The Top 10 best answering machine messages

[Warm & Fuzzy]

10 . My wife and I can't come to the phone right now, but if you'll leave your name and number, we'll get back to you as soon as we're finished.

9. Hello, you are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages. My owners do not need siding, windows or a tub,and their carpets are clean. They give to charity at the office and don't need their picture taken. If you're still with me, leave your name and home phone number and they will get back to you.

8. This is not an answering machine - this is a telepathic thought-recording device. After the tone, think about your name, your number, and your reason for calling.... and I'll think about returning your call.

7. Hi! John's answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator. Please speak very slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets.

6. Hi. This is John: If you are the phone company, I already sent the money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my bank, you didn't lend me enough money. If you are my friends, you owe me money. If you are a female, don't worry, I have LOTS of money.

5. A is for academics, B is for beer. One of those reasons is why we're not here. So, leave a message.

4. Hello! If you leave a message, I'll call you soon. If you leave a"sexy" message, I'll call sooner.

3. Hi. Now YOU say something.

2. Hi. I'm probably home, I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, it's you.

And the Number 1 Actual Answering Machine Message Recorded and Verified by The World Famous International Institute of Answering MachineMessages.

1. Hello, you've reached Jim and Sonya. We can't pick up the phone right now, because we're doing something we really enjoy. Sonya likes doing it up and down, and I like doing it left to right... real slowly. So leave a message, and when we're done brushing our teeth, we'll call you back.

[Kay Scarpetta]

:rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: 'Specially @ number 1 :D

[Warm & Fuzzy]

Originally posted by Lisa Whelchel Forever
:rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmap: 'Specially @ number 1 :D LOL, dirty dirty mind. :nonono:

[Mr. Shy Guy]

:lol: Number 6 is my favorite.

[KerriBerri687]

:lol: :lol: :lol: :rotflmao: ahhhhhhhhh

[FOLrocks1]

LOL! I like #7 a lot!

[Kay Scarpetta]

Originally posted by Jo's the bomb
LOL, dirty dirty mind. :nonono:

Thank you :D

[ks]

:lol: I like number 6! Whenever I get an answer machine I think I'll borrow that one;)








ks

[Warm & Fuzzy]

Originally posted by Lisa Whelchel Forever


Thank you :D LOL, I think I can accept a "thank you" for that. ;)

BTW, I saw Lilo and Stitch today, the world's cutest thing! omg!

[Kay Scarpetta]

Originally posted by ks
:lol: I like number 6! Whenever I get an answer machine I think I'll borrow that one;)


Just be sure to change "female" to "male" ;)

Anyways I think I'll put #5 on my cell voicemail!

[Kay Scarpetta]

Originally posted by Jo's the bomb
BTW, I saw Lilo and Stitch today, the world's cutest thing! omg!
Yes I know!!! I'm going to see it again tomorrow.. :D

[Warm & Fuzzy]

Originally posted by ks
:lol: I like number 6! Whenever I get an answer machine I think I'll borrow that one;)








ks LOL, just remember to change "female" to "male," unless......

:grineyes:

[Warm & Fuzzy]

Originally posted by Lisa Whelchel Forever


Just be sure to change "female" to "male" ;)

ESP! lol. :lol:

[ks]

Originally posted by Jo's the bomb
LOL, just remember to change "female" to "male," unless......

:grineyes:


:lookaroun How did you find out? Who told you? Who let my secret out?! Dang...now you all know why I hide in a hole...












:joke: ..... taking nothing above seriously...-ahem-...






ks

[-*Forever*-]

:rotflmao: My mom's letting me put one on our answering machine :D

[Kay Scarpetta]

Your honestly one of a kind, Daughter dear....

[Montana Ponine]

:lol: I loved those!! Especially #6 hahahahah!!!!

