Heya y'all. I'll be leaving for a cruise for the next six days, and I am SOOOO stressed at the moment!! Over what, you might ask?? Over the FOOD!!!!! -Sigh- So, many of you know, (or not) I suffer from an array of eating disorders, so I do NOT have a normal relationship with food. Not at ALL!!!! So, I am stressing over the buffets... unlimited amount of free food for SIX DAYS! I honestly don't know how to cope with this, as PATHETIC as that sounds, I know. But anyway, I was wondering, should I....

A) Pig out on the cruise, have a splendid time, return 10 pounds heavier, come back EXTREMELY mad at myself, and then try to lose it all back when I return?

ORRRRRRRRR

B) Should I restrict during the cruise, have a TERRIBLE time, and then return super-super-SUPER-happy???? And not have to deal with losing weight AFTER the cruise??

Please, guys, I know this sounds PATHETIC to some of you, and you must be laughing or smirking as you are reading this. But this is very important to me, unfortunately. And it's a relationship with food that I cannot control at the moment, so bear with me, okay? So.... which should it be???

I wish I were like a NORMAL person. Then, I wouldn't even HAVE to think about all this crap. -sigh!!!!!!!!- :(

I'll catch y'all in a week!

If I were you, I would just go enjoy the cruise AND the food. I mean, how often do you get to go on a cruise and enjoy free food and all that stuff? Just go and enjoy yourself. So what if you over endulge while you're on the cruise? I would just enjoy myself and go with the flow if I were you.

BUT, if you're really that concerned about gaining weight then I would suggest monitoring what you eat. Now, that doesn't mean completely cut out everything. Just have a little bit of everything but don't over do it. You know?

Okay that wasn't helpful. ohno:

just try to not concentrate on the buffet, hang out around the pool etc.

I eat less than i should though, so i certainly dont understand overeating, but with various things i have tried to stop doing, I would definately dont say just let yourself fall off the wagon

Originally posted by consentida
If I were you, I would just go enjoy the cruise AND the food. I mean, how often do you get to go on a cruise and enjoy free food and all that stuff? Just go and enjoy yourself. So what if you over endulge while you're on the cruise? I would just enjoy myself and go with the flow if I were you.

BUT, if you're really that concerned about gaining weight then I would suggest monitoring what you eat. Now, that doesn't mean completely cut out everything. Just have a little bit of everything but don't over do it. You know?

Okay that wasn't helpful. ohno: Haha. Ehh, it wasn't too bad! I'm just soooo happy I'm not being ridiculed for being so...so..... PARANOID!!! -sigh- Thanks for trying to help! It's very much appreciated. :)

You see, I have a hard time trying to "monitor" what I eat. Once I pop, I can't stop!!!!! (Binge eating disorder & compulsive overeating). -sigh- What a freaking mess!!! ohno:

Originally posted by Transit Whiz
Haha. Ehh, it wasn't too bad! I'm just soooo happy I'm not being ridiculed for being so...so..... PARANOID!!! -sigh- Thanks for trying to help! It's very much appreciated. :)



:) Sorry I can't help. Good luck though.

Originally posted by ThirteenInchEscape
just try to not concentrate on the buffet, hang out around the pool etc.

I eat less than i should though, so i certainly dont understand overeating, but with various things i have tried to stop doing, I would definately dont say just let yourself fall off the wagon See, the problem is, my family's going to be hanging around the buffets a lot, and me??? I have to tag along!! (No choice in that matter!! :()

I can't understand overeating, either, as CRAZY as that sounds. It's an urge.... just an urge to eat and to binge until I am uncomfortably full. I eat when I'm bored, I eat when I'm happy, I'm eat when I'm sad, and yaddie yaddie yah! Just WHENEVER and WHEREVER. It's not something I can control, so it doesn't make me a pig. :p But it DOES make me FEEL like a pig!!!!!! And it's just emotional eating, I presume. It's all very complicated, unfortunately. I mean, all I really have to do is "not binge," right? But it's SO much easier said than done! It's an obsession with calorie counting, food blogging. Oh, it has taken over my damn life. -sigh- :crying:

If you exercise regularly you won't have to worry about gaining weight.

Originally posted by I am Him
If you exercise regularly you won't have to worry about gaining weight. I DO exercise. In fact, I've been told to have bulimia too, but not in the form of purging- in the form of exercising. It is IMPOSSIBLE, however for me to exercise off ALL that I have binged! I would have to be running on a treadmill for OVER 12 hours straight!!! The keyword here is "binge." A binge can go up to about 10,000 cals, believe it or not. Of course, it doesn't mean I go THAT high. But three binges a day, and it WILL add up to that much!!!

