Frank Gannucci
09-12-2008, 07:33 AM
Episode #190
DVD: It doesn't look like this episode will ever be released. If it does, hopefuly it will be attached to all the other short sketches as well as the "Incredible Word of Ed Norton."
Color Episode Title: “The New Manager.”
Lost Episode Title: “Manager of The Baseball Team”
Before I start this review, let me say this. MPI has received a lot of complaints about accidentally attaching the 1953 version to "Hero" (where on the box, it advertises the 1957 version). They also have gotten a lot of complaints when they accidentally attached the 1953 episode to the DVD release that has "Teamwork Beats The Clock", "Quiz Show" & "The Wit & Wisdom of Ed Norton" (where once again on the box, it advertises the 1957 version.) MPI probably did it by mistake since the both versions of this episode are very much alike. In 2002, I managed to get the MPI cassette Vol. 28 that has the 1957 version of this episode (even though some versions of Vol. 28 have the '53 version on it.) There are very few differences between the '57 version and the '53 version.
I haven’t seen the 60s version, but I am assuming as far as the script goes, it’s the same as the lost episode versions.
The episode opens up with Alice worrying about where Ralph is. Ed and Trixie come down. Alice says that she is worried about Ralph. He was supposed to come home a while ago. So, Trixie asks Ed to go outside and come back when he comes home. Ed says no because what's going to happen if he is in the hospital, he would have stayed out for nothing. Ed also says that because Ralph is married, he probably ran away. Ha! That's a very nice thing to say. Ed brings up a story about what happened to a person he knew. That person ran away and when the cops asked him questions, he didn't know anything. He was 3 years old. Ha!
Ralph comes home and has champagne for everyone. In fact, in the 1953 version of this episode, Ralph tires to open the bottle, but has a hard time doing so. That wasn't supposed to happen, so to cover it up, he says: "We will be drinking champagne if I can ever get this bottle open." He does. Ralph says that he is now the new manager of the Gotham Bus Depot. He always knew that he had the right qualifications. Yeah, sure he did. When Alice asks Ralph, how he found out, Ralph says he heard it while walking by the president of the bus company's office. He later hears that a telegram will come tonight to confirm the whole thing. Ralph mentions that with him becoming the manager, he might even become the president. When he does become president, he's going to make some changes like having pretty stewardess on each bus and to make sure that those people who happened to miss the bus by one minute, he's going to make sure every bus starts a minute late. Question: Wouldn't that rule make some people a little angry that they might be one minute late to go to whatever they are going to? Just a thought. Ralph says that the salary he gets for being a manager is big. He says that with the money, he and Alice are going to go on a second honeymoon with Ed and Trixie and that Alice is going to get that bunion removed off her foot.
After Ralph leaves, the telegram arrives saying that Ralph has become the manager all right. The manager of the Gotham City Baseball Team. Alice, Ed, and Trixie are all upset thinking that Ralph was becoming manager of the company and that all the plans that Ralph had for becoming president were not going to come to fruition for a while.
Ralph comes home and mentions about the respect Alice will get when she goes down to the store Ralph was just at. Ralph also says that now that he's in the money, should he and Alice move out of this joint. He later says no. That place has been awful lucky to them. Yeah, sure it has. Alice presents Ralph with the telegram and when Ralph reads it he' disappointed and apologizes to Alice. Alice says that Ralph is the most important thing in her life. They hug and kiss.
When I rented the video entitled: "Cupid/Manager of The Baseball Team (1953 version)" in 1996, I originally thought I was going to get a thirty-minute episode of Ralph being the baseball manager. (Imagine how funny that would be.) You can imagine my disappointment when I found out that the episode was less than fifteen minutes long.
Episode #191
DVD: Attached to “Ralph Goes Hollywood”, “Mexican Hat Trick” & “Case of The Cuckoo Theif”
Although not a remake, it is similar to “Songwriters.”
The opening of the show is different than that of previous seasons. The differences are that as far as the audio is concerned, it’s the same as the syundicated openings (except that when Johnny Olsen reads: “The Jackie Gleason Show starring Jackie Gleason, Art Carney in The Honeymooners, the camera points to the sky and the words are in big red letters and than one of the Glea Girls says: “With Shelia ManRae, Jean Kean, special guest star: Paul Lynde, June Taylor Dancers and Sammy Spear and his orchastra. During that time, they were down to only two Glea Girls.)
