A question for the gentlemen

[dawsongirl]

Would you date/marry a girl with depression?

I feel like depression has this stigma with it that makes it worse than dating a person with VD or something.

[Chocoholic]

I'd like to know if any gentlemen out there would date a woman with vision and hearing impairments.

[beautifuldreamer]

I'd like to know if any gentlemen out there would date a woman with vision and hearing impairments.

And to broaden it even more, what about a woman with ANY physical or mental disability??

[Zoneboy]

I'd like to know if any gentlemen out there would date a woman with vision and hearing impairments.

I've been dating a woman with both for nearly 2 years.

[Darren J.]

Would you date/marry a girl with depression?


If I loved her, of course. It's not her fault she's depressed, whatever the reason may be.



I'd like to know if any gentlemen out there would date a woman with vision and hearing impairments.


Again, it's not her fault. I'm not going to hold that against her.


And to broaden it even more, what about a woman with ANY physical or mental disability??


This is a bit different. As for the physical disability, I'm not going to hold that against her. As for the mental part, depression is one thing. If she is a psychopath, then I won't have anything to do with her.


To sum it up, unless she is a psychopath and a threat to me or herself, I would still date/marry one.

[Shine]

I would date a woman with depression. As long as she is kind, intelligent and has a good heart I don't mind if she has depression or any other disability. No one is perfect.

[browneyes106]

I suffer from depression, OCD and mild bipolar and my boyfriend has been ok with me. There are times he loses his patience with me but overall he does his best with me. I do wonder what I would do if we broke up.

[Marvo301]

Yes. Because I would be dating a person not a disease or condition. And if the relationship was solid and loving than that other stuff just wouldn't matter. (except that it would give me a reason to love her even more!)

[catlover79]

How about a woman with severe anxiety?

[Marvo301]

How about a woman with severe anxiety?
If I was in love with a woman then it wouldn't matter what issues she had I would still love her. And because I love her I would stay by her side no matter what.

[beautifuldreamer]

If I was in love with a woman then it wouldn't matter what issues she had I would still love her. And because I love her I would stay by her side no matter what.

Geez louise, some woman is going to be extremely Blessed to have you for a husband.;)

[Chocoholic]

Why can't I find men like you in my area?

[beautifuldreamer]

Why can't I find men like you in my area?

:rofl: I know!! SERIOUSLY!:lol:

[catlover79]

Geez louise, some woman is going to be extremely Blessed to have you for a husband.;)
:yeahthat Someone's got to clone guys like Marv!!

[Chocoholic]

As Helen once said on Wings, all the good men are married or gay. :lol:

[Marvo301]

Aw shucks! You're making me blush! I can't take all the credit for beingthe person that I am. First and formost I have to give credit to God for making me the person I am. Secondly I have to thank my Dad for his incredible example. About 10 years ago my Mom had some health issues that caused her to lose the use of her legs. My Dad became her caregiver. As the years went by caring for Mom began to take up more and more of Dad's time but he never ever complained. Then the day came when he could no longer care for her at home and he had to put her into a care home. This didn't lessen his commitment to her. In fact he sold their condo and moved to an appartment across the parkling lot from the care home to be closer to her and to make it easier to be with her every day. My Dad has shown me what love really means and what devotion and committment really are.

[catlover79]

^ OK, we've got to clone men like your dad, too!! :D

[Marvo301]

^ OK, we've got to clone men like your dad, too!! :D
Okay, now that I can agree with. The world could use more people like Dad!

[Faith]

I am sure there are. I suffer from depression, anxiety attacks and bipolar disorder, and have been married to someone for almost 6 years. He is my rock.

[catlover79]

^ That's great. It gives me hope. :cool:

[dawsongirl]

Geez louise, some woman is going to be extremely Blessed to have you for a husband.;)
Please clone yourself. Thank you.

[dawsongirl]

I suffer from depression, OCD and mild bipolar and my boyfriend has been ok with me. There are times he loses his patience with me but overall he does his best with me. I do wonder what I would do if we broke up.
I hope that never happens, but if it does, PLEASE don't do what I'm doing to myself. Right now I just really want to...give up.

[catlover79]

I hope that never happens, but if it does, PLEASE don't do what I'm doing to myself. Right now I just really want to...give up.
Cathy, I am so worried about you!! Please...hold on. :bighug:

[Faith]

I hope that never happens, but if it does, PLEASE don't do what I'm doing to myself. Right now I just really want to...give up.

Awww Cathy.. don't do that. :hug:

[Darren J.]

As Helen once said on Wings, all the good men are married or gay. :lol:


It does seem that way. For some reason, I see many guys with the frat mentality.

