Frank Gannucci
09-26-2008, 07:20 AM
Episode #194
TV: Half-hour musical.
DVD: Attached to "Play It Again, Norton", "Ralph Goes Hollywood" & "Mexican Hat Trick."
At Mr. Bruce's Shop For Men, a bunch of maids and a bunch of other workers are dancing and singing: "What Do You Buy For The Guy Who Has Got It All." At the end of the song, Alice & Trixie come to the shop. Alice is looking to get something for Ralph's birthday which is next month. Bruce, the store manager comes over (he is played by Joe Flynn), and helps Alice out. Ralph comes out of a crowded elevator along with Ed. He is holding what he thinks is Ed's hand when in fact it is a child's hand. How could Ralph not know this? Ralph realizes that he is not holding Ed's hand and when the mother of the kid comes over, she hit's Ralph and a clang sound is heard when she hits him. Ed then comes out with the kid's balloon. Ralph takes it, and then the kid comes out and not only takes the balloon but kicks Ralph in the leg. When he kicks him, a sound effect is heard. Alice comes over and shows Ralph a Cuckoo Alarm Clock. Alice: "I was thinking about buying it for someone." Ralph: "For who?" Alice: "For, um…my brother." Ralph: "If there is one thing that your family doesn't need, it's another cuckoo." Ralph also mentions that her brother only gets out of bed once a month to collect his relief check. Trixie tells Ed to help her shop. Alice asks Ralph for $20. Ralph obliges. Alice wants to shop alone. Ralph is wondering why Alice always insists on shopping alone. Alice: "You get in the way. Forget it. I will shop later on." Ed says that he likes the cuckoo clock. Bird: "Cuckoo! Cuckoo!" Trixie: "It is playing our song." A person with black hair (played by George Chakiris) comes by. He immediately starts stealing things. Bruce comes by and immediately identifies the person as Mousey the Dip. Mousey, knowing that Bruce is going to call the security on him, puts the cuckoo clock and an African blow gun in Alice's purse. Alice doesn't know this. The security guard comes along with Bruce. Mousey: "I'm clean." Security Guard: "There is nothing on him." Mousey is off the hook. Mousey also says that he loves Bruce's shop. Bruce kicks Mousey out and apologizes. Bruce: "If it's two things that I hate, its shoplifters and people who buy wholesale." They all go back in the elevator. The cuckoo clock sounds. Ralph (to Ed): "Will you stop fooling around?"
At their Beverly Hills home, the boys go to get a cold drink while Alice says she has the perfect present for Ralph: an ID bracelet that will have his name and social security number. Alice doesn't know Ralph's social security number because it's in his wallet. So, she has to get his wallet from Ralph. Trixie says she is going to put her bathing suit on and take a swim. They leave, but as they do, Alice says to Ralph that the $20 he lent her is in her purse. Ralph goes to get the money and sees the African blow gun as well as the cuckoo clock. He thinks the worst and says that Alice is Mousey the Dip. Ralph: "Alice never stole anything in her life. Now, she is taking things for no reason." Ed says that isn't possible. She may be taking things for no reason because she has a sickness. Ed: "There is a technical term for it." The cuckoo clock sounds. Ed: "That is it. She's cuckoo." Ed now remembers. The sickness is kleptomania. They get the encyclopedia to find out what it means. They only have ONE encyclopedia book. Ralph: "How do you spell it?" Ed: "E-n-c-y-c…" Ralph (yells): "NOT ENCYCLOPEDIA." Ed: "K like in Kramden." Ed looks it up. Ed: "Here we are. Kangaroo..." Ed finds another word and reads its definition. Ed: "'Very prevalent in America. From Eastern Europe.'" Ralph thinks that that is the definition of kleptomania. Ed continues: "…a circular crust of dough sometimes served with prunes.'" Ralph: "That's kleptomania." Ed: "No, that is kadish (sp?)." Ralph (yells): "WHAT ARE YOU READING ABOUT THAT FOR?" Ed: "To help her out in a deli." Ralph looks it up. Ralph: "'Kleptomania: Compulsive stealing motivated by impulses not a desire for economic gain It is a symbolic method used to attain a love that one feels that they don't have.'" Ralph thinks that Alice doesn't feel like Ralph loves her. Ralph continues: "'Successful treatment needs psychiatric help.'" Ralph thinks about getting her a psychiatrist but thinks that that won't work. Ed knows that it is a tough decision for Ralph to send her to a doctor. Ed finally leaves. Ralph sings: "I Guess That I Did Something Wrong." Ralph sees Alice leaving. She wants to go shopping alone. Ralph says to her that he loves her. Ralph hugs her. As he is, Alice takes Ralph's wallet. When she leaves, Ralph notices that his wallet is stolen and thinks that that is more evidence that she is a kleptomaniac.