In a scene that you will NOT see on ALN, Johnny Olsen introduces the NEW Jackie Gleason. New oranges curtains are shown at the curtain call (unless the original green & black ones were painted over). By this time, Jackie Gleason lost a LOT of weight. He comes out in a tuxedo to the applause of the Miami Beach crowd. Jackie: “If a Ms. America contest was here, you would be looking at the winner now. I gave my raincoat to the NY Yankees so when it rains, they can use it to cover up the infield.” The audience laughs as Jackie continues to joke about how much weight he previously had. Sadly, he later ended up gaining some weight. Jackie says it’s time for the Honeymooners. Jack: “And away we go.”
In another scene you won’t see on ALN, they show the “outside” & then “inside” of Sound Stage 4 of Peekskill Studios. In real life, such a company existed. The inside looks to be VERY colorful. The June Taylor Dancers come out, dance and sing “Why Take Me Out of This World?” After that, they leave and person named Worthington Kenmore (played by Paul Lynde) comes out. He is working on a movie in which he is the star and producer. His “mother” primps him. He is going to rehearse a love song that Mr. Wilmont gave him. He starts to but stops because he hates the song. His mother loves the song so Worthington fires her despite the fact that she’s 83 and she needs money at her age. She leaves. Worthington: “My mom is loaded. She was the original Kitty in Gunsmoke. If she hadn’t kicked Chester in the leg, she would still have that job.” All the other 13 songs he rehearsed for this movie he hated because they are old-fashioned and not today. The love songs that are good are written by the youth of America. Worthington: “We need the youths to write a song for us.” Mr. Wilmont: “How do we get in touch with them?” Worthington: “Just leave your keys in the car.” Worthington has an idea. He will make a songwriting contest in which the youth of America can write a song and the one that he likes the most he will use in his picture. The songwriters will get a free trip to Hollywood and money.
Ralph comes home. Ralph is talking to Ed about his idea of entering the songwriting contest in which the winner gets $25,000 and a trip to Hollywood. Ed is still in the hallway, and when he comes in, he says that as long as he's going to be a rich man, he isn't sure if he wants to be in Ralph's apartment anymore. The wall that has the dresser next to it now has a mirror. Ralph & Ed are going to write a song for Worthington Kenmore (I wonder if they got that last name from Sears?) Ralph says that he found out today that he is a nobody. Ed: "I could have told you that 10 years ago." Ralph says that guy came on his bus today and leans over to him. Ralph recognizes him as Jim Milligan. Ralph graduated with him while he was in grammar school. Jim is a real success story. He came from nowhere and now he is famous. Jim makes those fake salamis that hang in Delicatessen's windows. Ralph says that he wants to make a name for himself. He has conquered bus driving and now he is looking for a new challenge. Ralph is going to go into the bedroom to get some pads and pencils and he orders Ed to go upstairs to Riley's apartment and borrow his piano. Ed thinks that he should get the pads and pencils and Ralph should get the piano. Ralph orders Ed loudly to get the piano. Ed leaves.
Later on, the piano is downstairs. The girls come in while he boys aren't home. Alice has been shopping. Alice reviews what the boys have written for songs. One of the titles is: "I Am Three Games out in the Pennant Race of Love." Trixie remembers what the boys wrote yesterday: "Hello? Operator, What Is The Area Code For Love?" Alice thinks that their husbands will wind up on the hit parade for Bellevue. Alice has bought a new black wig. She uses the mirror that is now on top of the dresser to see how it will look. The wig is fashioned like a '60s hairdo. The audience applauds because Shelia looks like a 60's brunette. Alice says that she will keep this wig on when Ralph comes home, hoping that he will notice how good she looks and hoping that he will allow her to keep it. Alice is also has the wig's Styrofoam head. Trixie asks Alice to put it on the piano so Ed will think that it is Beethoven. Ha! The boys come home. Alice tries to get him to notice the new hairdo. He doesn't notice at first. Alice: "Do you notice anything?" Ralph: "Yes, wash your hair. It's filthy." Ed is still trying to figure out the Styrofoam head. Alice says that she is wearing a wig. Ralph orders her to take it back. Ralph: "I like you better as a...whatever you are." Alice: "Is my wig that bad?" Ralph: "No, it doesn't. It just takes a little while to get used to. You can keep it." Gee, that was different. Ralph & Ed plan to go to work on writing the song. Ed and Ralph think up some rhymes. Some of them are: Kiss bliss, miss diss. All of them start to sing "Terrible Song" and at the same time, Ralph & Ed continue working on their song by naming words and things that rhyme. After that, the girls leave. Alice says that this is a stupid contest. Ralph disagrees and tells her that they will win $25,000 for their song. Alice says if that ever happens, then it ain't going to rain in Indianapolis in the summer time. Ralph: "It rains in Spain Alice. Would you like to see it?" The girls leave and say that