Frank Gannucci
09-04-2009, 10:12 PM
Episode Reviews: "To Whomever It May Concern", "Ralph's Big Mouth" (aka M.Y.O.B.), "Brother Ralph" & "Letter To The Boss":
In honor of Labor Day, I thought I would post these since each episode is job-related.
Episode #179 (Syndicated Episode #27)
TV: Hour-long musical.
DVD: Attached to "Sleepy Time Gal", “Boy Next Door” & “Follow The Boys”:
Color Honeymooners Title: "To Whomever It May Concern."
Lost Episode Title: "Letter To The Boss."
These episode beings with an "overhead" shot of Ralph's bus pulling into the bus terminal. Laughter is heard (maybe on of the June Taylor Dancers did something funny. I can't tell if they did or not because I have the edited version of this episode.) After that, Ralph greets Ed in the lobby of the bus terminal. Ralph says that there ought to be a law that forbids women to ride the bus. Ralph: "They ought to ride the subway. Where the driver is in a booth and they can't bother him." Ralph says that a woman is going to report her. Ralph picked her up at Cline's on 14th street. She comes on the bus and has nothing smaller than a twenty dollar bill. Ralph didn't do it because the bus company says that he doesn't have to change anything over $5 and the union says that he doesn't have to change anything over $1. Ha! She was steamed at Ralph because he broke her lamp. Ralph: "I told her to get off the bus. She wouldn't move." Ed: "Was that after you broke her lamp?" Ralph: "No, that was after I broke her umbrella." Ralph would have called a cop but while he was arguing with her, he ran into the back of a police car. A guy named Fred comes by and says to Ralph that he got a call from the main office. Mr. Marshall says that Ralph should turn in his uniform Monday morning. Ralph isn't driving a bus anymore. Fred doesn't have any more details and leaves. Ralph is worried that he lost his job because that woman filled a complaint against him, so he tries to call him. Ralph is unsuccessful in trying to get him. Ralph complains about all the inconveniences he had to put up with as a driver like drunks trying to get on the bus without paying, old women yelling at him etc. Ed: "Don't worry Ralph you will get another job." Ralph: "Sure, I will but not a good one like this one." Ha! Ed tries to cheer Ralph up, but only makes Ralph feel worse. Ralph wonders what he will do after this job because he doesn't have a decent education. He was a school drop out. Ed: "I was working in the sewer all these years because I was a drop in." Ralph & Ed sing a very important song called: "Stay In School." That song should be sung to everyone who thinks of dropping out.
Alice is home and Trixie stops by to borrow some onions. Alice is making new curtains for the bedroom window. Alice is using an old sports shirt of Ralph's to make the curtain. Ha! Trixie wishes that she would do something with Ed's old shirts. She washes, scrubs, boils and then burns them. Trixie leaves. Ralph comes home with Ed and after telling Ed that right now he doesn't want to have Alice know that he lost his job, Ralph tells Alice just that. Ralph: "As of Monday, I am no longer driving a bus for the Madison Avenue Bus Company." I guess that the name of the bus company changed. Ralph says that the reason that he was fired was because some woman made a complaint about him. Ralph says that he was fired at a very significant time after 17 years. Ralph: "They had plenty of reasons to fire me, but Mr. Marshall waited until the last minute Just until I was about to get my pension. I had 13 years to go." Their pension is gone as well as their plans for the future. Their dreams about retiring to Miami Beach with them getting $135 a month is gone. Ed: "It is cruel. Cruel. Cruel. Cruel." Alice says that they will have to live of whatever money they have. Ralph: "Swell. That will take care for tonight, but what about tomorrow?" Ha! Ralph has to pay the gas, electric, insurance as well as payments on the ice box. Ralph wonders what he will tell the landlord about the rent. Alice suggests telling the landlord to wait a few days. Ralph: "I told him that when I was working." Ed suggests that Ralph do what Ed and his fellow workers do to their boss in the sewer which is drown him. Ha! Ralph hits on the idea that he will write a nasty letter to Mr. J.J. Marshall. Alice objects but her opinion falls on deaf ears. Ralph tells Alice to write what Ralph says but Alice says no and goes upstairs. Ralph then gets Norton to write what Ralph says. Ed warms up, so Ralph yells at him to stop. Ralph doesn't want his boss to think that this is some crank letter and wrote this letter with consideration. Here is the letter that Ralph wanted to write to him:
"Dear Mr. Marshall:
You dirty bum! After giving you the best years of my life, you fired me. You are a miserable worm. You ought to turn in your membership card to the human race. After what you did to me, I can truthfully say that you are the world's meanest man. You dirty bum!"
Respectfully yours,
Etc. Etc. Etc.
P.S.: In the future, I may need a reference. So you may hear from me again.
MPI Video, in regards to the lost episode version called "Letter To The Boss", says that the letter used in that version is a classic Kramden letter. The old Honeymooners.net, in regards to the lost episode version, said that the line of: "You dirty bum!" is delivered with such conviction that it looks like Ralph invented the insult for the occasion. This should to be shown to every getting a job-related class under the heading: "What NOT to write to your boss after you get fired." Ralph says that the address of the bus company is River Street, New York City. I guess that were are supposed to believe that the bus company changed it's name and moved back to River Street since in the lost episode version, the company was located at 255 River Street and then in the Classic 39, it moved somewhere else. Either that, or Ralph now works at a different bus company. Ed goes out to mail the letter and leaves. Alice comes back down and suggests that he get a manager at a restaurant called The 5 and 10. Ralph says no because he doesn't want her to work no matter what. A bus driver named Scottie (played by George Petrie) comes by and says that Ralph hasn't been fired, but promoted. Scottie leaves. Ralph leaves to go get Ed before he mails the letter and tells Alice to make sure that she can get that job at the 5 and 10.
