Place to post the funniest lines on the series.

Dan: Honey, we're out of shampoo
Roseanne: Since when are you too good for Tide?
(That makes me giggle everytime I think about it)

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Roseanne: DJ has to kiss that black girl of everybody will think we're a bunch of bigots. Then I'll never be able to buy white sheets again.

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(To June Cleaver, after she called Rosie unwholesome on "All About Rosey, P2")
Yeah, we'll I'm not the one who name my son Beaver.

The episode where Becky was a a coucil meeting in school and she is about to give a speech and then lets out the cheese and Roseanne says to Dan go up and talk to her and he says why me Roseanne says because this is your area of expertise and thought you had experience in it.

When Becky wanted to change her name and she says my name sounds like a chicken BBBBeeeecckkkyy BBBEEEEECCCCKKKYYY.

When Darlene called DJ a pervert and he says to Dan what is a pevet and Dan says a what and he says Darlene called me a pevet and Dan says oh pervert no son your not one.

When Dan and Roseanne could not take their eyes off the old couple who walked around their house naked. They invited them over and tried to tell them their son could see them and they would not budge, until Roseanne said take a look at theses and then showed them her breasts and they said you people are sick perverts(something to that effect).

When Dan went to Crystals house drunk and he started smashing thing Lonnie stood up and said get out of our house, and Roseanne said that is cute and all Lonnie but no offense but Dan could smash you into two.

When the neghbors house next door was being robbed Roseanne thought it was a yard sale, the lady who owned the house came over and said did you see my house being robbed Roseanne said yes but thought it was a yard sale and feed them, the lady said you feed the robbers and did you get any of my stuff and Roseanne said got this and she said my umbrella hold and Roseanne said is that what is is we used it as a newpaper holder.

think best one i can remeber is the bowmans house getting robbed


gerry says somthing like: kathy thinking starting a neighbourhood watch


dan: is that happened jer you got robbed and the neighbour hood watched

somthing long them lines

"I hate to spoil the end for you Mark, but he eats the green eggs and ham." XD I love that line. Most of the things Roseanne, Darlene, or Jackie says are hilarious.

"The microwave died. It's okay to cry- your father did."

There's more, but I just can't think of them right now. Brain fart.

"Dear Darlene, I am tired of your crap! You are selfish, moody and most of all ungrateful!" -Roseanne

"Hello Auntie Barbara, I have some bad news....dad is not with us anymore.....He's passed away.....passed away........dad's dead....he's DEAD!..DEAD!!!.....NO, DEAD!!!!.....DEAD!!!!!! He's fine! He sends his love."

There was a scene where Jackie was scolding someone out, really getting into her image as a cop, the job that she had at the time. She leaves, it seems like she's done, comes back in, and with all seriousness, says to the person, "And remember this. I'm your worst nightmare!"