Moderation is the key to most everything in life. Don't diet but don't eat yourself into a coma either. There are other activities on a cruise. I realize that food is everywhere, but I don't think it's worth gaining 10 pounds in a week that will take at least a month to shed.

Have a great time and good luck. :wave:

Originally posted by Janice
Moderation is the key to most everything in life. Don't diet but don't eat yourself into a coma either. There are other activities on a cruise. I realize that food is everywhere, but I don't think it's worth gaining 10 pounds in a week that will take at least a month to shed.

Have a great time and good luck. :wave: Moderation. Yes. I can tell myself the exact same things. But it doesn't matter what I KNOW I SHOULD be doing, I still overeat nonetheless. It's in my subconscious. I feel a lack of control when I am eating. And I CAN'T STOP. Even if I TELL myself NOT TO. Which is why, it's a disorder, and also why it's ohhhh soooo complicated!!! :(
And thanks for your input!!

I don't know the situation on why you're going on a cruise, but given your disorder, perhaps a cruise wasn't a good idea. The temptation to binge is too great.

It's sort of like an alcoholic hanging in a bar and expected not to drink. A kid in a candy store....the analogies are endless.

I really hope that you can somehow not binge too much. From the sounds of it, that's the best you can hope for. I truly wish you the best of luck.

Originally posted by Janice
I don't know the situation on why you're going on a cruise, but given your disorder, perhaps a cruise wasn't a good idea. The temptation to binge is too great.

It's sort of like an alcoholic hanging in a bar and expected not to drink. A kid in a candy store....the analogies are endless.

I really hope that you can somehow not binge too much. From the sounds of it, that's the best you can hope for. I truly wish you the best of luck. Thank you so much, Janice. You're too kind, you really are. But you see, my parents don't KNOW about my disorders. I've never told them, and I STILL haven't the guts to tell them. I've been suffering in silence for the past year alone, and it's only getting worse!!!!! Arghhh!!! I've just been posting around on ED-related msg boards. (Which is why I "disappeared" from SOL for a year, LOL!) But um, thanks for the luck, I'll need it! :)

I think you need to level with your parents. You need help with your disorder, and your parents can help you find the help you need. They'll also be your support system. Nobody should suffer alone in silence.

This isn't a dirty little secret, and it's not your fault. It sounds like it's bigger than you. Let those who love you, help you.

:hug:

Originally posted by Janice
I think you need to level with your parents. You need help with your disorder, and your parents can help you find the help you need. They'll also be your support system. Nobody should suffer in silence.

This isn't a dirty little secret, and it's not your fault. It sounds like it's bigger than you. Let those who love you, help you.

:hug: But my parents don't "love" me. And they won't understand.. :( If I had intentions to tell them, I would've done so a long time ago. But again, I don't have the guts, and frankly, I don't think they'll care too much either. They won't take me seriously, and they'll just call me a "pig" straight-out. They'll say "just don't eat! What's the big deal???" Or "that's not a REAL problem!!!" Or "learn some self-control!!!" But you see, it's not ABOUT control, because yes, you're right. It IS bigger than me, sadly. I'm so used to doing things on my own, and it's just so mesmerizing to know that I have finally been BEATEN by something. BEATEN by my subconscious and my urges to eat. -sigh- I'll be even MORE miserable if I spill the beans. I just know it. As if I'm not miserable enough ALREADY?? I mean let's face it, life to me, sucks now. I don't have ANY friends in the physical life, other than one VERY unfaithful one!!!!! And I've had minimum contact with my online friends, as well!!! I just don't FEEL like speaking to anyone anymore. And I fear that if I started speaking to someone, I would bore them to death with my damn life. I've chosen isolation. Because I am SO ashamed of what I'm doing to myself and to my body. And I am SO ashamed of my lack of "control." And I ashamed that I live my life nowadays counting cals, visiting ED sites, obsessing... worrying... when I SHOULD be having a grand summer. Instead, I am just wasting my life away.... I am so bummed out, you have no idea. :(

Originally posted by Janice
I think you need to level with your parents. You need help with your disorder, and your parents can help you find the help you need. They'll also be your support system. Nobody should suffer alone in silence.

This isn't a dirty little secret, and it's not your fault. It sounds like it's bigger than you. Let those who love you, help you.

