Freak Previews!!

[ABlairican Pie]

This article is a little old, and I don't know if it should go in the movie boards, but it DOES have to do with music. It's an article
about the use of guitar and heavy metal in low-budget horror movies. The article is over 10 years old, but entertaining nonethe less!! So if you want to spice of your Facts of Life video slumber parties, here are some cool videos to rent (with a few comments from yours truly):

FREAK PREVIEWS --Jeff Gilbert Goes to Hell
(Guitar World August 1992. Jeff Gilbert is a local rock promoter in Seattle who has had his own heavy metal show on local radio and
is a rock writer who does music reviews. I actually met him in 1995 at a Black Sabbath theme night at a Seattle club where KIM THAYIL of Soundgarden was standing A FEW FEET AWAY from us!!)

"It was the kind of assignment that causes a man's body hair to fall out in huge curly clumps. I was to scavenge through countless scum-encrusted racks in the sleaziest video stores I could find, in order to find and review the innovative use of guitar in contemporary horror cinema. After several harrowing days, I had compiled the Northern Hemisphere's most comprehensive video guide of guitarists who really kill. And it gave me an excuse to watch scantily-clad babes get chased around by maniacs who play very mean pentatonics on six-string chainsaws.
Read it and creep."

TRICK OR TREAT
(Lorimar) GW rating: :rock: :rock: :rock: :rock:
Stars: Ozzy!! Gene Simmons!! and SKIPPY FROM "FAMILY TIES"!!
Plot: Sammi Curr, recently deceased and decidedly evil rock star, communicates with a dysfunctional headbanger via an ordinary, run-of-the-mill backmasked heavy metal record. Sammi's condition
doesn't prevent him from playing a Halloween concert at his old high school.
Notable guitars: A spark-shooting red Fender Strat.:guitar:
Best line: "It's true, rock's chosen warriors will rule the apocalypse!"
Why waste $2: Learn the consequences of excessive heavy metal consumption.

KAP'N's KommentZ: I saw this in '85/86, and it rocked!!! It was a little hard to picture Ozzy made out to look like a fundie preacher, tho'... Gene Simmons was great as a dj. The soundtrack was done by the 80's band Fastway ("Say What You Will").

[ABlairican Pie]

SHOCK 'EM DEAD

(Academy Entertainment) :rock: :rock: :rock: :rock: :rock:
Stars: Former porn-nymph Traci Lords.
Plot: A fast-food nerd sells his soul to a crusty-looking, demonic voodoo woman with poor hygiene to become the World's Greatest Rock Star, in the band Spastique Kolon.
Notable Guitars: Nitro's Michael Angelo and his mutant BC Rich
double-neck stand in during sequences requiring actual guitar solos.
Best line: "Every f:mad: cking retard thinks he's a rock star; I've made better sounds on the pot."
Why waste $2: Master an array of fascinating guitar poses without ever learning how to play.

Kap'n'Z KommentZ: Traci Lords? LEGIT??:eek:

[ABlairican Pie]

ROCKTOBER BLOOD

(Vestron) :rock: :rock:
Stars: A dead, short-haired rock star with a homicidal twin brother, and a girl who strips every five minutes.
Plot: A girl who strips every five minutes is stalked by a dead rock
star's homicidal twin brother.
Notable guitars: A black Les Paul used to bonk a certain homicidal
twin brother over the head.
Best line: "Let's set up by this coffin--the kids love all this death crap."
Why waste $2: Some things are worse than rock 'n' roll.

Kap'n'Z KommentZ: :grineyes:

[ABlairican Pie]

SLUMBER PARTY MASSACRE

(Embassy) :rock: :rock: :rock: :rock:
Stars: A band of four buff rocker babes.
Plot: A cute, blonde rhythm guitarist is relentlessly pursued by an
Andrew Dice Clay look-a-like, who plays a guitar resembling an over-sized Swiss army knife.
Notable guitars: A girl-goring instrument featuring a 30-inch spinning chrome drill coming out of the headstock.
Best line: "Someday we're gonna be in movies and rock videos and everything, because my song is gonna be a hit, just as soon as I finish writing it--and I'm gonna finish it this weekend, for sure!"
Why waste $2: The pillow-fight scene.

Kap'n'Z KommentZ: I have found my literary calling--writing movie classics like this.:D

[ABlairican Pie]

TERROR ON TOUR

(Media):rock: :rock: :rock:
Stars: Four guys in a rock band called The Clowns who wear KISS make up and bushy, red-streaked afro wigs and have lots of unsafe sex with their female fans.
Plot: Stoned and naked groupies are snuffed by someone wearing clown makeup. But who?:confused:
Guitars: A Guild bass customized with stylish white fringe.
Best Line: Select one: a) "It's my turn to get the chicks tonight."
b) "Look, we're coming off tour on Sunday...I'll dry out then for a while." c) "I wish you'd notice me instead of the beer." d) "If cutting up dummies onstage thrills an audience, what's wrong with it?"
Why waste $2: See the movie that gave Ace, Peter, Paul, and Gene a career.