[Family Ties Forever!]

I'd like to know if any gentlemen out there would date a woman with vision and hearing impairments.

When I was in college there was this guy who flat out said that he would never date much less marry someone with a vision problem or who was blind. Considering I have poor vision I took that personally.

I know I've been judged on my vision and looks. Let's just say I'm not going to win any beauty contests. :lol:

So, a combination of bad vision, depression and not being pretty basically wipes out my chances. :lol: Then again, that's ok because I suffered childhood trauma that has caused me to be very reluntant to want to find a guy.

[Liza]

Ladies, I think we're being a little unfair: we should answer the opposite. Would any of us date a guy that has depression, physical or mental disabilities?

I sure would. I'm not expecting to find a guy that's completely perfect and has no issues... there's no such thing. I'd just like to find a nice guy who'll respect me and treat me well. Everything else is negotiable.

[dakert]

That is why if you see someone you like--you have to take the initiative and NOT be shy.

As Helen once said on Wings, all the good men are married or gay. :lol:

[Liza]

When I was in college there was this guy who flat out said that he would never date much less marry someone with a vision problem or who was blind. Considering I have poor vision I took that personally.

That guy sounds like a total jerk. I'd never date much less marry anyone who's that shallow.

I know I've been judged on my vision and looks. Let's just say I'm not going to win any beauty contests. :lol:

So, a combination of bad vision, depression and not being pretty basically wipes out my chances. :lol: Then again, that's ok because I suffered childhood trauma that has caused me to be very reluntant to want to find a guy.

Now you've got me worried. Everyone gets judged on their looks before - we're a very superficial society - but you can't let stupid people get you down. Everyone's attractive in their own way. My guy friends have told me they find nothing as attractive as self-confidence. :wave:

[Darren J.]

That is why if you see someone you like--you have to take the initiative and NOT be shy.


Many women still think it is the man's responsibility. It should go both ways.

[Chocoholic]

Ladies, I think we're being a little unfair: we should answer the opposite. Would any of us date a guy that has depression, physical or mental disabilities?


Yes, I would, as long as he isn't physically or emotionally abusive.


Many women still think it is the man's responsibility. It should go both ways.

I've asked out quite a few guys over the years and got shot down each time. Therefore, I don't bother asking anymore.

[catlover79]

Ladies, I think we're being a little unfair: we should answer the opposite. Would any of us date a guy that has depression, physical or mental disabilities?

I sure would. I'm not expecting to find a guy that's completely perfect and has no issues... there's no such thing. I'd just like to find a nice guy who'll respect me and treat me well. Everything else is negotiable.
I would as long as he wasn't abusive in any way. I'd want to help as much as I can if I really loved him. I'd also read up as much as I could about depression/anxiety (much as I'm doing for myself). Knowledge is power. Also, I hope he'd geniunely want to be helped and not just use his condition to gain sympathy, etc.

[Darren J.]

I've asked out quite a few guys over the years and got shot down each time. Therefore, I don't bother asking anymore.


Not for nothing, but rejection is normal. If I asked out some women and got turned down, should I just not bother? Not trying to pick on you, just saying that everyone gets rejected at some point.

[Retro4Life]

I don't know, to me, everyone is born imperfect and it's our universal "imperfectness" that makes us need us each other in the first place.

How many people on earth have no mental or physical disabilities, to some degree? We're all fed this nonsense of perfection from Hollywood and ad agencies and we all know instinctively it's crap but yet many of us still feel pressure to be that way. The pressure is understandable as the message is everywhere. If you wear this shirt or this deodorant, or drive this car, or drink this beer or use this cellphone or this computer then you'll be COOL; if you weigh EXACTLY the right amount, not too heavy and not too thin, if you don't wear glasses or use a wheelchair, if you have all your hair and style it the right way, then you're HOT. All the people in the commercials look so freshly scrubbed and cheerful.

As adults we realize this is pure bunk, but the bombardment of it to kids is insidious and hard to fight against. The only good defense is strong parenting and a good moral example, I'd say, and these days, very few kids seem to get either.

I'd be afraid to date anyone that seemed too perfect, as it would make my more than obvious imperfections seem magnified by comparison. Plus I'd suspect they held some truly horrible secret behind all that outer appearance. I've always said that anyone that spends too much time on their looks probably isn't for me, since that really says something about their priorities.

[Darren J.]

I don't know, to me, everyone is born imperfect and it's our universal "imperfectness" that makes us need us each other in the first place.