Later on, Trixie is coming inside with a bathrobe and drying her hair. She just took a swim. Alice comes home with Ralph's birthday present. Alice shows Trixie the identification bracelet. Ralph comes by, but the girls don't know that he is within earshot. Trixie: "Can you afford it?" Alice: "Not right now. But, don't tell Ralph." Alice sees Ralph and hides the present. Ralph wants to be alone with Alice. Trixie: "I can take a hint. I will go out and get more sun." Ralph asks what she bought at the shop. She says nothing. Ralph: "Let me rephrase the question. When you shopped, what did you pick out?" Alice says nothing. Ralph (holding the open purse upside-down, yells): "IS THIS NOTHING?" Nothing comes out. Alice: "It sure is." Alice hands back his wallet. Alice: "You must have dropped it outside." Ed comes inside. Ralph notices that the wallet has nothing missing and wonders why Alice took it. Ralph: "She is stealing presents for me. That girl is trouble." Ralph called the psychiatrist, he wasn't in, but he got some good advice from his maid. Ralph: "She works for him on Tuesdays and Thursdays." Ralph says that if we got Alice to admit it right out in the open so that both him & Ed would know, then maybe she would go to a psychiatrist. Ralph has a plan. He will bring Alice out and accuse Ed of being the kleptomaniac and explain all the symptoms and right then and there Alice will admit it that she is the kleptomaniac and admit that she needs help. Ralph calls Alice. He shows her all the stuff that was stolen from Bruce's Department Store and accuses Ed of being the kleptomaniac and says that the reason why he is doing this is because he doesn't feel loved by Ralph. Wow! Alice is having a hard time believing this. Ralph: "19 years, I devoted to him." He explains all the things he did for Ed. Ralph: "After all that, how could Ed think that I don't love him?" Ed (starting to cry): "Well, you could have stayed home from bowling every once and a while." Ralph: "Will you shut up?" Alice thinks that Ed is a kleptomaniac so she asks Ralph what kid of manic is he. Ralph takes the things and leaves. Alice doesn't believe that Ed is a kleptomaniac. Ed admits the scheme that Ralph & himself pulled and thinks that they both know who the kleptomaniac is Alice, but Alice doesn't know that Ed & Ralph think that she is the kleptomaniac. Ed says that the reason why they did the scheme so that Ralph wouldn't hurt Alice. Alice is touched. Trixie comes in and Alice asks Ed to leave so she can talk to Trix. Ed leaves. Alice thinks that Ralph IS the kleptomaniac. Alice also thinks that Ralph must have read the encyclopedia to read about kleptomania and thinks that Alice doesn't love him. They both sing: "That's Got To Be Love." After this, Ralph comes out and says he is going shopping. Alice says that she loves Ralph. She hugs him and as she does, Ralph takes his bracelet. After Ralph leaves, she notices that Ralph took his bracelet.
Time for the middle commercial break bumper. The message that says: "Stay tuned for more of the Honeymooners." For obvious reasons, this is not shown on American Life TV. MPI doesn't show these either.
At Bruce's Department Store, through pantomime, Bruce is telling the security guard the robberies that have been happening through his store. Bruce leaves the area. The security guards come in and are keeping an eye on the store by…dancing? I sure wouldn't want these men guarding a store. All during this time, music is playing. They leave. Mousey comes back and attempts to steal things while dancing at the same time. The security guards come in, so Mousey hides. They leave. Mousey continues to steal. Security guards come in and still they don't notice Mousey. They leave as shoppers enter the store. Mousey, through pantomime, talks with the girls and they all dance together. They also hide with Mousey when the guards come by. The guards catch the girls and finally see Mousey. All of them are dancing. Mousey hides behind one of the shoppers and kicks one of the guards. The guard acts like he's been shot and his falling somehow affects the rest of the guards and they all fall down like they have been shot. After Mousey strips one of the girls to reveal the fact they are now wearing lingerie, he leaves. After this, the audience applauds. Bruce comes back in and orders the security guards to do their work. They all leave. Ralph & Ed come in. Ralph has a plan. Ed will put the things back where they where while Ralph is looking out. They leave that area of the store. The girls come in looking for Ralph. They split up and leave the area. Ralph & Ed come out. Ed puts things on the shelf while Ralph is looking out. Bruce comes out and thinks that they might need help shopping. Ed: "We can use some help. We are not doing too well by ourselves." Bruce helps them out. The cuckoo clock sounds so Ed covers it up by saying that it was him. Bruce thinks that they are crooks and calls security as Ed does a Hackensack humming bird that is only seen in the Jersey swamp.
At the security guard's office, the officer brings Ralph & Ed in. Ralph says that they are in this fix because of women and say that they cause men trouble. They sing: "A Woman Is The Cause Of It All." Bruce comes in and says that Ed is the crook and that there is no evidence that Ralph took anything. Bruce: "I'm going to have to deal with you harshly." Ed (starting to cry): "What are you going to do to me?" Bruce: "I would like to rip the cuffs off your pants. I'm going to have you incarcerated." Ed: "Good, as long as I'm not going to jail." Alice comes up and says that she knows what has happened. Ralph says that the truth has to come out but because it's impossible for him to say it, Alice will. Alice: "My husband is the crook." Ralph doesn't believe what he is hearing. Ralph (yells): "SHE IS THE THEIF." Ralph says that he will go to jail for her, but he wants her to admit that she's a crook. She won't. Ralph shows her the things that were taken and the bracelet. Alice reveals that the bracelet is for Ralph's birthday. Ralph reads it. Ralph: Ralph Kramden. 155-02-30165." I thought that Social Security numbers had less digits back then. (They are nine digits long today, I think.) Plus, Ralph had a seven-digit social security number in "The Worry Wart." I never knew that a person can have TWO social security numbers. The security guard comes in with the shoplifters who are a man-and-wife team. The team: Trixie & Mousey. Everyone said that didn't steal anything. Bruce: "Who did?" Milton Berle (as himself) comes in and says: "It was me. I steal everything." The crowd applauds.