they are going to have dinner in Trixie's apartment. Ralph says that Ed should come up with the melody and he will come up with the lyrics. Ed sits down at the piano and warms up by dusting the seat and doing a little dance. Ralph yells at him to start playing the piano. Ed wants to play but there's a splinter on the bench. Ralph: "Stay there." Gee, what a great friend...NOT! Ed warms up by hitting the keys and getting up to remove the splinter. Ed warms up by playing some song that I don't know. Ralph says that one of the keys doesn't sound right. Ed says that it is out of tune because that is the part of the piano that Charlie used to hit his wife last New Year's. If that happened, shouldn't Charlie be in jail? Ed plays around that key. Ed gets a melody and plays it. Ralph says that the melody is great. The ice man comes in and sings off-key: "By The Time I Get to Phoenix, She Will Be Rising." The same song that Ed played on the piano a few seconds ago. The ice man leaves as the audience applauds. Ed says that it is catching on already. Ralph: "How dumb can you be Norton? The ice man already wrote that song." Ed: "How did I know? We have a refrigerator." Ed says that they know nothing about love. After all, they have been married 19 years. All they know about is sewers and buses and that doesn't sound too romantic. Ed says that working in the sewer is romantic. Sure it is. Ralph says that driving a bus is romantic. Sure, it is. They didn't realize that they have such romantic jobs. Ralph thinks up the idea of making a romantic song about both of their jobs. Ralph has the first line: "It was love on the bus for the two of us." Ed plays the melody for the title on the piano. Ralph has the next lines: "From the moment that we raced for that seat. We were passing the church when the bus gave a lurch, she screamed and I stepped on her feet." Ed plays the melody and Ralph asks him to take it from the top. Ed responds by sitting on top of the piano. Ralph (yells): "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" Ed (yells): "YOU TOLD ME TO TAKE IT FROM THE TOP." Ralph (yells): 'GET DOWN!"
The next day at the Global Arcade, teenagers are playing arcade games and there is a recording booth so people can record songs and it only costs 25 cents. Man, do those hairdos and clothes look outdated. If any teenager got caught wearing those do's and clothes, I don't know what would happen. Ralph comes in and asks Ed Norton to drag in the big piano into the arcade. Yeah, they don't look strange doing what they are doing at all. You know something funny is going to happen. Ralph says that he is not spending $153 to record the song in a professional studio so that is why they are at an arcade. Ralph offers to help pull the piano further to the recording studio. Ed prepares to push by saying: "One for the money. Two for the show..." After a while, Ralph yells at Ed to push the piano. Ralph knows that the booth is too small for the piano. The change man comes around and sarcastically asks Ralph if he can get a man to take off the door. Change Man: "After all, I am making a quarter out of all this." Ralph would like to have his complete cooperation. They are recording a song for a multi-million dollar movie and they would like to do it in one take. Change Man: "I wouldn't want to ruin your multi-million dollar movie for 25 cents." Ralph says that if they put the piano in there (like it would really fit), it would be crowded. So they will put the piano on the outside next to the door and start recording. They start recording when arcade games noises are heard. Gee, you mean to tell me that all that time that Ralph & Ed were in the arcade but not in the booth, the teenagers weren't playing? Ralph goes out and orders everybody to be quiet. Change Man (sarcastically): "Quiet on the set! These people are trying to record a song for a Hollywood movie. Now, look you two (Ralph & Ed), I have a business to run. I would be more than happy to call the wagon to take you two to the Funny Farm." Ralph says that this isn't a joke. Ralph has a "personal" letter from Worthington Kenmore. Change Man: "'Dear Sir and/or Madam:'". The letter says that he & Norton are in a songwriting contest and the prizes that they will win. The change man notices the fine print which says: "'Contestants must be 18 years old or younger.'" Uh oh! Not something Ralph wants to hear. Ralph isn't giving up. Ralph thinks of a plan in which one of them will dress up like he's 18 years old. Ed says that Ralph could get away with it. Ed: "You don't look more than 10 years older than that sailor. Hey kid! How old are you?" Sailor: "I'm 43." Ralph says that Ed will dress up like a (back then, modern) 18-year old and Ralph will be the father. Ed says that it will be fraud and he can go to jail for 10 years. Ralph: "So what? You will be out when you are 28." Ralph tries to calm Ed's fears and says it's easy to act 18. All you have to do is think like you are 18. Ralph & Ed sing: "The World Will Know That You're 18" and dance. The tune that is playing while they are singing sounds similar to a 60's song that I think is called: "Down At Palisades Park" (that song has amusement park noises in the background). Soon, all the teenagers start dancing. It's so strange seeing Ralph & Ed sing and dance amongst so many teenagers. After the song, the teenagers clap.
