Snowfall
05-27-2004, 08:59 PM
I've been thinking about writing a sad CD/Nate fic for a while, but could never bring myself to do it. Well, last night, SOMEONE told me that I'm obsessed (you know who you are ;) ;) ), so I just want to prove to her that I'm NOT! Well, at least no more than SHE is. ;) Wow, I'm obsessed with not being obsessed. I know, Lisa, I'm a dork, no need to remind me. ;)
Read with caution---don't say I didn't warn you. :(
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To the uninvolved observer, it was a sad, but beautiful moment. But to Nathan and Candace Basso, it was so much more than that. It was everything—the beginning and end, joy and pain, life and death. Both felt it, and although neither wanted it to be happening, they also knew that it wasn’t to be missed. Nate sat beside his wife of 3 year’s hospital bed, holding her hand and watching her sleep. He hoped to God that this was just a nightmare that he would soon wake up from, but he sadly knew that it was real. He thought back to the years he and CD had shared together—the first 2 years as partners and friends, then when they confessed their love for each other and started their relationship, and then when they got married. They had been so excited when they found out that their son, Drew, was on his way. Their lives were perfect, and they never could have anticipated that, at 4 months pregnant, they would find out that CD had malignant breast cancer. When that news came, their would came crashing down. The doctors told CD that she needed to be treated for it immediately, but that they couldn’t do it because of the baby. They recommended that CD get an abortion, but she had refused. She wouldn’t kill her and Nate’s precious little baby, even if it meant sacrificing her own life for it. She loved her baby too much to put her own life above his. Although Nate was terrified of losing either of them, he supported CD in whatever decision she made. He tried to be strong for her when she was around, but the stress and horror of the possibility of losing them turned him into a basket case when he was alone. At 7 months along, the doctors had induced the baby. Although Drew was born healthy, he was premature, and needed extra care. The doctors immediately began chemotherapy and radiation on CD, but it was too late. The cancer had spread and entered her bloodstream.
Nate’s thoughts popped back to the present. Drew was now 2 months old, and doing fine. CD and Nate tried to treasure every single moment that they had together as a family, because they knew that there wouldn’t be very many. Nate would have to live on these memories for the rest of his life. He tried to get as many pictures as possible of CD and the baby, him and CD, and all three of them together. He promised CD that he would show them to Drew every day. He wanted Drew to know the wonderful, selfless, loving woman that was his mother. CD tried to be brave about it all. She knew that she was going to a better place, but cried at the thought of leaving Nate and her baby behind. She tried to picture what it would be like if the roles were reversed, and she were the one left behind instead of Nate, but it hurt too much to contemplate it.
One night, Nate was awakened by a ring of the phone. His stomach lurched as he picked up. “Basso.”
“Mr. Basso, this is Dr. Lusk. You need to get down here right away.”
Nate nodded. A tear rolled down his cheek. He knew what this was. “I’ll be right there,” he managed to get out before the sobs came. He threw on some clothes, and then carefully pulled a sleeping Drew out of his cradle and put him in his carrier. Nate filled a bottle, put it in the diaper bag, picked up the carrier, and left for the hospital.
The tiny dark-haired boy with blue eyes was still sleeping when Nate rushed with him into CD’s hospital room. The doctor and a few nurses and technicians were there, attending to her. Nate looked like hell. He’d barely gotten any sleep. Dark circles were under his eyes. His hair was a little long, it was a mess, and he hadn’t shaved in nearly a week. All of his time and energy went into CD and the baby.
Dr. Lusk approached him. He looked very somber. “I don’t expect her to make it to the morning. It’s time to say goodbye.”
Tears continued to roll down Nate’s cheeks. He didn’t say anything, but sat down next to CD. She stirred and opened her eyes at his presence. “Hey,” she whispered, and tried to smile.
Nate brushed her cheek with his hand. “I want you to know, CD, that I love you more than anything else in this world. I will never stop loving you, no matter what happens or how much time passes,” Nate blubbered out.
CD smiled. “I know you will, Nate. And I want you to know that you are my world, my everything. I’ll always love you, too, even after I’m gone.”
“Don’t say that, CD, please,” he cried.
“I have to, Nate. It’s my time. But you need to stay strong, for Drew. He needs his daddy so much right now.” Tears were now sliding down CD’s cheeks, too. She clasped her husband’s hand as she spoke.
Nate sadly nodded. “I will, CD. I promise. And I’ll never, ever let him forget his mommy. I’ll never let him forget how beautiful she was, and how much she loves him, and how much she loves me.” CD and Nate sat in silence for a minute, their eyes remaining on each other. Nate wanted to always remember her face. That sweet face that he’s fallen in love with at first sight.