During the curtain call, Jackie introduces the cast. But, he introduces two of the guest stars first, then the main cast, then Milton. Milton, for whatever reason, kisses Jackie. After Jackie says that he lost 60 pounds, Milton replies: "On whom?" Laughter is heard as Jackie jokingly tells Milton to get off the stage. Jackie praises the Miami Beach audience. What is funny is that Milton's involvement is not mentioned in the summaries that are available of this episode. The Jackie Gleason Show logo is shown on a blue background. For whatever reason, this is not shown on the MPI version.
Johnny Olsen then plugs the next episode.
Episode #195
TV Hour (edited.)
DVD: Attached to "Happiness Is A Rich Uncle", "Hawaii, Oh! Oh!" & "The Sun & Racoon Capital."
In the Nick Clooney intro, Nick mentions the title of this episode: "The Honeymoon Is Over." Nick: "Lets hope not. We have 30 more episodes to go." Huh? This is technically episode 41 of the revival, so how can there be 30 more to go?
A bunch of people (June Taylor Dancers) come out and sing "Hollywood." After that, they leave just as the whole gang arrives at Peekskill Sutdios to go on the Mike Douglas Show. Ed says that Mike Douglas is a nice guy. He once went down to his sewer to present the Sewer Worker of The Year Award. He wasn't able to see if he looks like he does on TV because Mike had a mask on. While in the sewer, he presented the USO Award (the USO award and the other award are one in the same). Ed says that USO stands for United Sewer Workers Of. Ralph: "Of what?" Ed: "We don't know. No one will take us (meaning no company will take them, I think). If it stands for United Sewer Workers Of, should the initials be USWO? They go inside.
In the makeup room, the Kramdens & Nortons meet a mean makeup lady named Stella. Ralph explains that they are going to go on the show to plug the song "Love On A Bus." The girls go see a Mr. Richard. They leave. Ralph sits down. He closes his eyes. The lady puts eye shadow on his eyes as Ed laughs at the thought of Ralph getting shadow on his eyes. Ralph finds out what she is doing. Lady: "I'm exentuating the blue in your eyes." Ed laughs. Ralph: "You laugh one more time and I'm going to exentuate the black in your eyes." The lady is going to put on red lipstick on Ralph's lips. Ralph (to the lady): "I'm a bus driver. Not a meter maid." When you are under the hot lights, nobody will notice that you are wearing makeup. Ed sits down. He says that he wants his mouth to have a boyish sneer that tiptoed over the lips of Steve McQueen in The Sandcover. My eyes should be two black olives floating in a limpid pool of bergendy wine. My hair should have one lock over one of my eyes. I don't want any body makeup." Stella puts powder on Ed's face. Stella: "How is that?" Ed: "Perfect. Just the way I wanted it." Mr. Clock comes in and talks about their publicity campaign about him being a bus driver, how he wrote the song "Love On A Bus" and how the song is about his love for her. He instructs that when Ralph comes out on the show to kiss Alice. Mr. Clock leaves. Ed instructs Ralph to stand still so he can look at him. Ed puts a beauty mark on Ralph's left cheek. Ralph wonders why he did that. Ed said without that beauty mark, he would look like what Barbara Streisand looked like back then. Ed probably needs some glasses for him to think that. Ralph says that after he punches Ed, he will look exactly like Barbara Streisand. They leave.
The Mike Douglas Show starts and Johnny Olsen announces the show. I heard that the set that was used was not the actual one that was used on the real Mike Douglas Show. Mike comes out and after seeing what he looked like on the Larry King Live Honeymooners Special in 2002, I was shocked to see how young he looked like back then. Mike sings: "Fun With You" in which he talks about Jackie Gleason and his "How Sweet It Is" catchphrase. Also in the song, he says that the things he said about France, he can't repeat on this show. After the song, he says that the Hollywood audience is the greatest audience in the world. The audience boos then laughs. I wonder if that was supposed to happen. Mike introduces the Kramdens & Nortons. Mike says that since Ralph has his bus uniform on and since he wrote that song, it adds a romantic touch. Ed says that the clothes that he's wearing add a romantic touch because he got married in them. Mike asks Alice what her reaction was when Ralph wrote that song about his love for her. Alice says that it was the biggest thrill that she ever had. Ralph says that they are in love and they kiss. Alice: "Are you wearing lipstick?" Ralph (yells): "SHUT UP!" Mike asks Ed & Ralph to sing "Love On A Bus." They do. Mike asks Ed if there was something that he wanted to do to let people know his love of his wife. Ed said that Trixie had a heart-shaped tattoo that said: "Ed loves Trixie." Ha! Ralph says that the 17 years that he spent with Alice. Alice corrects him, by saying it was 19 years. Ralph: "It has been so long, I can't remember." Mike asks Ralph if after 19 years, Ralph found out that they weren't technically married, would he marry Alice? Ed: "Where do you go to find that out?" Ralph says that he would because it's the only decent thing to do. Alice is upset. Ralph mentions all the good things that Alice has done for him over the past 19 years. Ralph: "I would marry her again. She isn't getting any younger." Alice is even more upset. Alice: "Are you implying that I am over-the-hill? Am I?" Ed: "Ask them another fun-filled question." Ralph says that Alice is jumping to conclusions. Alice says to Ralph called her an old lady on TV. Ralph says that he didn't (which is true). Ralph then threatens to punch Alice. How surprising that Ralph said that to Alice on TV. Alice then says that he hopes never to hear that song that Ralph made ever again. Ralph: "Which may not be for long." Ed: "Calm down Ralph. Your mascara is starting to run. Ralph says that without that song, Alice wouldn't be in Hollywood. Ralph: "You're too old to hitchhike. You have arithritis in your thumb." Ralph then calls Alice "Whistless Mother." Alice responds by saying that she is 31 years old. Ralph: "Are you implying that I married you when you were 11?" Alice: "It was 17 years ago when you married me Ralph. I was 13." Alice calls Ralph over-the-hill and says that she has never been so humiliated. She leaves. Ralph: "You are ruining my image." Trixie goes after Alice. Ed says to the crowd that they shouldn't miss the movie that has the song: "Love On A Bus" that is inspired by the Kramdens love story.
