Frank Gannucci
09-19-2008, 07:25 AM
Episode Reviews: “Ralph Goes Hollywood” & “Mexican Hat Trick”:
Episode #192
TV Hour (edited.)
DVD: Attached to “Play It Again Norton”, “Mexican Hat Trick” & “Case of The Cuckoo Theif.”
At a train station in which the guy on the PTA (Johnny Olsen) announces upcoming trains. A reporter gets ready to greet the Kramdens and Nortons. His boss (later identified as Pete Mountgovern and played by Bert Parks) comes by. He sings: ”Hollywood Welcome” in which the June Taylor Dancers come out and dance. After that, The Kramdens & Nortons arrive in Hollywood amid much fanfare. There is singing, dancing & even the lighting of a cannon. They can't believe the attention they are getting. Pete Mountgovern from Peekskill Studios greets them with exciting news. For their Hollywood stay, they are all going to stay in a Beverly Hills home and the studios are going to pay all their expenses. A reporter named Bob Allison (played by George Petrie) interviews them. Ralph introduces Alice. Alice talks but Ralph cuts her off. Ed talks about the California climate. The reporter introduces the beautiful lady next to him, so Ed brings over one of the female dancers. Ralph says that the Nortons have never been on TV before. How about the time that Ed & Ralph were on Beat The Clock as well as the time that Ed was at a Dodgers game where he got a lump on his head from a baseball? Ed says that he has been on TV before. He was in an on-location commercial where he was going to tell his boss that he had bad breath. Ralph challenges Ed to fight but the girls calm him down. Ralph talks about "Love On A Bus" and that he intends to write more songs. Bob signs off. Pete says that that was the worst interview he has ever seen. Ralph says not to worry and from no on, he will do all the talking in interviews. Oh boy!
On the outside of the house, Ralph gets a call from John Wayne. Ralph says that Maureen O'Hara doesn't live here now (apparently there were staying at Maureen O'Hara's house). He asks John if he hever heard of him. John hangs up. The girls are shown to be wearing some fancy clothes. Ralph praises the food and mispronounces the name of every type of food. Ed comes out with scuba diving gear (except he's wearing a tanktop and a bathing suit instead of a black body suit). Ralph: "Looking at you reminds me. I didn't order any frog legs. Take that outfit off." Ralph: "Don't you now an assgot when you see one?" Ed: "You certainly are." Ed goes in and takes off his flippers. When he does, he still walks like he's had them on. Ralph calls Garrity and tells him that's he's a bum. Garrity calls him back. It turns out that him and Maureen O'Hara are cousins. Ralph says that he's ordered some more clothes from Bruce of Beverly Hills. Alice thinks that what Ralph is doing is terrible. Ralph sings: "The Hollywood Life Is For Me." Alice says that Ralph has gone Hollywood. The girls go inside so they can change to go to Disneyland. Ed comes back out all dressed. Ralph says that he's wrote one hit song. He can write another, and another, and another. He can live out here all the time. Ed says that him & Ralph got lucky with that song. Ralph says that he could write more hit songs. A golfer yells: "Fore!" The golf ball breaks the champagne bottle. Ralph says that ball could of killed either one of them, so he calls out the golfer saying that he will wrap his golf club around his neck. The golfer comes by. It's Bing Crosby. Ralph shows him the golf ball that Bing hit. Bing says that ball is very special to him. The rubber from the ball was melted down from Barry Fitzgerald's bicycle's front tire. Ed showcases his sense of humor. Bing: "What do you do?" Ed: "I work in the sewer." Bing: "That explains it." Ralph says that he has the perfect song for Bing. Bing says he needs help with his slice (that's something to do with golf). Ralph offers to help. He says that he's an "excellent" golfer. Ed says that he's not a good golfer. Ed: "Because of my profession, my favorite past time is water polo." Ed shows him how to play golf. He addresses the ball by saying: "Hello Ball!" Ralph slaps him across the back. This is just like in "The Golfer." Ralph then shows Bing how to play golf. When he swings, he accidently knocks the plates and other things off the table. Once again, just like in "The Golfer." Bing tries to leave. Ralph invites Bing to a big party tonight. Bing says that he has to go to his psychiatrist. Ralph: "You go to a psychiatrist?" Bing: "No, but I am starting to now." Ralph says the party will be big. Ralph: "There will be all kinds of food, maids, butlers etc. Ed wonders how Ralph can throw a party as big as the one he's planning. Ralph says that Peekskill Studios will pay the expenses. Alice introduces Maureen O'Hara. Ralph says that John Wayne called. Maureen says that Garrity says that Ralph is STILL A BUM!
That night, the butlers and maids are getting everything ready. Ed and then Ralph come out. Ralph is wearing a tuxedo. Ralph: "Staff, dinner will be at 7 unless of course Bing doesn't come." Ed: "In that case, we will eat at 6." Pete Mountgovern comes by. He is very upset that Ralph has signed all these expensive bills. Pete: "Who do you think you are, Jackie Gleason?" Ralph: "How dare you? I'm not that nuts." Pete says that he has signed his last bill. From now on, the studio will give Ralph $35 a day and anything more than that, Ralph will have to pay. Pete orders all the staff to leave. Ralph: "What will I do when Bing gets here?" Pete: "Take him to a hot dog stand and don't sign for the mustard." Pete leaves. Ralph is upset. The wives come out all glamourous. Ralph says that the party is off. Alice: "Ralph, you have only yourself to blame." Ralph: "Oooh." Trixie suggests having a small dinner outside on the patio. Ralph thinks that the idea is dumb. Ed says that it's a shame because all he has is his friends and his wife and no butlers or maids. Ralph gets an idea. Ed will be the butler, Alice will be the cook and Trixie will be the maid. They don't like the idea, but Ralph doesn't care. Alice says that she wants to meet Bing under the proper circumstances, so Ralph introduce Bing to her in the kitchen. Ralph orders that all of them to get ready. Trixie says that since Ed wrote the song too, and since now he's a butler, is he going to take this from Ralph. Ed: "Ralph, I have something to say. Can I have Tuesdays off?" They all get ready.