At Worthington Kenmore's apartment, a kid is playing his guitar. Worthington is not impressed and orders his mother to get the kid out. Worthington is sort of has like the Simon Caldwell job. Worthington says all the music he has heard today is dreadful. Worthington goes into another room to have his mother crack his spine. Ralph comes in. Ralph: "Come on in son." Ed comes in. He looks completely ridiculous. He has on Alice's black wig, a purple & white stripped shirt, a fur vest, some jewelry hanging around his neck, weird-looking pants etc. All I can say is, if an 18-year-old wore anything like that today, I don't know what would happen (unless of course, he was dressing up for Halloween). Ralph says that Ed looks perfect. Ed doesn't know what to call "his dad". He usually called his dad long distance. Now, in the episode "Goodnight Sweet Prince", Ed revealed that his father worked the night shift at his job for 20 years and quit his job because the company wanted him to go to Akron. (Ed's Dad couldn't stand the thought of being separated from his family.) Ed says he has to comb his hair. So he takes off his wig. Ralph tells him to put the wig on. He does with Ralph’s help. Ralph: “Next time you do that, I am not touching the wig. I am twisting your head.” Worthington comes in and thinks he's being robbed when he saw Ralph & "his son." Ralph introduces "his son" as Treeny. Didn’t Worthington say that all participants have to be 18 or younger? Worthington says he looks to have some wrinkles for being 18. Ralph explains the wrinkles by saying he worries a lot about losing his hair. Worthington: “I have been looking at so many freckles, it’s a pleasure to see a wrinkle.” In response to no family resemblence, Ralph says that his "son" has his wife's eyes. Ed: "I also have her hair." The song is called: "Amore La Sobre La Guagua.” Worthington likes the title. He is thinking of a tropical setting. The title means: "Love on a Bus." Gee, that doesn't make sense. Worthington: "Loses a lot in the translation. Doesn't it?" Ed: "I learned that title from a Cuban fellow who works in the sewer with me." It is explained that "Treeny" works in the sewer after school so he can be kept off the streets. Worthington: "Do you mind if I have a drink? It's a birthday. My migraine is 38 years old." Ralph puts on the record. Ralph & Ed get ready to dance. The first few seconds of the record has Ralph saying: "Norton, will you please play the piano?" and Ed saying: "Gee. What a grouch." The piano gets played. Somehow, Worthington Kenmore isn't suspicious about hearing that dialog on the record. The song: "It Was Love on The Bus for the Two of Us" complete with lyrics, bells, buzzers & gun shots, (from the arcade) are heard. Ralph & Ed mouth the words. Worthington thinks that the song is interesting and likes the noises. Ralph: "The stupid noises were my ideas." Ed: "He comes up with a lot of stupid ideas." Worthington says "Treeny" wins, but the prizes he won't get until he's 21. D'oh! Not something they want to hear. Worthington: "The money is in a trust fund but he gets to go to Hollywood. Ed agrees. Ralph: "Let's go home and don't walk alongside with me." They leave.
At the Kramden apartment, the girls are having coffee. Trixie can't believe that they are going to pas off Ed as 18 years old. Alice now knows that Ed has his wig. Trixie: "I hope Ed didn't wear that wig home. A girl isn't safe on the street nowadays." The boys come home. Alice: "Trix, we are saved. Friar Tuck and Prince Valiant are here." Ralph tells them that Mr. Kenmore loved the song. The girls are happy. Ralph: "We are not going to get the money because Ed is a minor." Because "Treeny" is "18", the money goes into a trust fund until he can before a judge to prove he's 21. Alice laughs at the thought of Ed going before a judge and saying he's 21. Worthington comes by. Ralph introduces Alice as his wife and Trixie introduces herself as "Treeny's" high school sweetheart. Worthington: "You're kidding." Ralph tells Worthington the truth about them. Worthington says he wasn't fooled by that black hair. Worthington says that they knew that Ralph & Ed were faking, but he was so desperate to hear a song, that he would listen to anybody. As much as it pains Worthington, he will cancel the contest and declare no winner. But, he will offer them a trip to Hollywood all expenses paid. Everybody is happy. Worthington says that the song will give him a lot of publicity and save him a lot of money because they are going by bus. Worthington leaves. Ralph: "We hit the jackpot." This scheme of Ralph, sort of worked, I guess. They all sing: "We've Got It Made."
Jackie praises the Miami Beach audience and says "Goodnight!" The blue still with the J.G. Show logo is shown. During the credits, Johnny plugs the next episode of the Color Honeymooners.
I was surprised how much of this episode was edited in syndication. Normally, only say several minutes are edited so I didn’t expect the first two scenes to be edited out.