At the Beverly Hills home, Ed is walking around while Ralph is sleeping in his stripped pajamas that are very loud. He is making a lot of squeaking noises when he walks. Ralph orders Ed to take off his slippers. He does, but his feet still make squeaking noises. Ed says that it's his socks. He used them down the sewer so much that they have a tendency to rust. Mr. Clock comes by and says that when he fought with Alice on TV, he ruined the entire publicity campaign. Ralph says that he will straighten Alice out. Trixie & Alice come out. Alice is dressed to look like what a young lady looked like back then. Ralph: "Alice, your knees are showing." That is almost the same thing he said to Alice in "The Man From Space." Ralph: "Who do you think you are, Meredith MacRae?" That was Shelia's real-life daughter. Meredith died in 2000 due to a brain tumor. Alice says that she shortend all of her skirts. Ralph gets shown Alice her skimpy bathing suit. Alice is going to the dressmaker to shorten this skirt. Alice: "Who would look at me? I'm an old woman." Ralph: "An old man." Ed says that Ralph & Alice always fight. Ralph says that if she leaves, they are through. Alice leaves. Mr. Clock: "Norton, go after her." Ralph: "I'm not Norton. I'm Kramden." I wonder if that was a blooper. Ralph says that he's down in the dumps and his dreams are shattered. There is only one thing left for him to do and that is to go back off his diet. Mr. Clock says that the Nortons should get them back together. They oblige. They leave. Ed says that Ralph has been acting impossible throughout this whole situation and Trixie says the same thing about Alice. Trixie: "Her saying that she's 31. Two years older than I am." Trixie & Ed then come up with a plan. Since Alice & Ralph first met in an Italian retaurant (another story on how Ralph & Alice met for the first time), Trixie will bring Alice to the restaurant and Ed will bring Ralph to the restaurant. They will just happen to meet. Trixie: "They will start reminiscing and they will start to get romantic." Ed says that he will bring Ralph after they finish pool and bowl. Trixie then says that she will ask Ralph to meet her there and Ed will bring Alice. The Nortons sing: "Belong Together."
At the restaurant, Ed is wearing a loud jacket. Ed says that all the opera singers stay here. His proof? A sign that says "Not responsible for capes left over 30 days." The waiter comes. Waiter: "Welcome to Mama D Varnos. Walk this way." Ed imitates the way the waiter walks. They sit down. Alice asks how good is the sphagetti and meatballs. Waiter: "This stomach didn't get full by eating watercress sandwiches." Alice orders her food. Ed, as usual orders a lot of food but when he finds out that they don't have one particular food, he asks them to just give him some sphagetti and meatballs. Ed tries to talk to Alice. Ed: "Do you think that the Cincinatti Bengals will go to the Super Bowl this year?" Ed tries to talk to Alice about Ralph. She doesn't miss Ralph and she is enjoying her new freedom. She soon starts crying about how she misses Ralph. Ed hugs Alice. Alice: "I'm so miserable." Ed: "You have always been." Ralph comes in. Ralph immediately gets the wrong idea. Alice: "There is nothing between me and Ed." Ralph: "Why are you wearing your pajamas?" Ed says that he isn't fooling around with Alice. Ralph agrees because Ed is a stupid moax. Ed: "I'm glad that we are still friends." Alice wants to eat dinner alone. Ralph wants to eat his dinner here. Trixie comes in and Ed explained the whole situation. Trixie says that Ralph & Alice have been stupid, childish and stubborn which means that they belong together. Ed & Trixie leave but only after Ed asks Ralph that if he doesn't finish his sphagetti and meatballs to bring it home to him in a doggie bag. Ralph says that the sauce almost smells the same aroma that they got at Angie's. They remember what Angie's looked like. They start reminiscing. They get romantic as they sing: "That Is What Love Is About" in which Ralph says that he wouldn't trade in his time with Alice for any gold in the world. After the song, they kiss. Ralph says that he is going back on his diet.
On the Mike Douglas Show, Mike explains to the audience the whole situation regarding the Kramdens. He brings out the Kramdens & Nortons. The Kramdens & Nortons sit down. Ralph says that the whole spat they had was silly. Ralph says that they are going around to country to publicize the song & picture "Love On A Bus." Mike says that his wife that she was relieved when she found out that the Kramdens were back together. Mike's wife comes out. Ralph tries to explais how they made up, but he makes mistakes. So, Alice corrects him every time. Ralph (yells): "SO YOU WANT TO TELL THE STORY ALICE?" Alice says she doesn't, but ends up telling the story up until they held hands and got romantic. Ralph is upset and says that Alice always interrupts him. They are arguing Mike says for Ralph to not to get upset over something so insignificant. Mike: "My wife always interupts me and I don't mind." Mike's wife disagrees. Mike & his wife are now arguing. Mike calls his wife an old dog. Ralph says that he calls Alice an old dog. Ed: "I call Trixie an old bat." The wives agree that there husbands should have more respect ofr them. They leave. Ed then does his James Cagney impression.
At the curtain call, Jackie praises the Miami Beach audience and says "Goodnight!". During the credit roll, Johnny plugs the next episode of the Color Honeymooners.