Later, Alice comes out and asks why Ralph needs so much silverware if him and Bing are going to be the only ones eating. Ralph says that it is needed according to the book "Beetrice Bucks Beginners Book on Basic Butling for Buffets, Balls, Banquets & Bar Mitzphahs." Alice: "I have one more B: Baloney." Ed comes out dressed in a tuxedo that he rented from a funeral home. Ralph talks to Ed about what Ed should do according to the book. Ralph (reading): "'A well-trained English butler always phrases things in the third person. But in the democratic American way, a butler always phrases things in the second person. He will say: 'Will you be seated while I see if Mrs. Moore is at home?''" Ralph: "What should I do if Mrs. Moore isn't home?" Ralph says that that name is a figure of speech and that he IS Mrs. Moore. Ed: "Boy, you sure gone Hollywood in a hurry. Ralph: "'The duties of a butler include answering the telephone, cleaning the silverware, serving cocktails. When serving a meal, he has to serve from the left and takes away from the right. He also decrumbs the table. If no valet, he must do the valet duties.' Do you think you can remember all this?" Ed: "How about we take a look at this next chapter? 'Gracious Living Without Servants.'" Ralph says that if he doesn't remember anything, look it up in the book. Ralph also instructs Ed to come in every now and then and say that a very important man is on the phone. Bing Crosby rings the doorbell. Ed opens it. Ed: "I'll see if Mrs. Moore is at home." Ralph is upset. Ralph: "I'll take over Heathcliff (Ed)." Bing apologizes for what happened this afternoon. Ed: "The other guests may be late. They haven't been told." Ed gets a chair ready for Bing by cleaning it thoroughly. Ralph orders Ed to get the drinks. Ed knocks over a potted plant on his way out. Bing: "Make mine a double." Ed (yells): "I DON'T MIND IF I DO." Bing says that he has covered every subject in his songs. Bing sings: "There Is Nothing I Haven't Sung About" (complete with off-camera music and clapping from the audience). Ralph snaps his fingers while he's singing. Ed comes in with cocktails and takes the lemons (I think) out of them. Ralph says that Bing has not covered one topic and Ralph said that if he had a song that included a topic that Bing did not cover, he would like to know what that subject was. Ed comes in with a telephone. According to Ed, it's an important singer. Ed says that it's Bobby Breen. Ralph can't believe it (and not in a good way). Ed leaves. Ralph says that Bobby Breen is a code name for Frank Sinatra so he can get through to Ralph. Bing: "That kid Frank needs a hit." Ralph says that he's a pretty big song writer. Bing: "I smell a rat." Ed (yells): "DINNER IS SERVED!" Ed comes out with the cook (Alice) and the maid (Trixie). Ed starts to decrumb the table. Ralph (to Ed, yells): "WE HAVEN'T EVEN EATEN YET!" Ed (yells): "BEETRICE'S BOOK SAYS TO DECRUMB THE TABLE." Trixie: "That is telling him Ed." Bing says that Ralph runs a very democratic household. Ralph: "Heathcliff, serve the dinner." Alice: "Heathcliff?" The girls start laughing at the fact that Ralph called Ed Heathcliff. Bing asks Ralph: "Does the help live here or do they go back to the hospital at night?" Ralph (yells): "I CAN GUARANTEE YOU THEY GO TO THE HOSPITAL TONIGHT." Ed serves the soup but is not sure how to serve it, so he asks Bing to hold the soup while he looks in the book. Ed finds out the correct way to serve the soup. Ed serves the soup from the left. Ed: "We serve from the left and take away from the right." Just as Bing was about to eat the soup, Ed takes it away. Ralph takes off his jacket. Ralph (yells): "OH-KAY! PUT 'EM UP! PUT 'EM UP! Trixie says that if he hits Ed, he would have to hit her first. Alice: "If you hit either one of them, I am going back to my mother." Bing: "I just had the same thought." Ralph fires the whole staff. Bing then gets told the whole truth. Bing: "Ralph, you are the champion of phonies. Because of that, don't leave Hollywood Ralph." Bing leaves. The Nortons & Alice leave Ralph alone.
The next day, Ralph is moping. Bing hits a golf ball through the living room window. Bing comes in and apologizes about the window. Ralph asks Bing to sit down and have some coffee. Ralph then tells Bing the whole truth about himself. Ralph says that his friends and his wife aren't talking to him and he doesn't blame them if they never talked to him again. He will never play the big shot again. Sure! The Nortons & Alice hear Ralph and forgive him. They all sing: "You Got To Be You."
At the curtain call, Jackie praises the Miami Beach audience and says "Goodnight!". During the credit roll, Johnny plugs the next episode of the Color Honeymooners.
Episode #193
TV: Hour-long musical.
DVD: to “Play It Again Norton”, “Ralph Goes Holllywood" "Case of The Cuckoo Theif."