DVD: It doesn't look like this episode will ever be released. If it does, hopefuly it will be attached to all the other short sketches as well as the "Incredible Word of Ed Norton."
Color Episode Title: “The New Manager.”
Lost Episode Title: “Manager of The Baseball Team”
Before I start this review, let me say this. MPI has received a lot of complaints about accidentally attaching the 1953 version to "Hero" (where on the box, it advertises the 1957 version). They also have gotten a lot of complaints when they accidentally attached the 1953 episode to the DVD release that has "Teamwork Beats The Clock", "Quiz Show" & "The Wit & Wisdom of Ed Norton" (where once again on the box, it advertises the 1957 version.) MPI probably did it by mistake since the both versions of this episode are very much alike. In 2002, I managed to get the MPI cassette Vol. 28 that has the 1957 version of this episode (even though some versions of Vol. 28 have the '53 version on it.) There are very few differences between the '57 version and the '53 version.
I haven’t seen the 60s version, but I am assuming as far as the script goes, it’s the same as the lost episode versions.
The episode opens up with Alice worrying about where Ralph is. Ed and Trixie come down. Alice says that she is worried about Ralph. He was supposed to come home a while ago. So, Trixie asks Ed to go outside and come back when he comes home. Ed says no because what's going to happen if he is in the hospital, he would have stayed out for nothing. Ed also says that because Ralph is married, he probably ran away. Ha! That's a very nice thing to say. Ed brings up a story about what happened to a person he knew. That person ran away and when the cops asked him questions, he didn't know anything. He was 3 years old. Ha!
Ralph comes home and has champagne for everyone. In fact, in the 1953 version of this episode, Ralph tires to open the bottle, but has a hard time doing so. That wasn't supposed to happen, so to cover it up, he says: "We will be drinking champagne if I can ever get this bottle open." He does. Ralph says that he is now the new manager of the Gotham Bus Depot. He always knew that he had the right qualifications. Yeah, sure he did. When Alice asks Ralph, how he found out, Ralph says he heard it while walking by the president of the bus company's office. He later hears that a telegram will come tonight to confirm the whole thing. Ralph mentions that with him becoming the manager, he might even become the president. When he does become president, he's going to make some changes like having pretty stewardess on each bus and to make sure that those people who happened to miss the bus by one minute, he's going to make sure every bus starts a minute late. Question: Wouldn't that rule make some people a little angry that they might be one minute late to go to whatever they are going to? Just a thought. Ralph says that the salary he gets for being a manager is big. He says that with the money, he and Alice are going to go on a second honeymoon with Ed and Trixie and that Alice is going to get that bunion removed off her foot.
After Ralph leaves, the telegram arrives saying that Ralph has become the manager all right. The manager of the Gotham City Baseball Team. Alice, Ed, and Trixie are all upset thinking that Ralph was becoming manager of the company and that all the plans that Ralph had for becoming president were not going to come to fruition for a while.
Ralph comes home and mentions about the respect Alice will get when she goes down to the store Ralph was just at. Ralph also says that now that he's in the money, should he and Alice move out of this joint. He later says no. That place has been awful lucky to them. Yeah, sure it has. Alice presents Ralph with the telegram and when Ralph reads it he' disappointed and apologizes to Alice. Alice says that Ralph is the most important thing in her life. They hug and kiss.
When I rented the video entitled: "Cupid/Manager of The Baseball Team (1953 version)" in 1996, I originally thought I was going to get a thirty-minute episode of Ralph being the baseball manager. (Imagine how funny that would be.) You can imagine my disappointment when I found out that the episode was less than fifteen minutes long.
Episode #191
DVD: Attached to “Ralph Goes Hollywood”, “Mexican Hat Trick” & “Case of The Cuckoo Theif”
Although not a remake, it is similar to “Songwriters.”
The opening of the show is different than that of previous seasons. The differences are that as far as the audio is concerned, it’s the same as the syundicated openings (except that when Johnny Olsen reads: “The Jackie Gleason Show starring Jackie Gleason, Art Carney in The Honeymooners, the camera points to the sky and the words are in big red letters and than one of the Glea Girls says: “With Shelia ManRae, Jean Kean, special guest star: Paul Lynde, June Taylor Dancers and Sammy Spear and his orchastra. During that time, they were down to only two Glea Girls.)