Outside, before Ralph can get Norton to not mail that letter, Ed just put letter in the mail box. Ralph: "I wasn't fired. I was promoted." Ed: "Congratulations Ralph." Ralph: "What are you congratulating me for?" Ralph tries to get Ed to put his arm into the mailbox. Ed says no because it's a federal offense and he can go to jail for 20 years Ralph: "That is a chance that we will have to take." Wow! What a friend. Ed: "I can't stand the thought of being cooped up in a dark place with no running water. Ralph tries to get the letter out, but Ed says that someone is coming. Ed was just practicing to say that, so Ralph gets angry with him. Ralph tries to put his arm in again. He puts his arm down further, but it gets stuck…just in time for a policeman to come. Ralph tries to act like nothing is happening. Ed: "I am not with that young man by the mailbox. Isn't that right Ralph?" The cop leaves. Ed tries to free Ralph. Ed: "The mailbox is easier to move than you are even though the mailbox is bolted to the ground." Ed goes into the ice cream shop to get some butter to lubricate his arm to get it out. He leaves. A kid (probably the same one that appeared in "Confusion, Italian Style") comes by and asks Ralph if he can mail his letter for him. This is one of those rare Honeymooners episodes that Jackie allowed a kid to star in. Ralph is acting mean in front of the kid by saying that he won't mail the kid's letter. All this time, Jackie moved his arm out of the mailbox a little bit to reveal the fact that it wasn't really stuck. The kid kicks Ralph's leg and a thump sound is heard. Ralph screams in pain. He then agrees to mail the kid's letter. The kid leaves. Ed comes back with the butter. Ralph tries to lubricate his arm. Ed tries to pull on Ralph's other arm. Ed accidentally rips Ralph's sleeve off. That plan didn't work. So Ed tries to make the mailbox vibrate in hopes that it will free Ralph since he thinks it will loosen metal things from bolts. He gets the Bus Stop sign and hits the mailbox with it. Not only does the mailbox "vibrate", but so does Ralph. That works Ralph is upset but he realizes that he is now free. The mailman comes by to collect the mail so Ralph tries to get his mailed letter from the mailman. The mailman says that he can't. Ralph explains to him what he did. The mailman relents and gives him the letter. Ed wrote down SWAK on the back of it. Ralph: "You wrote Sealed with a Kiss?" Ed: "No. Sewer Workers Are Kings." Ralph & Ed are happy that they got the letter back so they sing. "Never Put Anything In Writing." After this, the kid comes out and asks Ralph if he mailed his letter. He forgot to and accidentally gives his hateful-letter and then the kid puts it in the mailbox. He realizes this when he takes "his" letter out of his pocket and reads: Santa Claus. North Pole?" (This episode was shown right before Christmas in '67.)
The next day, Ralph tries to get the letter before his boss reads it, even going as far as messing up the mail that his secretary put on Mr. Marshall's desk. He fails. The secretary congratulates Ralph on his promotion and she tells him that he is replacing Mr. Sullivan who got fired for calling Mr. Marshall an old fuddy-duddy. She leaves. The boss (who gets an ovation) comes in and he reads Ralph's letter. He doesn't mind the insults because he always gets them but becomes mad when the author didn't sign his name. He thinks the letter is from Mr. Sullivan. I guess Mr. Sullivan lives in the same apartment building as Ralph.
In the next scene, you can tell that the first few minutes were edited because the girls are already in mid-conversation. Ralph Kramden comes home with Chinese food. Ralph: "We are going to celebrate." The audience laughs probably because they know the ending of this episode. Ralph explains to the girls that due to Ed's stupidity in writing "Etc. Etc. Etc." at the end of his letter, Ralph still has his promotion. They all sing: "There Is No One Lucky As I. Ed comes down to explain the fact that he went down and said Ralph didn't mean all of those insults that he wrote in the letter. He felt he had to do it out of niceness. Everyone is upset.
During the curtain call, Jackie says that the coffee he is drinking is mountain grown. It must be Folgers. He praises the Miami Beach audience and introduces the cast. We never found out who really played Mr. Marshall (at least I didn't.)
Episode #127 (Syndicated Episode #36)
TV: Half-hour.
VCR: Attached to "Better Living Through TV."
DVD: Attached to episodes #32 - #39 of the classic 39 along with bonus features like the original opening and closing and an edited Honeymooners Special that aired in 1990 that was hosted by Audrey Meadows. This special originally had Lost Episode clips and since Paramount didn’t have the rights to air them, they edited them out.
This is the second of two episodes that for some reason were re-titled: "Ralph's Big Mouth." Why two different episodes share the same title is beyond me.
One night, Ralph & Ed are playing Gin Rummy. After Ed outsmarts Ralph and gets Gin, he says he now has 250,000 points. Ed: "That wasn't a blitz. That was a bloutz. You owe me 17 cents." Ralph wants to play one more game. Ed isn't in the mood. He is worried about not getting a promotion & raise down the sewer. He is afraid that they will give it to Cassidy who for the last few months or so, has been working under the sewer right underneath city hall. Ralph says that he could get the job if he wanted it. All he has to do is go to his boss and ask for the raise and promotion. If they don't give it to him, then he has to scare him. Ralph: "Tell them after 17 years in the sewer, you are washing your hands of the whole thing." Ralph wants to play one more game that will decide who really wins for tonight. Ed doesn't want to. Ed: "When you win, you yell and scream in anger." Blooper alert! Art should have said: "When I win..." Ralph promises that he won't yell and scream. Ed gets gin again. Ralph motions for him to get out. Ed: "I got to hand it to you Ralph. You didn't yell and scream, because you were very..." Ralph (yells): "OUT!"
The next day, Alice is home. Ed comes down. He has bad news. He tells Alice that after talking to his boss, Jim McKeever, he finds it impossible to work one more day down in that sewer. Alice: "What did he say to you?" Ed: "You're fired!" Ed doesn't know how to break it to Trixie he leaves. Ralph comes home. She said that Ed went to see his boss and asked for the promotion and said that if he didn't get it, he would quit. Alice is telling him how Ed got fired because he demanded a raise and she's outraged because "someone" gave Ed such bad advice. How did Alice know the reason he was fired? Ed didn't offer the information that she told Ralph. Looks like either Art forgot his lines or the moment that Ed told her the information was edited out. Ralph claims he doesn't know. Ed comes by again with flowers for Trixie just to soften the blow of the news before he tells her the news and spills the beans on how Ralph gave him the ill-fated advice about getting the promotion and raise. He goes upstairs. Alice is mad. Ralph: "You know if I told him anything, it was with the best of caring. I'll get that job back for him Alice. There isn't anything in this world that will stop me from going down that sewer tomorrow." Alice: "Oh no? There isn't a manhole in this city that you could fit through." Alice is fuming. Ralph says that we help them out any way they can. Trixie comes down. She is crying because Ed got fired. Alice says that the reason that Ed didn't come home at the usual time is because he was worried about how Trixie would take the news. Ed comes down. Trixie says that she heard the news and he will get a much better job. Ed kisses Trix and goes to buy back the flowers he was going to give to her. Trixie just learned about the flowers when Ed said he will go and buy them back.
