What do you guys think were the funniest things each character ever said? The only person I can't think of for a quote is Janet.
-Leslie

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Chrissy:One more word and I'm going to stick this umbrella up your pants and open it!

Janet and Chrissy to Jack after attempting to make dinner with the cow brains Jack provided..

Janet:Besides, I've never had sweet breads before.
Chrissy:And I've never had brains!

The Ropers said the funniest things on the show. The funniest things were said on that episode when Jim Walsh ruined the dinner for the kids and the Ropers.

Mr. Roper: "Not tonight Helen, I have a headache."

Mr. Roper: "I want my rent!"

Mrs. Roper: "Stanley where are your manners? When you enter a room you're supposed to say hello first."

Mr. Roper: "Hello I want my rent!"

JACK:
[Jack, Janet, and Chrissy are playing chess, the phone rings, Janet leaves]

Chrissy: Are you gonna jump her?
JACK: Well maybe...but i think we should finish the chess game first!

JANET:
Jack: [talking about a restaurant]Janet, when i first moved in here, do you remember what i wanted...more than anything else?
JANET: YES! and the answer is STILL no!

CHRISSY:
[after Chrissy fell in the bathtub]
Jack: Chrissy! How many fingers am i holding? [puts up three fingers]
CHRISSY: Five
Janet: FIVE??????
CHRISSY: Yeah...three are up and two are down!

MR. and MRS. ROPER:
Stanley: The car was overheated!
Helen: So was I!

Helen: Stanley, you can go put your pants on and we'll go out...or you can leave them off and we'll have fun here!

MR. FURLEY:
Jack's father: I knew Jack was a man's man!
RF: Hey!!! How'd you know?

CINDY:
[Jack and Janet thought Cindy was pregnant, so he proposed....but soon found out she wasnt!]
Jack: No no Cindy you see you dont have to marry me!
CINDY: Oh Jack! I'll give you love and care and...
Jack: But you see...you're not pregnant!
CINDY: Well I'll give you that too!

TERRI:
Terri: Janet? Shut up and get married!