In a scene that you will NOT see on ALN, Johnny Olsen introduces the NEW Jackie Gleason. New oranges curtains are shown at the curtain call (unless the original green & black ones were painted over). By this time, Jackie Gleason lost a LOT of weight. He comes out in a tuxedo to the applause of the Miami Beach crowd. Jackie: “If a Ms. America contest was here, you would be looking at the winner now. I gave my raincoat to the NY Yankees so when it rains, they can use it to cover up the infield.” The audience laughs as Jackie continues to joke about how much weight he previously had. Sadly, he later ended up gaining some weight. Jackie says it’s time for the Honeymooners. Jack: “And away we go.”
In another scene you won’t see on ALN, they show the “outside” & then “inside” of Sound Stage 4 of Peekskill Studios. In real life, such a company existed. The inside looks to be VERY colorful. The June Taylor Dancers come out, dance and sing “Why Take Me Out of This World?” After that, they leave and person named Worthington Kenmore (played by Paul Lynde) comes out. He is working on a movie in which he is the star and producer. His “mother” primps him. He is going to rehearse a love song that Mr. Wilmont gave him. He starts to but stops because he hates the song. His mother loves the song so Worthington fires her despite the fact that she’s 83 and she needs money at her age. She leaves. Worthington: “My mom is loaded. She was the original Kitty in Gunsmoke. If she hadn’t kicked Chester in the leg, she would still have that job.” All the other 13 songs he rehearsed for this movie he hated because they are old-fashioned and not today. The love songs that are good are written by the youth of America. Worthington: “We need the youths to write a song for us.” Mr. Wilmont: “How do we get in touch with them?” Worthington: “Just leave your keys in the car.” Worthington has an idea. He will make a songwriting contest in which the youth of America can write a song and the one that he likes the most he will use in his picture. The songwriters will get a free trip to Hollywood and money.
Ralph comes home. Ralph is talking to Ed about his idea of entering the songwriting contest in which the winner gets $25,000 and a trip to Hollywood. Ed is still in the hallway, and when he comes in, he says that as long as he's going to be a rich man, he isn't sure if he wants to be in Ralph's apartment anymore. The wall that has the dresser next to it now has a mirror. Ralph & Ed are going to write a song for Worthington Kenmore (I wonder if they got that last name from Sears?) Ralph says that he found out today that he is a nobody. Ed: "I could have told you that 10 years ago." Ralph says that guy came on his bus today and leans over to him. Ralph recognizes him as Jim Milligan. Ralph graduated with him while he was in grammar school. Jim is a real success story. He came from nowhere and now he is famous. Jim makes those fake salamis that hang in Delicatessen's windows. Ralph says that he wants to make a name for himself. He has conquered bus driving and now he is looking for a new challenge. Ralph is going to go into the bedroom to get some pads and pencils and he orders Ed to go upstairs to Riley's apartment and borrow his piano. Ed thinks that he should get the pads and pencils and Ralph should get the piano. Ralph orders Ed loudly to get the piano. Ed leaves.
Later on, the piano is downstairs. The girls come in while he boys aren't home. Alice has been shopping. Alice reviews what the boys have written for songs. One of the titles is: "I Am Three Games out in the Pennant Race of Love." Trixie remembers what the boys wrote yesterday: "Hello? Operator, What Is The Area Code For Love?" Alice thinks that their husbands will wind up on the hit parade for Bellevue. Alice has bought a new black wig. She uses the mirror that is now on top of the dresser to see how it will look. The wig is fashioned like a '60s hairdo. The audience applauds because Shelia looks like a 60's brunette. Alice says that she will keep this wig on when Ralph comes home, hoping that he will notice how good she looks and hoping that he will allow her to keep it. Alice is also has the wig's Styrofoam head. Trixie asks Alice to put it on the piano so Ed will think that it is Beethoven. Ha! The boys come home. Alice tries to get him to notice the new hairdo. He doesn't notice at first. Alice: "Do you notice anything?" Ralph: "Yes, wash your hair. It's filthy." Ed is still trying to figure out the Styrofoam head. Alice says that she is wearing a wig. Ralph orders her to take it back. Ralph: "I like you better as a...whatever you are." Alice: "Is my wig that bad?" Ralph: "No, it doesn't. It just takes a little while to get used to. You can keep it." Gee, that was different. Ralph & Ed plan to go to work on writing the song. Ed and Ralph think up some rhymes. Some of them are: Kiss bliss, miss diss. All of them start to sing "Terrible Song" and at the same time, Ralph & Ed continue working on their song by naming words and things that rhyme. After that, the girls leave. Alice says that this is a stupid contest. Ralph disagrees and tells her that they will win $25,000 for their song. Alice says if that ever happens, then it ain't going to rain in Indianapolis in the summer time. Ralph: "It rains in Spain Alice. Would you like to see it?" The girls leave and say that