Several days later, Trixie is with Alice in the Kramden's kitchen. She is worried that they have now eaten with them for several nights in a row now. Alice said that they shouldn't worry about imposing on them and if they can't pay their rent, they can move in with them. Trixie says this about Ed: "You can take the man out of the sewer but you can't take the sewer out of the man." Ed has just gotten a job as a steam iron salesman. Ed comes by. He claims that he had a big first day on the job. Alice leaves. Ed says that his first day on the job was a dark, dark day. Ed sold only one iron today and that was his last stop. Trixie: "That's very encouraging. Maybe after you talked with all those people, you finally got the right approach. Do you remember what you said?" Ed: "Sure I do. I said: 'Mama, you just got to buy this iron.'" That was to his mom. Tomorrow, it's Trixie's mom. The Nortons are starting to feel bad. They think they are imposing on the Kramdens. So, they think of an idea. Ed will say that his first day on the job will be dandy and the future will be bright for him. Ralph comes home. Ed tells him the news. Ed says that he made $40 today and had a really good day. Ralph is amazed. Ralph: "$40 a day!" The Nortons now say that the Kramdens won't have to worry about them anymore. Ralph says if the Spiffy Iron Company (the company that Ed works for is looking for anybody and if they are, could Ed recommend him.) Ed politely says that he can't because it's his first day on the job and politely says that some guys have it while others don't and he (Ed) has it. The Nortons leave. Ralph mikes out Nortons bill and tells Alice (who just came home after The Nortons left) what happened to Ed today and what he just told him. Ralph: "He was ungrateful to me after what I did for him. I got him fired from his sewer job." Alice tries to speak some sense to Ralph. Alice: "You are no salesman." Ralph: "When I was a kid, I sold more lemonade on the block than anyone else." Alice: "Okay, the next hot day we have, I will make you a picture of lemonade and you can go outside and sell it." Alice says that today Ed may have made $40 but tomorrow Ed may make less and with Ralph's job, he knows what he will get paid every week and he is due for a raise and promotion. Ralph says that tomorrow, he will go down to the Spiffy-Iron Company, fill out an application, go to the bus company to report for work and tell his boss, Mr. Marshall, that he just got an offer for a better job and that he will have to leave the company. With that, Mr. Marshall will give him the raise and promotion, since he can't afford to have Ralph quit. Ralph: "It's called the ol' squeeze play. I am going to squeeze Mr. Marshall. He's in now position to squeeze me." Alice: "Of course not. He can't even get his arms around you."
The next day, Ralph comes home with an iron and application from the Spiffy-Iron Company. He pulled the squeeze play, but Mr. Marshall says that a raise and promotion are out of the question and Ralph said that he wouldn't dream of leaving the company and is staying. Ed comes in. He just got his sewer job back and quit his salesman job. He said that he didn't do well as an iron salesman and explained that because he and Trixie felt bad because they thought that they were imposing on them and made up the story on how Ed was doing so well. Ed thanks them for all their help and starts to cry. He leaves. Ralph demonstrates the new iron that he got and how it will make Alice's job easier. He plugs it in. Ralph: "You will be amazed at the simplicity of its operation." The iron explodes. Ha! With that, the episode ends.
Episode #100 (Syndicated Episode #9)
TV: Half-hour.
VCR: Attached to "The Golfer."
DVD: Attached to episodes #9-16 of the classic 39.
Ed visits Alice and they talk about the suggestion that Ralph made down at the bus depot. Ralph suggested that they bring in a traffic expert to solve the bus problems on Madison Avenue. Of course to do that, the depot will have to lay off some drivers. Ralph comes home and Ed says: "Hey Ralphie boy. Put it there. Congratulations there." (shaking Ralph's hand): "Alice just told me the good news there about the suggestion you made down at the company. That was a pretty smart idea of yours, bringing in a traffic expert. Ha ha ha. They didn't need an expert. I could tell what the trouble was. Too many buses on Madison Avenue, that's all. That traffic expert will take some of the buses off the line and lay off some of the drivers. Of course, it will be rough on the bus drivers that are being laid off. But, at a time like this, you got to think of yourself. Think how much better of you and the bus drivers that are working." (slapping Ralph's shoulder): "What's the good word buddy boy?" Ralph: "I was the first to go." Ralph mentions that he was laid off along with nine other drivers and says a line that culminates with: "You know that sign at the post office that says: 'The mail gets through no matter what kind of weather'? Do you know why it says that? Because the mailman rides with me." Ed opffers to make Ralph feel better. Ralph: "What do I have to smile about?" Ed: "That's the point. Now, more than ever you got to keep your spirits up. Sure, it's easy to smile when things are going good. But, smiling at a time like this is more of a challenge. Come on Ralphie, let me see you smile there. Show me those ivories. Give me the Liberance." (Ralph smiles.) Ed: "That's it. Beautiful. Beautiful. Just stay like that. Think of happy times. Think of yesterday when your boss said to you that he was going to use your suggestion of hiring a traffic expert on Madison Ave." (Ralph stops smiling.) Ed: "You should be proud Ralphie boy. No one else thought of that. You had that idea stored in your brain. Smile. Smile…" Ralph (yells): "GET OUT!"
Ralph and Alice talk over how they will manage. Their money count is amounted to $12.83. Alice offers taking a job as a secretary but Ralph says that who is going to do all the housework. Alice says that he will much to his chagrin. He complains about it. Alice goes into the bedroom. Ralph: "Har-har-Har-har-hardee-har-har!" Ed comes in and thinks that Ralph is happy, so he says: "Smile." Ralph kicks him out again.
In the next scene, Ralph is wearing an apron is a very funny way. Alice comes home and it is role reversal. Instead of Alice complaining about the amount of housework, it's Ralph and instead of Ralph complaining about the food for dinner, it's Alice. They are having hot dogs for dinner. Alice's boss, Mr. Amego (sp?) is coming and she said that Ralph is her brother and she's unmarried. Ralph: "You said that you're not what and that I'm who." The company that she works for doesn't believe in hiring married women and she works in an all-male office. Ralph is angry about that and said to Alice that she is quitting. Ralph: "This is not your brother that is talking. This is your husband." Ed comes down and Ralph talks over his current problem with Ed. Ed says to not worry about it and that the boss that he works for is the ugliest woman that has ever lived and that Ralph's boss may be old and ugly. Sure enough, Ralph's boss comes in and he is neither old nor ugly. Ed leaves. Ralph gets in his jealous mood of his. Mr. Amego: "You two don't look like brother and sister." He says that Alice is pretty and Ralph is fat. Ralph goes into the bedroom and him and Alice argue. You can't hear exactly what they are saying. Those two did the same thing in "Kramden Vs. Norton." Alice comes out. Mr. Amego offers to drive her in her convertible with the top down. Ralph has a better idea. He will come with them and they will take the subway on the way home and be home in an hour and a half. Finally, Ralph offers for them to stay in the apartment and do work. Mr. Amego gets the equipment. Alice: "Don't you trust me Ralph? Have you lost your mind?" Ralph: "I trust you. I don't trust him." Alice says that Ralph should have his head examined.
