Frank Gannucci
08-08-2008, 08:18 AM
Episode #178
TV: Hour (edited).
DVD: Attached to "The Two Faces of Ralph Kramden" & "To Whomever It May Concern"
Color Episode Title: "The Main Event."
Lost Episode Title: "The Next Champ."
In the intro, Nick Clooney says that Marylin Gleason's favorite Jackie Gleason movie was "Geigo." Jackie played the death mute in the movie. During this intro, fire engine sirens are heard.
Ralph and Ed go to an ice cream soda shop before bowling. Ed orders a Cherry Fosate Dash of Wintergreen. I think that is what he ordered. Ralph says that he has to take off some weight. He orders a bowl of peach ice cream with some chocolate fudge and marshmellow sauce. (He will make up those calories tomorrow when he doesn't have any grapefruit). Ed says that Ralph is 255 pounds of willpower. Dynamite Moran from Altoona comes by. He has come to New York to make it big. He needs a manager. Ed says that Dynamite KOed his first opponents in 15 seconds and 12 seconds respectively in the first round. Ralph: "That 12 seconds must be a record." Ralph says that KO must have been a record. If it was in real life, then Mike Tyson broke that record in 1988 by KOing his opponent in 2 seconds. Dynamite says that he needs a manager and it has to be someone who knows that he can fight. Ed: "Why don't you get the guy you KOed in 12 seconds?" Dyanmite says that the manager that gets him is getting the next champ. Dynamie starts punching in the air. Dynamite shows him his fight clippings. A person across the room is having trouble getting a pack of cigarettes from the vending machine, so Ed hits the machine and nothing hapens. Ralph hits the machine and nothing happens. Dynamite helps him by punching the machine which helps him get the pack of cigarettes out. Dynamite hit it no harder than Ralph and Ed did. Dynamite says he has to use the phone and call the "Y" to find a place to stay. Ralph then gets his crazy idea of becoming Dynamite's manager. Ralph: "Do you know what amanager and a trainer get of the purse? A third. Do you know what a boxer can get? $300,000 to $400,000 a fight." Ed: "A strong kid like that can fight five or six times a week." Sure, he could. When Dynamite comes back in, he still needs a place to stay. Ralph says that Dynamite can live with him. Ralph says that Alice will love for him to bring a friend home. Ed: "Ralph, are you sill married to Alice?" Alice will like the fact that another person is coming to live with them, will she? Ralph then says that he will become his manager and Norton will train him and he will live with Ralph. Ralph says that he will get Dyanmite a fight. Ed: "I think you will get that fight with Alice when she finds out about this." It's a deal. Ralph syas that his apartment is 3b. Dynamite gets his stuff. Ralph & Ed sing: "A Sporting World Is A Wonderful World."
Alice is shown in the apartment with cans of food. Trixie comes in and helps Alice out as far as figuring out the males for the week. She says that with prices the way they are, she barely gets by. Given how prices have skyrocketed since then, the prices back then seem pretty good. Ralph comes home with a box of sweets probably because he knows that Alice will not like the idea of him managing a boxer. Alice naturally doesn't. Ralph says that it won't cost money and it will just be a hobby. Ralph says that he will be moving in a half-hour. Alice feels like KOing Ralph when she hears the news. Ralph says that Dynamite will sleep in the kitchen and just have an occasional meal like four or five times a day). Ralph says that all throughout life he wanted to be something in the sports world. He wanted to baseball, but he was to slow. He wanted to play basketball, but he was too short. He wanted to be a jockey, but he was a little too heavy. Alice: "You're too fat to be a horse." Ha! Alice scrimps on Ralph's salary, $85 a week which is not a fortune. (I guess his salary increased because in earlier episodes it was much lower.)Ralph and Alice do more arguing and Ralph starts eating chocolates. Alice goes into the bedroom. Dynamite comes in with his stuff as well as a box of candy for Alice that looks the smae as the one Ralph gave her (which is chocolates in a heart-shaped candy box). Ralph: "Alice Dynamite is here." Alice slams the door. Ralph: "She must be asleep."