How many people on earth have no mental or physical disabilities, to some degree? We're all fed this nonsense of perfection from Hollywood and ad agencies and we all know instinctively it's crap but yet many of us still feel pressure to be that way. The pressure is understandable as the message is everywhere. If you wear this shirt or this deodorant, or drive this car, or drink this beer or use this cellphone or this computer then you'll be COOL; if you weigh EXACTLY the right amount, not too heavy and not too thin, if you don't wear glasses or use a wheelchair, if you have all your hair and style it the right way, then you're HOT. All the people in the commercials look so freshly scrubbed and cheerful.

As adults we realize this is pure bunk, but the bombardment of it to kids is insidious and hard to fight against. The only good defense is strong parenting and a good moral example, I'd say, and these days, very few kids seem to get either.

I'd be afraid to date anyone that seemed too perfect, as it would make my more than obvious imperfections seem magnified by comparison. Plus I'd suspect they held some truly horrible secret behind all that outer appearance. I've always said that anyone that spends too much time on their looks probably isn't for me, since that really says something about their priorities.


We live in a shallow society, no getting around it. The problem is the general public can't seem to think for themselves. The media has too much of an influence.

[Retro4Life]

^ Yeah, I think we've actually already "lost" a couple of generations to the shallowness you mentioned. And honestly, I don't mean to be a downer, but can you think of anything that's going to turn things around? I can't. :(

[dawsongirl]

Ladies, I think we're being a little unfair: we should answer the opposite. Would any of us date a guy that has depression, physical or mental disabilities?

I sure would. I'm not expecting to find a guy that's completely perfect and has no issues... there's no such thing. I'd just like to find a nice guy who'll respect me and treat me well. Everything else is negotiable.
A guy with depression - definetly. I've been there (obviously), so it wouldn't bother me a bit. I'd rather have a guy who was in touch with his emotions. This I'm a MAN *growl* attitude makes me sick.

Physical disabilities - sure. I'm NOT a Miss America contestant and there are 1000 things I hate about my body. If I don't make him sick, the fact that he's missing a leg or something shouldn't bother me.

Mental - well, honestly, that depends on what kind.

[dawsongirl]

Cathy, I am so worried about you!! Please...hold on. :bighug:
This is going to be a bad PMS month. :(

But then here I think, would some man put up with me crying for no reason and thinking suicidal thoughts a few times a year? I see me as the kind of woman that gets cheated on. :(

[dawsongirl]

It does seem that way. For some reason, I see many guys with the frat mentality.
I do too.

[dawsongirl]

When I was in college there was this guy who flat out said that he would never date much less marry someone with a vision problem or who was blind. Considering I have poor vision I took that personally.

I know I've been judged on my vision and looks. Let's just say I'm not going to win any beauty contests. :lol:

So, a combination of bad vision, depression and not being pretty basically wipes out my chances. :lol: Then again, that's ok because I suffered childhood trauma that has caused me to be very reluntant to want to find a guy.
He deserves to be Lorena Bobbited.

[Darren J.]

^ Yeah, I think we've actually already "lost" a couple of generations to the shallowness you mentioned. And honestly, I don't mean to be a downer, but can you think of anything that's going to turn things around? I can't. :(


As long as the media is shoving everything down our throats, things won't turn around.

[Darren J.]

I do too.


Makes me glad that I hang out with nerds. They don't have this problem. But to be honest, women are at least somewhat guilty here. They allow the player mentality.

[Hollow]

i got dumped for having depression. it made him too upset to see me upset and he couldnt enjoy the relationship like that. not that depressed people cant successfully date but theres more to relationships than just accepting what they cant change. compatibility is mandatory.

[dawsongirl]

As long as the media is shoving everything down our throats, things won't turn around.
Society is the main reason I'm depressed. Not trying to use that as a scapegoat, but society/media/etc. says you have to pair off and get married. If you don't, then there's something wrong with you and you are a freak. We don't like freaks! You have to be what we say, not who you are. And I buy into it, because it's everywhere! Streets, TV, school. I don't want to be a freak and I'm to the point where sadly, it's very hard to change my mind. I can't be convinced that it's okay to be alone.

[Darren J.]

Society is the main reason I'm depressed. Not trying to use that as a scapegoat, but society/media/etc. says you have to pair off and get married. If you don't, then there's something wrong with you and you are a freak. We don't like freaks! You have to be what we say, not who you are. And I buy into it, because it's everywhere! Streets, TV, school. I don't want to be a freak and I'm to the point where sadly, it's very hard to change my mind.


Then I guess I'm a freak. :D Sorry society, kiss my ass.

