Frank Gannucci
09-07-2008, 05:18 PM
"Young At Heart":
Alice: "I want to do the things that young people do. That is what keeps you young."
Ralph: "You want to do things that young people do? Let's play games that young people play. Let's play 'House.' You'll be the mommy and I'll be the poppy. All right mommy - CLEAN UP!"
"Dial J For Janitor":
(The house phone is ringing.)
Ralph: "I'm not answering it. I'm not answering it. Let it ring-ring-ring because I'm not answering it."
Alice: "But they are playing your song."
"Better Living Through TV":
Ralph: "Nobody is 100% Alice."
Alice: "You are. You have been wrong every time."
"Brother-In-Law":
Frank: "Hey Ralph, are you going to eat your soup?"
Ralph: "I'm not hungry."
Frank (about to grab the soup): "Well, I hate to see anything go to waste."
Ralph (taking the soup): "I just got hungry."
"Cottage For Sale Part 2":
(All of them are in the lemon that is their cottage.)
Ralph (yells): "WOULD YOU GET OFF MY BACK ALICE? WOULD YOU GET OFF MY BACK? I AM TELLING YOU THIS PLACE IS GOING TO BE FIXED UP REAL GOOD."
Alice (yells): "YOU MADE A MISTAKE. WHY DON'T YOU ADMIT IT RALPH?"
Ralph (yells): "ALL RIGHT. I ADMIT IT! I ADMIT IT! I ADMIT IT! I MADE A MISTAKE. GO AHEAD AND KILL ME. GO AHEAD AND KILL ME."
Alice (yells): "DON'T TEMPT ME RALPH. DON'T TEMPT ME."
"My Fair Landlord":
(Ralph has just complained to Mr. Olsen that he does nothing for the apartment building. Ralph leaves.)
Mr. Olsen: "Your husband has got a lot of nerve saying that to me Mrs. Kramden. I do plenty around here. Last night, I was up until midnight waxing the stairs..."
Ralph (falling down the stairs, yells): "DUUUUUUUUUUUOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
"Two For The Money":
Ralph: "Another tail may be haning from this Raccoon cap. Then another and another. Pretty soon, I can become a thirteen-tail man. Do you know what that is like Alice, to be a thirteen-tail man?"
Alice: "It must be pretty special since a monkey only has one."
"Flushing Ho":
Ralph: "Do you know what it like Alice to own a home? You can walk outside, pick up some dirt and say: 'This is all mine.'"
Alice: "I can go out in the hallway right now and do the same thing."
"Flushing Ho":
(Ed comes out with a sailboat. Ralph wants to take a bath.)
Ralph: "You don't mean to tell me that you kept me waiting out here for 20 minutes while you were in there playing with a boat in the tub?"
Ed: "I'm sorry Ralph. This is a new boat. We were on the Shakedown Cruise!"
Alice: "I want to do the things that young people do. That is what keeps you young."
Ralph: "You want to do things that young people do? Let's play games that young people play. Let's play 'House.' You'll be the mommy and I'll be the poppy. All right mommy - CLEAN UP!"
"Dial J For Janitor":
(The house phone is ringing.)
Ralph: "I'm not answering it. I'm not answering it. Let it ring-ring-ring because I'm not answering it."
Alice: "But they are playing your song."
"Better Living Through TV":
Ralph: "Nobody is 100% Alice."
Alice: "You are. You have been wrong every time."
"Brother-In-Law":
Frank: "Hey Ralph, are you going to eat your soup?"
Ralph: "I'm not hungry."
Frank (about to grab the soup): "Well, I hate to see anything go to waste."
Ralph (taking the soup): "I just got hungry."
"Cottage For Sale Part 2":
(All of them are in the lemon that is their cottage.)
Ralph (yells): "WOULD YOU GET OFF MY BACK ALICE? WOULD YOU GET OFF MY BACK? I AM TELLING YOU THIS PLACE IS GOING TO BE FIXED UP REAL GOOD."
Alice (yells): "YOU MADE A MISTAKE. WHY DON'T YOU ADMIT IT RALPH?"
Ralph (yells): "ALL RIGHT. I ADMIT IT! I ADMIT IT! I ADMIT IT! I MADE A MISTAKE. GO AHEAD AND KILL ME. GO AHEAD AND KILL ME."
Alice (yells): "DON'T TEMPT ME RALPH. DON'T TEMPT ME."
"My Fair Landlord":
(Ralph has just complained to Mr. Olsen that he does nothing for the apartment building. Ralph leaves.)
Mr. Olsen: "Your husband has got a lot of nerve saying that to me Mrs. Kramden. I do plenty around here. Last night, I was up until midnight waxing the stairs..."
Ralph (falling down the stairs, yells): "DUUUUUUUUUUUOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
"Two For The Money":
Ralph: "Another tail may be haning from this Raccoon cap. Then another and another. Pretty soon, I can become a thirteen-tail man. Do you know what that is like Alice, to be a thirteen-tail man?"
Alice: "It must be pretty special since a monkey only has one."
"Flushing Ho":
Ralph: "Do you know what it like Alice to own a home? You can walk outside, pick up some dirt and say: 'This is all mine.'"
Alice: "I can go out in the hallway right now and do the same thing."
"Flushing Ho":
(Ed comes out with a sailboat. Ralph wants to take a bath.)
Ralph: "You don't mean to tell me that you kept me waiting out here for 20 minutes while you were in there playing with a boat in the tub?"
Ed: "I'm sorry Ralph. This is a new boat. We were on the Shakedown Cruise!"