The intro for the show is the same as all the episodes this season except the letters look like they are in purple. Anyway, singers and dancers sing a song that I think is called: "Mexico." The song has spanish lyrics in it and says that Mexico has more romanticism than the USA. You can tell that the background is fake. After that, a guy who later reveals himself to be Swifty Jenkins (Jesse White) is being detained at customs. One of the reasons is he wouldn’t show his ID. Swifty was a crook and one of the agents thinks that it is a coincidence that he is showing up in Mexico one day after $1,000,000 in diamonds is stolen by a person named El Lobo and a person named the wolf. One of the agents frisks him for weapons. Swifty: “Cool it. You are not my type.” He says that he took up ballroom dancing and is crossing the border to find a partner. He says to the agents that his partner is not El Lobo or the wolf. Eventually, they let him go. Swifty meets up with a taco vendor (played by Jesse White). The hot dog vendor plot their evil plan. They are working with El Lobo. El Lobo wants Swifty to take the hat across the border and sell it. Somehow the agents don’t hear this. The vendor says that it won’t be easy because if a tourist to not know that he is carrying a millon dollars in diamonds across the border is stupid. The Kramdens & Nortons head to Mexico. Ed is wearing a very loud jacket. Alice says that this is the life. Alice: "Living in Beverly Hills and coming to Mexico during the weekend." They cross the border. The policeman at the border (played by George Petrie) checks everyone's passport. Ed's passport says that he is Dick Tracy. Trixie says that his name is Ed Norton and that his out-patient card is with him. The girls go into a silver shop. The boys see a taco stand. Ralph says that he will do all the talking since he knows Spanish. He learned it from reading some of the signs posted on Grocery Store windows in New York. Ralph (to the taco vendor): "Parlez-vous Francais" Basically, Ralph spoke French to him. The vendor speaks some English and gives them two tacos. Swifty comes by. He knows Spanish. Before he came down to Mexico, he made all those Spanish signs that were posted in grocery stores in New York. Swifty identifies the vendor as Pedro (and he is played by Phil Leeds.) Ralph wants everything on his taco. It is revealed to Ralph & Ed that Pedro speaks good English. Ralph explains that they are down for the weekend and that they are Hollywood song writers and he is a bus driver and he is a sewer worker. The man says to Pedro that they found their el-stupido. He explains that they use that phrase for people from Hollywood who come down here. The man offers to show them around and tell them where they can buy stuff and where it is best to buy it. They agree to meet them at a shop called the La Cucaracha Shop tomorrow. The man identifies himself as Swifty Jenkings. Swifty: "They call me that because I am a very fast swimmer. I broke the record when I swam in the channel on San Francisco bay. I swam from Alcatraz to my girlfriend's attic. Three hours and twenty-two minutes." Boy, how stupid are Ralph & Ed? Swifty leaves. Pedro gives Ralph & Ed his hot dog. Ralph taco has tobassco sauce and because of that, he is in pain because the sauce is so hot, so Ralph & Ed dance around. Ralph accidentally crosses the border, but no one does anything about it.
The next day at the La Cucaracha Shop, Pedro is looking at a Mexican hat that he put some very expensive diamonds on. They plan on selling Ralph the hat and when gets across the border, Swifty will get it back from him. They are affiliated with an evil person named El Lobo. Pedro will make sure to sell Ralph the hat. Pedro leaves as Ralph & Ed enter. Ed: "La Cucaracha Shop. Is that the name of the boss?" Swifty Jenkins: "No, it means the cockroach shop." Swifty goes to get the boss. While he does, Ralph explains that even though the price of an object is $25, they expect you to dicker (get them to lower the price). Ralph demonstrates by letting him be the customer and Ed being the owner. Ralph "enters." He identifies himself as a US citizen. Ed: "Yankee go home!" Hilarity ensues as Ralph tries to explain to Ed how to dicker properly. After this, Pedro and Swifty come back inside. Pedro and Swifty try to sell Ralph the hat. Pedro: "When you buy this hat, you are not only buying this hat, you are buying the history of Mexico." All of them sing: "Right In Your Mexican Hat" in which there are some Spanish lyrics. After that, Pedro says that that is $6. Ralph: "I will give you $2." Pedro: "You can have it for $1." Sold! Ralph puts the hat on Ralph: "Well Norton, do I look like a gay Cabrello?" Ed: "Let me see you walk." Swifty: "You look beautiful." This is surprising that the writers put that in the script because back then, showing any semblance of homosexuality was not allowed unlike today. Pedro says that if Ralph cuts off the tassels (diamonds) that the ground will tremble among other things. Ralph & Ed believe him. Wow! How stupid are they? The girls come in. Pedro says that the girls can shop because if they buy something, they can get a free gift. Ralph: "You will shop here." Ralph goes to buy something. A man comes by and asks Swifty. The girls and Ed look around. Swifty comes back. The border patrol has been tipped off. They know that the hat is in Mexico. Swifty asks Pedro to go to El Lobo's hideout and take the women with him. Swifty leaves. Pedro gets out his gun and reveals his real identity and he works for a dangerous criminal called El Lobo. He says that the wives are now kidnapped and he won't free them and will eventually unless Ed can get back the hat from Ralph. Ed actually thinks this over, so Trixie gets mad at him. Ed leaves to go get Ralph as the wives are now kidnapped and taken to the hideout which is called El Baracco.
In the next scene, it is 4pm. It looks a tad too dark for it to be 4pm. People are waking from their siesta just in time for the Festival Del Toro. The Baja Mariamba Band (with Julius Wechter) plays some Mexican song along with the June Taylor dancers. The dancers and some of the band members dance along as the music plays. It gets lighter out. I didn't know that it can get lighter at around 4pm. Pretty much everyone leaves. Ed comes out and asks a Mexican if he saw Ralph. Ed describes him as big and mean. The Mexican says that he has and he shows him…a "bull." It is so obvious that the bull isn't real. I'm pretty sure that Jackie wouldn't be dumb enough to have a real bull on his stage. A bunch of girls and men come out for the Festival Del Toro. Ed finally sees Ralph and breaks the news to him. As he is saying this, the people around them are doing nothing. You mean to tell me that they can't hear what Ed has said? They try to go to the cafe. Ralph tries to ask a woman where it is but she just tells him to be quiet. The Mexican Hat Dance starts and everyone grabs each other's hat and puts it on the ground, including Ralph's. They do the dance as Ralph & Ed try to find the hat since it looks identical to every other hat that each person is wearing. After the dance, Ralph & Ed are hatless, so they come up with a plan. They will go to El Lobo's hideout and disguise themselves as bandits with the hope that they will win their confidence.