Alice and Mr. Amego are typing up things. Alice is using a typewriter. If this episode was done today, she would use a laptop. Ralph is acting jealous and acting crazy. Finally, a bus driver comes in and notifies Ralph that he is no longer laid off. Ralph's response? He asks Mr. Amego to stand up and hold out his arms so he can put the typewriter and papers and all of the other things that Mr. Amego brought in and orders him out. The bus depot driver leaves. Ralph: "Say that I am a maniac Alice. Go ahead. But, I don't care. that's the way I feel. Alice is happy. She loves Ralph because not every wife has a husband who is still jealous of her after a very long period of time. She said almost the exact thing in "This Is Your Life." They hug and kiss.
Episode #45 (Syndicated Episode #54)
TV: Half-hour (edited)
VCR: Attached to "Suspense" & "Dinner Guest."
DVD: Attached to "Suspense", "Dinner Guest" & "Ralph Kramden's
Greatest Schemes."
Alice is home and Trixie stops by to borrow a cup. Alice is taking out the right sleeves in Ralph's underwear. His right arm gets hot in the bus. His left one doesn't, because that's the arm he puts out the window. After Alice and Trixie make plans, Trixie leaves. Ralph come home and says that he's not hungry because he's just been fired from the bus company after nine years. Wait, in the last season, didn't Ralph say he worked for the bus company for 12 years? Ralph complains about all the inconveniences he had to put up with as a driver like drunks trying to get on the bus without paying, old women yelling at him etc. Alice: "Don't worry Ralph' You'll get anohter job." Ralph: "Sure, I will but not a good one like this one." Ha! I should point out that during this scene you can hear a man's voice laughing in the studio audience sometimes Ralph says something funny. Ralph: "We'll have to change our style of living, that's all. Move out of here into a cheap apartment." You can hear that man's voice in the studio audience laughing again. Ralph: "Get rid of this furniture and get some second-hand stuff." There goes that man's laughing again. Ralph says to Alice that they will ahve tolive of of whatever money they have. Alice: "Swell. That will take care for tonight, but what about tomorrow?" Ha!
Ralph mentions that they should live with Alice's parents for the time being but Alice nixes that idea. He also brings up some job ads listed in the paper, but they are all for women. Ralph mentions that he only finished his schooling after the sixth grade. It would have been worse if he continued his schooling because it would be embarrassing if he, as a college graduate, being fired from a bus company. Ed Norton comes down, expecting to go bowling. Ralph says that he lost his job. Ed tries to cheer Ralph up, but only makes Ralph feel worse. Ralph hits on the diea that he will write a nasty letter to Mr. J.J. Marshall. Alice objects but her opinion falls on deaf ears. Ralph tells Norton to write what Ralph says. Here is the letter:
"Dear Mr. Marshall:
You dirty bum! You are a miserable low-life. You ought to turn in your membership card to the human race. After nine years of loyal service, I can truthfully say that you are the world's meanest man. You dirty bum!"
MPI Video says that this is a classic Kramden letter. The old Honeymooners.net said that the line of: "You dirty bum!" is delivered with such conviction that it looks like Ralph invented the insult for the occasion. This should to be shown to every getting a job-related class under the heading: "What not to write to your boss after you get fired." Both claims are probably corect. Ralph: "Sign it! 'Respectuflly yours: Etc. Etc.'" Ed goes out to mail the letter and says that he could get Ralph a job in the sewer. All he has to do is pass the floating test. Ha! Ed leaves. Ralph says to Alice that he used to get little kids on the bus and that he would let them pretend that they are driving the bus. Ralph: "Wait a minute! It's probably one of those brats that is taking my job." Freddie Muller comes by and says that Ralph hasn't been fired, but promoted. Ralph leaves to go get Ed before he mails the letter.
At the bowling alley, Ed fools around the custoidian. He says that since he forgot to mail the letter and asks the custodian to mail it. What does the custodian get in return? Ed trying very hard not to litter the floor. Ha! When this episode is shown on TV, this scene as well as the next one have been taking out along with a couple of other things. That's like half the episode. Ralph comes in and finds out that his letter has been mailed and is worried that he will be really fired. Ed: "If he fires, you, send him another nasty letter." Ha! Ed is wearing his traditional Ed Norton outfit but he's wearing a longer, buttoned shirt. Ralph hatches a plan to get the letter. Ed: "What do I get in return?" Ralph: "That's a very selffish thing to say after what I didfor you. Remember that race last year? You needed money to bet on that horse." Ed: "You didn't give me the money?" Ralph: "Yeah, the horse lost didn't he?" But when a policeman hears it, Ralph and Ed lie to him saying that they are rehearsing for a play. Ed (to the policeman): "Remember that 3rd grade class play and you were a tree?" Ralph says that he will give the policeman tickets. He leaves. Ed says that they have to get his address so they can send him the tickets. Ralph: "Only I have got a bosom friend like this."
They go outside to get the letter out of the mailbox. Ralph tells Ed to keep a look out in case someone comes by. Ed: "If you are worried about people seeing you getting a leter out of there, how do you think they will react when they see you climbing into it?" Ralph: "Boy, would I love to put one right through." In other words, he wanted to punch Ed. Ed has a solution, he can't get the letter out. Ralph tries to get the letter out, but Ed says that someone is coming. Ed was just practing to say that, so Ralph gets angry with him.
A mailman comes by and sees Ralph and Ed having the box almost upside-down so Ralph tries to cover it up. The mailman gets the mail out of the box and the the custodian comes by and says that he just gave the letter that Ed gave him to the mailman.
The next day, Ralph tries to get the letter before his boss reads it. He fails and the boss reads Ralph's letter. He doesn't mind the insults because he always gets them but becomes mad when the author didn't sign his name. Ralph happily faints.
At home, Ralph plans to go to the Royal Chinese Gardens and explains Alice the good news. Ed comes down to explain the fact that he went down and said Ralph didn't mean all of those insults that he wrote in the letter. He felt he had to do it out of niceness. Ed: "Whenever you are in trouble, Ed Norton lives upstairs." Ralph faints in a break-dance like style.