Ralph & Dynamite arrive at an Italian restaurant in which the waiter is played by George Petrie. Ralph asks Dynamite to sit at the bar while Ralph & Ed get a table. When Ed arrives, Dynamite is to sent Ed to Ralph's table. Ralph makes sure he gets the table that is next to the table that Mr. Cosgrove the fight promoter sits at normally. Ed comes in and sits at Ralph's table. Ralph has been trying to get him at his office but to no avail. He is going to do more than talk to him. He is going to show Mr. Cosgrove how good Dynamite is. Mr. Cosgrove is going to have lunch with the toughest fighter there is. His name is "Killer" Cucco. Ed thinks that "Killer" Cucco is a woman. "Killer" is the leading contender for the World's Heavyweight Championship and Dynamite is going to knock him out in the restaurant. Ed says that won't happen because Dynamite won't KO anyboy for no good reason. Ralph agrees but if someone called "Killer" a yellow fink, a stumblebum and a punch-drunk powderpuff, he will be mad enough to fight. Then Dynamite will hit him. Ed says if "Killer" hears all those insults, he will be a murderer. Ralph says that Dynamite won't call him those names, but Ed will. What a great friend, huh? Ed is petrified. Ralph syas that Dynmaite will rescue him before Ed gets hurt. All Ralph has to do is say: "How dare you!" Ed is still scared that he will get killed and that he will run away. Ralph is ashamed of Ed. According to Ralph, "Killer" Cucco's hands are lethal weapons and that he can't hit anybody unless it's a fighter. He read that rule in a story called "Steamboat" Jones vs. The late Mike Dan. Ralph says he won't trade places with Ed because as his manager, he has to uphold his dignity. Ed: "In other words, you are the yellow fink." Ralph (yells): "YOU ARE GOING TO DO IT!" Ed orders some roast turkey, some mashed potatoes, a bottle of champagne, a big cigar and a priest. Mr. Cosgrove, his wife and Killer come in and sit at the table. They order lunch. Unbeknownst to Ralph & Ed, a policeman comes in and orders Dynamite to move his car because it's illegally parked. Dynamite leaves. Oh boy! This is going to throw a wrench into Ralph's plan. Ralph orders Ed to start the fight, but every time Ed does, he gets scared and sits back down. Ralph has had enough and starts to pick the fight on his own. Oh boy! Ralph (seeing how big Cucco is): "Mr friend says that you are a yellowfink, a stumblebum and a punch-drunk powder puff." Ed says that he didn't. Ralph (yells): "HOW DARE YOU!" Dynamite doesn't come. Mr. Cosgrove stops the fight from happening and says that since Cucco is a fighter, he can't hurt anybody. But Cucco's wife wants to fight Ralph and hits him with her purse. Ralph (yells): "HOW DARE YOU!" Dynamite comes in and "Killer" Cucco greets him. He tells Mr. Cosgrov that Dynamite what a great puncher. Ralph & Ed explain what is going on. Mr. Cosgorv says that he will stop by tomorrow and watch Dynamite train. Ralph says that he has him training at his place. Mr. Cosgrove and his entourage leave. Ralph, Ed & Dynamite sing: "That is What It Takes To Make The Champ." All of them actually step off the set and onto the stage.