At the El Baracco Café, El Lobo pushes Pedro out of the kitchen. Pedro (to the girls): "I am lucky that EL Lobo is in a good mood today." Pedro orders the girls to go to the kitchen and fix dinner for El Lobo and the rest of the gang. Ralph & Ed enter. Ed: "I am El Norto. The most feared bandit in all of Mexico." He looks ridiculous. Ed introduces Ralph as the one of the most feared and cruel men in Mexico. Ed (imitating Ed McMahon): "Heeeeeeeeeeeerrre's El Diablo." Ralph enters. He also looks ridiculous. He has a cigar in which he lights it by rubbing it on someone's pants. Cue the coughing. Ralph & Ed go to the bar. Ralph: "Where can I get a box of these?" El Diablo. Ed covers up Ralph's lack of accent by saying that he went to Harvard on a light scholarship. Ralph gets tequila. He drinks it. Ralph: "Woooooooooooowwwww! That is good booze." Ralph says that they are here to join EL Lobo's gang. Banging is heard as a Mexican is thrown out of the kitchen and falls onto a table thereby breaking it. You can tell that the table was fake. Ralph: "What was that all about?" Bartender: "He wanted to join El Lobo's gang." Ed: "Hey Ralph, why don't we just mail in our application?" El Lobo (played by Carol Lawrence) comes in. The boys are astonished because they thought that El Lobo was a man. Ed: "I think that my dying words are going to be va-va-va-voom." El Lobo: "If the boys with the hat don't show up, I feel sorry for their wives." El Lobo says that as far as everyone in Mexico is concerned, she is a man because she acts like one. Ed identifies himself as El Norto and Ralph as El Diablo. Ralph pushes Ed into El Lobo causing him to kiss her. El Lobo responds by smacking Ed. Ed: "She doesn't kiss like a man." El Lobo: "Let's see how tough you are. Have you ever played Russian Roulette?" Ed: "Isn't that the game where the deuces are wild?" El Lobo: "We play a different version called Mexican Roulette." She explains the rules. El Lobo: "In Russian Roulette, you have one bullet and five empty chairs. The Mexican version is more fun. You have five bullets and only one empty chair." Ralph says he is not scared but he tells Ed to play. Wow! What a friend. El Lobo wants Ralph to play. Ed: "You play and I will keep score." Ralph holds the gun alongside his head. El Lobo: "You don't have to do it. You proved to me that you are a man." El Lobo says that she was only playing a joke. According to her, the gun is empty. Ralph accidentally fires a shot which proves that the gun is "not empty." If it wasn't empty, how come there are no holes on the floor. Ed faints in shock. El gets Ed up and berates him so Ed hides behind Ralph. El Lobo: "You are a man. I want to put my arms around you and hug you and kiss you." Ralph: "Don't let her hurt me Norton." Music plays as El Lobo makes advances towards Ralph, dances and sings: "I Want You." She also dances with Ralph. The girls come out and immediately get the wrong idea about Ralph. Ralph tries to explain. Alice smacks Pedro with a plate full of food. The girls get the guns and hold everyone of the gang hostage. Alice forces El Lobo to go in the kitchen. A place that according to her is where El Lobo belongs. Ralph tries to explain, but Alice will hear nothing of it. She smacks Ralph with a glass of wine. Ralph stumbles about. How many times have we seen a person smack the other with wine which causes the other person to get "hurt"? The Kramdens go into the kitchen. Ed dances about. Ed (to the bartender): "See you next week Joe?"
On Monday, the Kramdens and Nortons are shown at the border ready to
leave for the USA. I guess the boys already explained to the wives what they tried to do. Ralph identifies Pedro's taco stand. They see Sammy Spear (as himself) as the owner. Sammy says that since he is such a big star, he is opening up a chain or restaurants. Sam welcomes them to his first Taco restaurant. They cross the border. The policeman at the border says that they are boys are heroes for capturing El Lobo and the wives helped out "a little bit." Swifty and Pedro, disguised as a woman, try to pass the border. Ed sees them. The policeman asks if they know him. Ralph says that he sold him the hat which caused the Kramdens and Nortons to get involved with El Lobo and that he is innocent. A policeman says for them not to come back to Mexico. The "woman" reveals herself as Pedro's sister. Somehow, the Kramdens and Nortons don't catch on that he is Pedro. Ralph says that he lost the hat now. A policeman says that the diamonds on the hat are worth a million dollars. Everyone is upset. They cross the border. Ralph & Ed get a hot dog all the while a woman (one of the Glea Girls) comes by with a man named Harry. Harry is wearing the hat (somehow unbeknownst to everyone.) The woman asks Harry to get rid of the hat. He puts it in a garbage can (somehow unbeknownst to everyone.) Ralph & Ed say that they will never see that hat again. They leave as the June Taylor Dancers sing...
During the curtain call, Jackie praises Sammy Spear and how good he was. The crowd cheers. Jackie praises the Miami Beach audience and says good night. As the credits roll, Johnny Olsen, plugs the next episode of the Color Honeymooners.
