In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity...

[Warm & Fuzzy]

Here's another funny e-mail I recieved today. :)
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On a Sears hairdryer:
Do not use while sleeping. (that's the only time I have to work on my hair).
On a bag of Fritos:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special)?
On a bar of Dial soap:
"Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would be how???....)
On some Swanson frozen dinners:
"Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's "just" a suggestion).
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom):
"Do not turn upside down." (well...duh, a bit late, huh)!
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
"Product will be hot after heating." (...and you thought????...)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
"Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn't this save me more time?)
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:
"Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)
On Nytol Sleep Aid:
"Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and...I'm taking this because???....)
On most brands of Christmas lights:
"For indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to...what?)
On a Japanese food processor:
"Not to be used for the other use." (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)
On Sunsbury's peanuts:
"Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news flash)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
"Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)
On a child's superman costume:
"Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents.)
On a Swedish chainsaw:
"Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals." (..was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)

[Kay Scarpetta]

LOL Oh my goodness. :lol:

[Ewan's My Man]

:rotflmao: I e-mailed those to my mommy just now...

[AllIWantIsYourClutch]

Ahahahahhaa. OMG I'm like cracking up! LOL! :lol::lol:

[Montana Ponine]

:lol: :rotflmao: OMG lol!!!!!! I read a couple of those somewhere...

[Montana Ponine]

It's against the law to whale hunt in Oklahoma (think about it...)

[AllIWantIsYourClutch]

Originally posted by Montana Ponine
It's against the law to whale hunt in Oklahoma (think about it...)


AHAHAHAHA!!


In Joliet, Illinois (my city) it's illegal to put cake in a cookie jar.

I read that in a book once. I wanna call the police department and see if it's true.

[KerriBerri687]

heres some more interestin stuff....


In a hotel in Athens:
"Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily."

In a Paris hotel elevator:
"Please leave your values at the front desk."

In a Japanese hotel:
"You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid."

In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery:
"You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursday."

On the menu of a Swiss restaurant:
"Our wines leave you nothing to hope for."

Outside a Hong Kong tailor shop:
"Ladies may have a fit upstairs."

In a Bangkok dry cleaner's:
"Drop your trousers here for best results."

In a Rhodes tailor shop:
"Order your summers suit. Because is big rush we will execute customers in strict rotation."

Similarly, from the Soviet Weekly:
"There will be a Moscow Exhibition of Arts by 15,000 Soviet Republic painters and sculptors. These were executed over the past two years."

In a Rome laundry:
"Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time."

In a Copenhagen airline ticket office:
"We take your bags and send them in all directions."

On the door of a Moscow hotel room:
"If this is your first visit to the USSR, you are welcome to it."

In the office of a Roman doctor:
"Specialist in women and other diseases."

In an Acapulco hotel:
"The manager has personally passed all the water served here."

In a Tokyo shop:
"Our nylons cost more than common, but you'll find they are best in the long run."

Two signs from a Majorcan shop entrance:
"English well talking."
"Here speeching American."

Sign in a hotel corridor in Istanbul:
"Please to evacuate in hall especially which is accompanied by rude noises."

In a Tokyo bar:
Special cocktails for the ladies with nuts.

At a Budapest zoo:
Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty.

In a Swiss mountain inn:
Special today -- no ice cream.

Detour sign in Kyushi, Japan:
Stop: Drive Sideways.

On the faucet in a Finnish washroom:
To stop the drip, turn **** to right.

In the window of a Swedish furrier:
Fur coats made for ladies from their own skin.

In a Czechoslovakian tourist agency:
Take one of our horse-driven city tours -- we guarantee no miscarriages.

In a Vienna hotel:
In case of fire, do your utmost to alarm the hotel porter.

Chinese Mistranslation :
The name Coca-Cola in China was first rendered as Ke-kou-ke-la. Unfortunately, the Coke company did not discover until after thousands of signs had been printed that the phrase means "bite the wax tadpole" or "female horse stuffed with wax" depending on the dialect. Coke then researched 40,000 Chinese characters and found a close phonetic equivalent, ko-kou-ko-le, which can be loosely translated as "happiness in the mouth".

When translated into Chinese, the Kentucky Fried Chicken slogan "finger-lickin' good" came out as "eat your fingers off".

In a Hong Kong supermarket: "For your convenience, we recommend courageous, efficient self-service".
Outside a Hong Kong tailor's shop: "Ladies may have a fit upstairs".

In an advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist: "Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists".

On the box of a clockwork toy made in Hong Kong: "Guaranteed to work throughout its useful life".

French Mistranslation :
Hunt-Wesson introduced its Big John products in French Canada as Gros Jos before finding out that the phrase, in slang, means "big breasts". In this case, however, the name problem did not have a noticeable effect on sales.

Colgate introduced a toothpaste in France called Cue, the name of a notorious porno mag.

Italian Mistranslation :
In Italy, a campaign for Schweppes Tonic Water translated the name into Schweppes Toilet Water.