The next day, Alice & Trixie go down to the basement of the building. (Dynamite's Training Facility complete with dressing room). Alice & Trixie complain about the amount of food that Dynamite eats. the milk and orange juice he drinks. Dynamite comes in. He just ran around the block several times with Ed. Ralph is more exhausted than the two and he was just counting the laps. Dyanmite & Ed must be in real good shape or the block is really short (especially when you consider that Ed said they must have ran around the block 150 times.) Ralph says that it was coming down the steps that made him exhausted. The girls leave. Ed is going to spar with Dynamite but Ed wears a tin head as headgear for protection. Ralph demands him to take it off. Ed puts on the regular headgear. Ed is going to show off some of his boxing fancy footwork. He demonstrates it. The fancy footwork that he has is stupid. Ralph stops him. Ed says that he used that footwork in the Navy and he was the Middleweight Champ but not in the Navy but in Teebo (sp?). There were too fat guys and two skinny guys and Ed was bigger than the skinny guys and slimmer than the fat ones. Ralph demands that Ed demonstrate his boxing skills. Ed: "The most important thing is to protect yourself at all times." He tells Ralph to put up his hands and he does. Ed tells Ralph to portect his face. Ralph does and Ed hits him in the stomach. Yeah, just like in "The Bensonhurst Bomber". This scene is such a riot. As a matter of fact, the scene in which Ed punched Ralph in the stomach and Ralph yelling in pain was shown on the Larry King Live Honemooners Special in 2002. Ed was only trying to teach Dynamite not to trust anybody in the ring. Alice comes down with Mr. Cosgrov. Dynamite goes into his dressing room to put on his trunks. Mr. Cosgrove says that Dynamite is still a little green and to groom a fighter takes a lot of money. Mr. Cosgrove offers Ralph a $1,000 for his contract because he is a sucker for a guy that can punch. Dynamite comes back with his trunks on. Mr. Cosgrove says that he will try to get Dynamite a fight anyway so Ralph declines the money much to Alice's chagrin. Ed sparrs with Dynamite and accidentally "KOes" him. Of course, you can tell that Art never really hit him that hard. Ralph is upset that Dynamite got KOed by Ed. "Glass jaw" says Mr. Cosgrove. Mr. Cosgrove leaves. Alice takes Dynamite upstairs. Ed apologizes. Ralph is upset. Ralph demands that Ed fight with him and Ed hits Ralph in the stomach again causing Ralph to holler in pain again. Ralph chases Ed out.
The next day, Ralph comes back down to the basement. Dynamite comes back out. His jaw is much better. Dynamite goes back into the dressing room. Alice comes down with stakes. She is steaming mad that Ralph hasn't given up on his idea. Ralph says that Alice can't call him a quitter. Alice: "Sure I can't. But I can call you a bunch of things starting with the letter A. Absolutely nuts. B: Brainless. Coo-Coo..." Ralph says for her to stop. Ralph is now the manager and Dynamite is the trainer of Ed "Tiger" Norton. Ed is now going to be a boxer. He comes out with his hat, tanktop and shorts. He starts punching in the air. Ralph, Ed and Dynamite all leave. Dynamite and Ed are going to run outside.
During the curatin call, Jackie says: "How sweet it is!" He drinks his coffee and says in Ralph Kramden fashion: "Wow!" Jackie: "There is nothing like a good cup of coffee after a hard day's work. This coffee is mountain grown you know." It must have been Folgers Coffee. Jackie: "Little still. Way up on the mountains." Jackie praises the Miami Beach audience. Jackie: "The people who write our scripts. Marvin Stone." Yeah, he made a blooper. Jackie: "Marvin Marx, Walter Stone and Rod Parker. Lyn Dudley and Jerry Bressler write the music lyrics." He mentions that people thought he was nuts when he hired a Swedish woman to make the coffee backstage. Jackie introduces Jesse White (the person who played Mr. Cosgrove). He introduces George Petrie (the guy who played the waiter and incidentally Jackie pronounces his last name as Pet-ree. I thought it was pronounced as Peet-ree.) Jackie introduces Peter Palmer (the guy who played "Dynamite"). Jackie of course introduces the regular cast. Art steals the last few minutes of the curatin call by running onto the stage, shaking Gleason's hand, and running to the opposite side of the stage. Everybody in the audience was laughing and the camera zoomed out so much during his introduction that we finally got to see what the edge of the stage looked like back then. Jackie says goodnight.
Episode #179
TV: Hour-long musical.