Kap'n'Z KommentZ: Karly better not watch this one.
:nonono: I could make this a double bill with "Killer Clowns From Outer Space.":cool:

[ABlairican Pie]

KISS MEETS THE PHANTOM OF THE PARK

(Worldvision):rock: :rock: :rock: :rock:
Stars: Four guys wearing clown makeup.
Plot: A brilliant, but socially misguided, mad scientist turns amusement park patrons into robotoc zombies. Little does he know, KISS has beat him to the punch.
Best line: "So much for my solo."
Why waste $2: It's your duty as a lifetime member of the KISS Army to rent this video at least three times a year--even if you already own a copy.

Kap'n'Z KommentZ: This was THE movie event of 1978. I was glued for two hours in front of the t.v. watching it on NBC that Saturday night.

[ABlairican Pie]

BLACK ROSES

(Imperial Entertainment) :rock: :rock: :rock: :rock:
Stars: Satan's metal band and an entire high school of bored metalheads.
Plot: Small town Mill Basin is about to learn the best argument for the PMRC when concerts preformed by the heavy metal group,
Black Roses, turns teens into parent-snuffing children of darkness.
Best line: "Bad kids, bad music...bad news."
Why waste $2: Cool rubber monsters and you get to hear Lizzy Borden's "Me Against the World" played three times. All right!

Kap'n'Z KommentZ: Lizzy Borden...need I say more??

[ABlairican Pie]

ROCK 'N ROLL NIGHTMARE

(Vestron):rock:
Stars: Steroid pretty boy John-Mikl Thor. And a demon.
Plot: A heavy metal band is trying to record an album in an upstate farmhouse, but that pesky Satan keeps trying to crash the sessions--even though his name isn't on the guest list. Oh no!:eek:
Notable guitars: Standard Strats and Les Pauls played with the finesse of a bricklayer performing microsurgery.
Best line: "Live by the chord, die by the chord."
Why waste $2: If you can think of a reason to rent this video, let
us know.

Kap'n'Z KommentZ: ...:confused:

[ABlairican Pie]

ROCK 'N ROLL MOBSTER GIRLS
(Demolition Films) :rock:
Stars: A whole bunch of silly Seattle rock bands.
Plot: Sadistic rock promoter Bruno Moltrock wants to take his latest discovery, The Doll Squad, an all-girl punk rock group, to the
top. Along the way, he stops to hack, slice, and gore anyone who
doesn't share his enthusiasm for the band.
Notable guitars: Severely out-of-tune Strats.
Best line: "The Doll Squad are like the Rolling Stones...with breasts."
Why waste $2: Live performances by Crisis Party, Cat Butt, Girl Trouble, and a cameo appearance by Guitar World Art Director Jesse Reyes.

Kap'n's KommentZ: Best while drunk.

[ABlairican Pie]

SHREDDER ORPHEUS

(A.I.P Studios) :rock: :rock: :rock:
Stars: Late rock poet Stephen Jesse Bernstein and a fake guitar hero with a red headband.
Plot: Hell has its own television network--and uh oh, they need new prime time talent. Unfortunately, the Boys From Down Under
have recruited a newly-wedded rock star's bride. The saddened hubbie hops a skateboard and goofy foots his way through the Netherworld in search of his kidnapped love biscuit. He finds her, but she doesn't want him any more because she's damned. He gets his head lopped off by a chainsaw for his trouble.
Notable guitars: Three guitars that look like sci-fi lawn furniture and a purse-sized square guitar with three strings that is sort of like a glow-in-the dark Etch-A-Sketch that feeds back.
Best line: Two winners: "I've dedicated my life to the sounds of metal insects screaming in a wall of oatmeal"; and "If you want to join the pantheon of dead skate rock guitar heroes, that's your choice."
Why waste $2: See how to turn ordinary lawn furniture into cool guitars.

Kap'n'Z KommentZ: I wonder if THIS movie was Bas Luhrmann's inspiration behind Moulin Rouge...:confused:

[ABlairican Pie]

PHANTOM OF THE PARADISE

(Key Video) :rock: :rock: :rock: :rock:
Stars: Diminutive rock legend Paul Williams.
Plot: Mega-rock-mogul/producer Swan steals a contada from an aspiring artist and gives it to his latest discovery--a gay, heavy metal rock star called Beef. Guess who's massively pissed and wants bloody revenge?
Notable guitars: A white-painted Strat with scythes attached to the headstock, for real shredding.
Best line: "Look, if I don't want to do a show, it's not because I suddenly got stage fright--it's because some creature from beyond doesn't want me to do the show."
Why waste $2: See Paul Williams in the role that catapulted him to superstardom.

Kap'n'Z KommentZ: I remember Paul Williams from back in the 70's. Wasn't he on the Gong Show?