In honor of Labor Day, I thought I would post these since each episode is job-related.
Episode #179 (Syndicated Episode #27)
TV: Hour-long musical.
DVD: Attached to "Sleepy Time Gal", “Boy Next Door” & “Follow The Boys”:
Color Honeymooners Title: "To Whomever It May Concern."
Lost Episode Title: "Letter To The Boss."
These episode beings with an "overhead" shot of Ralph's bus pulling into the bus terminal. Laughter is heard (maybe on of the June Taylor Dancers did something funny. I can't tell if they did or not because I have the edited version of this episode.) After that, Ralph greets Ed in the lobby of the bus terminal. Ralph says that there ought to be a law that forbids women to ride the bus. Ralph: "They ought to ride the subway. Where the driver is in a booth and they can't bother him." Ralph says that a woman is going to report her. Ralph picked her up at Cline's on 14th street. She comes on the bus and has nothing smaller than a twenty dollar bill. Ralph didn't do it because the bus company says that he doesn't have to change anything over $5 and the union says that he doesn't have to change anything over $1. Ha! She was steamed at Ralph because he broke her lamp. Ralph: "I told her to get off the bus. She wouldn't move." Ed: "Was that after you broke her lamp?" Ralph: "No, that was after I broke her umbrella." Ralph would have called a cop but while he was arguing with her, he ran into the back of a police car. A guy named Fred comes by and says to Ralph that he got a call from the main office. Mr. Marshall says that Ralph should turn in his uniform Monday morning. Ralph isn't driving a bus anymore. Fred doesn't have any more details and leaves. Ralph is worried that he lost his job because that woman filled a complaint against him, so he tries to call him. Ralph is unsuccessful in trying to get him. Ralph complains about all the inconveniences he had to put up with as a driver like drunks trying to get on the bus without paying, old women yelling at him etc. Ed: "Don't worry Ralph you will get another job." Ralph: "Sure, I will but not a good one like this one." Ha! Ed tries to cheer Ralph up, but only makes Ralph feel worse. Ralph wonders what he will do after this job because he doesn't have a decent education. He was a school drop out. Ed: "I was working in the sewer all these years because I was a drop in." Ralph & Ed sing a very important song called: "Stay In School." That song should be sung to everyone who thinks of dropping out.
Alice is home and Trixie stops by to borrow some onions. Alice is making new curtains for the bedroom window. Alice is using an old sports shirt of Ralph's to make the curtain. Ha! Trixie wishes that she would do something with Ed's old shirts. She washes, scrubs, boils and then burns them. Trixie leaves. Ralph comes home with Ed and after telling Ed that right now he doesn't want to have Alice know that he lost his job, Ralph tells Alice just that. Ralph: "As of Monday, I am no longer driving a bus for the Madison Avenue Bus Company." I guess that the name of the bus company changed. Ralph says that the reason that he was fired was because some woman made a complaint about him. Ralph says that he was fired at a very significant time after 17 years. Ralph: "They had plenty of reasons to fire me, but Mr. Marshall waited until the last minute Just until I was about to get my pension. I had 13 years to go." Their pension is gone as well as their plans for the future. Their dreams about retiring to Miami Beach with them getting $135 a month is gone. Ed: "It is cruel. Cruel. Cruel. Cruel." Alice says that they will have to live of whatever money they have. Ralph: "Swell. That will take care for tonight, but what about tomorrow?" Ha! Ralph has to pay the gas, electric, insurance as well as payments on the ice box. Ralph wonders what he will tell the landlord about the rent. Alice suggests telling the landlord to wait a few days. Ralph: "I told him that when I was working." Ed suggests that Ralph do what Ed and his fellow workers do to their boss in the sewer which is drown him. Ha! Ralph hits on the idea that he will write a nasty letter to Mr. J.J. Marshall. Alice objects but her opinion falls on deaf ears. Ralph tells Alice to write what Ralph says but Alice says no and goes upstairs. Ralph then gets Norton to write what Ralph says. Ed warms up, so Ralph yells at him to stop. Ralph doesn't want his boss to think that this is some crank letter and wrote this letter with consideration. Here is the letter that Ralph wanted to write to him:
"Dear Mr. Marshall:
You dirty bum! After giving you the best years of my life, you fired me. You are a miserable worm. You ought to turn in your membership card to the human race. After what you did to me, I can truthfully say that you are the world's meanest man. You dirty bum!"
Respectfully yours,
Etc. Etc. Etc.
P.S.: In the future, I may need a reference. So you may hear from me again.
MPI Video, in regards to the lost episode version called "Letter To The Boss", says that the letter used in that version is a classic Kramden letter. The old Honeymooners.net, in regards to the lost episode version, said that the line of: "You dirty bum!" is delivered with such conviction that it looks like Ralph invented the insult for the occasion. This should to be shown to every getting a job-related class under the heading: "What NOT to write to your boss after you get fired." Ralph says that the address of the bus company is River Street, New York City. I guess that were are supposed to believe that the bus company changed it's name and moved back to River Street since in the lost episode version, the company was located at 255 River Street and then in the Classic 39, it moved somewhere else. Either that, or Ralph now works at a different bus company. Ed goes out to mail the letter and leaves. Alice comes back down and suggests that he get a manager at a restaurant called The 5 and 10. Ralph says no because he doesn't want her to work no matter what. A bus driver named Scottie (played by George Petrie) comes by and says that Ralph hasn't been fired, but promoted. Scottie leaves. Ralph leaves to go get Ed before he mails the letter and tells Alice to make sure that she can get that job at the 5 and 10.
