ep 181: The Write an Episode Game

[Maestro]

Welcome to The Write an Episode game!

This is not a race or a contest, it's just a fun game.
Let's just try to throw down some solid lines that may end up sounding like a scene or even an ep. Your lines can be actual lines from the show, or compose your own or mix and match. You can use characters from the show, or create your own SeinFreak character.

We get to post one line each, someone else must post between your lines.
Keep it basically like the show, with your lines being any thing from a word (or even a look) to couple of sentences. Let's see what we can pull off :rolleyes:
Pay attention to who is in the scene & make it flow..... but it's understood, the nature of the game will keep it pretty whacked & be hard to make some sense.

Giddy up:
:D

[Maestro]

Opening Monologue (in comedy club):

J: "..... and what's the deal with people's obsession over these things... it's like they're are "treckies" or something (J holds up the split finger Vulcan hand sign), they just won't let some old sitcom die. What... is 180 episodes not enough/?/?... wait I know, how 'bout if we show them 10 times a day, on a bunch channels..... would that be enough.

DVD????... what DVD..... Enough Yada Yadaing... enough with the junior mints & my god.... the CEREAL!!!! What's with THE CEREAL!!!! It's FOOD... it food you POUR MILK ON for heaven's sake.

Ladies and gentlemen.... I implore you,
Come to your senses & get on with it.... I know I have"

[Maestro]

Opening scene (at Monk's):

GEORGE: ...I know, I know, I'm not even sure how I'm paying for this soup...
So here we go.... we're out in 6 months for *ha* "good behavior," and my parents still won't even take my call.

[Dutabi84]

....

[sinatrastar]

JERRY: Why not, is your mom still upset that Vandalay refused her 'offer'?

[sinatrastar]

sorry Dutabi

[Dutabi84]

bad timing on my part..

G: No, Jerry. She had to be hostpitalized after she found out I was in that "competition".

J: Ooooh..so that didn't sit very well I take it?

[sinatrastar]

GEORGE: No, she didnt. Hey, I thought that court reporter was kind of cute, I'm thinking of calling her up.

[Maestro]

J: *kind of* cute...? Don't you think she's a little out of your league Biff?

G: Buck.

J: Riiiight.

(Kramer enters and approaches table in a tank top, and he is REALLY muscular from his 6 months behind bars)

[sinatrastar]

KRAM: Jerry, check out these lats, Am I buff or what?

JERRY: No thanks, Ive seen enough of mens body parts in the last 6 months to last a lifetime.

[Maestro]

G: I had to peek Jerry, I had to peak!

K: Jerry, this last couple months have just given me time to realize the real *Cosmo* (He turns does does a full double arm arm flex)

(enter Elaine)

E: mens body parts, did I hear mens body parts?

[sinatrastar]

JER: You heard it, but I dont want to see it. (pushing Kramer's arms down)

ELAINE: Well I have good news, Puddy may not have waited for me, but Peterman did, I got my job back!

GOERGE: How does that help me?

JER: (Ignoring George) Wow, same position, same money?

[Dutabi84]

Elaine: (Inhales slowly) Not quite...yeah I'm in the mail room.

Jerry: Thats a shame.

[sinatrastar]

KRAMER: (Grabbing fries from Jerry's plate) That explains why Newman put in for that mail route transer to work downtown.

ELAINE: That I need.

JERRY: So any luck on getting your apartment back?

KRAMER: Well I couldnt afford to hold it while we were (lowers his voice) away, and Manny leased it to someone else.

[Maestro]

G: Not afford it/?/?
I spend $2300 a month for a place that smells like monkeys... and he can't afford it...

E: Ouch... a month?

G: You've got the cheapest apartment in Manahattan... how could you not afford it!?!?

K: It's not in my budget.

[Brian Damage]

Jerry: So what are you going to do? Where are you going to live?

[Brian Damage]

Kramer: (puts his arm around Jerry and has a crooked smile) Hey, buddy!

[Maestro]

-
(Scene 2, George & Jerry in Jerry's apartment)

J: So you haven't spoken with *either* of them.

[MillenniumMan831]

EDIT --- Nevermind.

[Brian Damage]

George: Nope, and it is really starting to eat away at me.

[Maestro]

G: ...everytime I call I get the answering machine with that stupid message.

[MillenniumMan831]

Jerry: How did that go again?

[Maestro]

G: oh, your funny, my parents abandon me & I end up with Bud Abbott here... funny guy, Jerry Seinfeld's a FUNNY GUY!

[MillenniumMan831]

Jerry: Would you settle down before you get us thrown back in jail.

[Maestro]

G: Easy for you to say Mr Even Steven! You get out of the joint, your apartment is availible, you have phone messages from tall women....
look at me Jerry... I have no job, no prosepects... and I might as well be an orphan...
I'm going to Queens!...
(George blasts out the door as the buzzer is ringing)

[MillenniumMan831]

Jerry: Elaine?

Voice: Wrong Joy Boy. It's Lt. Joe Bookman from the library. We need to talk.

Jerry: Ummm, come on up. (Jerry buzzes him up)

[sinatrastar]

JERRY: Hi Mr. Bookman, sorry I dont have any coffee, I have been kind of ah .. ah ... busy lately.

[Maestro]

Lt Bookman: Ya, busy... I know how you rock & roll types operate.

[sinatrastar]

JERRY: Yeah, anyway, I paid my fine, and my debt to society, and thanks for coming to my trial, I really appreciated it. (Jerry gives one of his smirks)

[Dutabi84]

(Kramer walks in)

Kramer: So who wants to have some FUN!?

[MillenniumMan831]

Bookman: Fun? You want to have some fun Cousin Jollies? Do you know what my idea of fun is?

[Brian Damage]

Lt Bookman: Fun is getting up every morning at 5am knowing you're going to do some good in the world. Good like taking a couple of free wheeling hippy jolly junkies and putting them in their place. Sure you youngsters stand there in your fancy shmancy jordace jeans and drinking tea instead of a good cup of coffee and you laugh at authority. But let me tell you something bucko, it's people like me that take punks like you off the streets and make this world a better place.

[sinatrastar]

(JERRY AND KRAMER just staring at bookman)

BOOKMAN: Anyway Seinfeld your case has been reopened, turns out we are missing 3 Superman Books from the early 70's which were allegedly checked out by a Kel Varnson. At the trial I heard all about you and your gang of society's misfits aliases, Vandalay, PennyPacker and the like, (quick look at Kramer) thats right string-bean PennyPacker, sounds a lot like PennyPecker to me pervert (looks back at Jerry), I also heard the name Varsnon, it sounded familiar so I checked it out, turns out my hunch was right and I connected the dots. Im going to need a handwritting sample Seinfeld to see if I havent finally nailed this 'Varnson' punk.

[Elaine Benes]

Kramer: Well I see your a little busy.

(Jerry grabs Kramer's right arm, but Kramer yanks it away and walks out the door)

[sinatrastar]

BOOKWORM: Anyway Signfeld, your going to have to report to our forensics lab within one week, heres the address. (Hands Jerry a card, and leaves).

[Brian Damage]

(next scene Monk's coffee shop)

*Jerry, Elaine and Kramer sitting down at a booth*

Kramer: I can't stand any of my clothes.

[Dutabi84]

Jerry: So anyway, (ignoring Kramer) Elaine, Bookman came to my house, telling me I rented some books a while back under the name "Kel Varnson".

Elaine: Well, did you?

[Brian Damage]

Kramer: (interrupting Jerry) Look at me! My shirts are too tight, my pants are too loose (talking in a higher voice) and don't get me started on my unmentionables!

[sinatrastar]

JERRY: Be happy you dont have to wear the orange jumpsuit anymore.

[Brian Damage]

Kramer: Well, me and Newman are heading down to Rudy's. He's going out of business you know.

[sinatrastar]

ELAINE: Selling old, musty, moth-infested clothes is not the money-maker it sounds like?

[Maestro]

K: Are you kiddin'... he cleaned up and is retiring.... bought a place in the Cayman Islands.

E: Really...


(EDIT: I added the Elaine line for continuity, apparantly, my post wasn't here when Brian posted.)

[Brian Damage]

Kramer: (blinking rapidly) Evidently (kramer leaves Monk's)

[Maestro]

E: Wow... he sells Peterman rejects and ends up a rich pirate of the Caribbean, I hock the real mcoy and make it to the mail room...

