I am having some major boy trouble. Let me explain the situation.

I met my bf last year around Sept in my drama class. Now, I was a cheerleader and an actress, and I had a great job. When May came around, we were still dating and he told me he wasn't going to put up with cheerleading again, and he wasn't going to date a drama queen. So I, not knowing what else to do, turned in my pom poms and theatre tiara. Then, he told me he didn't want me gone for 6 weeks out of the summer for my job, so I quit that too. Now, I have taken up cross country managing in place of cheerleading since I don't have to be at practice everyday, and I have no job, which means I have no money for gas, food, etc.

So, we've been dating for a little over 10 months, and my 17th birthday is coming up in about 12 days. He wants to propse to me that night, and he wants us to get married when I turn 18. I really love him, and it would be wonderful to marry him, but then we ran into some problems.

I started realizing how much I really missed cheerleading and acting. I miss being on stage, I miss being able to sing something without him asking me why I'm singing. I miss being able to show off my gymnastics to everyone else on our squad because they all suck. But then, I thought about what my future could be like with him. I decided I could do what I've always wanted to do... write a book. But, he doesn't like books, so he wasn't very supportive of that idea. I wrote a poem which turned into a song and he about freaked.

So today, he came over and I brought up that I didn't know if it was working. He gave me my class ring back, but told me to keep his. He said he really loves me and he knows he wants to be with me forever. My question is, if he wants to be with me forever, then why won't he let me do what I want to do now? I could really be a helpful person one day, such as an actress that really tries to portray positive roles.

So here's the debate I need help on. Should I keep him, or should I leave him? I'm so stuck because I love him, but I don't know if I can make it through high school and college without being able to do what I love.

Girl, no girl should give up her loves for a boyfriend. Thats all he is.. a boyfriend. Youre not even 18, nor are you married- he has no right to tell you what to do. He sounds kind of demanding to me. If you decide to stay with him, you are going to find yourself being very miserable the rest of your life because of all the things you gave up for him. What did he give up for you? Im assuming nothing. And he was pretty quick to give back your ring- doesnt sound like love to me. Tell him straight forward- youre going back to cheerleading, going to do more acting, and you will write that book. If he doesnt like it, tell him thats too bad, and give him his ring. Live your life for you, not some guy. Trust me, youll find a guy thats so much better than him.. one that will SUPPORT you and appreciate the things you do.

And if that doesnt work, kick him in the balls.

Oh, SitcomLove, SitcomLove. ohno:

This is an EASY one. Let me answer the exact question you asked first:

My question is, if he wants to be with me forever, then why won't he let me do what I want to do now?

BECAUSE HE DOES NOT LOVE YOU! It is very obvious he is a manipulative control freak and an abuser. He doesn't know the first thing about love. When someone loves you and wants to marry you, they support anything that is important to you, and are happy that you are doing things you love-- like the acting and cheerleading. You're being abused. He is really, really messed up. If you married him (and believe me, marraige at 18 is far too young even if you had a great guy), he'd treat you terribly like this forever. It may even get worse. Even if it stayed just like this (which it would, he is never going to change), it would be miserable for you. He's left you with nothing. None of the activities you love, no job. It's total abuse.

What I don't get is how you put up with him this long. Don't you realize there are tons of guys out there that would make great boyfriends who would treat you the way you deserve to be treated? Just think... you could have some awesome guy AND still get to keep your job and the activities you love. Wouldn't that be so much better?

If you talk to your current "jerk" boyfriend about how you feel, I wouldn't be surprised if he'd say he's sorry, and that it would be okay if you restart your old activities again. He may say anything to try and keep you. But believe me, the chances of him truly changing permanently are nil. Move on. You definitely will find someone else, and they won't be an abuser. Plus you're only 17. You are too young to think about marraige. Dating is fine, but the fact that you have kept such a creepy boyfriend for so long tells me you may be a little desperate and maybe even insecure when it comes to boys. You got to work on not caring so much about having a boyfriend. Good luck.

Katie

Thanks you guys. Your posts really helped. I just don't know if I can pull myself to break his heart. He really does love me.

His parents are going through a divorce and he says it seems like I'm the only family he has... the only person getting him through everything.

Originally posted by SitcomLove93
. He really does love me.



he doesnt respect you for who are? doesnt sound like love to me.

Originally posted by SitcomLove93


His parents are going through a divorce and he says it seems like I'm the only family he has... the only person getting him through everything.

then just be his friend.

Originally posted by SitcomLove93
Thanks you guys. Your posts really helped. I just don't know if I can pull myself to break his heart. He really does love me.

His parents are going through a divorce and he says it seems like I'm the only family he has... the only person getting him through everything.

I guess I didn't exactly get through. :crazy: He doesn't love you even if he says he does. He might even think it too, but he has no clue about love because of how he's treating you. He's giving you nothing but selfishness, manipulation, and abuse. Even if he seems like a sweatheart most of the time--him forcing you to quit things you never wanted to quit is enough to dump his sorry self.

Originally posted by skyhigh25789
then just be his friend.

Personally, I don't think she should be his anything. :o

Talk to him about it first and if he loves you he'll understand and let you do what you want, otherwise chances are he'll get more and more controlling.

Let him know how you feel, my bf is also kinda a control freak, I dunno why but he is, I cant get a tattoo(I really want one) and I cant wear shorts, and I hate it but back to you. Let him know how you feel and if he really loves u he wont keep you from what you want. And if he does he might not be the one for you.

Originally posted by Biker Chick/Jo Fan
Let him know how you feel, my bf is also kinda a control freak, I dunno why but he is, I cant get a tattoo(I really want one) and I cant wear shorts, and I hate it but back to you. Let him know how you feel and if he really loves u he wont keep you from what you want. And if he does he might not be the one for you.

u shouldnt let him control YOU either.


ohno: god when are you girls gonna realize that this is NOT the 1950s? we cant let men control us!! we should be able to do whatever we want and still have a good relationship with some one we love. if not then whoever the guy is isn't worth a damn to me. im sorry but that is my opinion.

Originally posted by skyhigh25789
u shouldnt let him control YOU either.


ohno: god when are you girls gonna realize that this is NOT the 1950s? we cant let men control us!! we should be able to do whatever we want and still have a good relationship with some one we love. if not then whoever the guy is isn't worth a damn to me. im sorry but that is my opinion.

Thx that helps me with my problem a lot. :)

Originally posted by skyhigh25789
u shouldnt let him control YOU either.


ohno: god when are you girls gonna realize that this is NOT the 1950s? we cant let men control us!! we should be able to do whatever we want and still have a good relationship with some one we love. if not then whoever the guy is isn't worth a damn to me. im sorry but that is my opinion.

Amen to that. I thought the 1970s was the dawn of a new age where women had more rights. Voting, for one example. Do what you want to do. And, if he doesn't respect your decisions of what you want to do, just tell him good-bye. A guy who is a control freak isn't worth it at all.

Originally posted by crystals
Amen to that. I thought the 1970s was the dawn of a new age where women had more rights. Voting, for one example. Do what you want to do. And, if he doesn't respect your decisions of what you want to do, just tell him good-bye. A guy who is a control freak isn't worth it at all.

:confused: Are you saying that voting was one example of women having more rights in the 70s? Maybe I'm misunderstanding you... because all states allowed women voting rights in 1920. But yes, the late 60s was the start of the huge women's lib movement, that continued into the 70s. And since then it's just gotten better... "A woman president here we come!" :cheer: