JamesG
03-14-2009, 08:13 PM
On one end of the spectrum of Hollywood releases, we find the good, The Dark Knight and its ilk, and at the other end, we have dreck like Superhero Movie ... nothing personal, but you know what we mean.
We take great pleasure in ranking the 50 best movies of the year, but we'd be remiss not to recognize the The Love Guru and 10,000 BCs of the world.
So get your tomatoes ready as we "honor" the 10 worst of the very worst 2008 had to offer
10. Meet Dave http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZvsijM8XcVg
Eddie Murphy plays the leader of a crew of miniature humanoid aliens who board a human-looking spacecraft (also played by Murphy -- shocker!) and head to Earth in the hopes of saving their dying world. Yes, it is as bad as it sounds. And if Murphy didn't have nightmare flashbacks to his notorious cinematic debacle The Adventures of Pluto Nash while filming Dave, you bet he has since the flick debuted to horrific reviews and a box office even more miniature than the film's alien stars. -- Tom DiChiara
9. The Hottie and the Nottie http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KSHzVMhrqK4
It didn't take long to figure out which one was the hottie -- no, not because Paris Hilton is, like, the prettiest person ever. Because they made poor Christine Lakin (Al from Step by Step!) so ... not. But the pounds of makeup, prosthetic mole and yellowing fake teeth couldn't hide the movie's shallow plot and insipid lesson. Oh wait, it's about inner beauty? Nah, still hated it. -- Maggie Furlong
8. 88 Minutes http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FSqQoRH3oT8
Oh, Al Pacino, what happened? Once you were one of our most acclaimed thespians; now you star in swill like this "thriller," whose implausible storyline and ridiculous characters pale next to a performance in which you seem to be either half-asleep or yelling. And the worst part? The movie's 108 -- not 88 -- painful minutes long, which makes it both literally and figuratively the longest 88 Minutes of our lives. -- Patricia Chui
7. Fool's Gold http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2IInvMZcE-Y
Matthew McConaughey and Kate Hudson must've depleted their supply of chemistry with How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days. We only say that because, well, there's zero sizzle in this loser rom-com, even with the sexy pair in skimpy scuba gear. And, as if that's not bad enough, there are enough offensive stereotypes -- ultra-effeminate gay men, criminally stereotyped rapper -- to keep everyone away. Fool's, yes, but Gold? No way. -- Angie Argabrite
6. Saw V http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=00cHLr90SgA
Grinding out five films in as many years has taken a toll on the blood-and-guts franchise. With villain Jigsaw pretty much out of the picture, the fifth-generation flick tries too hard to one-up itself with plot twists. Sure, there are still some cringe-worthy moments. But even if you're just looking for gore, it's a bit of a bore. The most torturous thing of all? Saw VI is already in the works. -- Katy Kroll
5. Jumper http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2PQi5ueqig4
We expected more from director Doug Liman, who has helmed action gems like The Bourne Identity and Mr. and Mrs. Smith. But with its erratically incoherent storyline, mediocre special effects and laughable line readings by Hayden Christensen and Rachel Bilson, Jumper landed with a resounding thud. Too fast for its own good, it made us want to jump right out of a window. -- KK
4. 10,000 BC http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gBQAQ_t26lo
If there's non-fiction, fiction and science-fiction, than Roland Emmerich's awful wannabe blockbuster deserves a distinction all its own: We'll call it garbage-fiction. Like a Disney-fied version of Apocalypto (the plots are ridiculously similar), the film follows a prehistoric tribe on an epic quest as they encounter one historical inaccuracy and impossibility after another. And worst of all, it's boring as hell.
-- Kevin Polowy
3. Disaster Movie http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tihG_2BSUqg
From Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer, the makers of Date Movie, Epic Movie and Meet the Spartans comes ... something even worse! The spoof "masters" hit an all-time low (if that's possible) with this rubbish, which doesn't even lampoon disaster films, it lampoons scenes from memorable (if completely random) movie trailers (Juno, Enchanted, Hancock). Apparently they're too busy collecting paychecks to watch full movies for ideas. -- KP
2. The Love Guru http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mVdD0ZxPq_g
Saying funny words like "Mariska Hargitay" with an exaggerated foreign accent -- hilarious right? Hardly. Mike Myers' new spiritual leader character left audiences subjected to blatant discrimination -- against various cultures, physical attributes and, worst of all, people who like laughing. Because even with a laundry list of (what-were-they-thinking) co-stars, the one thing Guru Pitka couldn't find was comedy enlightenment. -- MF
1. The Happening http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-BRZ0u01KwQ
Some jumped off the M. Night Shyamalan bandwagon as early as Signs, while others waited for the divisive Village or the roundly despised Lady in the Water. With The Happening, a laughable eco-horror movie with B-movie "shocks," C-grade acting and F-marks writing, that wagon seems headed straight toward the junkyard. The director's latest is a disaster movie in every way. -- KP
We take great pleasure in ranking the 50 best movies of the year, but we'd be remiss not to recognize the The Love Guru and 10,000 BCs of the world.
So get your tomatoes ready as we "honor" the 10 worst of the very worst 2008 had to offer
10. Meet Dave http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZvsijM8XcVg
Eddie Murphy plays the leader of a crew of miniature humanoid aliens who board a human-looking spacecraft (also played by Murphy -- shocker!) and head to Earth in the hopes of saving their dying world. Yes, it is as bad as it sounds. And if Murphy didn't have nightmare flashbacks to his notorious cinematic debacle The Adventures of Pluto Nash while filming Dave, you bet he has since the flick debuted to horrific reviews and a box office even more miniature than the film's alien stars. -- Tom DiChiara
9. The Hottie and the Nottie http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KSHzVMhrqK4
It didn't take long to figure out which one was the hottie -- no, not because Paris Hilton is, like, the prettiest person ever. Because they made poor Christine Lakin (Al from Step by Step!) so ... not. But the pounds of makeup, prosthetic mole and yellowing fake teeth couldn't hide the movie's shallow plot and insipid lesson. Oh wait, it's about inner beauty? Nah, still hated it. -- Maggie Furlong
8. 88 Minutes http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FSqQoRH3oT8
Oh, Al Pacino, what happened? Once you were one of our most acclaimed thespians; now you star in swill like this "thriller," whose implausible storyline and ridiculous characters pale next to a performance in which you seem to be either half-asleep or yelling. And the worst part? The movie's 108 -- not 88 -- painful minutes long, which makes it both literally and figuratively the longest 88 Minutes of our lives. -- Patricia Chui
7. Fool's Gold http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2IInvMZcE-Y
Matthew McConaughey and Kate Hudson must've depleted their supply of chemistry with How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days. We only say that because, well, there's zero sizzle in this loser rom-com, even with the sexy pair in skimpy scuba gear. And, as if that's not bad enough, there are enough offensive stereotypes -- ultra-effeminate gay men, criminally stereotyped rapper -- to keep everyone away. Fool's, yes, but Gold? No way. -- Angie Argabrite
6. Saw V http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=00cHLr90SgA
Grinding out five films in as many years has taken a toll on the blood-and-guts franchise. With villain Jigsaw pretty much out of the picture, the fifth-generation flick tries too hard to one-up itself with plot twists. Sure, there are still some cringe-worthy moments. But even if you're just looking for gore, it's a bit of a bore. The most torturous thing of all? Saw VI is already in the works. -- Katy Kroll
5. Jumper http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2PQi5ueqig4
We expected more from director Doug Liman, who has helmed action gems like The Bourne Identity and Mr. and Mrs. Smith. But with its erratically incoherent storyline, mediocre special effects and laughable line readings by Hayden Christensen and Rachel Bilson, Jumper landed with a resounding thud. Too fast for its own good, it made us want to jump right out of a window. -- KK
4. 10,000 BC http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gBQAQ_t26lo
If there's non-fiction, fiction and science-fiction, than Roland Emmerich's awful wannabe blockbuster deserves a distinction all its own: We'll call it garbage-fiction. Like a Disney-fied version of Apocalypto (the plots are ridiculously similar), the film follows a prehistoric tribe on an epic quest as they encounter one historical inaccuracy and impossibility after another. And worst of all, it's boring as hell.
-- Kevin Polowy
3. Disaster Movie http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tihG_2BSUqg
From Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer, the makers of Date Movie, Epic Movie and Meet the Spartans comes ... something even worse! The spoof "masters" hit an all-time low (if that's possible) with this rubbish, which doesn't even lampoon disaster films, it lampoons scenes from memorable (if completely random) movie trailers (Juno, Enchanted, Hancock). Apparently they're too busy collecting paychecks to watch full movies for ideas. -- KP
2. The Love Guru http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mVdD0ZxPq_g
Saying funny words like "Mariska Hargitay" with an exaggerated foreign accent -- hilarious right? Hardly. Mike Myers' new spiritual leader character left audiences subjected to blatant discrimination -- against various cultures, physical attributes and, worst of all, people who like laughing. Because even with a laundry list of (what-were-they-thinking) co-stars, the one thing Guru Pitka couldn't find was comedy enlightenment. -- MF
1. The Happening http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-BRZ0u01KwQ
Some jumped off the M. Night Shyamalan bandwagon as early as Signs, while others waited for the divisive Village or the roundly despised Lady in the Water. With The Happening, a laughable eco-horror movie with B-movie "shocks," C-grade acting and F-marks writing, that wagon seems headed straight toward the junkyard. The director's latest is a disaster movie in every way. -- KP