Janice Johnson
12-01-2004, 10:58 AM
* At restaurant-gas stations throughout the nation: "Eat here and get gas."
* At a Sante Fe gas station: "We will sell gasoline to anyone in a glass container."
* In a New Hampshire jewelry store: "Ears pierced while you wait."
* In an New York restaurant" "Customers who consider our waitresses uncivil ought to see the manager."
* In a Michigan restaurant: "The early bird gets the worm!" "Special shoppers' luncheon before 11:00 AM."
* On a delicatessen wall: "Our best is none too good."
* On the wall of a Baltimore estate: "Trespassers will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law." "-- Sisters of Mercy"
* On a long-established New Mexico dry cleaning store: "Thirty-eight years on the same spot."
* In a Los Angeles dance hall: "Good clean dancing every night but Sunday."
* On a movie theater: "Children's matinee today. Adults not admitted unless with child."
* In a Florida maternity ward: "No children allowed!"
* In a New York drugstore: "We dispense with accuracy."
* On a New York loft building: "Wanted: Woman to sew buttons on the fourth floor."
* In a New Hampshire medical building: "Martin Diabetes Professional Ass."
* In the office of a loan company: "Ask about our plans for owning your home."
* In a New York medical building: "Mental health prevention center."
* In a toy department: "Five Santa Clauses -- no waiting."
* On a New York convalescent home: "For the sick and tired of the Episcopal Church."
* On a Maine shop: "Our motto is to give our customers the lowest possible prices and workmanship.
* At a number of military bases: "Restraicted to unauthorized personnel."
* In a number of parking areas: "Violators will be enforced and Trespassers will be violated."
* On a display of "I Love You Only" Valentine cards: "Now available in multi-packs."
* In the window of a Kentucky appliance store: "Don't kill your wife. Let our washing machines do the dirty work."
* In a funeral parlor: "Ask about our layaway plan.
* On a window of a New Hampshire hamburger restaurant: "Yes, we are open. Sorry for the inconvenience."* In a clothing store: "Wonderful bargains for men with 16 and 17 necks."
* In a Tacoma, Washington men's clothing store: "15 men's wool suits - $10.00 - They won't last an hour!"
* On an Indiana shopping mall marquee: "Archery tournament. Ears pierced."
* In the bathroom of a large apartment building: "When taking showers, please leave the bathroom door a jar. This will prevent the plaster from peeling."
* Outside a country shop: "We buy junk and sell antiques."
* On a North Carolina highway: "EAT" "300 FEET"
* On an Ohio highway: "Drive slower When Wet."
* On a New Hampshire highway: "You are speeding when flashing."
* On a Pennsylvania highway: "Drive carefully: Auto accidents kill most people from 15 to 19."
* In downtown Boston: "Calahan Tunnel/No. End."
* In the window of an Oregon general store: "Why go elsewhere to be cheated, when you can come here?"
* In a Massachusettes parking area reserved for birdwatchers: "Parking for birds only."
* In a New Jersey restaurant: "Open 11:00 AM to 11:00 PM Midnight."
* In front of a New Hampshire restaurant: "Now serving live lobsters."
* In front of a New Hampshire store: "Endurable floors."
* On a radiator repair garage: "Best place too take a leak."
* On a movie marquee: Now Playing: Adam and Eve with a cast of thousands!
* In the vestry of a New England church: "Will the last person to leave please see that the perpetual light is extinguished."
* In a Pennsylvania cemetery: "Persons are prohibited from picking flowers from any but their own graves."
* On a roller coaster: "Watch your head."
* On a New Hampshire road: "Will build to suit Emory A. Tuttle"
* On the grounds of a private school: "No trespassing without permission."
* In a library: "Blotter paper will no longer be available until the public stops taking it away.
* On a Tennessee highway: "Take Notice: When this sign is under water the road is impasable."
* Similarily in a New Hampshire car wash: "If you can't read this, it's time to wash your car."
* At a Sante Fe gas station: "We will sell gasoline to anyone in a glass container."
* In a New Hampshire jewelry store: "Ears pierced while you wait."
* In an New York restaurant" "Customers who consider our waitresses uncivil ought to see the manager."
* In a Michigan restaurant: "The early bird gets the worm!" "Special shoppers' luncheon before 11:00 AM."
* On a delicatessen wall: "Our best is none too good."
* On the wall of a Baltimore estate: "Trespassers will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law." "-- Sisters of Mercy"
* On a long-established New Mexico dry cleaning store: "Thirty-eight years on the same spot."
* In a Los Angeles dance hall: "Good clean dancing every night but Sunday."
* On a movie theater: "Children's matinee today. Adults not admitted unless with child."
* In a Florida maternity ward: "No children allowed!"
* In a New York drugstore: "We dispense with accuracy."
* On a New York loft building: "Wanted: Woman to sew buttons on the fourth floor."
* In a New Hampshire medical building: "Martin Diabetes Professional Ass."
* In the office of a loan company: "Ask about our plans for owning your home."
* In a New York medical building: "Mental health prevention center."
* In a toy department: "Five Santa Clauses -- no waiting."
* On a New York convalescent home: "For the sick and tired of the Episcopal Church."
* On a Maine shop: "Our motto is to give our customers the lowest possible prices and workmanship.
* At a number of military bases: "Restraicted to unauthorized personnel."
* In a number of parking areas: "Violators will be enforced and Trespassers will be violated."
* On a display of "I Love You Only" Valentine cards: "Now available in multi-packs."
* In the window of a Kentucky appliance store: "Don't kill your wife. Let our washing machines do the dirty work."
* In a funeral parlor: "Ask about our layaway plan.
* On a window of a New Hampshire hamburger restaurant: "Yes, we are open. Sorry for the inconvenience."* In a clothing store: "Wonderful bargains for men with 16 and 17 necks."
* In a Tacoma, Washington men's clothing store: "15 men's wool suits - $10.00 - They won't last an hour!"
* On an Indiana shopping mall marquee: "Archery tournament. Ears pierced."
* In the bathroom of a large apartment building: "When taking showers, please leave the bathroom door a jar. This will prevent the plaster from peeling."
* Outside a country shop: "We buy junk and sell antiques."
* On a North Carolina highway: "EAT" "300 FEET"
* On an Ohio highway: "Drive slower When Wet."
* On a New Hampshire highway: "You are speeding when flashing."
* On a Pennsylvania highway: "Drive carefully: Auto accidents kill most people from 15 to 19."
* In downtown Boston: "Calahan Tunnel/No. End."
* In the window of an Oregon general store: "Why go elsewhere to be cheated, when you can come here?"
* In a Massachusettes parking area reserved for birdwatchers: "Parking for birds only."
* In a New Jersey restaurant: "Open 11:00 AM to 11:00 PM Midnight."
* In front of a New Hampshire restaurant: "Now serving live lobsters."
* In front of a New Hampshire store: "Endurable floors."
* On a radiator repair garage: "Best place too take a leak."
* On a movie marquee: Now Playing: Adam and Eve with a cast of thousands!
* In the vestry of a New England church: "Will the last person to leave please see that the perpetual light is extinguished."
* In a Pennsylvania cemetery: "Persons are prohibited from picking flowers from any but their own graves."
* On a roller coaster: "Watch your head."
* On a New Hampshire road: "Will build to suit Emory A. Tuttle"
* On the grounds of a private school: "No trespassing without permission."
* In a library: "Blotter paper will no longer be available until the public stops taking it away.
* On a Tennessee highway: "Take Notice: When this sign is under water the road is impasable."
* Similarily in a New Hampshire car wash: "If you can't read this, it's time to wash your car."