Credit goes to Yahoo! Groups You're A Riot!
Episode #192
TV Hour (edited.)
DVD: Attached to “Play It Again Norton”, “Mexican Hat Trick” & “Case of The Cuckoo Theif.”
At a train station in which the guy on the PTA (Johnny Olsen) announces upcoming trains. A reporter gets ready to greet the Kramdens and Nortons. His boss (later identified as Pete Mountgovern and played by Bert Parks) comes by. He sings: ”Hollywood Welcome” in which the June Taylor Dancers come out and dance. After that, The Kramdens & Nortons arrive in Hollywood amid much fanfare. There is singing, dancing & even the lighting of a cannon. They can't believe the attention they are getting. Pete Mountgovern from Peekskill Studios greets them with exciting news. For their Hollywood stay, they are all going to stay in a Beverly Hills home and the studios are going to pay all their expenses. A reporter named Bob Allison (played by George Petrie) interviews them. Ralph introduces Alice. Alice talks but Ralph cuts her off. Ed talks about the California climate. The reporter introduces the beautiful lady next to him, so Ed brings over one of the female dancers. Ralph says that the Nortons have never been on TV before. How about the time that Ed & Ralph were on Beat The Clock as well as the time that Ed was at a Dodgers game where he got a lump on his head from a baseball? Ed says that he has been on TV before. He was in an on-location commercial where he was going to tell his boss that he had bad breath. Ralph challenges Ed to fight but the girls calm him down. Ralph talks about "Love On A Bus" and that he intends to write more songs. Bob signs off. Pete says that that was the worst interview he has ever seen. Ralph says not to worry and from no on, he will do all the talking in interviews. Oh boy!
On the outside of the house, Ralph gets a call from John Wayne. Ralph says that Maureen O'Hara doesn't live here now (apparently there were staying at Maureen O'Hara's house). He asks John if he hever heard of him. John hangs up. The girls are shown to be wearing some fancy clothes. Ralph praises the food and mispronounces the name of every type of food. Ed comes out with scuba diving gear (except he's wearing a tanktop and a bathing suit instead of a black body suit). Ralph: "Looking at you reminds me. I didn't order any frog legs. Take that outfit off." Ralph: "Don't you now an assgot when you see one?" Ed: "You certainly are." Ed goes in and takes off his flippers. When he does, he still walks like he's had them on. Ralph calls Garrity and tells him that's he's a bum. Garrity calls him back. It turns out that him and Maureen O'Hara are cousins. Ralph says that he's ordered some more clothes from Bruce of Beverly Hills. Alice thinks that what Ralph is doing is terrible. Ralph sings: "The Hollywood Life Is For Me." Alice says that Ralph has gone Hollywood. The girls go inside so they can change to go to Disneyland. Ed comes back out all dressed. Ralph says that he's wrote one hit song. He can write another, and another, and another. He can live out here all the time. Ed says that him & Ralph got lucky with that song. Ralph says that he could write more hit songs. A golfer yells: "Fore!" The golf ball breaks the champagne bottle. Ralph says that ball could of killed either one of them, so he calls out the golfer saying that he will wrap his golf club around his neck. The golfer comes by. It's Bing Crosby. Ralph shows him the golf ball that Bing hit. Bing says that ball is very special to him. The rubber from the ball was melted down from Barry Fitzgerald's bicycle's front tire. Ed showcases his sense of humor. Bing: "What do you do?" Ed: "I work in the sewer." Bing: "That explains it." Ralph says that he has the perfect song for Bing. Bing says he needs help with his slice (that's something to do with golf). Ralph offers to help. He says that he's an "excellent" golfer. Ed says that he's not a good golfer. Ed: "Because of my profession, my favorite past time is water polo." Ed shows him how to play golf. He addresses the ball by saying: "Hello Ball!" Ralph slaps him across the back. This is just like in "The Golfer." Ralph then shows Bing how to play golf. When he swings, he accidently knocks the plates and other things off the table. Once again, just like in "The Golfer." Bing tries to leave. Ralph invites Bing to a big party tonight. Bing says that he has to go to his psychiatrist. Ralph: "You go to a psychiatrist?" Bing: "No, but I am starting to now." Ralph says the party will be big. Ralph: "There will be all kinds of food, maids, butlers etc. Ed wonders how Ralph can throw a party as big as the one he's planning. Ralph says that Peekskill Studios will pay the expenses. Alice introduces Maureen O'Hara. Ralph says that John Wayne called. Maureen says that Garrity says that Ralph is STILL A BUM!
That night, the butlers and maids are getting everything ready. Ed and then Ralph come out. Ralph is wearing a tuxedo. Ralph: "Staff, dinner will be at 7 unless of course Bing doesn't come." Ed: "In that case, we will eat at 6." Pete Mountgovern comes by. He is very upset that Ralph has signed all these expensive bills. Pete: "Who do you think you are, Jackie Gleason?" Ralph: "How dare you? I'm not that nuts." Pete says that he has signed his last bill. From now on, the studio will give Ralph $35 a day and anything more than that, Ralph will have to pay. Pete orders all the staff to leave. Ralph: "What will I do when Bing gets here?" Pete: "Take him to a hot dog stand and don't sign for the mustard." Pete leaves. Ralph is upset. The wives come out all glamourous. Ralph says that the party is off. Alice: "Ralph, you have only yourself to blame." Ralph: "Oooh." Trixie suggests having a small dinner outside on the patio. Ralph thinks that the idea is dumb. Ed says that it's a shame because all he has is his friends and his wife and no butlers or maids. Ralph gets an idea. Ed will be the butler, Alice will be the cook and Trixie will be the maid. They don't like the idea, but Ralph doesn't care. Alice says that she wants to meet Bing under the proper circumstances, so Ralph introduce Bing to her in the kitchen. Ralph orders that all of them to get ready. Trixie says that since Ed wrote the song too, and since now he's a butler, is he going to take this from Ralph. Ed: "Ralph, I have something to say. Can I have Tuesdays off?" They all get ready.
