Frank Gannucci
10-02-2008, 09:21 AM
"Hero Part 2":
Alice: "I would like to get my sleep. I don't want to hear a peep out of that horn."
(Alice goes into the bedroom.)
Ralph (to Ed): "Get a load of this."
(Ralph goes to the bedroom door and makes noise on the bugle so loud that it hurts his ears.)
Ralph (yells): "OW!"
"Hero Part 1":
Teacher: "I had two Ed Nortons in my class. One was smart."
Ralph: "This is the other Norton."
"Peacemaker":
Alice: "Why don't you take advantage of the time you have now to go to sleep?"
Ralph: "You're right. I'm sorry that I yelled at you. Good night."
(Ralph kisses Alice. Ralph goes into the bedroom when he hears the alarm clock ringing five o' clock. That means that it's time for him to go to work.)
(Ralph has a very weird look on his face.)
Ralph (yells): "IT'S FIVE O' CLOCK! IT'S FIVE O' CLOCK!"
"TV or Not TV":
Ed: "Me and Ralph tossed a coin to see who would get the TV set. He said: 'Heads, I win. Tails, you lose.' It was tails, so I lost."
Ralph (to Alice): "Don't look at me like that. I learned that trick from you. That's how we got married."
"Unconventional Behavior":
Conductor: "Gentlemen, what seems to be the trouble?"
Ralph: "What seems to be the trouble? I'll tell you what the trouble is. First, he makes his and my wife miss the train because he can't keep an eye on them. Then, he comes in here and puts handcuffs on my wrists. That isn't enough. I ask him does he want a drink of water, no. I ask him if he wants something to eat, no. He doesn't want anything until he gets up there and says that he wants a match. Then on top of everything, I have to be handcuffed to this idiot all the way to Minneapolis."
Conductor: "Minneapolis? Gentlemen, this train isn't going to Minneapolis. We are going in the other direction to Norfolk, Virginia."
"The Golfer":
Ralph: "I deserve that promotion, Norton - I worked hard to get it! Just because Mr. Harper doesn't know I'm alive I'm not going to get the promotion, huh? Well, it's the same ol' story: its not what you know, its who you know! If you don't have any connections you're dead. You can be the smartest guy in the world, know everything about everything, know the encyclopedia backwards and forwards. But, If you don't have any connections you get nowhere."
Ed: "Now wait a minute, I don't think that applies to every case. I didn't have any connections when I got my job in the sewer."
"Sleepy Time Gal":
(Alice is in the phone booth. They boys don't know it.)
Ralph: "I'm the one in the family with it up here."
(Ralph points to his head.)
Ed: "You got plenty of it down there too."
"Movies Are Better Than Ever":
(Ed just won the TV set with the ticket that Ralph bought for him. Ralph is jealous.)
Ed: "It's just like the guy said: 'A lesser man would have said: 'I bought the ticket. The set belongs to me.''"
Ralph: "I bought the ticket. The set belongs to me."
"Movies Are Better Than Ever":
Ralph: "Tell them Alice, do I wear a girdle?"
Alice: "No."
Ralph: "There you are."
Alice: "He wanted one but they don't make them that big."
Alice: "I would like to get my sleep. I don't want to hear a peep out of that horn."
(Alice goes into the bedroom.)
Ralph (to Ed): "Get a load of this."
(Ralph goes to the bedroom door and makes noise on the bugle so loud that it hurts his ears.)
Ralph (yells): "OW!"
"Hero Part 1":
Teacher: "I had two Ed Nortons in my class. One was smart."
Ralph: "This is the other Norton."
"Peacemaker":
Alice: "Why don't you take advantage of the time you have now to go to sleep?"
Ralph: "You're right. I'm sorry that I yelled at you. Good night."
(Ralph kisses Alice. Ralph goes into the bedroom when he hears the alarm clock ringing five o' clock. That means that it's time for him to go to work.)
(Ralph has a very weird look on his face.)
Ralph (yells): "IT'S FIVE O' CLOCK! IT'S FIVE O' CLOCK!"
"TV or Not TV":
Ed: "Me and Ralph tossed a coin to see who would get the TV set. He said: 'Heads, I win. Tails, you lose.' It was tails, so I lost."
Ralph (to Alice): "Don't look at me like that. I learned that trick from you. That's how we got married."
"Unconventional Behavior":
Conductor: "Gentlemen, what seems to be the trouble?"
Ralph: "What seems to be the trouble? I'll tell you what the trouble is. First, he makes his and my wife miss the train because he can't keep an eye on them. Then, he comes in here and puts handcuffs on my wrists. That isn't enough. I ask him does he want a drink of water, no. I ask him if he wants something to eat, no. He doesn't want anything until he gets up there and says that he wants a match. Then on top of everything, I have to be handcuffed to this idiot all the way to Minneapolis."
Conductor: "Minneapolis? Gentlemen, this train isn't going to Minneapolis. We are going in the other direction to Norfolk, Virginia."
"The Golfer":
Ralph: "I deserve that promotion, Norton - I worked hard to get it! Just because Mr. Harper doesn't know I'm alive I'm not going to get the promotion, huh? Well, it's the same ol' story: its not what you know, its who you know! If you don't have any connections you're dead. You can be the smartest guy in the world, know everything about everything, know the encyclopedia backwards and forwards. But, If you don't have any connections you get nowhere."
Ed: "Now wait a minute, I don't think that applies to every case. I didn't have any connections when I got my job in the sewer."
"Sleepy Time Gal":
(Alice is in the phone booth. They boys don't know it.)
Ralph: "I'm the one in the family with it up here."
(Ralph points to his head.)
Ed: "You got plenty of it down there too."
"Movies Are Better Than Ever":
(Ed just won the TV set with the ticket that Ralph bought for him. Ralph is jealous.)
Ed: "It's just like the guy said: 'A lesser man would have said: 'I bought the ticket. The set belongs to me.''"
Ralph: "I bought the ticket. The set belongs to me."
"Movies Are Better Than Ever":
Ralph: "Tell them Alice, do I wear a girdle?"
Alice: "No."
Ralph: "There you are."
Alice: "He wanted one but they don't make them that big."