Mervin McDuff is the new Archie Bunker on "Bigot Man"

[Sitcomwriter]

Mervin McDuff (Colin Quinn) is a modern-day Bigot.He hates Jews,Blacks,Mexicans,Asians and basically everyone who isn't Irish ("Except for Archie Bunker.He's a good, good man").He and his wife Beryl (Jane Krakowski) live in Sayville, New York where the neighbors include the widowed Rico Ungadez (Hector Elizondo) and the divorced Jasper Melopolis (Michael Constantine), who spar with Mervin over current events every time they get a chance to.Also adding to the pot is new neighbor Jamal Tarbenowitz (Malcolm Jamal-Warner), a Black Jew and Beryl's mom Bev (Barbara Eden) and her new lesbian lover Estelle (Doris Roberts), who just moved in upstairs.Also, a year earlier, Mervin's half-Iyalian newphew Breckin (John-Paul Vitale) moved into the guest room after both of his parents were killed in a car accideny.Mervin is unemployed and loving it but thanks to today's economy this "Bigot Man" might have to get a job after all.Mervin McDuff truely is the Archie Bunker of the 21st century.

Theme Song:"Claret" (http://www.jtbairns.com/mp3/claret_hi.mp3)

Theme Song Lyrics (I'm not sure if these are the real lyrics):
Fume Fata Fa Helping Hand
Kay Pa Chu Chesky
Cha Choop Call
And drives upon the winter's soot
And marks a man boosh garsh
And balded heels
It zall be on demand
Take second calls
And rape the reps
Beeg the roost with bucking bend
The munchkin's stupid hunch
But the hunch kadooch fa Helping Hand


Cast:
Colin Quinn as Mervin McDuff
Jane Krakowski as Beryl Bodie-McDuff (Seasons 1-4, Recurring Otherwise)
Barbara Eden as Bev Bain-Bodie (Seasons 1-2)
Doris Roberts as Estelle Rogatto (Seasons 1-2)
Hector Elizondo as Rico Ungadez
Michael Constantine as Jasper Melopolis (Seasons 1-4)
Malcom Jamal-Warner as Jamal Tarbenowitz-Bagger (Seasons 1-4)
Lenny Clarke as Lenny Brodie (Episodes 38-88, Recurring Otherwise)
Sean Hayes as Brady Bagger-Tarbenowitz (Seasons 3-4, Recurring Otherwise)
John Cleese as Lancelot Owen (Season 4)
Dennis Miller as Vernon Douglas (Seasons 4-5)
Lily Tomlin as Cady Abrillo (Season 5)
David Spade as Sidney Banks (Season 5, Recurring Otherwise)
Bill Murray as (Bellboy) Kotter (Season 5, Recurring Otherwise)
Nathan Lane as Archie Bruckner (Season 5)
Ruben Studdard as Jerome Angelou (Season 5)
John-Paul Vitale as Breckin Telfair
Hilary Duff as Lisa O'Leary-Telfair (Seasons 2-5, Recurring Otherwise)

[Sitcomwriter]

