Frank Gannucci
02-16-2009, 08:17 AM
"Ralph's Big Mouth" (aka "Mind Your Own Business"):
Ralph: "Norton, you play gin rummy your way and I will play gin rummy my way. My way is the scientific way - it takes a lot of figuring. For instance, I noticed that you picked up a queen, and I know you picked it up to make a run of three queens. I also know that you have a run of clubs. I also noticed that you threw away two sevens. Therefore, you couldn't possibly use the card I'm about to throw down which is a seven of spades. That's scientific figuring!"
Ed (showing his cards): "That's ever-lovin' gin!"
"Box Top Kid Part 1":
(Ralph is trying to participate in a contest where you have to guess the name of a U.S. President.)
Ralph: "There is a picutre of a woman washing and there's a picture of a ton."
Ed: "I know who it is. Eisenhower."
Ralph: "Eisenhower?"
Ed: "There's a picture of a woman washing and there's a picture of a ton. Washington. Who's in Washington right now? Eisenhower."
"Please Leave The Premises":
Ralph: "I am just like Washington at Valley Forge."
Alice: "Not exactly Ralph. George didn't have Martha with him."
"In Twenty-Five Words Or Less":
(Alice is upset that Ralph brought home a lot of boxes because he wants to enter every single contest that every box has just so he can win something big.)
Ralph: "Fix my dinner."
Alice: "Fix it yourself. Go fix yourself some Happy Hound Meatballs."
"Two For The Money":
Ralph: "How many holdups have I had on the bus?"
Alice: "Six."
Ralph: "Well, in most of them, the criminals got nothing."
Alice: "The sixth time was a dozzy. They took $45 and the bus."
Ralph: "I have been driving a bus for 15 years and because I lose one bus, you got to hold it over my head."
"Brother Ralph":
Ralph: "You don't know how to handle money."
Alice: "Of course not. I never had any practice."
"The Hypnotist Part 1":
(Ed just explained the whacky rules of a card game called Knuckle-Knuckle.)
Ed: "The important thing about this game is that all the wet cards are wild."
Ralph: "All the wet cards are wild? What wet cards?"
Ed: "Well, we usually play this game down in the sewer."
"The Hypnotist Part 1":
(Ralph and Ed arrive in the Kramdens apartment. Ralph thinks that Alice is asleep in the bedroom.)
Ralph (whispering): "Shhh! Alice is asleep."
Ed: "What's that Ralph?"
Ralph (whispering): "I said that Alice is asleep."
Ed: "I can't hear you."
Alice (from bedroom): "He said: 'Shhh! Alice is asleep.'"
"Two Faces of Ralph Kramden":
(Nick and another man see Ralph so they can get him a job in which he will be killed.)
Ralph: "I have been driving for the Gotham Bus Company for 14 years and I hate to leave that job if this job wasn't steady."
Nick: "Steady?"
Man: "I'll tell you, you will have this job for as long as you live."
Ralph: "Norton, you play gin rummy your way and I will play gin rummy my way. My way is the scientific way - it takes a lot of figuring. For instance, I noticed that you picked up a queen, and I know you picked it up to make a run of three queens. I also know that you have a run of clubs. I also noticed that you threw away two sevens. Therefore, you couldn't possibly use the card I'm about to throw down which is a seven of spades. That's scientific figuring!"
Ed (showing his cards): "That's ever-lovin' gin!"
"Box Top Kid Part 1":
(Ralph is trying to participate in a contest where you have to guess the name of a U.S. President.)
Ralph: "There is a picutre of a woman washing and there's a picture of a ton."
Ed: "I know who it is. Eisenhower."
Ralph: "Eisenhower?"
Ed: "There's a picture of a woman washing and there's a picture of a ton. Washington. Who's in Washington right now? Eisenhower."
"Please Leave The Premises":
Ralph: "I am just like Washington at Valley Forge."
Alice: "Not exactly Ralph. George didn't have Martha with him."
"In Twenty-Five Words Or Less":
(Alice is upset that Ralph brought home a lot of boxes because he wants to enter every single contest that every box has just so he can win something big.)
Ralph: "Fix my dinner."
Alice: "Fix it yourself. Go fix yourself some Happy Hound Meatballs."
"Two For The Money":
Ralph: "How many holdups have I had on the bus?"
Alice: "Six."
Ralph: "Well, in most of them, the criminals got nothing."
Alice: "The sixth time was a dozzy. They took $45 and the bus."
Ralph: "I have been driving a bus for 15 years and because I lose one bus, you got to hold it over my head."
"Brother Ralph":
Ralph: "You don't know how to handle money."
Alice: "Of course not. I never had any practice."
"The Hypnotist Part 1":
(Ed just explained the whacky rules of a card game called Knuckle-Knuckle.)
Ed: "The important thing about this game is that all the wet cards are wild."
Ralph: "All the wet cards are wild? What wet cards?"
Ed: "Well, we usually play this game down in the sewer."
"The Hypnotist Part 1":
(Ralph and Ed arrive in the Kramdens apartment. Ralph thinks that Alice is asleep in the bedroom.)
Ralph (whispering): "Shhh! Alice is asleep."
Ed: "What's that Ralph?"
Ralph (whispering): "I said that Alice is asleep."
Ed: "I can't hear you."
Alice (from bedroom): "He said: 'Shhh! Alice is asleep.'"
"Two Faces of Ralph Kramden":
(Nick and another man see Ralph so they can get him a job in which he will be killed.)
Ralph: "I have been driving for the Gotham Bus Company for 14 years and I hate to leave that job if this job wasn't steady."
Nick: "Steady?"
Man: "I'll tell you, you will have this job for as long as you live."