they are going to have dinner in Trixie's apartment. Ralph says that Ed should come up with the melody and he will come up with the lyrics. Ed sits down at the piano and warms up by dusting the seat and doing a little dance. Ralph yells at him to start playing the piano. Ed wants to play but there's a splinter on the bench. Ralph: "Stay there." Gee, what a great friend...NOT! Ed warms up by hitting the keys and getting up to remove the splinter. Ed warms up by playing some song that I don't know. Ralph says that one of the keys doesn't sound right. Ed says that it is out of tune because that is the part of the piano that Charlie used to hit his wife last New Year's. If that happened, shouldn't Charlie be in jail? Ed plays around that key. Ed gets a melody and plays it. Ralph says that the melody is great. The ice man comes in and sings off-key: "By The Time I Get to Phoenix, She Will Be Rising." The same song that Ed played on the piano a few seconds ago. The ice man leaves as the audience applauds. Ed says that it is catching on already. Ralph: "How dumb can you be Norton? The ice man already wrote that song." Ed: "How did I know? We have a refrigerator." Ed says that they know nothing about love. After all, they have been married 19 years. All they know about is sewers and buses and that doesn't sound too romantic. Ed says that working in the sewer is romantic. Sure it is. Ralph says that driving a bus is romantic. Sure, it is. They didn't realize that they have such romantic jobs. Ralph thinks up the idea of making a romantic song about both of their jobs. Ralph has the first line: "It was love on the bus for the two of us." Ed plays the melody for the title on the piano. Ralph has the next lines: "From the moment that we raced for that seat. We were passing the church when the bus gave a lurch, she screamed and I stepped on her feet." Ed plays the melody and Ralph asks him to take it from the top. Ed responds by sitting on top of the piano. Ralph (yells): "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" Ed (yells): "YOU TOLD ME TO TAKE IT FROM THE TOP." Ralph (yells): 'GET DOWN!"
The next day at the Global Arcade, teenagers are playing arcade games and there is a recording booth so people can record songs and it only costs 25 cents. Man, do those hairdos and clothes look outdated. If any teenager got caught wearing those do's and clothes, I don't know what would happen. Ralph comes in and asks Ed Norton to drag in the big piano into the arcade. Yeah, they don't look strange doing what they are doing at all. You know something funny is going to happen. Ralph says that he is not spending $153 to record the song in a professional studio so that is why they are at an arcade. Ralph offers to help pull the piano further to the recording studio. Ed prepares to push by saying: "One for the money. Two for the show..." After a while, Ralph yells at Ed to push the piano. Ralph knows that the booth is too small for the piano. The change man comes around and sarcastically asks Ralph if he can get a man to take off the door. Change Man: "After all, I am making a quarter out of all this." Ralph would like to have his complete cooperation. They are recording a song for a multi-million dollar movie and they would like to do it in one take. Change Man: "I wouldn't want to ruin your multi-million dollar movie for 25 cents." Ralph says that if they put the piano in there (like it would really fit), it would be crowded. So they will put the piano on the outside next to the door and start recording. They start recording when arcade games noises are heard. Gee, you mean to tell me that all that time that Ralph & Ed were in the arcade but not in the booth, the teenagers weren't playing? Ralph goes out and orders everybody to be quiet. Change Man (sarcastically): "Quiet on the set! These people are trying to record a song for a Hollywood movie. Now, look you two (Ralph & Ed), I have a business to run. I would be more than happy to call the wagon to take you two to the Funny Farm." Ralph says that this isn't a joke. Ralph has a "personal" letter from Worthington Kenmore. Change Man: "'Dear Sir and/or Madam:'". The letter says that he & Norton are in a songwriting contest and the prizes that they will win. The change man notices the fine print which says: "'Contestants must be 18 years old or younger.'" Uh oh! Not something Ralph wants to hear. Ralph isn't giving up. Ralph thinks of a plan in which one of them will dress up like he's 18 years old. Ed says that Ralph could get away with it. Ed: "You don't look more than 10 years older than that sailor. Hey kid! How old are you?" Sailor: "I'm 43." Ralph says that Ed will dress up like a (back then, modern) 18-year old and Ralph will be the father. Ed says that it will be fraud and he can go to jail for 10 years. Ralph: "So what? You will be out when you are 28." Ralph tries to calm Ed's fears and says it's easy to act 18. All you have to do is think like you are 18. Ralph & Ed sing: "The World Will Know That You're 18" and dance. The tune that is playing while they are singing sounds similar to a 60's song that I think is called: "Down At Palisades Park" (that song has amusement park noises in the background). Soon, all the teenagers start dancing. It's so strange seeing Ralph & Ed sing and dance amongst so many teenagers. After the song, the teenagers clap.