DVD: Attached to "The Main Event" & "Two Faces of Ralph Kramden"
Color Honeymooners Title: "To Whomever It May Concern."
Lost Episode Title: "Letter To The Boss."
These episode beings with an "overhead" shot of Ralph's bus pulling into the bus terminal. Laughter is heard (maybe on of the June Taylor Dancers did something funny. I can't tell if they did or not because I have the edited version of this episode.) After that, Ralph greets Ed in the lobby of the bus terminal. Ralph says that there ought to be a law that forbids women to ride the bus. Ralph: "They ought to ride the subway. Where the driver is in a booth and they can't bother him." Ralph says that a woman is going to report her. Ralph picked her up at Cline's on 14th street. She comes on the bus and has nothing smaller than a twenty dollar bill. Ralph didn't do it because the bus company says that he doesn't have to change anything over $5 and the union says that he doesn't have to change anything over $1. Ha! She was steamed at Ralph because he broke her lamp. Ralph: "I told her to get off the bus. She wouldn't move." Ed: "Was that after you broke her lamp?" Ralph: "No, that was after I broke her umbrella." Ralph would have called a cop but while he was arguing with her, he ran into the back of a police car. A guy named Fred comes by and says to Ralph that he got a call from the main office. Mr. Marshall says that Ralph should turn in his uniform Monday morning. Ralph isn't driving a bus anymore. Fred doesn't have any more details and leaves. Ralph is worried that he lost his job because that woman filled a complaint against him, so he tries to call him. Ralph is unsuccessful in trying to get him. Ralph complains about all the inconveniences he had to put up with as a driver like drunks trying to get on the bus without paying, old women yelling at him etc. Ed: "Don't worry Ralph you will get another job." Ralph: "Sure, I will but not a good one like this one." Ha! Ed tries to cheer Ralph up, but only makes Ralph feel worse. Ralph wonders what he will do after this job because he doesn't have a decent education. He was a school drop out. Ed: "I was working in the sewer all these years because I was a drop in." Ralph & Ed sing a very important song called: "Stay In School." That song should be sung to everyone who thinks of dropping out.
Alice is home and Trixie stops by to borrow some onions. Alice is making new curtains for the bedroom window. Alice is using an old sports shirt of Ralph's to make the curtain. Ha! Trixie wishes that she would do something with Ed's old shirts. She washes, scrubs, boils and then burns them. Trixie leaves. Ralph comes home with Ed and after telling Ed that right now he doesn't want to have Alice know that he lost his job, Ralph tells Alice just that. Ralph: "As of Monday, I am no longer driving a bus for the Madison Avenue Bus Company." I guess that the name of the bus company changed. Ralph says that the reason that he was fired was because some woman made a complaint about him. Ralph says that he was fired at a very significant time after 17 years. Ralph: "They had plenty of reasons to fire me, but Mr. Marshall waited until the last minute Just until I was about to get my pension. I had 13 years to go." Their pension is gone as well as their plans for the future. Their dreams about retiring to Miami Beach with them getting $135 a month is gone. Ed: "It is cruel. Cruel. Cruel. Cruel." Alice says that they will have to live of whatever money they have. Ralph: "Swell. That will take care for tonight, but what about tomorrow?" Ha! Ralph has to pay the gas, electric, insurance as well as payments on the ice box. Ralph wonders what he will tell the landlord about the rent. Alice suggests telling the landlord to wait a few days. Ralph: "I told him that when I was working." Ed suggests that Ralph do what Ed and his fellow workers do to their boss in the sewer which is drown him. Ha! Ralph hits on the idea that he will write a nasty letter to Mr. J.J. Marshall. Alice objects but her opinion falls on deaf ears. Ralph tells Alice to write what Ralph says but Alice says no and goes upstairs. Ralph then gets Norton to write what Ralph says. Ed warms up, so Ralph yells at him to stop. Ralph doesn't want his boss to think that this is some crank letter and wrote this letter with consideration. Here is the letter that Ralph wanted to write to him:
"Dear Mr. Marshall:
You dirty bum! After giving you the best years of my life, you fired me. You are a miserable worm. You ought to turn in your membership card to the human race. After what you did to me, I can truthfully say that you are the world's meanest man. You dirty bum!"