TV: Half-hour musical.
DVD: Attached to "Play It Again, Norton", "Ralph Goes Hollywood" & "Mexican Hat Trick."
At Mr. Bruce's Shop For Men, a bunch of maids and a bunch of other workers are dancing and singing: "What Do You Buy For The Guy Who Has Got It All." At the end of the song, Alice & Trixie come to the shop. Alice is looking to get something for Ralph's birthday which is next month. Bruce, the store manager comes over (he is played by Joe Flynn), and helps Alice out. Ralph comes out of a crowded elevator along with Ed. He is holding what he thinks is Ed's hand when in fact it is a child's hand. How could Ralph not know this? Ralph realizes that he is not holding Ed's hand and when the mother of the kid comes over, she hit's Ralph and a clang sound is heard when she hits him. Ed then comes out with the kid's balloon. Ralph takes it, and then the kid comes out and not only takes the balloon but kicks Ralph in the leg. When he kicks him, a sound effect is heard. Alice comes over and shows Ralph a Cuckoo Alarm Clock. Alice: "I was thinking about buying it for someone." Ralph: "For who?" Alice: "For, um…my brother." Ralph: "If there is one thing that your family doesn't need, it's another cuckoo." Ralph also mentions that her brother only gets out of bed once a month to collect his relief check. Trixie tells Ed to help her shop. Alice asks Ralph for $20. Ralph obliges. Alice wants to shop alone. Ralph is wondering why Alice always insists on shopping alone. Alice: "You get in the way. Forget it. I will shop later on." Ed says that he likes the cuckoo clock. Bird: "Cuckoo! Cuckoo!" Trixie: "It is playing our song." A person with black hair (played by George Chakiris) comes by. He immediately starts stealing things. Bruce comes by and immediately identifies the person as Mousey the Dip. Mousey, knowing that Bruce is going to call the security on him, puts the cuckoo clock and an African blow gun in Alice's purse. Alice doesn't know this. The security guard comes along with Bruce. Mousey: "I'm clean." Security Guard: "There is nothing on him." Mousey is off the hook. Mousey also says that he loves Bruce's shop. Bruce kicks Mousey out and apologizes. Bruce: "If it's two things that I hate, its shoplifters and people who buy wholesale." They all go back in the elevator. The cuckoo clock sounds. Ralph (to Ed): "Will you stop fooling around?"
At their Beverly Hills home, the boys go to get a cold drink while Alice says she has the perfect present for Ralph: an ID bracelet that will have his name and social security number. Alice doesn't know Ralph's social security number because it's in his wallet. So, she has to get his wallet from Ralph. Trixie says she is going to put her bathing suit on and take a swim. They leave, but as they do, Alice says to Ralph that the $20 he lent her is in her purse. Ralph goes to get the money and sees the African blow gun as well as the cuckoo clock. He thinks the worst and says that Alice is Mousey the Dip. Ralph: "Alice never stole anything in her life. Now, she is taking things for no reason." Ed says that isn't possible. She may be taking things for no reason because she has a sickness. Ed: "There is a technical term for it." The cuckoo clock sounds. Ed: "That is it. She's cuckoo." Ed now remembers. The sickness is kleptomania. They get the encyclopedia to find out what it means. They only have ONE encyclopedia book. Ralph: "How do you spell it?" Ed: "E-n-c-y-c…" Ralph (yells): "NOT ENCYCLOPEDIA." Ed: "K like in Kramden." Ed looks it up. Ed: "Here we are. Kangaroo..." Ed finds another word and reads its definition. Ed: "'Very prevalent in America. From Eastern Europe.'" Ralph thinks that that is the definition of kleptomania. Ed continues: "…a circular crust of dough sometimes served with prunes.'" Ralph: "That's kleptomania." Ed: "No, that is kadish (sp?)." Ralph (yells): "WHAT ARE YOU READING ABOUT THAT FOR?" Ed: "To help her out in a deli." Ralph looks it up. Ralph: "'Kleptomania: Compulsive stealing motivated by impulses not a desire for economic gain It is a symbolic method used to attain a love that one feels that they don't have.'" Ralph thinks that Alice doesn't feel like Ralph loves her. Ralph continues: "'Successful treatment needs psychiatric help.'" Ralph thinks about getting her a psychiatrist but thinks that that won't work. Ed knows that it is a tough decision for Ralph to send her to a doctor. Ed finally leaves. Ralph sings: "I Guess That I Did Something Wrong." Ralph sees Alice leaving. She wants to go shopping alone. Ralph says to her that he loves her. Ralph hugs her. As he is, Alice takes Ralph's wallet. When she leaves, Ralph notices that his wallet is stolen and thinks that that is more evidence that she is a kleptomaniac.