[sinatrastar]

<<This has the possiblility of really being an episode about nothing. Lets see the storylines, Jerry and Bookman, Kramer/Newman and Rudy? Elaine in a mailroom, I think George v. he parents needs some workup>>

JER: So have you heard the latest with George.

ElAINE: No, now what?

[Maestro]

[that's exactly what I was thinking... ]
===

J: George thought they disowned him... but apparently he just slipped their mind. George says they're on some kind of make-up sex adventure and they took off for some kind of fornicatin' road trip in that custom van... (makes a yuck face)
now he just has to figure out a way to get back in the house.

[MillenniumMan831]

(Edit ---- Nevermind)

[Maestro]

(cancel based on above edit-don't want to post after myself)

(for below:
outside the Costanza's in Queens)

[sinatrastar]

<<forinatin and fornicatin'!!!>>


George (looking around quickly) "There has to be a key out here somewhere"

[Dutabi84]

Walking around, George accidentally steps on a squirrel.

George: "I THOUGHT WE HAD A DEAL!!!"

[Maestro]

(The K-Man seems to appear)

K: (clicky-pop noise & holding up a key) Lookin' for this Mr cell block "D.".... I heard some commotion... & well... Frank asked me to watch the place while they were on their little *road trip*.
Haven't you injured enough wildlife???
Didn't your time in the klink teach you anything?

[sinatrastar]

George: I no longer have any deals with any animals, Its THUNDERDOME! So this is how you solved your little apartment problem? Mooching off of my parents? I think I have precedence here.

[Dutabi84]

Kramer: Well, I'm having a girl over tonight. So, you're on your own, buddy.

[MillenniumMan831]

George: Gimme that key!
(George tackles Kramer as they roll around the lawn. George ends up with the key after 'accidentally' stepping on Kramer's boys)
George: (Looking upwards) Vengeance is mine!!!

[Maestro]

(new scene, 5A,)

J: (on phone, to E): Come on... be a 'come with' gal... I know, I know, he's obsessed, thinks he's Charles Bronson or something.... that's why I want some back up....
I can't get out of it, it's some kind of *federal thing*, like removing your matress tags *pfft*...

[Brian Damage]

(Elaine's apartment)

Elaine: Alright already I'll go. I guess I'll put my get out of jail free sex on hold.

[sinatrastar]

JER: Thanks Lainey.

[Maestro]

(next scene, in Jer's car on the way to Forensics lab)

E: How come I never get to drive?

[Dutabi84]

Jer: Umm...well, I like to drive. I feel like I am in control of the situation when I drive.

Lainy: You don't think I'm a good driver, do you?

[sinatrastar]

JERRY: Why would you want to drive? Sit back, let me do the work. (Flashback to Elaine's horrible driving which made Jerry sick) Anyway, the steering on this car is off, I .. I'm doing you a favor.

(Double post, but it still fits ;) )

[Maestro]

E: Well... your no George, but your makin' pretty good time.

[sinatrastar]

JERRY: I'm a little nervous about this Elaine.

[Dutabi84]

Elaine: Well, if all he wants to do is test your handwriting, why don't you just use your other hand? It would look completely different.

[Maestro]

(Jerry does his scribble in the air alternating from hand to hand)

J: right hand, left hand, right hand, left han... I think you just may be onto something!

[sinatrastar]

Next Scene

A smallish room, ELAINE, JERRY, BOOKWORM, and a younger man are present.

BOOKMAN: Ok Signfeld, have a seat. Ms. Benes protocal requires that you wait outside.

MAN: I think we can skip protocal this time leiutenent. (Smiles at Elaine)

[Brian Damage]

(Next scene The Costanza household)

*The place is a mess*

(Frank and Estelle enter)

Estelle: Georgie boy, you're home?!

[sinatrastar]

FRANK: Hi son, (Looking around and Yelling) This Place Is a Mess!!! Where The Hell Is Kramer!?!

[Brian Damage]

(in a sarcastic tone)

George: Kramer couldn't make it. So...here I am. Remember me? Your son George?

[sinatrastar]

FRANK: What the hell do you mean he couldnt make it? He was here yesterday when we called!

ESTELLE: Frank, remember what we agreed?