:hug: Absolutely agreed. Don't be ashamed because you have a eating disorder. Too many people keep that a secret from people that care about them and would really want to help them out.

If people ridicule you for this, then you need to tell yourself that they don't matter and their ignorant. What matters is people that truly care about you and want to help you out. One of the therapies for overeating and compulsive binging is moderation.

And don't laugh at this or scoff, but there are help groups for these exact problems everywhere. They are anonymous and confidential for the group members so it's a "safe" place. If you can't tell your parents, go to one of these groups, or better yet, do both.

Going to a support group for whatever people have to go for doesn't make them lesser people. Just remember don't beat up on yourself. Also going to a support group will help you realize that you are NOT alone in this. You may have to do some searching but I'm sure there's a group out there just for you in your area.

I hope this helps out. And please, try to enjoy yourself on this cruise. :)

I'm so sorry. I'm sure your parents love you, even if it seems as if they don't. Talk to a teacher or a trusted adult friend or family member. I'm sure there are people who love and care for you who can make your parents understand the magnitude of your disorder. Don't give up hope.

Originally posted by Transit Whiz
But my parents don't "love" me. And they won't understand.. :( If I had intentions to tell them, I would've done so a long time ago. But again, I don't have the guts, and frankly, I don't think they'll care too much either. They won't take me seriously, and they'll just call me a "pig" straight-out. They'll say "just don't eat! What's the big deal???" Or "that's not a REAL problem!!!" Or "learn some self-control!!!" But you see, it's not ABOUT control, because yes, you're right. It IS bigger than me, sadly. I'm so used to doing things on my own, and it's just so mesmerizing to know that I have finally been BEATEN by something. BEATEN by my subconscious and my urges to eat. -sigh- I'll be even MORE miserable if I spill the beans. I just know it. As if I'm not miserable enough ALREADY?? I mean let's face it, life to me, sucks now. I don't have ANY friends in the physical life, other than one VERY unfaithful one!!!!! And I've had minimum contact with my online friends, as well!!! I just don't FEEL like speaking to anyone anymore. And I fear that if I started speaking to someone, I would bore them to death with my damn life. I've chosen isolation. Because I am SO ashamed of what I'm doing to myself and to my body. And I am SO ashamed of my lack of "control." And I ashamed that I live my life nowadays counting cals, visiting ED sites, obsessing... worrying... when I SHOULD be having a grand summer. Instead, I am just wasting my life away.... I am so bummed out, you have no idea. :( You need to find a group so you can be with people face to face. You can find someone to talk to who has gone through this and has felt the exact same way as you feel now and it won't be at a website. :bighug:

Jenny, do you have another adult that you could talk to about this? Is there someone you could trust?

Originally posted by popcornperson2002
Jenny, do you have another adult that you could talk to about this? Is there someone you could trust? A good place to find people is at a support group for this very problem.

Originally posted by MaryElizabeth
A good place to find people is at a support group for this very problem.

I agree.:) Individual counseling can be good too.

MaryElizabeth:
"Don't be ashamed." But I AM shamed.... and I can't help it. :( I feel that this is all my fault. And that I'm a failure. I can't even.........even EAT RIGHT.. Do you know how PATHETIC this might sound to someone?? How I can't CONTROL myself when I am eating??? I mean, if it weren't so sad, I'd be laughing!! LOL!

As for the support grps- anonymous ones. Doesn't sound like a bad idea. That way, no one will kno... and it will be MY little secret. But I just KNOW this is going to interfer w/ my studies at school.... and Im not sure where the nearest grp is. Plus, I have social phobia. Fear of people. (see, I TOLD you I'm a complete mess!!) I cannot, CANNOT get myself to speak in a group. Especially a grp of strangers!! :(

Janice:
Unfortunately, I'm VERY close to giving up hope. I'm just sick and tired of trying to suppress my urges, and for losing all my friends. I just want to GIVE in. But giving in, would make me feel worse. -sigh- It's like a no-win situation. And by the way, I can't live WITH the ed, and I can't live WITHOUT it either. (Sounds crazy?? Right?) But the full-bloated feeling heals me emotionally, altho physically uncomfortable. It's like having alcohol, as a comparison. Altho physically bad, it provides you SO much emotional support like you'll never kno. But yet, it's JUST FOOD, right??? I've learned that it has become my pacifier.... which is why it's so HARD to "quit bingeing!!" I have an addiction...... to FOOD. Wow.

Sara:
No.. there's no one I can trust. Not in the phys life, anyway. I DO speak with an adult thru the net, tho. But of course, I kno it's not the same as with speaking to someone in person....