Outside, before Ralph can get Norton to not mail that letter, Ed just put letter in the mail box. Ralph: "I wasn't fired. I was promoted." Ed: "Congratulations Ralph." Ralph: "What are you congratulating me for?" Ralph tries to get Ed to put his arm into the mailbox. Ed says no because it's a federal offense and he can go to jail for 20 years Ralph: "That is a chance that we will have to take." Wow! What a friend. Ed: "I can't stand the thought of being cooped up in a dark place with no running water. Ralph tries to get the letter out, but Ed says that someone is coming. Ed was just practicing to say that, so Ralph gets angry with him. Ralph tries to put his arm in again. He puts his arm down further, but it gets stuck…just in time for a policeman to come. Ralph tries to act like nothing is happening. Ed: "I am not with that young man by the mailbox. Isn't that right Ralph?" The cop leaves. Ed tries to free Ralph. Ed: "The mailbox is easier to move than you are even though the mailbox is bolted to the ground." Ed goes into the ice cream shop to get some butter to lubricate his arm to get it out. He leaves. A kid (probably the same one that appeared in "Confusion, Italian Style") comes by and asks Ralph if he can mail his letter for him. This is one of those rare Honeymooners episodes that Jackie allowed a kid to star in. Ralph is acting mean in front of the kid by saying that he won't mail the kid's letter. All this time, Jackie moved his arm out of the mailbox a little bit to reveal the fact that it wasn't really stuck. The kid kicks Ralph's leg and a thump sound is heard. Ralph screams in pain. He then agrees to mail the kid's letter. The kid leaves. Ed comes back with the butter. Ralph tries to lubricate his arm. Ed tries to pull on Ralph's other arm. Ed accidentally rips Ralph's sleeve off. That plan didn't work. So Ed tries to make the mailbox vibrate in hopes that it will free Ralph since he thinks it will loosen metal things from bolts. He gets the Bus Stop sign and hits the mailbox with it. Not only does the mailbox "vibrate", but so does Ralph. That works Ralph is upset but he realizes that he is now free. The mailman comes by to collect the mail so Ralph tries to get his mailed letter from the mailman. The mailman says that he can't. Ralph explains to him what he did. The mailman relents and gives him the letter. Ed wrote down SWAK on the back of it. Ralph: "You wrote Sealed with a Kiss?" Ed: "No. Sewer Workers Are Kings." Ralph & Ed are happy that they got the letter back so they sing. "Never Put Anything In Writing." After this, the kid comes out and asks Ralph if he mailed his letter. He forgot to and accidentally gives his hateful-letter and then the kid puts it in the mailbox. He realizes this when he takes "his" letter out of his pocket and reads: Santa Claus. North Pole?" (This episode was shown right before Christmas in '67.)
The next day, Ralph tries to get the letter before his boss reads it, even going as far as messing up the mail that his secretary put on Mr. Marshall's desk. He fails. The secretary congratulates Ralph on his promotion and she tells him that he is replacing Mr. Sullivan who got fired for calling Mr. Marshall an old fuddy-duddy. She leaves. The boss (who gets an ovation) comes in and he reads Ralph's letter. He doesn't mind the insults because he always gets them but becomes mad when the author didn't sign his name. He thinks the letter is from Mr. Sullivan. I guess Mr. Sullivan lives in the same apartment building as Ralph.
In the next scene, you can tell that the first few minutes were edited because the girls are already in mid-conversation. Ralph Kramden comes home with Chinese food. Ralph: "We are going to celebrate." The audience laughs probably because they know the ending of this episode. Ralph explains to the girls that due to Ed's stupidity in writing "Etc. Etc. Etc." at the end of his letter, Ralph still has his promotion. They all sing: "There Is No One Lucky As I. Ed comes down to explain the fact that he went down and said Ralph didn't mean all of those insults that he wrote in the letter. He felt he had to do it out of niceness. Everyone is upset.
During the curtain call, Jackie says that the coffee he is drinking is mountain grown. It must be Folgers. He praises the Miami Beach audience and introduces the cast. We never found out who really played Mr. Marshall (at least I didn't.)
Episode #127 (Syndicated Episode #36)
TV: Half-hour.
VCR: Attached to "Better Living Through TV."
DVD: Attached to episodes #32 - #39 of the classic 39 along with bonus features like the original opening and closing and an edited Honeymooners Special that aired in 1990 that was hosted by Audrey Meadows. This special originally had Lost Episode clips and since Paramount didn’t have the rights to air them, they edited them out.
This is the second of two episodes that for some reason were re-titled: "Ralph's Big Mouth." Why two different episodes share the same title is beyond me.
One night, Ralph & Ed are playing Gin Rummy. After Ed outsmarts Ralph and gets Gin, he says he now has 250,000 points. Ed: "That wasn't a blitz. That was a bloutz. You owe me 17 cents." Ralph wants to play one more game. Ed isn't in the mood. He is worried about not getting a promotion & raise down the sewer. He is afraid that they will give it to Cassidy who for the last few months or so, has been working under the sewer right underneath city hall. Ralph says that he could get the job if he wanted it. All he has to do is go to his boss and ask for the raise and promotion. If they don't give it to him, then he has to scare him. Ralph: "Tell them after 17 years in the sewer, you are washing your hands of the whole thing." Ralph wants to play one more game that will decide who really wins for tonight. Ed doesn't want to. Ed: "When you win, you yell and scream in anger." Blooper alert! Art should have said: "When I win..." Ralph promises that he won't yell and scream. Ed gets gin again. Ralph motions for him to get out. Ed: "I got to hand it to you Ralph. You didn't yell and scream, because you were very..." Ralph (yells): "OUT!"
The next day, Alice is home. Ed comes down. He has bad news. He tells Alice that after talking to his boss, Jim McKeever, he finds it impossible to work one more day down in that sewer. Alice: "What did he say to you?" Ed: "You're fired!" Ed doesn't know how to break it to Trixie he leaves. Ralph comes home. She said that Ed went to see his boss and asked for the promotion and said that if he didn't get it, he would quit. Alice is telling him how Ed got fired because he demanded a raise and she's outraged because "someone" gave Ed such bad advice. How did Alice know the reason he was fired? Ed didn't offer the information that she told Ralph. Looks like either Art forgot his lines or the moment that Ed told her the information was edited out. Ralph claims he doesn't know. Ed comes by again with flowers for Trixie just to soften the blow of the news before he tells her the news and spills the beans on how Ralph gave him the ill-fated advice about getting the promotion and raise. He goes upstairs. Alice is mad. Ralph: "You know if I told him anything, it was with the best of caring. I'll get that job back for him Alice. There isn't anything in this world that will stop me from going down that sewer tomorrow." Alice: "Oh no? There isn't a manhole in this city that you could fit through." Alice is fuming. Ralph says that we help them out any way they can. Trixie comes down. She is crying because Ed got fired. Alice says that the reason that Ed didn't come home at the usual time is because he was worried about how Trixie would take the news. Ed comes down. Trixie says that she heard the news and he will get a much better job. Ed kisses Trix and goes to buy back the flowers he was going to give to her. Trixie just learned about the flowers when Ed said he will go and buy them back.