Later, Alice comes out and asks why Ralph needs so much silverware if him and Bing are going to be the only ones eating. Ralph says that it is needed according to the book "Beetrice Bucks Beginners Book on Basic Butling for Buffets, Balls, Banquets & Bar Mitzphahs." Alice: "I have one more B: Baloney." Ed comes out dressed in a tuxedo that he rented from a funeral home. Ralph talks to Ed about what Ed should do according to the book. Ralph (reading): "'A well-trained English butler always phrases things in the third person. But in the democratic American way, a butler always phrases things in the second person. He will say: 'Will you be seated while I see if Mrs. Moore is at home?''" Ralph: "What should I do if Mrs. Moore isn't home?" Ralph says that that name is a figure of speech and that he IS Mrs. Moore. Ed: "Boy, you sure gone Hollywood in a hurry. Ralph: "'The duties of a butler include answering the telephone, cleaning the silverware, serving cocktails. When serving a meal, he has to serve from the left and takes away from the right. He also decrumbs the table. If no valet, he must do the valet duties.' Do you think you can remember all this?" Ed: "How about we take a look at this next chapter? 'Gracious Living Without Servants.'" Ralph says that if he doesn't remember anything, look it up in the book. Ralph also instructs Ed to come in every now and then and say that a very important man is on the phone. Bing Crosby rings the doorbell. Ed opens it. Ed: "I'll see if Mrs. Moore is at home." Ralph is upset. Ralph: "I'll take over Heathcliff (Ed)." Bing apologizes for what happened this afternoon. Ed: "The other guests may be late. They haven't been told." Ed gets a chair ready for Bing by cleaning it thoroughly. Ralph orders Ed to get the drinks. Ed knocks over a potted plant on his way out. Bing: "Make mine a double." Ed (yells): "I DON'T MIND IF I DO." Bing says that he has covered every subject in his songs. Bing sings: "There Is Nothing I Haven't Sung About" (complete with off-camera music and clapping from the audience). Ralph snaps his fingers while he's singing. Ed comes in with cocktails and takes the lemons (I think) out of them. Ralph says that Bing has not covered one topic and Ralph said that if he had a song that included a topic that Bing did not cover, he would like to know what that subject was. Ed comes in with a telephone. According to Ed, it's an important singer. Ed says that it's Bobby Breen. Ralph can't believe it (and not in a good way). Ed leaves. Ralph says that Bobby Breen is a code name for Frank Sinatra so he can get through to Ralph. Bing: "That kid Frank needs a hit." Ralph says that he's a pretty big song writer. Bing: "I smell a rat." Ed (yells): "DINNER IS SERVED!" Ed comes out with the cook (Alice) and the maid (Trixie). Ed starts to decrumb the table. Ralph (to Ed, yells): "WE HAVEN'T EVEN EATEN YET!" Ed (yells): "BEETRICE'S BOOK SAYS TO DECRUMB THE TABLE." Trixie: "That is telling him Ed." Bing says that Ralph runs a very democratic household. Ralph: "Heathcliff, serve the dinner." Alice: "Heathcliff?" The girls start laughing at the fact that Ralph called Ed Heathcliff. Bing asks Ralph: "Does the help live here or do they go back to the hospital at night?" Ralph (yells): "I CAN GUARANTEE YOU THEY GO TO THE HOSPITAL TONIGHT." Ed serves the soup but is not sure how to serve it, so he asks Bing to hold the soup while he looks in the book. Ed finds out the correct way to serve the soup. Ed serves the soup from the left. Ed: "We serve from the left and take away from the right." Just as Bing was about to eat the soup, Ed takes it away. Ralph takes off his jacket. Ralph (yells): "OH-KAY! PUT 'EM UP! PUT 'EM UP! Trixie says that if he hits Ed, he would have to hit her first. Alice: "If you hit either one of them, I am going back to my mother." Bing: "I just had the same thought." Ralph fires the whole staff. Bing then gets told the whole truth. Bing: "Ralph, you are the champion of phonies. Because of that, don't leave Hollywood Ralph." Bing leaves. The Nortons & Alice leave Ralph alone.
The next day, Ralph is moping. Bing hits a golf ball through the living room window. Bing comes in and apologizes about the window. Ralph asks Bing to sit down and have some coffee. Ralph then tells Bing the whole truth about himself. Ralph says that his friends and his wife aren't talking to him and he doesn't blame them if they never talked to him again. He will never play the big shot again. Sure! The Nortons & Alice hear Ralph and forgive him. They all sing: "You Got To Be You."
At the curtain call, Jackie praises the Miami Beach audience and says "Goodnight!". During the credit roll, Johnny plugs the next episode of the Color Honeymooners.
Episode #193
TV: Hour-long musical.
DVD: to “Play It Again Norton”, “Ralph Goes Holllywood" "Case of The Cuckoo Theif."
