I just saw the episode with the Mohel in it. He was f*cking hysterical. LOL

Oh! What was that?!? Jeez. Scared the hell out of me. My god. I
almost had a heart attack!

Is the baby gonna cry like that? Is that how the baby cries, with the loud, sustained, squealing cry, 'cause that could pose a problem. Do you have any control of your child 'cause this is the time to exercise it when baby is crying in that high-pitched, squealing tone that can drive you insane?!!!


Did I find it alright? I mean could you send me to a more dangerous neighborhood? I'm dreading walking back to the subway, someone shouldn't crack me over the head and steal my bag - I'll be lying there on the street in this neighborhood
and people will spit on me and empty my pockets. I'll lie in the
gutter like a bum, like a dog, like a mutt, like an animal! God
forbid someone should help me or call an ambulance. No, that's
too much trouble to pick up a phone and press a few buttons. Ahh! What's the point.

Darling, you see where that glass is? How that glass is near the edge of the table. You got the whole table there to put the glass, why you chose the absolute edge, so half the glass is hanging off the table, you breath and that glass falls over, then you're gonna have broken glass on the carpet, embedded in the carpet fibers, deep, deep in the shag, broken glass, bits of broken glass that you never get out, you can't get it out with a vacuum cleaner. Even on your hands and knees with a magnifying glass, you can't get all the pieces, and then you think you got it all and two years later, you're walkin' barefoot and you step on a piece of broken glass and you kill yourself, is that what you want? I don't think you want that, is it? .. Do you?

People compose yourselves. This is a bris. We are performing a bris here, not a burlesque show. This is not a school play! This is not a baggy pants farce! This is a bris. An ancient, sacred ceremony, symbolizing the covenant between God and Abraham... or something.


I coulda been a kosher butcher like my brother. The money's good. There's a union, with benefits. And, cows have no
families. You make a mistake with a cow, you move on with your
life...


One more peep out of you and I'll slice you up like a smoked
sturgeon.

Thank god the flincher didn't harm the baby.