FRANK: Yes, Im sorry dear, no more yelling. (Smiles and puts his head next to Estelle)

[Brian Damage]

George: Alright! That's enough! What the hell is going on here!

[sinatrastar]

ESTELLE: Your father and I made a vow, no more fighting. (moves towards George) Oh I missed you so much Georgy.

[Maestro]

[I've just had no good lines lately...]
===
(back to forensics lab, G & Bookworm are at a table as E & Younger Man -needs a name- are to side)

YOUNGER MAN: So, what were ya' in for?

[Brian Damage]

(Sarcastic)

Jerry: Murder....Yeah, I hate to talk about it. It's behind me now.

(elaine rolls her eyes)

[sinatrastar]

Elaine: Im in the market for a good time.

[Maestro]

Opening Monologue (in comedy club):

J: "..... and what's the deal with people's obsession over these things... it's like they're are "treckies" or something (J holds up the split finger Vulcan hand sign), they just won't let some old sitcom die. What... is 180 episodes not enough/?/?... wait I know, how 'bout if we show them 10 times a day, on a bunch channels..... would that be enough.

DVD????... what DVD..... Enough Yada Yadaing... enough with the junior mints & my god.... the CEREAL!!!! What's with THE CEREAL!!!! It's FOOD... it food you POUR MILK ON for heaven's sake.

Ladies and gentlemen.... I implore you,
Come to your senses & get on with it.... I know I have"

Opening scene (at Monk's):

GEORGE: ...I know, I know, I'm not even sure how I'm paying for this soup...
So here we go.... we're out in 6 months for *ha* "good behavior," and my parents still won't even take my call.

JERRY: Why not, is your mom still upset that Vandalay refused her 'offer'?

G: No, Jerry. She had to be hospitalized after she found out I was in that "competition".

J: Ooooh..so that didn't sit very well I take it?

GEORGE: No, she didn't. Hey, I thought that court reporter was kind of cute, I'm thinking of calling her up
J: *kind of* cute...? Don't you think she's a little out of your league Biff?

G: Buck.

J: Riiiight.

(Kramer enters and approaches table in a tank top, and he is REALLY muscular from his 6 months behind bars)
KRAM: Jerry, check out these lats, Am I buff or what?

JERRY: No thanks, I've seen enough of men's body parts in the last 6 months to last a lifetime.
G: I had to peek Jerry, I had to peak!

K: Jerry, this last couple months have just given me time to realize the real *Cosmo* (He turns does and a full double arm flex)

(enter Elaine)

E: men's body parts, did I hear men's body parts?

JER: You heard it, but I don’t want to see it. (pushing Kramer's arms down)

ELAINE: Well I have good news, Puddy may not have waited for me, but Peterman did, I got my job back!

GOERGE: How does that help me?

JER: (Ignoring George) Wow, same position, same money?
Elaine: (Inhales slowly) Not quite...yeah I'm in the mail room.

Jerry: That's a shame.
KRAMER: (Grabbing fries from Jerry's plate) That explains why Newman put in for that mail route transfer to work downtown.

ELAINE: That I need.

JERRY: So any luck on getting your apartment back?

KRAMER: Well I couldn’t afford to hold it while we were (lowers his voice) away, and Manny leased it to someone else.

G: Not afford it/?/?
I spend $2300 a month for a place that smells like monkeys... and he can't afford it...

E: Ouch... a month?

G: You've got the cheapest apartment in Manhattan... how could you not afford it!?!?

K: It's not in my budget.
Jerry: So what are you going to do? Where are you going to live?

Kramer: (puts his arm around Jerry and has a crooked smile) Hey, buddy!
(Scene 2, George & Jerry in Jerry's apartment)

J: So you haven't spoken with *either* of them.

George: Nope, and it is really starting to eat away at me.
G: ...every time I call I get the answering machine with that stupid message.

Jerry: How did that go again?

G: oh, your funny, my parents abandon me & I end up with Bud Abbott here... funny guy, Jerry Seinfeld's a FUNNY GUY!

Jerry: Would you settle down before you get us thrown back in jail.

G: Easy for you to say Mr Even Steven! You get out of the joint, your apartment is availible, you have phone messages from tall women....
look at me Jerry... I have no job, no prosepects... and I might as well be an orphan...
I'm going to Queens!...