Later on, Trixie is coming inside with a bathrobe and drying her hair. She just took a swim. Alice comes home with Ralph's birthday present. Alice shows Trixie the identification bracelet. Ralph comes by, but the girls don't know that he is within earshot. Trixie: "Can you afford it?" Alice: "Not right now. But, don't tell Ralph." Alice sees Ralph and hides the present. Ralph wants to be alone with Alice. Trixie: "I can take a hint. I will go out and get more sun." Ralph asks what she bought at the shop. She says nothing. Ralph: "Let me rephrase the question. When you shopped, what did you pick out?" Alice says nothing. Ralph (holding the open purse upside-down, yells): "IS THIS NOTHING?" Nothing comes out. Alice: "It sure is." Alice hands back his wallet. Alice: "You must have dropped it outside." Ed comes inside. Ralph notices that the wallet has nothing missing and wonders why Alice took it. Ralph: "She is stealing presents for me. That girl is trouble." Ralph called the psychiatrist, he wasn't in, but he got some good advice from his maid. Ralph: "She works for him on Tuesdays and Thursdays." Ralph says that if we got Alice to admit it right out in the open so that both him & Ed would know, then maybe she would go to a psychiatrist. Ralph has a plan. He will bring Alice out and accuse Ed of being the kleptomaniac and explain all the symptoms and right then and there Alice will admit it that she is the kleptomaniac and admit that she needs help. Ralph calls Alice. He shows her all the stuff that was stolen from Bruce's Department Store and accuses Ed of being the kleptomaniac and says that the reason why he is doing this is because he doesn't feel loved by Ralph. Wow! Alice is having a hard time believing this. Ralph: "19 years, I devoted to him." He explains all the things he did for Ed. Ralph: "After all that, how could Ed think that I don't love him?" Ed (starting to cry): "Well, you could have stayed home from bowling every once and a while." Ralph: "Will you shut up?" Alice thinks that Ed is a kleptomaniac so she asks Ralph what kid of manic is he. Ralph takes the things and leaves. Alice doesn't believe that Ed is a kleptomaniac. Ed admits the scheme that Ralph & himself pulled and thinks that they both know who the kleptomaniac is Alice, but Alice doesn't know that Ed & Ralph think that she is the kleptomaniac. Ed says that the reason why they did the scheme so that Ralph wouldn't hurt Alice. Alice is touched. Trixie comes in and Alice asks Ed to leave so she can talk to Trix. Ed leaves. Alice thinks that Ralph IS the kleptomaniac. Alice also thinks that Ralph must have read the encyclopedia to read about kleptomania and thinks that Alice doesn't love him. They both sing: "That's Got To Be Love." After this, Ralph comes out and says he is going shopping. Alice says that she loves Ralph. She hugs him and as she does, Ralph takes his bracelet. After Ralph leaves, she notices that Ralph took his bracelet.
Time for the middle commercial break bumper. The message that says: "Stay tuned for more of the Honeymooners." For obvious reasons, this is not shown on American Life TV. MPI doesn't show these either.
At Bruce's Department Store, through pantomime, Bruce is telling the security guard the robberies that have been happening through his store. Bruce leaves the area. The security guards come in and are keeping an eye on the store by…dancing? I sure wouldn't want these men guarding a store. All during this time, music is playing. They leave. Mousey comes back and attempts to steal things while dancing at the same time. The security guards come in, so Mousey hides. They leave. Mousey continues to steal. Security guards come in and still they don't notice Mousey. They leave as shoppers enter the store. Mousey, through pantomime, talks with the girls and they all dance together. They also hide with Mousey when the guards come by. The guards catch the girls and finally see Mousey. All of them are dancing. Mousey hides behind one of the shoppers and kicks one of the guards. The guard acts like he's been shot and his falling somehow affects the rest of the guards and they all fall down like they have been shot. After Mousey strips one of the girls to reveal the fact they are now wearing lingerie, he leaves. After this, the audience applauds. Bruce comes back in and orders the security guards to do their work. They all leave. Ralph & Ed come in. Ralph has a plan. Ed will put the things back where they where while Ralph is looking out. They leave that area of the store. The girls come in looking for Ralph. They split up and leave the area. Ralph & Ed come out. Ed puts things on the shelf while Ralph is looking out. Bruce comes out and thinks that they might need help shopping. Ed: "We can use some help. We are not doing too well by ourselves." Bruce helps them out. The cuckoo clock sounds so Ed covers it up by saying that it was him. Bruce thinks that they are crooks and calls security as Ed does a Hackensack humming bird that is only seen in the Jersey swamp.
At the security guard's office, the officer brings Ralph & Ed in. Ralph says that they are in this fix because of women and say that they cause men trouble. They sing: "A Woman Is The Cause Of It All." Bruce comes in and says that Ed is the crook and that there is no evidence that Ralph took anything. Bruce: "I'm going to have to deal with you harshly." Ed (starting to cry): "What are you going to do to me?" Bruce: "I would like to rip the cuffs off your pants. I'm going to have you incarcerated." Ed: "Good, as long as I'm not going to jail." Alice comes up and says that she knows what has happened. Ralph says that the truth has to come out but because it's impossible for him to say it, Alice will. Alice: "My husband is the crook." Ralph doesn't believe what he is hearing. Ralph (yells): "SHE IS THE THEIF." Ralph says that he will go to jail for her, but he wants her to admit that she's a crook. She won't. Ralph shows her the things that were taken and the bracelet. Alice reveals that the bracelet is for Ralph's birthday. Ralph reads it. Ralph: Ralph Kramden. 155-02-30165." I thought that Social Security numbers had less digits back then. (They are nine digits long today, I think.) Plus, Ralph had a seven-digit social security number in "The Worry Wart." I never knew that a person can have TWO social security numbers. The security guard comes in with the shoplifters who are a man-and-wife team. The team: Trixie & Mousey. Everyone said that didn't steal anything. Bruce: "Who did?" Milton Berle (as himself) comes in and says: "It was me. I steal everything." The crowd applauds.
During the curtain call, Jackie introduces the cast. But, he introduces two of the guest stars first, then the main cast, then Milton. Milton, for whatever reason, kisses Jackie. After Jackie says that he lost 60 pounds, Milton replies: "On whom?" Laughter is heard as Jackie jokingly tells Milton to get off the stage. Jackie praises the Miami Beach audience. What is funny is that Milton's involvement is not mentioned in the summaries that are available of this episode. The Jackie Gleason Show logo is shown on a blue background. For whatever reason, this is not shown on the MPI version.