Then CD said, “Can you do just one thing for me?”
“Anything. Name it, and it’s yours,” Nate replied earnestly.
“Can you just kiss me, one last time?”
Nate’s eyes pooled again, and he tried to catch his breath. “Absolutely,” he said. He leaned over and softly, tenderly, gently kissed CD.
“Thank you,” she said when it ended. “Do you remember our first kiss?”
“I could never forget it,” Nate replied.
Soon, CD began to fade. Terror overtook Nate, and his face went shock white. “CD! Don’t leave me. Please, don’t leave me.....” he sobbed.
“Tell Drew that I love him.....” she trailed off.
“I will, CD, I will. I love you so much.....”
“Nate.....Nate, I love you,” CD uttered with her last breath. With her hand joined to Nate’s, her eyes directed at him, and a bittersweet smile on her face, CD died. Her heart monitor’s beeps turned into one, long, continuous drone, and medical staff rushed in.
Nate’s back and shoulders heaved as he wept. He gave CD one last kiss goodbye. Then he heard his baby wake up with a cry. When Nate looked at him, he realized that God had given Drew to him as a constant, living reminder of CD, and the love that they shared. Nate picked up his little boy and cradled him to his chest. He kissed the top of his head and said between sobs, “You have the most wonderful mom in the world, you know that?”
Nate never was the same again after that day. When CD died, a part of him had died as well. He tried is best to be the best dad AND mom to Drew that he could be. But he had a hole in his heart and his life that could never be filled by anyone but his CD. He never fell in love again. No one could ever understand him the way that CD did. No one could ever understand the complexity and intensity of their love. She was his soul mate. CD, and only CD, was the love of his life.
~
I’m so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
Your presence still lingers here
And it won’t leave me alone
These wounds won’t seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There’s just too much that time cannot erase
When you’d cry I’d wipe away all of your tears
When you’d scream I’d fight away all of your fears
And I held you hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me
You used to captivate me
The way you resonated light
Now I’m bound by the love you left behind
Your face it haunts
My once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chases away
All the sanity in me
These wounds won’t seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There’s just too much that time cannot erase
When you’d cry I’d wipe away all of your tears
When you’d scream I’d fight away all of your fears
And I held you hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me
I’ve tried so hard to tell myself that you’re gone
But though you’re still with me,
I’ve been alone all along
When you’d cry I’d wipe away all of your tears
When you’d scream I’d fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me......
~
THE END
----------------------------------------------------------------------
The song is "My Immortal," credited to Evanescence.
Read with caution---don't say I didn't warn you. :(
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
To the uninvolved observer, it was a sad, but beautiful moment. But to Nathan and Candace Basso, it was so much more than that. It was everything—the beginning and end, joy and pain, life and death. Both felt it, and although neither wanted it to be happening, they also knew that it wasn’t to be missed. Nate sat beside his wife of 3 year’s hospital bed, holding her hand and watching her sleep. He hoped to God that this was just a nightmare that he would soon wake up from, but he sadly knew that it was real. He thought back to the years he and CD had shared together—the first 2 years as partners and friends, then when they confessed their love for each other and started their relationship, and then when they got married. They had been so excited when they found out that their son, Drew, was on his way. Their lives were perfect, and they never could have anticipated that, at 4 months pregnant, they would find out that CD had malignant breast cancer. When that news came, their would came crashing down. The doctors told CD that she needed to be treated for it immediately, but that they couldn’t do it because of the baby. They recommended that CD get an abortion, but she had refused. She wouldn’t kill her and Nate’s precious little baby, even if it meant sacrificing her own life for it. She loved her baby too much to put her own life above his. Although Nate was terrified of losing either of them, he supported CD in whatever decision she made. He tried to be strong for her when she was around, but the stress and horror of the possibility of losing them turned him into a basket case when he was alone. At 7 months along, the doctors had induced the baby. Although Drew was born healthy, he was premature, and needed extra care. The doctors immediately began chemotherapy and radiation on CD, but it was too late. The cancer had spread and entered her bloodstream.
Nate’s thoughts popped back to the present. Drew was now 2 months old, and doing fine. CD and Nate tried to treasure every single moment that they had together as a family, because they knew that there wouldn’t be very many. Nate would have to live on these memories for the rest of his life. He tried to get as many pictures as possible of CD and the baby, him and CD, and all three of them together. He promised CD that he would show them to Drew every day. He wanted Drew to know the wonderful, selfless, loving woman that was his mother. CD tried to be brave about it all. She knew that she was going to a better place, but cried at the thought of leaving Nate and her baby behind. She tried to picture what it would be like if the roles were reversed, and she were the one left behind instead of Nate, but it hurt too much to contemplate it.