(George blasts out the door as the buzzer is ringing)

Jerry: Elaine?

Voice: Wrong Joy Boy. It's Lt. Joe Bookman from the library. We need to talk.

Jerry: Ummm, come on up. (Jerry buzzes him up)
JERRY: Hi Mr. Bookman, sorry I dont have any coffee, I have been kind of ah .. ah ... busy lately.

Lt Bookman: Ya, busy... I know how you rock & roll types operate.

JERRY: Yeah, anyway, I paid my fine, and my debt to society, and thanks for coming to my trial, I really appreciated it. (Jerry gives one of his smirks)

(Kramer walks in)

Kramer: So who wants to have some FUN!?

Bookman: Fun? You want to have some fun Cousin Jollies? Do you know what my idea of fun is?
Lt Bookman: Fun is getting up every morning at 5am knowing you're going to do some good in the world. Good like taking a couple of free wheeling hippy jolly junkies and putting them in their place. Sure you youngsters stand there in your fancy shmancy jordace jeans and drinking tea instead of a good cup of coffee and you laugh at authority. But let me tell you something bucko, it's people like me that take punks like you off the streets and make this world a better place.
(JERRY AND KRAMER just staring at bookman)

BOOKMAN: Anyway Seinfeld your case has been reopened, turns out we are missing 3 Superman Books from the early 70's which were allegedly checked out by a Kel Varnson. At the trial I heard all about you and your gang of society's misfits aliases, Vandalay, PennyPacker and the like, (quick look at Kramer) thats right string-bean PennyPacker, sounds a lot like PennyPecker to me pervert (looks back at Jerry), I also heard the name Varsnon, it sounded familiar so I checked it out, turns out my hunch was right and I connected the dots. Im going to need a handwritting sample Seinfeld to see if I havent finally nailed this 'Varnson' punk.

Kramer: Well I see your a little busy.
(Jerry grabs Kramer's right arm, but Kramer yanks it away and walks out the door)

BOOKWORM: Anyway Signfeld, your going to have to report to our forensics lab within one week, heres the address. (Hands Jerry a card, and leaves).

(next scene Monk's coffee shop - Jerry, Elaine and Kramer sitting down at a booth)

Kramer: I can't stand any of my clothes.

Jerry: So anyway, (ignoring Kramer) Elaine, Bookman came to my house, telling me I rented some books a while back under the name "Kel Varnson".

Elaine: Well, did you?

Kramer: (interrupting Jerry) Look at me! My shirts are too tight, my pants are too loose (talking in a higher voice) and don't get me started on my unmentionables!

JERRY: Be happy you dont have to wear the orange jumpsuit anymore.

Kramer: Well, me and Newman are heading down to Rudy's. He's going out of business you know.

ELAINE: Selling old, musty, moth-infested clothes is not the money-maker it sounds like?
K: Are you kiddin'... he cleaned up and is retiring.... bought a place in the Cayman Islands.

E: Really...?

Kramer: (blinking rapidly) Evidently (kramer leaves Monk's)

E: Wow... he sells Peterman rejects and ends up a rich pirate of the Caribbean, I hock the real mcoy and make it to the mail room...

JER: So have you heard the latest with George.

ELAINE: No, now what?

J: George thought they disowned him... but apparently he just slipped their mind. George says they're on some kind of make-up sex adventure and they took off for some kind of fornicatin' road trip in that custom van... (makes a yuck face)
now he just has to figure out a way to get back in the house.
George: (looking around quickly) "There has to be a key out here somewhere"
Walking around, George accidentally steps on a squirrel.

George: "I THOUGHT WE HAD A DEAL!!!"
(The K-Man seems to appear)

K: (clicky-pop noise & holding up a key) Lookin' for this Mr cell block "D.".... I heard some commotion... & well... Frank asked me to watch the place while they were on their little *road trip*.
Haven't you injured enough wildlife???
Didn't your time in the klink teach you anything?

George: I no longer have any deals with any animals, Its THUNDERDOME! So this is how you solved your little apartment problem? Mooching off of my parents? I think I have precedence here.

Kramer: Well, I'm having a girl over tonight. So, you're on your own, buddy.