Johnny Olsen then plugs the next episode.
Episode #195
TV Hour (edited.)
DVD: Attached to "Happiness Is A Rich Uncle", "Hawaii, Oh! Oh!" & "The Sun & Racoon Capital."
In the Nick Clooney intro, Nick mentions the title of this episode: "The Honeymoon Is Over." Nick: "Lets hope not. We have 30 more episodes to go." Huh? This is technically episode 41 of the revival, so how can there be 30 more to go?
A bunch of people (June Taylor Dancers) come out and sing "Hollywood." After that, they leave just as the whole gang arrives at Peekskill Sutdios to go on the Mike Douglas Show. Ed says that Mike Douglas is a nice guy. He once went down to his sewer to present the Sewer Worker of The Year Award. He wasn't able to see if he looks like he does on TV because Mike had a mask on. While in the sewer, he presented the USO Award (the USO award and the other award are one in the same). Ed says that USO stands for United Sewer Workers Of. Ralph: "Of what?" Ed: "We don't know. No one will take us (meaning no company will take them, I think). If it stands for United Sewer Workers Of, should the initials be USWO? They go inside.
In the makeup room, the Kramdens & Nortons meet a mean makeup lady named Stella. Ralph explains that they are going to go on the show to plug the song "Love On A Bus." The girls go see a Mr. Richard. They leave. Ralph sits down. He closes his eyes. The lady puts eye shadow on his eyes as Ed laughs at the thought of Ralph getting shadow on his eyes. Ralph finds out what she is doing. Lady: "I'm exentuating the blue in your eyes." Ed laughs. Ralph: "You laugh one more time and I'm going to exentuate the black in your eyes." The lady is going to put on red lipstick on Ralph's lips. Ralph (to the lady): "I'm a bus driver. Not a meter maid." When you are under the hot lights, nobody will notice that you are wearing makeup. Ed sits down. He says that he wants his mouth to have a boyish sneer that tiptoed over the lips of Steve McQueen in The Sandcover. My eyes should be two black olives floating in a limpid pool of bergendy wine. My hair should have one lock over one of my eyes. I don't want any body makeup." Stella puts powder on Ed's face. Stella: "How is that?" Ed: "Perfect. Just the way I wanted it." Mr. Clock comes in and talks about their publicity campaign about him being a bus driver, how he wrote the song "Love On A Bus" and how the song is about his love for her. He instructs that when Ralph comes out on the show to kiss Alice. Mr. Clock leaves. Ed instructs Ralph to stand still so he can look at him. Ed puts a beauty mark on Ralph's left cheek. Ralph wonders why he did that. Ed said without that beauty mark, he would look like what Barbara Streisand looked like back then. Ed probably needs some glasses for him to think that. Ralph says that after he punches Ed, he will look exactly like Barbara Streisand. They leave.
The Mike Douglas Show starts and Johnny Olsen announces the show. I heard that the set that was used was not the actual one that was used on the real Mike Douglas Show. Mike comes out and after seeing what he looked like on the Larry King Live Honeymooners Special in 2002, I was shocked to see how young he looked like back then. Mike sings: "Fun With You" in which he talks about Jackie Gleason and his "How Sweet It Is" catchphrase. Also in the song, he says that the things he said about France, he can't repeat on this show. After the song, he says that the Hollywood audience is the greatest audience in the world. The audience boos then laughs. I wonder if that was supposed to happen. Mike introduces the Kramdens & Nortons. Mike says that since Ralph has his bus uniform on and since he wrote that song, it adds a romantic touch. Ed says that the clothes that he's wearing add a romantic touch because he got married in them. Mike asks Alice what her reaction was when Ralph wrote that song about his love for her. Alice says that it was the biggest thrill that she ever had. Ralph says that they are in love and they kiss. Alice: "Are you wearing lipstick?" Ralph (yells): "SHUT UP!" Mike asks Ed & Ralph to sing "Love On A Bus." They do. Mike asks Ed if there was something that he wanted to do to let people know his love of his wife. Ed said that Trixie had a heart-shaped tattoo that said: "Ed loves Trixie." Ha! Ralph says that the 17 years that he spent with Alice. Alice corrects him, by saying it was 19 years. Ralph: "It has been so long, I can't remember." Mike asks Ralph if after 19 years, Ralph found out that they weren't technically married, would he marry Alice? Ed: "Where do you go to find that out?" Ralph says that he would because it's the only decent thing to do. Alice is upset. Ralph mentions all the good things that Alice has done for him over the past 19 years. Ralph: "I would marry her again. She isn't getting any younger." Alice is even more upset. Alice: "Are you implying that I am over-the-hill? Am I?" Ed: "Ask them another fun-filled question." Ralph says that Alice is jumping to conclusions. Alice says to Ralph called her an old lady on TV. Ralph says that he didn't (which is true). Ralph then threatens to punch Alice. How surprising that Ralph said that to Alice on TV. Alice then says that he hopes never to hear that song that Ralph made ever again. Ralph: "Which may not be for long." Ed: "Calm down Ralph. Your mascara is starting to run. Ralph says that without that song, Alice wouldn't be in Hollywood. Ralph: "You're too old to hitchhike. You have arithritis in your thumb." Ralph then calls Alice "Whistless Mother." Alice responds by saying that she is 31 years old. Ralph: "Are you implying that I married you when you were 11?" Alice: "It was 17 years ago when you married me Ralph. I was 13." Alice calls Ralph over-the-hill and says that she has never been so humiliated. She leaves. Ralph: "You are ruining my image." Trixie goes after Alice. Ed says to the crowd that they shouldn't miss the movie that has the song: "Love On A Bus" that is inspired by the Kramdens love story.
