MadScientist
02-13-2005, 08:34 PM
Gilligan's Island: The Last Episode
FADE IN on Mr. Howell and the Professor sitting in the Professor's hut.
Mr. Howell: By George, I hate an ambush!
Professor: I do too, Mr. Howell, but unfortunately this situation has gone too far already, and... SHHH! Here he comes!
The Skipper walks in
Skipper: The girls told me you wanted to see me, Professor. What's going on? Have you thought of a way we can get rescued?
Professor: Uh, no Skipper. Actually, it's, well...
Mr. Howell: What the Professor's trying to say, Captain, is...Gilligan can be rather trying sometimes and...
Skipper: You called me up here to tell me that?! (horse laugh) I know he means well, but sometimes I could just wring his...
Professor: Skipper, STOP!
Skipper: (in shocked amazement) Wha...?
Professor: (again) STOP! You berate poor Gilligan all the time. Everyday we're forced to listen to you complain endlessly about him! It was bad enough to watch you destroy his spirit, but I just got through setting his jaw. He told me he fell out of a palm tree (sighs), but I saw your handprint around his throat!
Skipper: (standing up) See here!...
Mr. Howell: I warn you, Captain, I was Karate Champ of my yacht club three years running!
Skipper: Pipe down, Howell! You too, Professor! Gilligan had it coming to him and you know it! Yesterday, when that plane was flying directly over the island, where were we?
Professor: Skipper, I know it...
Skipper: (interrupting) WHERE WERE WE?!
Professor: (softly) locked in the supply hut.
Skipper: (hand to ear) What's that, speak up!
Professor: (louder) locked in the supply hut, but that doesn't excuse this kind of violence!
Skipper: Oh, doesn't it? We've had more incredible good luck than any group of people I've ever seen. Lots of people have discovered us. We've found dozens of things washed up on shore that should have made our rescue a cinch. We've made things from materials here on the island that were really working until-
Mr. Howell: until Gilligan managed to ruin it.
Skipper: We've even had a camera from NASA taking live pictures but did that help? No, we were covered with glue and feathers and and Gilligan
Professor: knocked the camera over and broke it.
Skipper: (folding his arms in satisfaction) Exactly!
CUT TO dinner that evening. All six of the other castaways are looking intently at Gilligan watching his every move.
Gilligan: What's everyone staring at me for?
Skipper: Shutup and don't move!
Gilligan: But Skipper, I...
The Skipper wheels around on him.
Skipper: (pointing his finger in Gilligan's face) I said shut up and don't move! Do you understand me?!
Gilligan shrinks back and raises his arms to shield himself. He nods.
Professor: (tuning the radio) Quiet! I think I've got it!
Radio Announcer's Voice: ...and so the X-12 test plane is continuing its incredible journey around the world. The pilot, Col. Dan Reynolds, radioed that he's just seen the lights of Honolulu...
Professor: Why, that will put him over our position in less than an hour! Quick, Skipper, get the special fluorescent paint I developed. We've got to prepare a beacon.
The Skipper turns toward the hut and stops short. Gilligan is stumbling out of the hut, drinking the last of the paint and literally glowing.
Skipper: Oh, no!!
Gilligan: Gee, professor, this sure is terrible-tasting milk!
Professor: The fluorescent paint! Gilligan!
The other six castaways begin a low growl together, becoming gradually louder and rising from their seats. The smile fades from Gilligan's face and he begins to back slowly away. The castaways advance growing louder. Gilligan turns to run and they are savagely upon him.
FADE IN on Mr. Howell and the Professor sitting in the Professor's hut.
Mr. Howell: By George, I hate an ambush!
Professor: I do too, Mr. Howell, but unfortunately this situation has gone too far already, and... SHHH! Here he comes!
The Skipper walks in
Skipper: The girls told me you wanted to see me, Professor. What's going on? Have you thought of a way we can get rescued?
Professor: Uh, no Skipper. Actually, it's, well...
Mr. Howell: What the Professor's trying to say, Captain, is...Gilligan can be rather trying sometimes and...
Skipper: You called me up here to tell me that?! (horse laugh) I know he means well, but sometimes I could just wring his...
Professor: Skipper, STOP!
Skipper: (in shocked amazement) Wha...?
Professor: (again) STOP! You berate poor Gilligan all the time. Everyday we're forced to listen to you complain endlessly about him! It was bad enough to watch you destroy his spirit, but I just got through setting his jaw. He told me he fell out of a palm tree (sighs), but I saw your handprint around his throat!
Skipper: (standing up) See here!...
Mr. Howell: I warn you, Captain, I was Karate Champ of my yacht club three years running!
Skipper: Pipe down, Howell! You too, Professor! Gilligan had it coming to him and you know it! Yesterday, when that plane was flying directly over the island, where were we?
Professor: Skipper, I know it...
Skipper: (interrupting) WHERE WERE WE?!
Professor: (softly) locked in the supply hut.
Skipper: (hand to ear) What's that, speak up!
Professor: (louder) locked in the supply hut, but that doesn't excuse this kind of violence!
Skipper: Oh, doesn't it? We've had more incredible good luck than any group of people I've ever seen. Lots of people have discovered us. We've found dozens of things washed up on shore that should have made our rescue a cinch. We've made things from materials here on the island that were really working until-
Mr. Howell: until Gilligan managed to ruin it.
Skipper: We've even had a camera from NASA taking live pictures but did that help? No, we were covered with glue and feathers and and Gilligan
Professor: knocked the camera over and broke it.
Skipper: (folding his arms in satisfaction) Exactly!
CUT TO dinner that evening. All six of the other castaways are looking intently at Gilligan watching his every move.
Gilligan: What's everyone staring at me for?
Skipper: Shutup and don't move!
Gilligan: But Skipper, I...
The Skipper wheels around on him.
Skipper: (pointing his finger in Gilligan's face) I said shut up and don't move! Do you understand me?!
Gilligan shrinks back and raises his arms to shield himself. He nods.
Professor: (tuning the radio) Quiet! I think I've got it!
Radio Announcer's Voice: ...and so the X-12 test plane is continuing its incredible journey around the world. The pilot, Col. Dan Reynolds, radioed that he's just seen the lights of Honolulu...
Professor: Why, that will put him over our position in less than an hour! Quick, Skipper, get the special fluorescent paint I developed. We've got to prepare a beacon.
The Skipper turns toward the hut and stops short. Gilligan is stumbling out of the hut, drinking the last of the paint and literally glowing.
Skipper: Oh, no!!
Gilligan: Gee, professor, this sure is terrible-tasting milk!
Professor: The fluorescent paint! Gilligan!
The other six castaways begin a low growl together, becoming gradually louder and rising from their seats. The smile fades from Gilligan's face and he begins to back slowly away. The castaways advance growing louder. Gilligan turns to run and they are savagely upon him.