[dawsongirl]

Then I guess I'm a freak. :D Sorry society, kiss my ass.
Good attitude. Wish I could think that way.

[Darren J.]

Good attitude. Wish I could think that way.


You can think that way. Don't cater to society. Make society cater to you.

[Retro4Life]

Society is the main reason I'm depressed. Not trying to use that as a scapegoat, but society/media/etc. says you have to pair off and get married. If you don't, then there's something wrong with you and you are a freak. We don't like freaks! You have to be what we say, not who you are. And I buy into it, because it's everywhere! Streets, TV, school. I don't want to be a freak and I'm to the point where sadly, it's very hard to change my mind. I can't be convinced that it's okay to be alone.

Don't let the media define you. I don't know you very well, obviously, but I'd wager you're far too intelligent to let corporate America and its craven indifference to individual needs and feelings dictate how you feel about yourself.

All men are not slopebrowed, slightly evolved gorillas, but to be honest, probably 9 out of 10 are. But so what? That leaves a lot of great ones out there. And even if you never marry, etc. you still have meaning and purpose in your interaction with family and friends, and in the way you effect the world on a daily basis. There is only one you in the entire universe and will only EVER be one you. That's something strong to hold onto and cherish.

I don't know if I will ever marry, either, to be honest. But my parents brought me into this world, and they struggled and sacrificed so that I might grow and have a good life. I truly believe my life is a gift and I might as well make the best of it. I don't always succeed in doing that, but I get up every day, somehow, despite many days that I would much rather just shake my fist at the world and hide under the covers.

Hang in there. :)

[Darren J.]

All men are not slopebrowed, slightly evolved gorillas, but to be honest, probably 9 out of 10 are.


That's pushing it a bit. It's not that high. Maybe 7.

[Retro4Life]

That's pushing it a bit. It's not that high. Maybe 7.


Your mileage may vary, depending on geographic location. ;)

[Darren J.]

Your mileage may vary, depending on geographic location. ;)


Figure 2 are awkward around women and 1 is gay. Not sure if location plays much of a factor, if at all.

[Retro4Life]

Figure 2 are awkward around women and 1 is gay. Not sure if location plays much of a factor, if at all.


Consider it a feeble attempt at humor, nothing more.

[dawsongirl]

Don't let the media define you. I don't know you very well, obviously, but I'd wager you're far too intelligent to let corporate America and its craven indifference to individual needs and feelings dictate how you feel about yourself.

All men are not slopebrowed, slightly evolved gorillas, but to be honest, probably 9 out of 10 are. But so what? That leaves a lot of great ones out there. And even if you never marry, etc. you still have meaning and purpose in your interaction with family and friends, and in the way you effect the world on a daily basis. There is only one you in the entire universe and will only EVER be one you. That's something strong to hold onto and cherish.

I don't know if I will ever marry, either, to be honest. But my parents brought me into this world, and they struggled and sacrificed so that I might grow and have a good life. I truly believe my life is a gift and I might as well make the best of it. I don't always succeed in doing that, but I get up every day, somehow, despite many days that I would much rather just shake my fist at the world and hide under the covers.

Hang in there. :)
Thank you. I'm trying.

[PZelda]

I'd like to know if any gentlemen out there would date a woman with vision and hearing impairments.

I have a vision AND hearing impairment as well. My hearing is more severe than yours - I am classified profoundly deaf. Very little hearing to speak of. But I am not sure how bad your vision is? I have Usher Syndrome, which is why I'm deaf in the first place. I have Type II, I think. No side vision but what I do have, I can see fine. 20/25 in one eye, 20/30 in another (or are these #s the other way around?). I had my eyes checked in December, and they had not changed since my last checkup in 2005. *knock on wood* Anyway, I haven't had too much problems in the guy department. Not dating, but ya know. ... :) so you def can too! It's possible. :)

[PZelda]

Ladies, I think we're being a little unfair: we should answer the opposite. Would any of us date a guy that has depression, physical or mental disabilities?

I sure would. I'm not expecting to find a guy that's completely perfect and has no issues... there's no such thing. I'd just like to find a nice guy who'll respect me and treat me well. Everything else is negotiable.
I used to see a guy who was bipolar. He had been in the army (got honorably discharged shortly after I started seeing him) and had suffered a serious injury while he was on active duty that did something to his lower back. Degenerative arthritis in his spine, I believe. It wasn't so bad when I was seeing him... I guess now it's gotten worse.

Incidentally, this is the same guy who blew up at me a few months ago and now we're on bad terms. I should have ran when I did, though... The whole deal was abusive. Blah.

But anyway, to answer the question directly, yes I have and I would again. They're only human.

