And it doesn't have to be clean,hopefully no one gets easily offended ;)

A guy goes to the pharmicist in search of a condom.An assistant offers to help him,and gives him a small size to try first.
The man comes back,and explains it didn't fit.
The next size up didn't fit either.
After trying several more sizes,the man continued to claim that none of them fit.Finally,the assistant decided to see what the man was up to,and she found him trying to pull the condom over his head.
"Oh No sir,thats not how you use that",she interrupted.
The man turned to her and said,"There's a fancy dress party and i'm going as a dick.

:lol:

Late one night, a burglar broke into a house that he thought was
empty. He tiptoed through the living room but suddenly he froze
in his tracks when he heard a loud voice say: "Jesus is watching
you!"

Silence returned to the house, so the burglar crept forward
again. "Jesus is watching you," the voice boomed again.

The burglar stopped dead again. He was frightened.
Frantically,he looked all around. In a dark corner, he spotted a
bird cage and in the cage was a parrot.

He asked the parrot, "Was that you who said Jesus is watching
me?"

"Yes", said the parrot.

The burglar breathed a sigh of relief, then asked the parrot,
"What's your name?"

"Clarence," said the bird.

"That's a dumb name for a parrot", sneered the burglar. "What
idiot named you Clarence?"

The parrot replied, "The same idiot who named the Rottweiler
Jesus."

A koaloa picks up a hooker in a bar,takes her home and after some passionate love making,the koala wants to leave.
The prostitute asked where he was going,and then took out a dictionary and showed the koala the defintion of prostitute "Someone who performs sexual services for money".
The koala responded by showing the woman the defintion of koala: EATS BUSH AND LEAVES.

A man dies and ends up hell which he is extremely depressed about.
The devil approaches him one day and attempts to cheer him up.
"I'm in hell",the man responded.
"Hells not all that bad",the devil replied.Here look,do you like gambling?
"Yeah",the guy responded.
"Well on Monday we all gamble.Its gambling night".
The man perks up about it.
The devil kept talking.
"And do you like smoking?"
The man nodded.
"On tuesday its smoking night".
The man was beginning to cheer up.
"And no matter what you do,you dont have to worry about dying because you're already dead!,Satan exclaimed.
"Do you like drugs,because wednesday is the night we do drugs"
He continued.
"And thursday night is drinking night".
The man certainly felt better now.
Then Satan said,"Are you gay?"
The man shouted,"NO!"
"Oh well you're gonna hate fridays then".

here's a joke ....

what a guy should not say after sex -
"my first wife was prettier, but you can screw a lot better."

Why did Tigger have his head down the toilet?

He was looking for Pooh

Why did Tigger have his head down the toilet?

He was looking for Pooh

lol!!!

but mine's funnier.