Heres my list,you can add to it,or agree with me ;)

Al: I'm gonna hate these people.
Peg: You will not hate them, they are very nice.
Al: If they were nice, they'd be dead and I'd be at the game.


Peg: What do you do at the mall, anyway?
Kelly: Nothing.
Bud: You know what they do? Sometimes they look in the shoe store... and laugh at daddy.
Kelly: Well, all the kids do. It's not like they know he's my father.


Bud: Why don't you just break down and go to the supermarket and buy some actual food, you know, like the kind mom used to defrost?
Al: " I hate the supermarket. I always wind up in the 2000 items or less aisle behind some ugly lady in a muumuu and curlers. And when everything is totaled up, then they go for the check book. Like it never occurred to them that they'd have to pay. And they always turn around and ask me: 'What's the date?' Like it matters to me? All they've gotta do is look at the date on the milk and add one.


Al: The phone bill came. Let's see...There's some big fat calls to Milwaukee. Peg, do you know anyone big and fat in Milwaukee?
Peg:(on the phone) Hold on, mom.
Al: That's right,your mother.

Al: Who called Vancouver? Peg, did your mother get so fat she spread across the border?

Peg: Men are such idiots and I married their king.

Peg: You're just jealous of the dog.
Al: I'm jealous of everyone not married to you.


Al: I'm tracking down Seven's real parents. Nobody sticks Al Bundy with unwanted kids except his wife.


Peggy: I can't believe you still have that car.
Al: I can't believe I still have you.

Bud: Hi, mum.
Peggy: Hi, Kelly.
Kelly: Hi, mum.
Peggy: Hi, Bud.
Al: Hi, Peg, and before you say "Hi, the milkman", it's me.
Peggy: I know, I have a nose.


Al: [singing] Old Mc Bundy had a farm, B-U-N-D-Y. And on this farm there was no wife, B-U-N-D-Y. With-a no wife here and a-no kids there. A hooker coming over on Friday nights. With big luscious hooters, a pizza, and a beer there. Old Mc Bundy had a farm, B-U-N-D-Y.


Al: What do I need a computer for?
Marcy: News updates.
Al: Newspaper.
Marcy: Social events.
Al: TV Guide.
Steve: Recipes.
Al: Don't eat.
Steve: Doctor's appointments.
Al: Don't care.

Al: Friends. Don't want 'em, don't need 'em, sure as hell don't wanna watch 'em.

Peg, I wouldn't rub your feet if a genie popped out of 'em.

I would rather dive head first off the Sears Tower into a thumbtack.

Ah, Peg, that was after a six-pack *and* a dare.

Please, God, let Kelly win. I promise to be nicer to people....(Moments later) Out of the way, behemoth!!

What'd you say, Blob?? Oh, I'm sorry, your name was obscured by some errant flesh.

(Al dances) Go with him!

Let's name every song ever made, I'll start: Mandy....Dem Bones, Dem bones....Oh, shut up. Didn't I tell you, never play with this man.

Tell 'er Peg. Tell 'er who's got all the neighborhood women shavin' their mustaches.

What will we name the baby?.....The Reaper?

Come to daddy.

Another classic moment was when Al was in the queue at the supermarket,and tapped Marcy on the shoulder from behind,saying,"Excuse me Sir". :rofl:

Kelly: Bud, you should be a model. I can see it now. Your face on a poster along with the caption 'My Father Should've Used A Condom'.

Al: Kids, do you want to go to a nice dinner tomorrow?
Bud: We want to see Tears & Vomit.
Al: You can see that when your mother cooks.

Peg: Bud, don't be jealous, you're both of our children. It's just that Kelly is our favorite now.

There's tons more...but I can't list them all here. :P

Bud: You can't be this dumb.

Kelly: I can be anything I wanna be, it's the 90s.

(Doorbell rings)

Al: "That must be the homeless, advertising their 'It Could Be Worse Tour'.


Steve and Marcy donate money to the National Organization for Women in Al's name. Al replies:

"That's great. Do I get free passes to their '10-k Man Stomp?'


Al tries to find the title of a song on the radio he likes, and asks others to help him:

Al: "Could you help me out? It's a song from my youth."

Peg: "Look! It's a wheel?"