[JamesG]

Well for me I never judge people by their physical/mental disabilities. Mental disorders are a little bit different because, depending on what is wrong, you can be a threat to yourself and to others.

I would have to trust that we both know as much as we can about the particular disorder/s and that the person keeps up with the treatment; like taking the prescribed meds, keeping up with appts... etc. It goes both ways but I have to trust that you will do your part to keep up with the treatment. I have never been with someone with a mental disorder, or at least one who has been officially diagnosed, so I have to go by that.


My mother was born with glaucoma and cataracts so I have a bit of experience with people with vision problems. She has one bad eye that is completely blind and the other eye has pretty good vision. Thankfully it is not hereditary and I was born with 20/20 vision which I am very grateful about.

I learned never to judge people by how they look but to always look at they have to offer. I look at it like "Yes you may lack this... but you have a lot of this..." and that's how I see things.


I'm not closed at all to people with physical/mental disabilties. If you're fun, loving, caring, and open to "fun in the bedroom" ;) then you're right for me.


Everyone is different and I believe you will be pretty hard pressed to find someone completely flawless.

[TVFactFan]

Would you date/marry a girl with depression?

I feel like depression has this stigma with it that makes it worse than dating a person with VD or something.


No I wouldn't, I would not want to be someone's counselor, i do enough of that at work

[browneyes106]

Ladies, I think we're being a little unfair: we should answer the opposite. Would any of us date a guy that has depression, physical or mental disabilities?

I sure would. I'm not expecting to find a guy that's completely perfect and has no issues... there's no such thing. I'd just like to find a nice guy who'll respect me and treat me well. Everything else is negotiable.

It's hard for me to answer that because I think dating someone with mental disability/health issues would be a bit hard for me with my own issues. As for physical disabilities I would date them if it wasn't a severe disability. My sister has a coworker whose ex boyfriend is a high quadriplegic. They were dating before he became disabled. A few months after he was hurt in the accident she decided to break up with him. She saw how difficult his life was going to be. I don't blame her for doing what she did because at the time she was only 23.

[TheGreatPretender]

Society is the main reason I'm depressed. Not trying to use that as a scapegoat, but society/media/etc. says you have to pair off and get married. If you don't, then there's something wrong with you and you are a freak. We don't like freaks! You have to be what we say, not who you are. And I buy into it, because it's everywhere! Streets, TV, school. I don't want to be a freak and I'm to the point where sadly, it's very hard to change my mind. I can't be convinced that it's okay to be alone.

In reading alot of your posts I see that you have one thing that many of us girls are lacking....self AWARENESS. The fact that you have so much insight into yourself -no matter where you are in life- is a step in a good direction.

Its like my friend says People who think they are crazy/insane....usually aren't. :lol:

Once you accept yourself than others can accept you.


Oh and for the record, its probably because of the age group I am in, but guys have turned me down because I'm not slutty....and I don't care what y'all say. :D

[gidgetgrape]

Two thoughts:

1.) If someone automatically wipes you off their "dateable" list because of the way you look, then he or she isn't worth your time anyway. Those are the kind of jerks that dump you because you gain weight, develop acne or someone more attractive comes along. They're the kind of people who are only there when times are good or things are convenient. Seriously, they are doing you a favor by passing you by. I once saw a model on TV who was dumped by her boyfriend after she was in a terrible fire. He went to the hospital once and she never saw him again. Why would you want to be with someone that shallow?

2.) At the same time, you have to give people a chance to know you - the real you. This can be hard, especially if you have a physical disability. Don't spill your heart out on the first date or meeting. I'm not telling you to lie, I'm telling you not to give someone your entire medical history right off the bat. Full disclosure can be VERY intimidating and if the person hasn't gotten a chance to know the fabulous, real you yet - he or she probably won't bother to.

[Darren J.]

1.) If someone automatically wipes you off their "dateable" list because of the way you look, then he or she isn't worth your time anyway.


^^^This.

[Janice]

People know themselves and what they can and cannot handle in a relationship. If a person says they don't want to date a person with a disability, or a person with emotional issues, I don't think that makes them a bad person or even a judgemental person. When I was dating, way back, I wasn't looking for a perfect person. I wasn't perfect then, and I'm certainly not perfect now. However, I knew I didn't want to marry a man, for example, who was wheelchair bound or who suffered from a mental illness such as schizophrenia or manic-depression.

If I had ignored my feelings and married a person with one of those conditions, I wouldn't be doing myself or the other person a favor. I don't think that's being judgemental. Because you don't want to spend your life with a person who has a handicap doesn't mean you look down on those people.