BTW, I am SO surprised at the support I am finding here on SOL. Who knew??? To tell y'all the truth, I thought I would've been rediculed for obsessing over something so insignificant. I mean, when people think of EDs, they think of bulimics and anorexics. They don't think of those with binge eating disorder, or compulsive overeating. They look at them as pigs, and that's all. Just fat..... like I am. -sigh-

This is very significant in my opinion. And you dont have to talk at the group. People will welcome you anyway. Just give it a shot. You won't be sorry. Just check into what times there are groups. Usually they are after school and work hours.

Originally posted by MaryElizabeth
This is very significant in my opinion. And you dont have to talk at the group. People will welcome you anyway. Just give it a shot. You won't be sorry. Just check into what times there are groups. Usually they are after school and work hours. Just the thought of being SURROUNDED by people is frightening to me!!! It's hopeless... I'm hopeless. Oh man, what the hell am I to do??????? :wallbang :wallbang

But anyway, I best be heading to bed. It's 2:50AM over on this end!!! And I need to wake up early tomorrow. Again, thank y'all for spending time for even RECOGNIZING my dumb problem, and for your kinds words. They are so much appreciated- Janice, MaryElizabeth, Sara, etc. I'll speak to y'all next week, I guess.
-Sigh- Off to vacation in HELL, LOL!!! (Always good to humor oneself as to not go COMPLETELY insane!!! ;))

Take care, and g'night!

Group therapy sounds like a good idea. I also think that private therapy would help you get to the bottom of why you binge. Your social anxiety could possibly be treated with medication.

You sound desperate, and I feel so bad. Please, get the help you need. It's not hopeless. Someone has to get involved in your life and give you the direction you need to address your issues. The first step would probably be with a primary care physician who can refer you to other qualified people.

The problem you're facing has been faced by people since the beginning of time. You are not alone by a long shot, you just think you are.

I highly recommend that you make one huge step in the right direction: Seek help by researching and then following through by attending the Over Eaters Anonymous.

http://www.oa.org/

Do that as soon as possible. Preferably contact them before you go on the cruise. Keep in mind, though, that this cruise is small potatoes to the overall picture that you are facing. Don't stress so much about the cruise. You'll be wanting to learn how to create new patterns for yourself overtime. You can't expect that to happen quickly. They'll help you to feel better about yourself, and they'll help you to make the changes that you hope to make.

Wep, I'm back!! I'm happy to report that I had an AWESOME time. It was the best five days I've had in THE longest of time!!! :D The ship stopped at News Brunswick and Nova Scotia. My goodness, I've never seen anything SO picture-perfect before!! The scenary was TRULY amazing.

As for the eating, ehhhhh, I overate A LOT. It was like meal after meal after MEAL!!!!!!!! The food was delicious, tho, and there was SO much variety. I wanted to try EVERYTHING, and I think I pretty much DID, LOL! I restricted on day 1, and a LITTLE bit on days 2, 3, and 4, too. I chewed/spat ALL 5 days. (Bad table manners, but I don't CARE, LOL!) I binged on days 4 and 5, but OTHERWISE..... it was good. :rolleyes: As I've predicted, I've gained weight. About 6 pounds, which is NOT good in SOOOO many ways!!!!! I'm so upset, and I feel soooooooo guilty. :( And now I feel the need to diet/restrict once again. Sighhhhhhh!!!!!!!! I'm getting no where!!! It's always diet, binge, diet, binge, diet, binge. The never-ending cycle!!! I am screwing up my metabolism, and screwing up MYSELF. There's no doubt in my mind about THAT!

I know I should probably go and seek some help, from either a support group like OA, or a therapist, but I'm just sooooo scared. I KNOW I am no alone in this, but that doesn't stop me from being struck by paranoia. Like Ive said before, I have social phobia, so it makes it EXTREMELY difficult for me to converse with people in the physical life. I just ...... gulp..... can't DO IT!!!!! And as for therapy? It is too costly. I can't afford it and I don't want my parents to know about this anyway. All in all, I haven't considered professional help for a while already. I wish to do this on my own. But the problem is, I have no self-control, no willpower. And I'm beginning to realize that I CAN'T do this on my own.... but I still WANT to. Sigh. Does that make sense?

Here's a line chart of Weight Vs. Time for the past six months. What a wreck, huh??? Talk about yo-yoing!!!

http://img16.exs.cx/img16/3580/past6mthsweight.jpg