George: Gimme that key! (George tackles Kramer as they roll around the lawn. George ends up with the key after 'accidentally' stepping on Kramer's boys)
George: (Looking upwards) Vengeance is mine!!!

(new scene, 5A,)

J: (on phone, to E): Come on... be a 'come with' gal... I know, I know, he's obsessed, thinks he's Charles Bronson or something.... that's why I want some back up....
I can't get out of it, it's some kind of *federal thing*, like removing your matress tags *pfft*...
(Elaine's apartment)

Elaine: Alright already I'll go. I guess I'll put my get out of jail free sex on hold.

JER: Thanks Lainey.
(next scene, in Jer's car on the way to Forensics lab)

E: How come I never get to drive?

Jer: Umm...well, I like to drive. I feel like I am in control of the situation when I drive.

Lainy: You don't think I'm a good driver, do you?

JERRY: Why would you want to drive? Sit back, let me do the work. (Flashback to Elaine's horrible driving which made Jerry sick) Anyway, the steering on this car is off, I .. I'm doing you a favor.

E: Well... your no George, but your makin' pretty good time.

JERRY: I'm a little nervous about this Elaine.

Elaine: Well, if all he wants to do is test your handwriting, why don't you just use your other hand? It would look completely different.

(Jerry does his scribble in the air alternating from hand to hand)
J: right hand, left hand, right hand, left han... I think you just may be onto something!
Next Scene

(A smallish room, ELAINE, JERRY, BOOKWORM, and a younger man are present.)

BOOKMAN: Ok Signfeld, have a seat. Ms. Benes protocal requires that you wait outside.

MAN: I think we can skip protocal this time leiutenent. (Smiles at Elaine)
(Next scene The Costanza household)

*The place is a mess*

(Frank and Estelle enter)

Estelle: Georgie boy, you're home?!

FRANK: Hi son, (Looking around and Yelling) This Place Is a Mess!!! Where The Hell Is Kramer!?!
(in a sarcastic tone)

George: Kramer couldn't make it. So...here I am. Remember me? Your son George?
FRANK: What the hell do you mean he couldnt make it? He was here yesterday when we called!

ESTELLE: Frank, remember what we agreed?

FRANK: Yes, Im sorry dear, no more yelling. (Smiles and puts his head next to Estelle)
George: Alright! That's enough! What the hell is going on here!

ESTELLE: Your father and I made a vow, no more fighting. (moves towards George) Oh I missed you so much Georgy.
(back to forensics lab, G & Bookworm are at a table as E & Younger Man -needs a name- are to side)

(back to forensics lab, G & Bookworm are at a table as E & Younger Man -needs a name- are to side)

YOUNGER MAN: So, what were ya' in for?
(Sarcastic)

Jerry: Murder....Yeah, I hate to talk about it. It's behind me now.

(elaine rolls her eyes)
Elaine: Im in the market for a good time.

[Elaine Benes]

LOL Elaine sounds very horned up. ;)

[Maestro]

she is, but one must be sponge worthy ;)
We prob shouldn't clutter up the script thread.

[sinatrastar]

I had the last line ...

[Brian Damage]

Young man: Hi I'm Gilbert.

Jerry and Elaine: Gilbert?!?

[Maestro]

(Gilbert reaches out 'count style' to shake hands with Elaine, seems to have a bit of a Transylvanian accent & a slight resemblance to Eddie Munster)

Gilbert: Corporal Gilbert O'Sullivan madam, so pleeeased to meet you.... Leutintant Boooookmon, will there be any blood test required on today's procedure?...

[sinatrastar]

BOOK: No, enough with the blood .. how many people leave blood on the books, none, thats how many. We just need a handwritting sample, then Signfeld and his 'freind' can be on their way.

[Brian Damage]

Jerry: Lainey! (rolls up sleeve on left arm) Pen please.

Elaine: What the hell am I your nurse?

[sinatrastar]

((JERRY writes various lines on paper provided by BOOKER))

BOOKER: Thanks, .. (confers with THE COUNT)

GILBERTENSTEIN: Ok Mr. Seinfeld your clear, your free to go. But I'd like to hear from you again (looking at Elaine) and slipping her his card)

[Brian Damage]

Elaine:(She gulps) O-o-ok