At Worthington Kenmore's apartment, a kid is playing his guitar. Worthington is not impressed and orders his mother to get the kid out. Worthington is sort of has like the Simon Caldwell job. Worthington says all the music he has heard today is dreadful. Worthington goes into another room to have his mother crack his spine. Ralph comes in. Ralph: "Come on in son." Ed comes in. He looks completely ridiculous. He has on Alice's black wig, a purple & white stripped shirt, a fur vest, some jewelry hanging around his neck, weird-looking pants etc. All I can say is, if an 18-year-old wore anything like that today, I don't know what would happen (unless of course, he was dressing up for Halloween). Ralph says that Ed looks perfect. Ed doesn't know what to call "his dad". He usually called his dad long distance. Now, in the episode "Goodnight Sweet Prince", Ed revealed that his father worked the night shift at his job for 20 years and quit his job because the company wanted him to go to Akron. (Ed's Dad couldn't stand the thought of being separated from his family.) Ed says he has to comb his hair. So he takes off his wig. Ralph tells him to put the wig on. He does with Ralph’s help. Ralph: “Next time you do that, I am not touching the wig. I am twisting your head.” Worthington comes in and thinks he's being robbed when he saw Ralph & "his son." Ralph introduces "his son" as Treeny. Didn’t Worthington say that all participants have to be 18 or younger? Worthington says he looks to have some wrinkles for being 18. Ralph explains the wrinkles by saying he worries a lot about losing his hair. Worthington: “I have been looking at so many freckles, it’s a pleasure to see a wrinkle.” In response to no family resemblence, Ralph says that his "son" has his wife's eyes. Ed: "I also have her hair." The song is called: "Amore La Sobre La Guagua.” Worthington likes the title. He is thinking of a tropical setting. The title means: "Love on a Bus." Gee, that doesn't make sense. Worthington: "Loses a lot in the translation. Doesn't it?" Ed: "I learned that title from a Cuban fellow who works in the sewer with me." It is explained that "Treeny" works in the sewer after school so he can be kept off the streets. Worthington: "Do you mind if I have a drink? It's a birthday. My migraine is 38 years old." Ralph puts on the record. Ralph & Ed get ready to dance. The first few seconds of the record has Ralph saying: "Norton, will you please play the piano?" and Ed saying: "Gee. What a grouch." The piano gets played. Somehow, Worthington Kenmore isn't suspicious about hearing that dialog on the record. The song: "It Was Love on The Bus for the Two of Us" complete with lyrics, bells, buzzers & gun shots, (from the arcade) are heard. Ralph & Ed mouth the words. Worthington thinks that the song is interesting and likes the noises. Ralph: "The stupid noises were my ideas." Ed: "He comes up with a lot of stupid ideas." Worthington says "Treeny" wins, but the prizes he won't get until he's 21. D'oh! Not something they want to hear. Worthington: "The money is in a trust fund but he gets to go to Hollywood. Ed agrees. Ralph: "Let's go home and don't walk alongside with me." They leave.
At the Kramden apartment, the girls are having coffee. Trixie can't believe that they are going to pas off Ed as 18 years old. Alice now knows that Ed has his wig. Trixie: "I hope Ed didn't wear that wig home. A girl isn't safe on the street nowadays." The boys come home. Alice: "Trix, we are saved. Friar Tuck and Prince Valiant are here." Ralph tells them that Mr. Kenmore loved the song. The girls are happy. Ralph: "We are not going to get the money because Ed is a minor." Because "Treeny" is "18", the money goes into a trust fund until he can before a judge to prove he's 21. Alice laughs at the thought of Ed going before a judge and saying he's 21. Worthington comes by. Ralph introduces Alice as his wife and Trixie introduces herself as "Treeny's" high school sweetheart. Worthington: "You're kidding." Ralph tells Worthington the truth about them. Worthington says he wasn't fooled by that black hair. Worthington says that they knew that Ralph & Ed were faking, but he was so desperate to hear a song, that he would listen to anybody. As much as it pains Worthington, he will cancel the contest and declare no winner. But, he will offer them a trip to Hollywood all expenses paid. Everybody is happy. Worthington says that the song will give him a lot of publicity and save him a lot of money because they are going by bus. Worthington leaves. Ralph: "We hit the jackpot." This scheme of Ralph, sort of worked, I guess. They all sing: "We've Got It Made."
Jackie praises the Miami Beach audience and says "Goodnight!" The blue still with the J.G. Show logo is shown. During the credits, Johnny plugs the next episode of the Color Honeymooners.
I was surprised how much of this episode was edited in syndication. Normally, only say several minutes are edited so I didn’t expect the first two scenes to be edited out.