory walks over to where he is.
Skippy: Are you kidding Mallory? They don't call me Handy Handleman for nothing. Now stand back. Let's see now.
Skippy looks at the fuse box.
Skippy: Here's the culprit. Uh.
The lights go out.
Mallory: Nice going Handy. Now we have no heat and no light.
Skippy: But we have each other Mallory.
Mallory walks over to the window.
Mallory: (screams): Help!
Mallory stands right behind Skippy as he looks at the fuse box.
Skippy: There's just one more thing I need.
Mallory: What?
Skippy: An electrician.
Mallory pushes Skippy out of the way.
Mallory: Let me look at it.
Mallory: Lets see, if this were my hair dryer, what would I do?
Skippy: You'd be drying your hair with a fuse box.
Mallory: What if I took this one out of here.
Skippy: Mallory, I wouldn't do that.
Mallory: And put it into here.
Skippy: Don't.
The lights come back on.
Skippy: That's very nice, we can see each other again.
Mallory: I'm so grateful. Skippy, look the only way we're going to get out of here is the window. There must be some way to open it.
Skippy: All right, let me have a look at it. Stand back. Mallory, this maybe the last time we ever see each other.
Mallory: Good.
Skippy works on the window and gets it partially open.
Skippy: I got it open. Oh, well there's plenty of snow here if we need it.
Mallory starts rubbing her arms from the cold.
Mallory: Can you get out Skippy?
Skippy: No, I'm sorry, there's no way I can fit through the bars. Maybe if I buttered myself first.
Skippy tries to shut the window, but it's stuck.
Mallory: Oh great, now the window's stuck open. We're going to freeze to death.
Mallory starts doing jumping jacks. Skippy comes over to where she is and starts doing jumping jacks also.
Skippy: What are we doing?
Mallory: Jumping jacks.
Skippy: Oh good idea. It's important to be in top physical condition when we die.
Mallory: Skippy, I'm just trying to keep warm.
She starts to jog.
Skippy: Where are you going? What are you doing?
He starts jogging after her. He hurts his ankle.
Skippy: Ow!
Mallory: What's wrong?
Skippy: My ankle. It's an old cub scout injury.
Mallory: Here, come on, sit down. Come on.
Skippy hops over to the trunk and sits on top of it.
Skippy: I'm sorry. This is all my fault. I got us locked down here, and I goofed up the window and now I hurt myself. Right when you need me the most.
Mallory: Skippy just relax.
Skippy: I can't relax Mallory! I'm supposed to be your knight.
Skippy gets up and starts hopping around.
Skippy: No I've got to find something to keep my damsel warm. There's gotta be something. What did you say was in that trunk?
Mallory: It's just Alex's old junk.
Skippy hops over there. He opens the trunk.
Skippy: Mallory, there are clothes in here. We can put them on and stay warm.
Mallory: Oh great Skippy, nice going.
Skippy: Oh don't thank me. That's what us knight's are for.
Mallory and Skippy put on chipmunks' outfits.
Skippy: Are you sure this goes on this way?
Mallory: I'm positive.
Skippy: Well, I'm certainly am warm now huh? You know, we're lucky your parents like to get dressed up like chipmunks.
Mallory: Skippy, I told you it was for a halloween party.
Skippy: It's a good thing they didn't go as nudists.
Mallory: I can't believe this. I don't mind freezing to death half as much as I mind being found looking like this.
Skippy looks in the trunk.
Mallory: What are you doing?
Skippy: Oh I'm looking for something to eat. I suddenly have a craving for chess nuts.
Skippy picks up a piece of paper from the trunk and reads it.
Skippy: My summer vacation by Alex P. Keaton. This summer I went to the zoo. It only cost fifty cents because I am a minor. It cost my parents a dollar because they are majors. One day I'd like to run the zoo and charge two dollars to get in with no discounts for anybody.
Mallory: Maybe we could warm up by setting this on fire.
Skippy and Mallory close the trunk.
Skippy: Oh that Alex.