[consentida]

:lol: those are funny. #3 is definately something I would put on my answer machine

[Warm & Fuzzy]

Originally posted by ks



:lookaroun How did you find out? Who told you? Who let my secret out?! Dang...now you all know why I hide in a hole...









ks Um, uuh, well... I'm physic. :D

[Warm & Fuzzy]

Originally posted by ¤~*Roxie Rickman*~¤
:rotflmao: My mom's letting me put one on our answering machine :D LOL! Seriously--which one? :grineyes:

[ks]

Originally posted by Lisa Whelchel Forever
Your honestly one of a kind, Daughter dear....


:blush: Thank you, Mother. That is a compliment coming from you...






ks

[Warm & Fuzzy]

Originally posted by Lisa Whelchel Forever

Yes I know!!! I'm going to see it again tomorrow.. :D There's one thing I don't get though... why didn't Lilo's sister want the adoption-person to say that "Stitch" wasn't a real name?

[-*Forever*-]

Originally posted by Jo's the bomb
LOL! Seriously--which one? :grineyes:

Not the nasty ones Jenny LOL I dunno which yet tho

[-*Forever*-]

Originally posted by Jo's the bomb
There's one thing I don't get though... why didn't Lilo's sister want the adoption-person to say that "Stitch" wasn't a real name?

Cos she didn't wanna hurt Lilo's feelings

[Warm & Fuzzy]

Originally posted by ¤~*Roxie Rickman*~¤


Cos she didn't wanna hurt Lilo's feelings LOL, ohhh, I see I see, I thought it was maybe her parent's name or something and she wanted to remember. How old is Lilo, anyhow? (You can tell I wasn't paying attention can you? --too busy tossing popcorn at my friends.)

[Babes_Cat]

Originally posted by Jo's the bomb
There's one thing I don't get though... why didn't Lilo's sister want the adoption-person to say that "Stitch" wasn't a real name?

I JUST SAW THAT TONIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO CUTE!

[Georgia's on my Mind]

OMG Those are so funny!!! LOL This is my cell voice message at the moment....

This is the Answering macheine, you know what to do.

I held my cell up to the TV during that part of Designing Women, I know I'm a loser lol

J.D. :wave:

[JoPol_wannabe]

Those are funny #6 is really good. But my favorite Answering Machine message is George's (Sienfield):

Believe it or not George isn't at home so leave a message at the beep, I must be out or I'd pick up the phone where could I be believe it or not I'm not home.

[Czas na Zywiec]

Hi we're not in right now. We out doing something absolutely fabulous. And you're calling people who aren't even home. :nonono: Leave your message after the laugh. Ahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.

If you've seen the Nanny before, that aha was Fran's laugh. So use your head. :lol:

[Krystal Lake]

:lol: Those are great!

I currently have on my answering machine the music from the video in the "Hi Ho" thread. :D

I used to have it set as a busy signal. :D

[XoVanillaRain90oX]

LOL number 1!!!!!!!!!! hahahaha

[Ewan's My Man]

:rotflmao:

[Polniaczek033]

Those r cool! I luv em all!
my sister put one on ours a year ago:

Meow meow meow meow, meow meow meow meow, meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow
hello, you've reached (//>//our phone number//<//), we can't talk now, but leave us a message
meow, meow, MEOW!

[Hollow]

lol

[#1_Nancy_McKeon]

I heard one on a TV show that said..

"Hi, I'm a New Yorker now. So leave a message...... Or I'll kill you."

Here's some good ones..

1-) Well I finally got an answering machine. Now how does this thing work? Hmmm. Press record button, I did that, and the light should be on. I wonder why it's not working right. Hmmmm, I wonder what this button does...

2-) You know what I hate about answering machine messages? They go on and on, wasting your time. I mean, all they really need to say is, "We aren't in, leave a message." That's why I've decided to keep mine simple and short. I pledge to you, my caller, that you will never have to suffer through another long answering machine message when you call me...

