Best comebacks of all-time

[Overdose]

Although the show "Roseanne" had many great comebacks, I found this to be one of the greatest ever.

After a huge fight it escalates to this:

Dan: Hey, at least I put my mother in a psychiatric hospital where she can get some help, instead of letting her run around the streets scaring people!!!!
Roseanne: Well my mother might me like fingernails on a chalkboard Dan, BUT AT LEAST SHE'S ALLOWED TO GROW FINGERNAILS!!!!!!!!!!!!

The whole fight and exchange can be seen here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xB_tt0US-e0
Roseanne is the only person who could beat Archie Bunker in an argument. I'm sure many will disagree, but she'd wipe the floor with him.

[ThomasE]

I'll do one from Roseanne:

A Kitchen Diner Scene:

Leon: I swear Roseanne, cleaning out that grease trap is like cleaning out one of your arteries!
Roseanne: B*tch! B*tch! B*tch! That's all you ever are!

Scene from Good Times:

Florida: J.J. Go bathe.
J.J.: Why can't be like Thelma and just spray on some cologne?
Thelma: You're just jealouse because the only spray they make for you is "RAID"!


Beverly Hills 90210

Donna: (to Brenda and Kelly) You guys shouldn't be fighting. You're friends.
Kelly: We all have our crosses to bear.
Brenda: Or our legs to uncross.

[Chocoholic]

From Wings...

Roy Biggins: I'm going to teach that kid everything I know.
Helen: What's he going to do the second half of the day?

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Roy Biggins: If you'll excuse me, I've got to get ready for the big night.
Alex: Oh, that's right, you're about to romance a woman. You'll want to shower, shave, buy chloroform...

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Roy Biggins: You know what I do when I have a problem with a woman?
Antonio: Deflate her?

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Brian Hackett: It says here, fifteen percent of the American public would rather watch television than have sex.
Roy Biggins: Fifteen perc... Yeah, yeah, I buy that, yeah. You know, maybe you're... you're too tired, or she's too... what's a nice way to put this? Ugly.
Brian Hackett: The words "too tired" aren't in my vocabulary, and frankly, Roy, I don't think the words "too ugly" should be in yours.

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]Helen: You care more about this *stupid* plane than you do about me!
Joe Hackett: Me? You're the one with the cello between her legs eight hours a day!
Helen: Well, at least that gives me some satisfaction!
Joe Hackett: Yeah, well, at least when I'm in the plane I get some sense of movement!

Roy Biggins: I've never minded staying up all night because of a woman.
Helen: Well, you don't have a choice. If you dozed off, she'd escape.

hitting on Helen at the lunch counter]
Lewis Blanchard: Ya know, I have a video camera that shoots in the dark.
Helen: Yeah, I got a gun that does the same thing.

:lol:

[JulieSomoski]

Roseanne was the ultimate sitcom of great comback jokes. There are so many in every episode it's almost impossible to choose the best ones.