They laugh and Skippy hops around and his ankle starts hurting again.
Skippy: Ouch!
Mallory: What is it?
Skippy: It's my ankle again. It really hurts. Mallory, I think I'm going to need an ankle transplant.
Mallory: Why don't you sit down or something?
Skippy sits down on the trunk.
Skippy: All right. I didn't know that you were so highly trained for medical emergencies.
Mallory: Why don't you put some ice on it?
Mallory gets some snow and brings it over to Skippy.
Mallory: Which paw is it?
Skippy: (points to right foot): This one.
Mallory places the snow on Skippy's ankle.
Mallory: There how's that?
Skippy: Much better. You know Mallory you'd make a good veterinarian.
Mallory: Fat chance of me ever being anything important.
Skippy: Well, you're not exactly dressed for success.
Skippy looks at a picture.
Mallory: What's that?
Skippy: I found it in Alex's trunk. It's a picture of your seventh birthday party.
Mallory sits down next to Skippy on the trunk.
Skippy: Here, take a look at this.
They look at the picture as Skippy points out who is in the picture.
Skippy: There's your parents, there's Alex, there's Jennifer, and there's me.
Mallory: Where am I?
Skippy: You're the one in the corner sticking your tongue out at me.
Mallory: Oh yeah, I remember that party. You had to leave early because you swallowed a party favor.
Skippy: Yeah, we've had a lot of good times Mallory.
Mallory: Yeah, a lot of water under the bridge.
Skippy: I know what you mean.
Mallory: In fact, I guess we all kind of consider you an honorary Keaton.
Skippy: You mean it?
Mallory: Yeah, I'm used to you Skippy. Even though you're really annoying, when you're not around I kind of miss you.
Skippy: You do? See I didn't know that. I always feel like an outsider, wherever I am. You wouldn't know what I'm talking about would you?
Mallory: Don't be so sure. See sometimes I don't feel like I belong anywhere. You know Alex is real smart, Jennifer's great at sports, Andrew's cute, and well I don't know. I'm nothing special, I'm just me.
Skippy: Mallory, you have to be kidding me? You're the most special person in the whole world.
Mallory: (smiles): Thanks Skippy. You're kind of special in your own way.
Mallory kisses Skippy on the cheek.
Skippy: Mallory, because of this kiss, I shall never wash my face again.
Mallory: Then you'll never be kissed again.
The next day Elyse comes down the stairs.
Elyse: Steven, come on down they're down here in the basement.
Mallory and Skippy are asleep side by side on the floor.
Elyse, Jennifer, Alex and Steven come down the stairs.
Steven: Lets try to imagine what series of events lead to this.
Alex: I'd rather not Dad.
Mallory wakes up. She sees everyone and stands up and hugs Elyse.
Mallory: Oh, thank God you're home.
Elyse: What happened?
Mallory: We came down here to get Alex's trunk and Skippy shut the door and locked us in and then the heater broke and we almost froze to death.
Alex: Aren't you going to ask us how our day was?
Jennifer shakes Skippy to wake him up.
Jennifer: Skippy wake up.
Skippy wakes up and looks around.
Skippy: Oh, you should have let me sleep. I was having the nicest dream. I dreamt that I was in the big barrel of macodameon nuts.
Steven: Let me ask you kids something. We're you in the chipmunk costumes when you came down here? Or is--
Mallory: No, no Dad we found them down here. We put them on to keep warm. We almost froze to death.
Alex: Mallory, you will do anything to get out of writing a paper.
Mallory: Yeah, right.
Mallory looks up at the door.
Mallory: Oh no, you shut the door.
Steven: Yeah, why?
Mallory: That's how we got stuck in here, it locks automatically.
Steven: No it doesn't. All you do is this and your out.
Steven does something to the door and it opens.
Elyse: Come on lets get out of here before hunting season starts.
Skippy: Mallory, I'm really sorry. I didn't know. I know this was a terrible night for you.
Mallory: Well it, (smiles): it wasn't so bad.
They put their arms around each other and walk up the stairs together.
The End.