Frank Gannucci
01-09-2010, 08:45 PM
(The NY Jets won the WC playoff by beating the Cincinatti Bengals 24-14.)
(Ralph & Ed come home in the Kramden apartment.)
Ralph: "Wow! What a game. Those Jets really tamed those Bengals Ha ha. I saw McGarrity's face when we came up here. He looked like he was going to throw up."
Ed: "Yeah. Those J-E-T-S, Jets, Jets, Jets, will go all the way to the Super Bowl."
Ralph: "Yes, they might get into the Super Bowl and play near that glorious action city. The fun and sun capital of the world...MIAMI BEACH!"
(Audience cheers.)
Ed: "Yeah, but Ralph let's think. Those Jets would have to get passed the Pats or the Ravens next week. Whoever wins that game has got to be tough."
Ralph: "Tough? Ha ha. That Tom Brady is going to be of no use this playoff season. I predict his team will NEVER win a Super Bowl."
(Alice comes out.)
Alice: "Hi guys! I am assuming that you watched the game."
Ralph: "Yeah, we did honey. Those Jets will murder the Ravens or the Pats."
Alice: "You sure about that Ralph? Those Pats and Ravens got to be tough."
Ralph: "You sound just like Norton Alice. I predict that the Jets will win it all and win the Super Bowl for the first time in 31 years and they will do it in the same place that they won the Super Bowl in Miami. Talk about irony."
McGarrity (from upstairs, yells): "HEY KRAMDEN! TOM BRADY CALLED AND HE SAYS THAT THE JETS WILL LOSE NEXT WEEK. THEY WILL BE FAT LOSERS LIKE YOU."
(Ralph goes to the window and sticks his head out.)
Ralph (yells): "HEY LOUDMOUTH! I AM NOT A FAT LOSER. I PLAYED FOOTBALL FOR THE RACCOON FOOTBALL TEAM."
Ed (yells): "YEAH, WE WOULD HAVE WON THE GAME HAD NOT RALPH FAINTED WITHIN TWO SECONDS OF RUNNING."
Ralph (yells to Ed): "GET OUT! GET OUT!"
(Ed leaves.)
(Jackie Gleason walks on stage.)
Jackie: "Thank you. The Miami Beach audiences are the GREATEST! GOOD NIGHT!"
(Audience cheers.)
"The Deciding Vote":
(Ralph turns on the vacuum cleaner. It doesn't work.)
Ed: "I think that motor needs a drop or erl."
Ralph: "Yeah, that is all that it needs. A drop of oil."
Alice: "A drop of oil? It wouldn't help if you dipped it in Texas."
"Two Men On A Horse":
Ralph: "Good thing that I have a brain to figure these things out for us."
Ed: "You sure do Ralph. You can think of smart things to get yourself out of the dumb things that you get yourself into."
"Pal O' Mine":
Trixie: "Ed wanted to get Jim McKeever red suspenders, but I thought a ring would be better."
Ed: "All I konw is Jim has a weakness for red suspenders."
Alice: "She's right Ed. A man would rather have a ring then suspenders."
Ed: "Not if his pants keep falling down."
"Flushing Ho":
(Ed looks at the toaster.)
Ed: "The radiostat conductor is not making proper contact with the electrocoil."
Alice: "What does that mean?"
Ed: "There's a screw loose."
"The Deciding Vote":
Ed: "I would say that after listening to that motor there that the amateor sprocket is causing interference which in turn causes the combustion line to interfere with the flow in the dynaflow."
Ralph: "Now what does that mean?"
Ed: "I don't know."
"Boys & Girls Together":
(Alice has cooked up a nice candlelight romantic dinner for Ralph. The lights are turned off. Ralph comes in.)
Alice: "Hello Ralph."
Ralph: "So, you forgot to pay the electric bill, huh?"
"King of The Castle":
Alice: "I thought you were leaving forever."
Ralph: "I wouldn't give you the satisfaction."
"In 25 Words Or Less":
Ralph: "Before I started eating delicious Flakey Wakey, I weighed 250 pounds. I now weigh..."
