MERRIE OLDE ENGLAND (from the 2nd season of LITB)

Saturday morning on Maple Drive. The Cleavers are seen at the breakfast table. Plates are heaped with scrambled eggs, bacons strips, sausage links, toast, fresh strawberries, and cinnamon buns. A knock at the door. Ward opens it and Eddie enters.

"Good morning, Mr. Cleaver! Wallace and I are going to the Mayfield Research Center for Medieval English History to finish our school project about King Richard the Lionhearted. By the way Mr. Cleaver, did you know the Research Center recently received a substantial monetary gift from Claudia Hathaway, the wife of General Hathaway. I think we all should feel a debt of gratitude to Mrs. Hathaway for her gift, don't you? ... Gosh, Mrs. Cleaver! that's a lovely blouse you're wearing. May I ask what it is?"

"It's forest green, Eddie," June answers.

"I'm not surprised," Eddie responds, "My mother says people with good taste - such as yourself, Mrs. Cleaver - always wear the most distinguished designer names in the world of haute couture."

Wally and Eddie leave.

Beaver pops up suddenly from the table, tossing his napkin aside and draining the last of his milk. "I'm finished! Bye, mom! Bye, dad!" he shouts as he heads for the door.

Ward grabs Beaver's shirttail. "Not so fast, son" he laughs, "Where are you going?"

Beaver can barely contain his excitement. "I'm goin' to Larry's house! Me and the guys are gonna play Robin Hood. We're gonna steal from the rich and give to the poor and shoot real live arrows at each other and kill each other with swords and neat stuff like that!"

"Ward," June says brightly, "Beaver and I spend every afternoon watching reruns of a wonderful TV show called 'The Adventures of Robin Hood'! The show stars that handsome English actor Richard Greene ... he's the perfect Robin Hood! Beaver is quite taken with the legend and has formed a Robin Hood Club with his friends!"

"That's right, Dad. Robin Hood was a real neat guy. He was real strong and real smart and and a real big hero! He was good to everybody and everybody liked him."

"Well, son, that's dandy!" Ward says, "But come along! I'm on my way to the post office and I'll drop you off at Larry's." Ward and Beaver leave.

June pours herself another cup of coffee. She lifts the cup to her lips. Steam rises from the cup. She gazes into the steam without moving a muscle. The image of June holding the cup of coffee blurs, wisps of fog encircle her, angelic voices sigh. We enter June's dream world ...

We see a verdant landscape of field and forest in Merrie Olde England. A small party of mounted knights is seen traveling over a dusty road. In the center of the party is a group of nuns. In their midst is a beautiful young woman, Lady Evelyn de Bronsonne. Lady Evelyn resembles June but appears much younger and much more beautiful than the "Mrs. Cleaver" we know and love.

One of the nuns turns to Lady Evelyn. "Take heart, Lady Evelyn! We have yet a tedious mile to traverse before we reach our abbey. In sooth, your parents have made a very wise decision in placing you among the Poor Sisters of Saint Ethelfreda. The temptations of the world - of sex! of sin! of fornication! of MEN! - will never tempt you in our religious house. You will spend your days in holy duties, in holy tasks and chores, in prayer, contemplation, and meditation. And come the last trump that calls us all before the heavenly throne, you will be truly worthy of Our Lord, His saints, and His holy martyrs!"

Lady Evelyn sighs. "Ah, peace, peace, good sister!" she murmurs.

The cavalcade slowly enters an allee of tall oaks that shade the road. Suddenly, from all sides, men carrying swords and quarterstaves descend upon the party. "Outlaws! Outlaws!" the knights cry. There is a brief skirmish, then the knights flee with the nuns. Lady Evelyn has been forgotten by her companions and becomes the lone prisoner of the outlaws.

"Let me go!" Lady Evelyn demands, "Let me go at once I say!" The outlaws laugh with unrestrained amusement.

Suddenly, a man clad in doublet and hose of Lincoln green is seen standing on a branch in an oak tree. "Robin Hood! Robin Hood!" the outlaws cry heartily.

Robin Hood is handsome beyond words; he is broad shouldered, narrow waisted, long legged. He is thrillingly muscular with a ruddy complexion and eyes that dance with merriment.

He takes command at once. "Don't harm the lady!" he orders, "Take her to our camp and make her comfortable. I shall be along directly." The outlaws lead Lady Evelyn away.

Next we see an pretty corner of the forest and a lean-to made of twigs, branches, and flowering vines. Lady Evelyn is within, looking somewhat anxious. All is quiet. Robin Hood approaches Lady Evelyn's shelter with a gallant swagger.

"Lady Evelyn, your release will be immediate upon receipt of ransom from your father. Until that time, I shall see that no harm comes to thee - there are wolves in the forest that prey upon beauty such as yours and I shall protect you!"

Lady Evelyn trembles; Robin Hood sweeps her into his arms. "Have no fear, milady!" Robin Hood presses his face into Lady Evelyn's neck. He kisses her throat and nibbles her ear lobes with passionate abandon. Lady Evelyn feels physical thrills she has never known before; she raises her lips boldly to those of Robin Hood. Their kiss is explosive ...

Poof! June is seen staring over her cup of coffee. Ward's lips are at her ear. "June! June! I said I'd like another cup of coffee!!"

June blinks her eyes two or three times. "Oh, I'm ... I'm sorry, Ward!" she stammers, "I was just giving some thought to ... to ... Have you been to the post office, dear? When did you come in? I didn't hear a sound ... Would you like another cup of coffee, dear? I was just about to make another pot. Cream and sugar?"

June hurries about the kitchen with a clatter of cups and saucers. Once or twice she stops dead in her tracks, closes her eyes, throws her head back rapturously, and quivers deliciously from top to toe.

Ward looks completely bewildered by his wife's strange behavior.

The End.

Below: Richard Greene as Robin Hood in the fifties TV classic "The Adventures of Robin Hood"; Brabara Billingsley as June Cleaver from "Leave It to Beaver."