Final's funnies

[Ags2000]

Battle Hymn Of Term Finals
(Sung to The Battle Hymn Of The Republic)


Mine eyes have seen the horror
Of the ending of the term
It has poisoned all my spirits
Like an apple with a worm
It's infected all my freedom
Like an ugly cancer germ
The truth shall soon be known.

Failure, failure, degradation,
Failure and humiliation,
Failure, failure, academia,
The truth shall soon be known.

I have listened to the teachers
But the homework leaves me cold
I have never done assignments
Although many times been told
I have even missed my classes
When I was feeling bold
The truth shall soon be known

Failure, failure, degradation,
Failure and humiliation,
Failure, failure, academia,
The truth shall soon be known.

They are adding all my points up
And I haven't earned but few
In fact, I haven't even gotten
More than one or two
Oh, if I could only find an answer
Anything to do
The truth shall soon be known.


Failure, failure, degradation,
Failure and humiliation,
Failure, failure, academia,
The truth shall soon be known.

On the lines of every gradebook
There is solemn news for me
The worst is yet to come when
Financial Aid ignores my plea
So I guess the only answer is
To drop my books and flee
The truth shall soon be known.

Failure, failure, degradation,
Failure and humiliation,
Failure, failure, academia,
The truth shall soon be known.

Well, the end has finally come
And I have failed to pass a class
Though the fun and laughter, goofing off
Was really quite a gas
But I won't be in the numbers
Of the capped and gowned mass
The truth was finally shown.

Failure, failure, degradation,
Failure, and humilation,
Failure, failure, academia,
The truth was finally known.

[Ags2000]

Ohio State Calculus Final Story


The setting is Ohio State University about six or seven years ago in a huge lecture hall (approximately 1000 students) for a Calculus final. Apparently this particular calculus teacher wasn't very well liked. He was one of those guys who would stand at the front of the class and yell out how much time was remaining before the end of a test, a real charmer. Since he was so busy galavanting around the room making sure that nobody cheated and that everyone was aware of how much time they had left before their failure on the test was complete, he had the students stack the completed tests on the huge podium at the front of the room. This made for quite a mess, remember there were 1000 students in the class.

Anyway, during this particular final, one guy entered the test needing a decent grade to pass the class. His only problem with Calculus was that he did poorly when rushed, and this guy standing in the front of the room barking out how much time was left before the tests had to be handed in didn't help him at all. He figured he wanted to assure himself of a good grade, so he hardly flinched when the professor said "pencils down and submit your scantron sheets and work to piles at the front of the room".

Five minutes turned into ten, ten into twenty, twenty into forty... almost an hour after the test was "officially over", our friend finally put down his pencil, gathered up his work, and headed to the front of the hall to submit his final. The whole time, the professor sat at the front of the room, strangely waiting for the student to complete his exam.

"What do you think you're doing?" the professor asked as the student stood in front of him about to put down his exam on one of the neatly stacked piles of exams (the professor had plenty of time to stack the mountain of papers while he waited). It was clear that the professor had waited only to give the student a hard time.

"Turning in my exam," retorted the student confidently.

"I'm afraid I have some bad news for you," the profesor gloated, "Your exam is an hour late. You've FAILED it and, consequently, I'll see you next term when you repeat my course."

The student smiled slyly and asked the professor "Do you know who I am?"

"What?" replied the professor grufly, annoyed that the student showed no sign of emotion.

The student rephrased the question mockingly, "Do you know what my name is?"

"NO", snarled the professor.

The student looked the professor dead in the eyes and said slowly, "I didn't think so", as he lifted up one of the stacks half way, shoved his test neatly into the center of the stack, let the stack fall burying his test in the middle, turned around, and walked casually out of the huge lecture hall.

[Ags2000]

The Best and Worst Course Evaluations Of All Time


1. "This class was a religious experience for me... I had to take it all on faith."

2. "Text makes a satisfying 'thud' when dropped on the floor."

3. "The class is worthwhile because I need it for the degree."

4. "His blackboard technique puts Rembrandt to shame."

5. "Textbook is confusing... Someone with a knowledge of English should proofread it."

6. "Have you ever fell asleep in class and awoke in another? That's the way I felt all term."

7. "In class I learn that I can fudge answers and get away with it."

8. "Keep lecturer or tenure board will be shot."

9. "The recitation instructor would make a good parking lot attendant. Tries to tell you where to go, but you can never understand him."

10. "Text is useless. I use it to kill roaches in my room."

11. "In class the syllabus is more important than you are."

12. "I am convinced that you can learn by osmosis by just sitting in his class."

13. "Help! I've fallen asleep and I can't wake up!"

14. "Problem sets are a decoy to lure you away from potential exam material."

15. "Recitation was great. It was so confusing that I forgot who I was, where I was, and what I was doing - It's a great stress reliever."

16. "He is one of the best teachers I have had... He is well-organized, presents good lectures, and creates interest in the subject. I hope my comments don't hurt his chances of getting tenure."

17. "I would sit in class and stare out the window at the squirrels. They've got a cool nest in the tree."

18. "He teaches like Speedy Gonzalez on a caffeine high."

19. "This course kept me out of trouble from 2-4:30 on Tuesdays and Thursdays."

20. "Most of us spent the 1st 3 weeks terrified of the class. Then solidarity kicked in."

21. "Bogus number crunching. My HP is exhausted."

22. "The absolute value of the TA was less than epsilon."

23. "TA steadily improved throughout the course... I think he started drinking and it really loosened him up."

24. "Information was presented like a ruptured fire hose-- spraying in all directions-- no way to stop it."

25. "I never bought the text. My $60 was better spent on the Ozzy Osbourne cds that I used more while doing the problem sets than I would have used the text."

26. "What's the quality of the text? 'Text is printed on high quality
paper.'"

[ks]

:lol: Thanks, Ags! That gives me alot to look forward to when I take my finals after Christmas break. That song is a riot. I'll be sure to keep it in mind while I'm studying...:lol:
Sorry finals didn't go too great for you...or so it seems.
Who all has yet to take their mid-semester exams? I can't believe mine are AFTER Christmas...guess it's so I'll forget it.




ks

[Kay Scarpetta]

That song is so funny!! :lol:

[-*Forever*-]

:lol: Funny! Everybody say FUNNY!!!

[Ags2000]

Originally posted by ks
:lol: Thanks, Ags! That gives me alot to look forward to when I take my finals after Christmas break. That song is a riot. I'll be sure to keep it in mind while I'm studying...:lol:
Sorry finals didn't go too great for you...or so it seems.
Who all has yet to take their mid-semester exams? I can't believe mine are AFTER Christmas...guess it's so I'll forget it.




ks


Glad you liked them. That just bites that your finals are AFTER Christmas. Good luck on them.

D

[Hollow]

Originally posted by Patricia Heaton Forever
:lol: Funny! Everybody say FUNNY!!!
FUNNY!! :p LOL

[BlairW_1]

LOL!!! Great, now I get to look forward to finals...

[dawsongirl]

Originally posted by Ags2000
I have listened to the teachers
But the homework leaves me cold
I have never done assignments
Although many times been told
I have even missed my classes
When I was feeling bold
The truth shall soon be known


Okay, yep, that was me!! Just call me skipper.

But, I'M DONE NOW!!!!! Well, until January 14th anyway.