3-) Drawling granny voice: Way back inna winner of fifty-two, we didn' have fanshy gadjets like no ansherin' machine. You jusht had to call and call until shummbody got home. Now, shum people, dey shay dey don' like 'em, but I shay it'll shave you a lotta trouble if you jusht leave a meshage. Thanksh a lot.

4-) Computer style monotone: Hello, I am the XS486 Mark Five answering machine. I am equipped with the new Pentium processor to assure that nothing can go wrong... Gowrong... Grong.. Grong gronggronggrongBEEP

5-) Hello. This is Ron's answering machine, Marvin, and I'm so depressed. I have 50,000 times the memory capacity of my owner, but all I get to do is answer the phone. Life. Don't talk to me about life. Just leave your name and number after the beep. Here comes the beep, how I hate that beep, it's so cheery sounding.

6-) Thank you for calling 217-2962. If you wish to speak to Tim, push 1 on your touch tone phone now. If you wish to speak to Lynn, push 2 on your touch tone phone now. If you have a wrong number, push 3 on your touch tone phone now. All of this button pushing doesn't do anything, but it is a good way to work off anger, and it makes us feel like we have a big time phone system.


7-) Hello, this is KVKE, you're on the air.

8-) Thanks for calling Dial-A-Shrink. I can't come to the phone right now, so after the tone, please leave your name and number, then talk briefly about your childhood and tell me what comes to mind when you hear the following words: orange... mother... vacation... apple... I'll get back to you with my diagnosis as soon as possible.

9-) Steve: Hello. Steve and Matt aren't here right now, but if...

Matt: Steve, what are you doing?

Steve: I'm leaving a phone message since we aren't here.

Matt: But you left the last one -- it's my turn.

Steve: No, I'm sure it's my turn.

Matt: No, you're wrong. It's definitely my turn.

Steve: You fool, I know it's... Wait... Matt... What are you doing with that frying pan? (BONK... THUD)

Matt: Steve is out right now, so please leave your name and number.

10-) Hi!! You've reached Janet and Chris's room. We're not in right now. If this is our parents, we're at the library studying. Yeah, yeah, that's it, that's the ticket. If this is John, Chris is out with the girls at the party. Yeah, that's it. If this is any one else, we're at a party and you're not. Yeah, a party with the president. Yeah and the... Pope. Yeah that's it.


11-) (Italian Mafia-style voice:) I can't come to the phone right now. Me and Guido are trying to stuff a body in the trunk. I think we're going to have to size it a little... (Aside:) HEY GUIDO! GET THE CHAINSAW! Anyways, leave your name and a message. If I like it, you'll hear from me. If not, you'll hear from Guido! (Laughter.)

12-) Shhh! Don't talk, just listen! Meet me at the corner of Broad and Main and bring the girl. (CLICK)

13-) Hello? Hello... Ooh Hi.. How are you? Uh-huh.... Well I'm not home right now so speak to my answering machine *laughter*

Here's some fun ones to listen to...(Hopefully they work)

1.) http://www.answeringmachine.co.uk/free/am_japanese.mp3

2.) http://www.websink.com/funnyanswering/files/mp3/mailhell.mp3

3.) http://www.websink.com/funnyanswering/files/mp3/message.mp3

[Kay Scarpetta]

:lol: Those are hillarious Miranda!

[ks]

Originally posted by Lisa Whelchel Forever
:lol: Those are hillarious Miranda!


:lol: Reading all of those makes me want to go out and buy an answer machine sadly enough...

It seems as if you can have tons of fun with them:D





ks

[Swimfan85]

Originally posted by ks



:lol: Reading all of those makes me want to go out and buy an answer machine sadly enough...

It seems as if you can have tons of fun with them:D


ks

same!!! lol miranda now I kno what I want for my bday!!;)

[ks]

Originally posted by hockeybabe528


same!!! lol miranda now I kno what I want for my bday!!;)




Yeah! You can get me an answer machine too, Miranda. Just buy two and send one to KT and one to me. Our birthdays aren't that far apart. Thanks:wave:





ks