"Bigot Man" Episode List
Season 1
1.Lesbians and Terrorism
2.Black Jews
3.Premarital Sex
4.Vegetarians
5.Rape
6.Election Day
7.Canadians
8.Thanksgiving
9.Movies
10.Homosexuality
11.Christmas
12.Traffic
13.Feminism
Season 2
14.Rap Music and Pregnancy Tests
15.Teen Pregnancy
16.Abortions
17.Jobs
18.Game Shows
19.The Lottery
20.Moving
21.Rabbis
22.Dogs
23.Home Birthing
24.Weddings (1)
25.Weddings (2)
26.Couches
27.Baseball
28.Anniversaries
29.Death
30.Funerals
31.Changes
32.Men
33.California (1)
34.California (2)
35.Babysitting
36.Baby Showers
37.Birthdays
Season 3
38.Adoption and New Parents
39.Honeymoons
40.Neighbors
41.Names
42.Drugs
43.Reality TV
44.Bars
45.Crepes
46.Peeing (1)
47.Peeing (2)
48.Excited
49.Gay Weddings
50.Miscarriages
Season 4
51.Fires and Sadness (1)
52.Fires and Sadness (2)
53.Hotel Halloweens
54.
55.
56.
57.
58.
59.
60.Hotel Thanksgivings
61.
62.
63.
64.
65.A Very Hotel Christmas
66.
67.
68.
69.
70.
71.
72.
73.
74.
75.
76.
77.Jamal and Brady's Bye-Bye
79.Rebuilding History (1)
80.Rebuilding History (2)
Season 5
81.More Changes and Old Houses
82.Cady Abrillo
83.Bye, Bye Beryl (for now)
84.Lisa O'Leary-Telfair: Woman of the house (or not)
85.Cady's Secret Recipe
86.The Last Thanksgiving
87.The Elusive Archie Bruckner
88.Lenny Leaves
89.Cady's Breakdown
90.Meeting Archie Bruckner
91.A Beryl-less Christmas
92.A Missing Mervin (1)
93.A Missing Mervin (2)
94.Beryl Returns (1)
95.Beryl Returns (2)
96.Beryl Returns (3)
97.Beryl Returns (4)
98.The Most Romantic Evening (or not)
99.Clip Shows
100.Pregnant Pauses
101.Heart Attacks (1)
102.Heart Attacks (2)
103.Heart Attacks (3)
104.The End (1)
105.The End (2)

[Sitcomwriter]

"Bigot Man" Episode Gude

Season 1
1.Lesbians and Terrorism
Beryl's lesbian mom is moving in along with her new lover and Mervin would just hate that idea....which is why Beryl isn't telling him. Meanwhile, Mervin and his "friends" Rico and Jasper discuss Terrorism....and the fact that Mervin doesn't have a job.

2.Black Jews
Mervin is disgusted to learn that the new neighbor is a Black Jew and when his "friends" Rico and Jasper want him to join them in their daily discussion of current events, he freaks!

3.Premarital Sex
A reluctant Breckin brings home his new girlfriend Lisa to meet Mervin and Beryl. Much to his surprise, Lisa likes Mervin and they begin to discuss various current events but she becomes nervous around him once he questions her virginity.

4.Vegetarians
During a Sunday Dinner, Mervin learns that Lisa is a vegetarian. He tells her that Vegetrians are the anti-christ and then she tells him that he couldn't last a week as a Vegetarian. Mervin accepts the bet and tries to live a week without meat but can't even last the night!

5.Rape
Mervin, Breckin, Rico, Jasper and Jamal all discuss the important subject of rape and Mervin ends up regretting his anti-female statement after he recieves a call from the police.

6.Election Day
It's Election Day and Mervin is supporting Ron Chesterwood, who seems to have the same opinions on everything as Mervin does, but there's a rumor going around that he's gay. Because of this, Bev and Estelle plan on voting for him while Jamal announces that he won't vote becuase he doesn't believe in it.

7.Canadians
Mervin's old friend Buddy is visiting from Canada but will his hatred for everything Canadian get in the way of their old friendship?

8.Thanksgiving
Beryl decides that she doesn't want to cook on Thanksgiving, leaving everyone forced to eat Lisa's Tofurkey while Mervin, Rico, Jasper and Jamal all have different views on The 1st Thanksgiving.

9.Movies
Beryl wants to go to the movies but Mervin doesn't want to sit through another "Sappy and Crappy Chick Flick" so they decide not to go and end up watching "Gigli" with Breckin, Lisa, Bev and Estelle.

10.Homosexuality
Despite the fact that he is dating Lisa, Mervin is convinced that Breckin is gay but Jamal is the one who ends up coming out of the closet.

11.Christmas
Mervin is convinced that Santa is a single, swinging bachelor but gets weird looks from everyone, including the Jewish Jamal who brings along his date Freddie for Christmas dinner.

12.Traffic
Mervin, Beryl, Breckin and Lisa are stuck in Traffic on their way to visit Beryl's Aunt Lydia. Bickering and hilarity ensues.

13.Feminism
Jamal pisses off Mervin when he tells him that Beryl wears the pants in their relationship because he is jobless and she brings home the bacon. Because of this, Mervin runs out and gets a job....only to be fired that same day.