One night, Nate was awakened by a ring of the phone. His stomach lurched as he picked up. “Basso.”
“Mr. Basso, this is Dr. Lusk. You need to get down here right away.”
Nate nodded. A tear rolled down his cheek. He knew what this was. “I’ll be right there,” he managed to get out before the sobs came. He threw on some clothes, and then carefully pulled a sleeping Drew out of his cradle and put him in his carrier. Nate filled a bottle, put it in the diaper bag, picked up the carrier, and left for the hospital.
The tiny dark-haired boy with blue eyes was still sleeping when Nate rushed with him into CD’s hospital room. The doctor and a few nurses and technicians were there, attending to her. Nate looked like hell. He’d barely gotten any sleep. Dark circles were under his eyes. His hair was a little long, it was a mess, and he hadn’t shaved in nearly a week. All of his time and energy went into CD and the baby.
Dr. Lusk approached him. He looked very somber. “I don’t expect her to make it to the morning. It’s time to say goodbye.”
Tears continued to roll down Nate’s cheeks. He didn’t say anything, but sat down next to CD. She stirred and opened her eyes at his presence. “Hey,” she whispered, and tried to smile.
Nate brushed her cheek with his hand. “I want you to know, CD, that I love you more than anything else in this world. I will never stop loving you, no matter what happens or how much time passes,” Nate blubbered out.
CD smiled. “I know you will, Nate. And I want you to know that you are my world, my everything. I’ll always love you, too, even after I’m gone.”
“Don’t say that, CD, please,” he cried.
“I have to, Nate. It’s my time. But you need to stay strong, for Drew. He needs his daddy so much right now.” Tears were now sliding down CD’s cheeks, too. She clasped her husband’s hand as she spoke.
Nate sadly nodded. “I will, CD. I promise. And I’ll never, ever let him forget his mommy. I’ll never let him forget how beautiful she was, and how much she loves him, and how much she loves me.” CD and Nate sat in silence for a minute, their eyes remaining on each other. Nate wanted to always remember her face. That sweet face that he’s fallen in love with at first sight.
Then CD said, “Can you do just one thing for me?”
“Anything. Name it, and it’s yours,” Nate replied earnestly.
“Can you just kiss me, one last time?”
Nate’s eyes pooled again, and he tried to catch his breath. “Absolutely,” he said. He leaned over and softly, tenderly, gently kissed CD.
“Thank you,” she said when it ended. “Do you remember our first kiss?”
“I could never forget it,” Nate replied.
Soon, CD began to fade. Terror overtook Nate, and his face went shock white. “CD! Don’t leave me. Please, don’t leave me.....” he sobbed.
“Tell Drew that I love him.....” she trailed off.
“I will, CD, I will. I love you so much.....”
“Nate.....Nate, I love you,” CD uttered with her last breath. With her hand joined to Nate’s, her eyes directed at him, and a bittersweet smile on her face, CD died. Her heart monitor’s beeps turned into one, long, continuous drone, and medical staff rushed in.
Nate’s back and shoulders heaved as he wept. He gave CD one last kiss goodbye. Then he heard his baby wake up with a cry. When Nate looked at him, he realized that God had given Drew to him as a constant, living reminder of CD, and the love that they shared. Nate picked up his little boy and cradled him to his chest. He kissed the top of his head and said between sobs, “You have the most wonderful mom in the world, you know that?”
Nate never was the same again after that day. When CD died, a part of him had died as well. He tried is best to be the best dad AND mom to Drew that he could be. But he had a hole in his heart and his life that could never be filled by anyone but his CD. He never fell in love again. No one could ever understand him the way that CD did. No one could ever understand the complexity and intensity of their love. She was his soul mate. CD, and only CD, was the love of his life.
~
I’m so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
Your presence still lingers here
And it won’t leave me alone
These wounds won’t seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There’s just too much that time cannot erase
When you’d cry I’d wipe away all of your tears
When you’d scream I’d fight away all of your fears
And I held you hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me
You used to captivate me
The way you resonated light
Now I’m bound by the love you left behind
Your face it haunts
My once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chases away
All the sanity in me
These wounds won’t seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There’s just too much that time cannot erase
When you’d cry I’d wipe away all of your tears
When you’d scream I’d fight away all of your fears
And I held you hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me
I’ve tried so hard to tell myself that you’re gone
But though you’re still with me,
I’ve been alone all along
When you’d cry I’d wipe away all of your tears
When you’d scream I’d fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me......
~
THE END
----------------------------------------------------------------------
The song is "My Immortal," credited to Evanescence.