The intro for the show is the same as all the episodes this season except the letters look like they are in purple. Anyway, singers and dancers sing a song that I think is called: "Mexico." The song has spanish lyrics in it and says that Mexico has more romanticism than the USA. You can tell that the background is fake. After that, a guy who later reveals himself to be Swifty Jenkins (Jesse White) is being detained at customs. One of the reasons is he wouldn’t show his ID. Swifty was a crook and one of the agents thinks that it is a coincidence that he is showing up in Mexico one day after $1,000,000 in diamonds is stolen by a person named El Lobo and a person named the wolf. One of the agents frisks him for weapons. Swifty: “Cool it. You are not my type.” He says that he took up ballroom dancing and is crossing the border to find a partner. He says to the agents that his partner is not El Lobo or the wolf. Eventually, they let him go. Swifty meets up with a taco vendor (played by Jesse White). The hot dog vendor plot their evil plan. They are working with El Lobo. El Lobo wants Swifty to take the hat across the border and sell it. Somehow the agents don’t hear this. The vendor says that it won’t be easy because if a tourist to not know that he is carrying a millon dollars in diamonds across the border is stupid. The Kramdens & Nortons head to Mexico. Ed is wearing a very loud jacket. Alice says that this is the life. Alice: "Living in Beverly Hills and coming to Mexico during the weekend." They cross the border. The policeman at the border (played by George Petrie) checks everyone's passport. Ed's passport says that he is Dick Tracy. Trixie says that his name is Ed Norton and that his out-patient card is with him. The girls go into a silver shop. The boys see a taco stand. Ralph says that he will do all the talking since he knows Spanish. He learned it from reading some of the signs posted on Grocery Store windows in New York. Ralph (to the taco vendor): "Parlez-vous Francais" Basically, Ralph spoke French to him. The vendor speaks some English and gives them two tacos. Swifty comes by. He knows Spanish. Before he came down to Mexico, he made all those Spanish signs that were posted in grocery stores in New York. Swifty identifies the vendor as Pedro (and he is played by Phil Leeds.) Ralph wants everything on his taco. It is revealed to Ralph & Ed that Pedro speaks good English. Ralph explains that they are down for the weekend and that they are Hollywood song writers and he is a bus driver and he is a sewer worker. The man says to Pedro that they found their el-stupido. He explains that they use that phrase for people from Hollywood who come down here. The man offers to show them around and tell them where they can buy stuff and where it is best to buy it. They agree to meet them at a shop called the La Cucaracha Shop tomorrow. The man identifies himself as Swifty Jenkings. Swifty: "They call me that because I am a very fast swimmer. I broke the record when I swam in the channel on San Francisco bay. I swam from Alcatraz to my girlfriend's attic. Three hours and twenty-two minutes." Boy, how stupid are Ralph & Ed? Swifty leaves. Pedro gives Ralph & Ed his hot dog. Ralph taco has tobassco sauce and because of that, he is in pain because the sauce is so hot, so Ralph & Ed dance around. Ralph accidentally crosses the border, but no one does anything about it.
The next day at the La Cucaracha Shop, Pedro is looking at a Mexican hat that he put some very expensive diamonds on. They plan on selling Ralph the hat and when gets across the border, Swifty will get it back from him. They are affiliated with an evil person named El Lobo. Pedro will make sure to sell Ralph the hat. Pedro leaves as Ralph & Ed enter. Ed: "La Cucaracha Shop. Is that the name of the boss?" Swifty Jenkins: "No, it means the cockroach shop." Swifty goes to get the boss. While he does, Ralph explains that even though the price of an object is $25, they expect you to dicker (get them to lower the price). Ralph demonstrates by letting him be the customer and Ed being the owner. Ralph "enters." He identifies himself as a US citizen. Ed: "Yankee go home!" Hilarity ensues as Ralph tries to explain to Ed how to dicker properly. After this, Pedro and Swifty come back inside. Pedro and Swifty try to sell Ralph the hat. Pedro: "When you buy this hat, you are not only buying this hat, you are buying the history of Mexico." All of them sing: "Right In Your Mexican Hat" in which there are some Spanish lyrics. After that, Pedro says that that is $6. Ralph: "I will give you $2." Pedro: "You can have it for $1." Sold! Ralph puts the hat on Ralph: "Well Norton, do I look like a gay Cabrello?" Ed: "Let me see you walk." Swifty: "You look beautiful." This is surprising that the writers put that in the script because back then, showing any semblance of homosexuality was not allowed unlike today. Pedro says that if Ralph cuts off the tassels (diamonds) that the ground will tremble among other things. Ralph & Ed believe him. Wow! How stupid are they? The girls come in. Pedro says that the girls can shop because if they buy something, they can get a free gift. Ralph: "You will shop here." Ralph goes to buy something. A man comes by and asks Swifty. The girls and Ed look around. Swifty comes back. The border patrol has been tipped off. They know that the hat is in Mexico. Swifty asks Pedro to go to El Lobo's hideout and take the women with him. Swifty leaves. Pedro gets out his gun and reveals his real identity and he works for a dangerous criminal called El Lobo. He says that the wives are now kidnapped and he won't free them and will eventually unless Ed can get back the hat from Ralph. Ed actually thinks this over, so Trixie gets mad at him. Ed leaves to go get Ralph as the wives are now kidnapped and taken to the hideout which is called El Baracco.
In the next scene, it is 4pm. It looks a tad too dark for it to be 4pm. People are waking from their siesta just in time for the Festival Del Toro. The Baja Mariamba Band (with Julius Wechter) plays some Mexican song along with the June Taylor dancers. The dancers and some of the band members dance along as the music plays. It gets lighter out. I didn't know that it can get lighter at around 4pm. Pretty much everyone leaves. Ed comes out and asks a Mexican if he saw Ralph. Ed describes him as big and mean. The Mexican says that he has and he shows him…a "bull." It is so obvious that the bull isn't real. I'm pretty sure that Jackie wouldn't be dumb enough to have a real bull on his stage. A bunch of girls and men come out for the Festival Del Toro. Ed finally sees Ralph and breaks the news to him. As he is saying this, the people around them are doing nothing. You mean to tell me that they can't hear what Ed has said? They try to go to the cafe. Ralph tries to ask a woman where it is but she just tells him to be quiet. The Mexican Hat Dance starts and everyone grabs each other's hat and puts it on the ground, including Ralph's. They do the dance as Ralph & Ed try to find the hat since it looks identical to every other hat that each person is wearing. After the dance, Ralph & Ed are hatless, so they come up with a plan. They will go to El Lobo's hideout and disguise themselves as bandits with the hope that they will win their confidence.