Season 2
14.Rap Music and Pregnancy Tests
While Mervin, Breckin, Rico, Jasper and Jamal discuss Rap, Lisa and Beryl both take pregnancy tests and only 1 is positive.

15.Teen Pregnancy
The topic of the week for Mervin and "friends" is teen pregnancy which seems incredibly relevant when Lisa has some news for Mervin, Breckin and everybody else but is afraid to tell them when she learns that Breckin doesn't want to have kids right now.

16.Abortions
Mervin comes to Breckin and Lisa's aide when her parents tell her to have an abortion and to never see Breckin again.

17.Jobs
To support the baby, Mervin and Breckin both get jobs working for a fast-food restaurant but Mervin quits when a high school jock call him a loser.

18.Game Shows
Out of jobs, Mervin and Breckin go on a game show to win money for the baby but are tempted by some of the other prizes which include a new car, An MP3 player and an X Box.

19.The Lottery
Mervin enters the lottery, something he is against, in order to get money for the baby and ends up winning. This sparks a discussion between him and his "friends" over doing stuff that you don't want to do.

20.Moving
Lisa moves into the house and everything is fine until Mervin accidently sees her naked.

21.Rabbi
A rabbi friend of Jamal's convinces Rico to convert to Judism, upsetting Mervin who can't even stand the gay black jew that is Jamal, Now he'll have to deal with a Spanish one!

22.Dogs
When Mervin calls Cher a "Dog", Beryl and Lisa take offense and invite Cher (and a real dog) over to teach him a lesson of sorts.

23.Home Birthing
Breckin and Lisa decide that they want to have a home birth and Mervin questions that decision and recalls "The good old days when men paced and smoked cigars while their wives were on drugs".

24.Weddings (1)
Mervin and Beryl recall their wedding as Breckin and Lisa prepare to marry.

25.Weddings (2)
Lisa's parents don't want her elderly Grandparents to know of her pregnancy but the priest ends up spilling the beans, giving Lisa's Grandmother a heart attack just moments before the wedding.

26.Couches
Breckin decides to buy a rap CD which Mervin and Lisa disapprove of, for different reasons. This sends Breckin to the couch. Meanwhile, Mervin is sent to the couch when a menstruating Beryl yells at him for no apparant reason.

27.Baseball
Mervin is sepressed to learn that the baby is a girl because if it was a boy, he had planned on giving him his autographed Mickey Mantle baseball. This hurts Breckin, who didn't even know he had one.

28.Anniversaries
Mervin and Beryl plan a romantic Anniversary weekend away from home....and then Estelle dies.

29.Death
An upset Bev considers comitting suicide after Estelle dies.

30.Funeral
Everybody mourns the loss of Estelle at her funeral but Bev just wants to make sure that Estelle is in Heaven and not Hell.

31.Changes
Everybody finds it awkward without Estelle around the house.

32.Men
Bev meets a man, Nelbard Dumberoy, who she falls madly in love with, and not just because he's rich.

33.California (1)
Bev and Nelbard head off to California to start a new life together.

34.California (2)
Lisa's best friend from Elementry school, Cindy Boday, visits from California and disapproves of her pregnancy.

35.Babysitting
Breckin and Lisa babysit the 9-year old daughter of a neighbor while Mervin meets Jamal's new, white boyfriend.

36.Baby Showers
Beryl holds Lisa's baby shower while Breckin and Mervin watch a football game at Rico's with Rico, Jasper, Jamal and Jamal's boyfriend Brady who is about to ask Jamal a very special and important question.

37.Birthdays
On Mervin's birthday, Lisa gives birth to her and Breckin's daughter, Mari Paige Telfair.

Season 3
38.Adoption and New Parents

39.Honeymoons
Beryl and Mervin babysit Mari while Breckin and Lisa go on the honeymoon they never had.

40.Neighbors

41.Names

42.

43.

44.

45.

46.

47.

48.

49.

50.

[barwars]

this is pretty good.

dont really understand why a bigot would have these kind of discussions.... but some episodes sound good.