At the Beverly Hills home, Ed is walking around while Ralph is sleeping in his stripped pajamas that are very loud. He is making a lot of squeaking noises when he walks. Ralph orders Ed to take off his slippers. He does, but his feet still make squeaking noises. Ed says that it's his socks. He used them down the sewer so much that they have a tendency to rust. Mr. Clock comes by and says that when he fought with Alice on TV, he ruined the entire publicity campaign. Ralph says that he will straighten Alice out. Trixie & Alice come out. Alice is dressed to look like what a young lady looked like back then. Ralph: "Alice, your knees are showing." That is almost the same thing he said to Alice in "The Man From Space." Ralph: "Who do you think you are, Meredith MacRae?" That was Shelia's real-life daughter. Meredith died in 2000 due to a brain tumor. Alice says that she shortend all of her skirts. Ralph gets shown Alice her skimpy bathing suit. Alice is going to the dressmaker to shorten this skirt. Alice: "Who would look at me? I'm an old woman." Ralph: "An old man." Ed says that Ralph & Alice always fight. Ralph says that if she leaves, they are through. Alice leaves. Mr. Clock: "Norton, go after her." Ralph: "I'm not Norton. I'm Kramden." I wonder if that was a blooper. Ralph says that he's down in the dumps and his dreams are shattered. There is only one thing left for him to do and that is to go back off his diet. Mr. Clock says that the Nortons should get them back together. They oblige. They leave. Ed says that Ralph has been acting impossible throughout this whole situation and Trixie says the same thing about Alice. Trixie: "Her saying that she's 31. Two years older than I am." Trixie & Ed then come up with a plan. Since Alice & Ralph first met in an Italian retaurant (another story on how Ralph & Alice met for the first time), Trixie will bring Alice to the restaurant and Ed will bring Ralph to the restaurant. They will just happen to meet. Trixie: "They will start reminiscing and they will start to get romantic." Ed says that he will bring Ralph after they finish pool and bowl. Trixie then says that she will ask Ralph to meet her there and Ed will bring Alice. The Nortons sing: "Belong Together."
At the restaurant, Ed is wearing a loud jacket. Ed says that all the opera singers stay here. His proof? A sign that says "Not responsible for capes left over 30 days." The waiter comes. Waiter: "Welcome to Mama D Varnos. Walk this way." Ed imitates the way the waiter walks. They sit down. Alice asks how good is the sphagetti and meatballs. Waiter: "This stomach didn't get full by eating watercress sandwiches." Alice orders her food. Ed, as usual orders a lot of food but when he finds out that they don't have one particular food, he asks them to just give him some sphagetti and meatballs. Ed tries to talk to Alice. Ed: "Do you think that the Cincinatti Bengals will go to the Super Bowl this year?" Ed tries to talk to Alice about Ralph. She doesn't miss Ralph and she is enjoying her new freedom. She soon starts crying about how she misses Ralph. Ed hugs Alice. Alice: "I'm so miserable." Ed: "You have always been." Ralph comes in. Ralph immediately gets the wrong idea. Alice: "There is nothing between me and Ed." Ralph: "Why are you wearing your pajamas?" Ed says that he isn't fooling around with Alice. Ralph agrees because Ed is a stupid moax. Ed: "I'm glad that we are still friends." Alice wants to eat dinner alone. Ralph wants to eat his dinner here. Trixie comes in and Ed explained the whole situation. Trixie says that Ralph & Alice have been stupid, childish and stubborn which means that they belong together. Ed & Trixie leave but only after Ed asks Ralph that if he doesn't finish his sphagetti and meatballs to bring it home to him in a doggie bag. Ralph says that the sauce almost smells the same aroma that they got at Angie's. They remember what Angie's looked like. They start reminiscing. They get romantic as they sing: "That Is What Love Is About" in which Ralph says that he wouldn't trade in his time with Alice for any gold in the world. After the song, they kiss. Ralph says that he is going back on his diet.
On the Mike Douglas Show, Mike explains to the audience the whole situation regarding the Kramdens. He brings out the Kramdens & Nortons. The Kramdens & Nortons sit down. Ralph says that the whole spat they had was silly. Ralph says that they are going around to country to publicize the song & picture "Love On A Bus." Mike says that his wife that she was relieved when she found out that the Kramdens were back together. Mike's wife comes out. Ralph tries to explais how they made up, but he makes mistakes. So, Alice corrects him every time. Ralph (yells): "SO YOU WANT TO TELL THE STORY ALICE?" Alice says she doesn't, but ends up telling the story up until they held hands and got romantic. Ralph is upset and says that Alice always interrupts him. They are arguing Mike says for Ralph to not to get upset over something so insignificant. Mike: "My wife always interupts me and I don't mind." Mike's wife disagrees. Mike & his wife are now arguing. Mike calls his wife an old dog. Ralph says that he calls Alice an old dog. Ed: "I call Trixie an old bat." The wives agree that there husbands should have more respect ofr them. They leave. Ed then does his James Cagney impression.
At the curtain call, Jackie praises the Miami Beach audience and says "Goodnight!". During the credit roll, Johnny plugs the next episode of the Color Honeymooners.