Ed: "260 pounds."
(Ralph & Ed come home in the Kramden apartment.)
Ralph: "Wow! What a game. Those Jets really tamed those Bengals Ha ha. I saw McGarrity's face when we came up here. He looked like he was going to throw up."
Ed: "Yeah. Those J-E-T-S, Jets, Jets, Jets, will go all the way to the Super Bowl."
Ralph: "Yes, they might get into the Super Bowl and play near that glorious action city. The fun and sun capital of the world...MIAMI BEACH!"
(Audience cheers.)
Ed: "Yeah, but Ralph let's think. Those Jets would have to get passed the Pats or the Ravens next week. Whoever wins that game has got to be tough."
Ralph: "Tough? Ha ha. That Tom Brady is going to be of no use this playoff season. I predict his team will NEVER win a Super Bowl."
(Alice comes out.)
Alice: "Hi guys! I am assuming that you watched the game."
Ralph: "Yeah, we did honey. Those Jets will murder the Ravens or the Pats."
Alice: "You sure about that Ralph? Those Pats and Ravens got to be tough."
Ralph: "You sound just like Norton Alice. I predict that the Jets will win it all and win the Super Bowl for the first time in 31 years and they will do it in the same place that they won the Super Bowl in Miami. Talk about irony."
McGarrity (from upstairs, yells): "HEY KRAMDEN! TOM BRADY CALLED AND HE SAYS THAT THE JETS WILL LOSE NEXT WEEK. THEY WILL BE FAT LOSERS LIKE YOU."
(Ralph goes to the window and sticks his head out.)
Ralph (yells): "HEY LOUDMOUTH! I AM NOT A FAT LOSER. I PLAYED FOOTBALL FOR THE RACCOON FOOTBALL TEAM."
Ed (yells): "YEAH, WE WOULD HAVE WON THE GAME HAD NOT RALPH FAINTED WITHIN TWO SECONDS OF RUNNING."
Ralph (yells to Ed): "GET OUT! GET OUT!"
(Ed leaves.)
(Jackie Gleason walks on stage.)
Jackie: "Thank you. The Miami Beach audiences are the GREATEST! GOOD NIGHT!"
(Audience cheers.)
"The Deciding Vote":
(Ralph turns on the vacuum cleaner. It doesn't work.)
Ed: "I think that motor needs a drop or erl."
Ralph: "Yeah, that is all that it needs. A drop of oil."
Alice: "A drop of oil? It wouldn't help if you dipped it in Texas."
"Two Men On A Horse":
Ralph: "Good thing that I have a brain to figure these things out for us."
Ed: "You sure do Ralph. You can think of smart things to get yourself out of the dumb things that you get yourself into."
"Pal O' Mine":
Trixie: "Ed wanted to get Jim McKeever red suspenders, but I thought a ring would be better."
Ed: "All I konw is Jim has a weakness for red suspenders."
Alice: "She's right Ed. A man would rather have a ring then suspenders."
Ed: "Not if his pants keep falling down."
"Flushing Ho":
(Ed looks at the toaster.)
Ed: "The radiostat conductor is not making proper contact with the electrocoil."
Alice: "What does that mean?"
Ed: "There's a screw loose."
"The Deciding Vote":
Ed: "I would say that after listening to that motor there that the amateor sprocket is causing interference which in turn causes the combustion line to interfere with the flow in the dynaflow."
Ralph: "Now what does that mean?"
Ed: "I don't know."
"Boys & Girls Together":
(Alice has cooked up a nice candlelight romantic dinner for Ralph. The lights are turned off. Ralph comes in.)
Alice: "Hello Ralph."
Ralph: "So, you forgot to pay the electric bill, huh?"
"King of The Castle":
Alice: "I thought you were leaving forever."
Ralph: "I wouldn't give you the satisfaction."
"In 25 Words Or Less":
Ralph: "Before I started eating delicious Flakey Wakey, I weighed 250 pounds. I now weigh..."
Ed: "260 pounds."