At the El Baracco Café, El Lobo pushes Pedro out of the kitchen. Pedro (to the girls): "I am lucky that EL Lobo is in a good mood today." Pedro orders the girls to go to the kitchen and fix dinner for El Lobo and the rest of the gang. Ralph & Ed enter. Ed: "I am El Norto. The most feared bandit in all of Mexico." He looks ridiculous. Ed introduces Ralph as the one of the most feared and cruel men in Mexico. Ed (imitating Ed McMahon): "Heeeeeeeeeeeerrre's El Diablo." Ralph enters. He also looks ridiculous. He has a cigar in which he lights it by rubbing it on someone's pants. Cue the coughing. Ralph & Ed go to the bar. Ralph: "Where can I get a box of these?" El Diablo. Ed covers up Ralph's lack of accent by saying that he went to Harvard on a light scholarship. Ralph gets tequila. He drinks it. Ralph: "Woooooooooooowwwww! That is good booze." Ralph says that they are here to join EL Lobo's gang. Banging is heard as a Mexican is thrown out of the kitchen and falls onto a table thereby breaking it. You can tell that the table was fake. Ralph: "What was that all about?" Bartender: "He wanted to join El Lobo's gang." Ed: "Hey Ralph, why don't we just mail in our application?" El Lobo (played by Carol Lawrence) comes in. The boys are astonished because they thought that El Lobo was a man. Ed: "I think that my dying words are going to be va-va-va-voom." El Lobo: "If the boys with the hat don't show up, I feel sorry for their wives." El Lobo says that as far as everyone in Mexico is concerned, she is a man because she acts like one. Ed identifies himself as El Norto and Ralph as El Diablo. Ralph pushes Ed into El Lobo causing him to kiss her. El Lobo responds by smacking Ed. Ed: "She doesn't kiss like a man." El Lobo: "Let's see how tough you are. Have you ever played Russian Roulette?" Ed: "Isn't that the game where the deuces are wild?" El Lobo: "We play a different version called Mexican Roulette." She explains the rules. El Lobo: "In Russian Roulette, you have one bullet and five empty chairs. The Mexican version is more fun. You have five bullets and only one empty chair." Ralph says he is not scared but he tells Ed to play. Wow! What a friend. El Lobo wants Ralph to play. Ed: "You play and I will keep score." Ralph holds the gun alongside his head. El Lobo: "You don't have to do it. You proved to me that you are a man." El Lobo says that she was only playing a joke. According to her, the gun is empty. Ralph accidentally fires a shot which proves that the gun is "not empty." If it wasn't empty, how come there are no holes on the floor. Ed faints in shock. El gets Ed up and berates him so Ed hides behind Ralph. El Lobo: "You are a man. I want to put my arms around you and hug you and kiss you." Ralph: "Don't let her hurt me Norton." Music plays as El Lobo makes advances towards Ralph, dances and sings: "I Want You." She also dances with Ralph. The girls come out and immediately get the wrong idea about Ralph. Ralph tries to explain. Alice smacks Pedro with a plate full of food. The girls get the guns and hold everyone of the gang hostage. Alice forces El Lobo to go in the kitchen. A place that according to her is where El Lobo belongs. Ralph tries to explain, but Alice will hear nothing of it. She smacks Ralph with a glass of wine. Ralph stumbles about. How many times have we seen a person smack the other with wine which causes the other person to get "hurt"? The Kramdens go into the kitchen. Ed dances about. Ed (to the bartender): "See you next week Joe?"
On Monday, the Kramdens and Nortons are shown at the border ready to
leave for the USA. I guess the boys already explained to the wives what they tried to do. Ralph identifies Pedro's taco stand. They see Sammy Spear (as himself) as the owner. Sammy says that since he is such a big star, he is opening up a chain or restaurants. Sam welcomes them to his first Taco restaurant. They cross the border. The policeman at the border says that they are boys are heroes for capturing El Lobo and the wives helped out "a little bit." Swifty and Pedro, disguised as a woman, try to pass the border. Ed sees them. The policeman asks if they know him. Ralph says that he sold him the hat which caused the Kramdens and Nortons to get involved with El Lobo and that he is innocent. A policeman says for them not to come back to Mexico. The "woman" reveals herself as Pedro's sister. Somehow, the Kramdens and Nortons don't catch on that he is Pedro. Ralph says that he lost the hat now. A policeman says that the diamonds on the hat are worth a million dollars. Everyone is upset. They cross the border. Ralph & Ed get a hot dog all the while a woman (one of the Glea Girls) comes by with a man named Harry. Harry is wearing the hat (somehow unbeknownst to everyone.) The woman asks Harry to get rid of the hat. He puts it in a garbage can (somehow unbeknownst to everyone.) Ralph & Ed say that they will never see that hat again. They leave as the June Taylor Dancers sing...
During the curtain call, Jackie praises Sammy Spear and how good he was. The crowd cheers. Jackie praises the Miami Beach audience and says good night. As the credits roll, Johnny Olsen, plugs the next episode of the Color Honeymooners.
Credit goes to Yahoo! Groups You're A Riot!