Instructions on a packet of convenience food from Italy: "Besmear a backing pan, previously buttered with a good tomato sauce, and, after, dispose the cannelloni, lightly distanced between them in a only couch."
.

[Montana Ponine]

Originally posted by Rosa Blasi Rulz



AHAHAHAHA!!


In Joliet, Illinois (my city) it's illegal to put cake in a cookie jar.

I read that in a book once. I wanna call the police department and see if it's true.

:eek: Do it, do it!!!!!

[dawsongirl]

:rotflmao:

[AllIWantIsYourClutch]

Originally posted by Montana Ponine


:eek: Do it, do it!!!!!

I might....

I think I'll have my friend Amy do it.

[AllIWantIsYourClutch]

I have a few:

"Golden, Ripe, Boneless Bananas, 39 Cents A Pound." - Ad in the "Missoulian" by Orange Street Food Farm

"How to store your baby walker: First, remove baby." -Anonymous Manufacturer

"Permitted vehicles not allowed." - Road sign on US 27

"SAFETY FIRST: Please put on your seat belt - prepare for accident." - Sign on backseat of Taxi

"Suicide Hotline...please hold."

A repair shop sign: WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK)






Kinda offtopic:

When we were driving through Kentucky, I thought it was funny...they had this lane...you could only drive in it Monday through Friday between 4 and 6 pm and only if you had 2 people in the car....there was a sign that said that.

[DarleneIllyria]

Oh my God! I've read that first list so many times on one joke page, and I still lmao each and everytime. :lol: :lol: :lol:

[Plata]

Those are so funny! I just e-mailed that to my mom and dad just now.:lol:

[Polniaczek033]

LOL! :lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol:



LOL! OMG!



In a purple hippopotamus store-

green hippopotamuses are best, (And yours are purple why?)

[80sTrivia]

Those were absolutely hilarious!!! But you never know, someone just might need those instructions!!! :lol:

[AllIWantIsYourClutch]

Originally posted by Polniaczek033

In a purple hippopotamus store-

green hippopotamuses are best, (And yours are purple why?)


That's dumb.

[TibbyTibby2]

haaaaahahaha LOL!@:lol: :lol: :lol:

[Polniaczek033]

Originally posted by Rosa Blasi Rulz



That's dumb.



i was trying to make it dumb!

[Polniaczek033]

Dumb Laws--- And other dumb stuff (http://www.dumblaws.com)



In Pennsylvania---


*it is illegal to sleep on a refrigerator out doors

*You may not sing in a bath tub

*Though you do not need a fishing license to fish on your own land, you need a hunting license to hunt on your own land.

*Dynamite is not to be used to catch fish

*you may not catch a fish with your hands

*you may not catch a fish with any body part except your mouth.

*Motorized veichles are not to be sold on Sundays

*All liquor stores must be run by state

*No more than 2 packages of beer may be sold at a time, unless you are purchasing them from an official "beer distributor"

*Ministers are forbidden from preforming marriges if the bride and/or groom, is drunk

*Any motorist who sees a team of horses coming toward him must pull well off the road, cover his car with a blanket or canvas that blends well in with the countryside, and let the horses pass. If the horses appear skittish, the driver must take his car apart, piece by piece, and hide it under the nearest bushes.

*A person is not elligible to run for Governer if he/she has particiapated in a duel.

*Fireworks stores may not sell fireworks to PA residents.

*A special cleaning ordinance,bans housewives from hiding dirt, and dust under a rug in a dwelling.

*Any motorist driving along a country road, must stop every mile and send up a rocket signal, wait ten minutes for all livestock to be cleared from the road, then continue.

------City Laws------

AllenTown-
There is a ban on men becoming aroused in public.

Carlisle-
In the middle of town, one must pay a fee of 50$ a yera to park on a particular block. How ever, the cars must be moved every night for cleaning. This law is even enforced if snow or ice prevents the car from being moved.

Connellsville-
Ones pants may not be worn 5 inches below the waist.

Danville-
All fire hydrants must be checked one hour before all fires.

Millville-
The sale of alcohol is prohibited.
One may not shoot anydog found wandering in the streets.

Morrisville-
It is required that a woman has a permit to wear cosmetics.

newton-
every outlet or switch, which can be purchased for 59 cents, that is installed, requires an electrical inspection with a fee of 1 dollar and 33 cents.

Pittsburgh-
You may not sleep on a refrigerator.
it is illegal to try and bring a donkey or mule onto a trolley car.

Ridley Park-
You can not walk backwards eating peanuts in front of Barnstormers auditorium during a performance.

Tarentum-
horses are not to be tied to parking meters.

[Polniaczek033]

In China--

*You can only have one child, otherwise you must pay a fine.

*To go to college, you must be intelligent.

In Beijing-

*Drivers of power driven veichles, who stop at pedestrian crossings, are liable to a fine up to 5 yuan, or a warning. -article 40 of Beijing Traffic Laws.