Several days later, Trixie is with Alice in the Kramden's kitchen. She is worried that they have now eaten with them for several nights in a row now. Alice said that they shouldn't worry about imposing on them and if they can't pay their rent, they can move in with them. Trixie says this about Ed: "You can take the man out of the sewer but you can't take the sewer out of the man." Ed has just gotten a job as a steam iron salesman. Ed comes by. He claims that he had a big first day on the job. Alice leaves. Ed says that his first day on the job was a dark, dark day. Ed sold only one iron today and that was his last stop. Trixie: "That's very encouraging. Maybe after you talked with all those people, you finally got the right approach. Do you remember what you said?" Ed: "Sure I do. I said: 'Mama, you just got to buy this iron.'" That was to his mom. Tomorrow, it's Trixie's mom. The Nortons are starting to feel bad. They think they are imposing on the Kramdens. So, they think of an idea. Ed will say that his first day on the job will be dandy and the future will be bright for him. Ralph comes home. Ed tells him the news. Ed says that he made $40 today and had a really good day. Ralph is amazed. Ralph: "$40 a day!" The Nortons now say that the Kramdens won't have to worry about them anymore. Ralph says if the Spiffy Iron Company (the company that Ed works for is looking for anybody and if they are, could Ed recommend him.) Ed politely says that he can't because it's his first day on the job and politely says that some guys have it while others don't and he (Ed) has it. The Nortons leave. Ralph mikes out Nortons bill and tells Alice (who just came home after The Nortons left) what happened to Ed today and what he just told him. Ralph: "He was ungrateful to me after what I did for him. I got him fired from his sewer job." Alice tries to speak some sense to Ralph. Alice: "You are no salesman." Ralph: "When I was a kid, I sold more lemonade on the block than anyone else." Alice: "Okay, the next hot day we have, I will make you a picture of lemonade and you can go outside and sell it." Alice says that today Ed may have made $40 but tomorrow Ed may make less and with Ralph's job, he knows what he will get paid every week and he is due for a raise and promotion. Ralph says that tomorrow, he will go down to the Spiffy-Iron Company, fill out an application, go to the bus company to report for work and tell his boss, Mr. Marshall, that he just got an offer for a better job and that he will have to leave the company. With that, Mr. Marshall will give him the raise and promotion, since he can't afford to have Ralph quit. Ralph: "It's called the ol' squeeze play. I am going to squeeze Mr. Marshall. He's in now position to squeeze me." Alice: "Of course not. He can't even get his arms around you."
The next day, Ralph comes home with an iron and application from the Spiffy-Iron Company. He pulled the squeeze play, but Mr. Marshall says that a raise and promotion are out of the question and Ralph said that he wouldn't dream of leaving the company and is staying. Ed comes in. He just got his sewer job back and quit his salesman job. He said that he didn't do well as an iron salesman and explained that because he and Trixie felt bad because they thought that they were imposing on them and made up the story on how Ed was doing so well. Ed thanks them for all their help and starts to cry. He leaves. Ralph demonstrates the new iron that he got and how it will make Alice's job easier. He plugs it in. Ralph: "You will be amazed at the simplicity of its operation." The iron explodes. Ha! With that, the episode ends.
Episode #100 (Syndicated Episode #9)
TV: Half-hour.
VCR: Attached to "The Golfer."
DVD: Attached to episodes #9-16 of the classic 39.
Ed visits Alice and they talk about the suggestion that Ralph made down at the bus depot. Ralph suggested that they bring in a traffic expert to solve the bus problems on Madison Avenue. Of course to do that, the depot will have to lay off some drivers. Ralph comes home and Ed says: "Hey Ralphie boy. Put it there. Congratulations there." (shaking Ralph's hand): "Alice just told me the good news there about the suggestion you made down at the company. That was a pretty smart idea of yours, bringing in a traffic expert. Ha ha ha. They didn't need an expert. I could tell what the trouble was. Too many buses on Madison Avenue, that's all. That traffic expert will take some of the buses off the line and lay off some of the drivers. Of course, it will be rough on the bus drivers that are being laid off. But, at a time like this, you got to think of yourself. Think how much better of you and the bus drivers that are working." (slapping Ralph's shoulder): "What's the good word buddy boy?" Ralph: "I was the first to go." Ralph mentions that he was laid off along with nine other drivers and says a line that culminates with: "You know that sign at the post office that says: 'The mail gets through no matter what kind of weather'? Do you know why it says that? Because the mailman rides with me." Ed opffers to make Ralph feel better. Ralph: "What do I have to smile about?" Ed: "That's the point. Now, more than ever you got to keep your spirits up. Sure, it's easy to smile when things are going good. But, smiling at a time like this is more of a challenge. Come on Ralphie, let me see you smile there. Show me those ivories. Give me the Liberance." (Ralph smiles.) Ed: "That's it. Beautiful. Beautiful. Just stay like that. Think of happy times. Think of yesterday when your boss said to you that he was going to use your suggestion of hiring a traffic expert on Madison Ave." (Ralph stops smiling.) Ed: "You should be proud Ralphie boy. No one else thought of that. You had that idea stored in your brain. Smile. Smile…" Ralph (yells): "GET OUT!"
Ralph and Alice talk over how they will manage. Their money count is amounted to $12.83. Alice offers taking a job as a secretary but Ralph says that who is going to do all the housework. Alice says that he will much to his chagrin. He complains about it. Alice goes into the bedroom. Ralph: "Har-har-Har-har-hardee-har-har!" Ed comes in and thinks that Ralph is happy, so he says: "Smile." Ralph kicks him out again.
In the next scene, Ralph is wearing an apron is a very funny way. Alice comes home and it is role reversal. Instead of Alice complaining about the amount of housework, it's Ralph and instead of Ralph complaining about the food for dinner, it's Alice. They are having hot dogs for dinner. Alice's boss, Mr. Amego (sp?) is coming and she said that Ralph is her brother and she's unmarried. Ralph: "You said that you're not what and that I'm who." The company that she works for doesn't believe in hiring married women and she works in an all-male office. Ralph is angry about that and said to Alice that she is quitting. Ralph: "This is not your brother that is talking. This is your husband." Ed comes down and Ralph talks over his current problem with Ed. Ed says to not worry about it and that the boss that he works for is the ugliest woman that has ever lived and that Ralph's boss may be old and ugly. Sure enough, Ralph's boss comes in and he is neither old nor ugly. Ed leaves. Ralph gets in his jealous mood of his. Mr. Amego: "You two don't look like brother and sister." He says that Alice is pretty and Ralph is fat. Ralph goes into the bedroom and him and Alice argue. You can't hear exactly what they are saying. Those two did the same thing in "Kramden Vs. Norton." Alice comes out. Mr. Amego offers to drive her in her convertible with the top down. Ralph has a better idea. He will come with them and they will take the subway on the way home and be home in an hour and a half. Finally, Ralph offers for them to stay in the apartment and do work. Mr. Amego gets the equipment. Alice: "Don't you trust me Ralph? Have you lost your mind?" Ralph: "I trust you. I don't trust him." Alice says that Ralph should have his head examined.
Alice and Mr. Amego are typing up things. Alice is using a typewriter. If this episode was done today, she would use a laptop. Ralph is acting jealous and acting crazy. Finally, a bus driver comes in and notifies Ralph that he is no longer laid off. Ralph's response? He asks Mr. Amego to stand up and hold out his arms so he can put the typewriter and papers and all of the other things that Mr. Amego brought in and orders him out. The bus depot driver leaves. Ralph: "Say that I am a maniac Alice. Go ahead. But, I don't care. that's the way I feel. Alice is happy. She loves Ralph because not every wife has a husband who is still jealous of her after a very long period of time. She said almost the exact thing in "This Is Your Life." They hug and kiss.
Episode #45 (Syndicated Episode #54)
TV: Half-hour (edited)
VCR: Attached to "Suspense" & "Dinner Guest."
DVD: Attached to "Suspense", "Dinner Guest" & "Ralph Kramden's
Greatest Schemes."
Alice is home and Trixie stops by to borrow a cup. Alice is taking out the right sleeves in Ralph's underwear. His right arm gets hot in the bus. His left one doesn't, because that's the arm he puts out the window. After Alice and Trixie make plans, Trixie leaves. Ralph come home and says that he's not hungry because he's just been fired from the bus company after nine years. Wait, in the last season, didn't Ralph say he worked for the bus company for 12 years? Ralph complains about all the inconveniences he had to put up with as a driver like drunks trying to get on the bus without paying, old women yelling at him etc. Alice: "Don't worry Ralph' You'll get anohter job." Ralph: "Sure, I will but not a good one like this one." Ha! I should point out that during this scene you can hear a man's voice laughing in the studio audience sometimes Ralph says something funny. Ralph: "We'll have to change our style of living, that's all. Move out of here into a cheap apartment." You can hear that man's voice in the studio audience laughing again. Ralph: "Get rid of this furniture and get some second-hand stuff." There goes that man's laughing again. Ralph says to Alice that they will ahve tolive of of whatever money they have. Alice: "Swell. That will take care for tonight, but what about tomorrow?" Ha!
Ralph mentions that they should live with Alice's parents for the time being but Alice nixes that idea. He also brings up some job ads listed in the paper, but they are all for women. Ralph mentions that he only finished his schooling after the sixth grade. It would have been worse if he continued his schooling because it would be embarrassing if he, as a college graduate, being fired from a bus company. Ed Norton comes down, expecting to go bowling. Ralph says that he lost his job. Ed tries to cheer Ralph up, but only makes Ralph feel worse. Ralph hits on the diea that he will write a nasty letter to Mr. J.J. Marshall. Alice objects but her opinion falls on deaf ears. Ralph tells Norton to write what Ralph says. Here is the letter:
"Dear Mr. Marshall:
You dirty bum! You are a miserable low-life. You ought to turn in your membership card to the human race. After nine years of loyal service, I can truthfully say that you are the world's meanest man. You dirty bum!"
MPI Video says that this is a classic Kramden letter. The old Honeymooners.net said that the line of: "You dirty bum!" is delivered with such conviction that it looks like Ralph invented the insult for the occasion. This should to be shown to every getting a job-related class under the heading: "What not to write to your boss after you get fired." Both claims are probably corect. Ralph: "Sign it! 'Respectuflly yours: Etc. Etc.'" Ed goes out to mail the letter and says that he could get Ralph a job in the sewer. All he has to do is pass the floating test. Ha! Ed leaves. Ralph says to Alice that he used to get little kids on the bus and that he would let them pretend that they are driving the bus. Ralph: "Wait a minute! It's probably one of those brats that is taking my job." Freddie Muller comes by and says that Ralph hasn't been fired, but promoted. Ralph leaves to go get Ed before he mails the letter.
At the bowling alley, Ed fools around the custoidian. He says that since he forgot to mail the letter and asks the custodian to mail it. What does the custodian get in return? Ed trying very hard not to litter the floor. Ha! When this episode is shown on TV, this scene as well as the next one have been taking out along with a couple of other things. That's like half the episode. Ralph comes in and finds out that his letter has been mailed and is worried that he will be really fired. Ed: "If he fires, you, send him another nasty letter." Ha! Ed is wearing his traditional Ed Norton outfit but he's wearing a longer, buttoned shirt. Ralph hatches a plan to get the letter. Ed: "What do I get in return?" Ralph: "That's a very selffish thing to say after what I didfor you. Remember that race last year? You needed money to bet on that horse." Ed: "You didn't give me the money?" Ralph: "Yeah, the horse lost didn't he?" But when a policeman hears it, Ralph and Ed lie to him saying that they are rehearsing for a play. Ed (to the policeman): "Remember that 3rd grade class play and you were a tree?" Ralph says that he will give the policeman tickets. He leaves. Ed says that they have to get his address so they can send him the tickets. Ralph: "Only I have got a bosom friend like this."
They go outside to get the letter out of the mailbox. Ralph tells Ed to keep a look out in case someone comes by. Ed: "If you are worried about people seeing you getting a leter out of there, how do you think they will react when they see you climbing into it?" Ralph: "Boy, would I love to put one right through." In other words, he wanted to punch Ed. Ed has a solution, he can't get the letter out. Ralph tries to get the letter out, but Ed says that someone is coming. Ed was just practing to say that, so Ralph gets angry with him.
A mailman comes by and sees Ralph and Ed having the box almost upside-down so Ralph tries to cover it up. The mailman gets the mail out of the box and the the custodian comes by and says that he just gave the letter that Ed gave him to the mailman.
The next day, Ralph tries to get the letter before his boss reads it. He fails and the boss reads Ralph's letter. He doesn't mind the insults because he always gets them but becomes mad when the author didn't sign his name. Ralph happily faints.
At home, Ralph plans to go to the Royal Chinese Gardens and explains Alice the good news. Ed comes down to explain the fact that he went down and said Ralph didn't mean all of those insults that he wrote in the letter. He felt he had to do it out of niceness. Ed: "Whenever you are in trouble, Ed Norton lives upstairs." Ralph faints in a break-dance like style.