Respectfully yours,
Etc. Etc. Etc.
P.S.: In the future, I may need a reference. So you may hear from me again.
MPI Video, in regards to the lost episode version called "Letter To The Boss", says that the letter used in that version is a classic Kramden letter. The old Honeymooners.net, in regards to the lost episode version, says that the line of: "You dirty bum!" is delivered with such conviction that it looks like Ralph invented the insult for the occasion. This should to be shown to every getting a job-related class under the heading: "What NOT to write to your boss after you get fired." Ralph says that the address of the bus company is River Street, New York City. I guess that were are supposed to believe that the bus company changed it's name and moved back to River Street since in the lost episode version, the company was located at 255 River Street and then in the Classic 39, it moved somewhere else. Either that, or Ralph now works at a different bus company. Ed goes out to mail the letter and leaves. Alice comes back down and suggests that he get a manager at a restaurant called The 5 and 10. Ralph says no because he doesn't want her to work no matter what. A bus driver named Scottie (played by George Petrie) comes by and says that Ralph hasn't been fired, but promoted. Scottie leaves. Ralph leaves to go get Ed before he mails the letter and tells Alice to make sure that she can get that job at the 5 and 10.
Outside, before Ralph can get Norton to not mail that letter, Ed just put letter in the mail box. Ralph: "I wasn't fired. I was promoted." Ed: "Congratulations Ralph." Ralph: "What are you congratulating me for?" Ralph tries to get Ed to put his arm into the mailbox. Ed says no because it's a federal offense and he can go to jail for 20 years Ralph: "That is a chance that we will have to take." Wow! What a friend. Ed: "I can't stand the thought of being cooped up in a dark place with no running water. Ralph tries to get the letter out, but Ed says that someone is coming. Ed was just practicing to say that, so Ralph gets angry with him. Ralph tries to put his arm in again. He puts his arm down further, but it gets stuck…just in time for a policeman to come. Ralph tries to act like nothing is happening. Ed: "I am not with that young man by the mailbox. Isn't that right Ralph?" The cop leaves. Ed tries to free Ralph. Ed: "The mailbox is easier to move than you are even though the mailbox is bolted to the ground." Ed goes into the ice cream shop to get some butter to lubricate his arm to get it out. He leaves. A kid (probably the same one that appeared in "Confusion, Italian Style") comes by and asks Ralph if he can mail his letter for him. This is one of those rare Honeymooners episodes that Jackie allowed a kid to star in. Ralph is acting mean in front of the kid by saying that he won't mail the kid's letter. All this time, Jackie moved his arm out of the mailbox a little bit to reveal the fact that it wasn't really stuck. The kid kicks Ralph's leg and a thump sound is heard. Ralph screams in pain. He then agrees to mail the kid's letter. The kid leaves. Ed comes back with the butter. Ralph tries to lubricate his arm. Ed tries to pull on Ralph's other arm. Ed accidentally rips Ralph's sleeve off. That plan didn't work. So Ed tries to make the mailbox vibrate in hopes that it will free Ralph since he thinks it will loosen metal things from bolts. He gets the Bus Stop sign and hits the mailbox with it. Not only does the mailbox "vibrate", but so does Ralph. That works Ralph is upset but he realizes that he is now free. The mailman comes by to collect the mail so Ralph tries to get his mailed letter from the mailman. The mailman says that he can't. Ralph explains to him what he did. The mailman relents and gives him the letter. Ed wrote down SWAK on the back of it. Ralph: "You wrote Sealed with a Kiss?" Ed: "No. Sewer Workers Are Kings." Ralph & Ed are happy that they got the letter back so they sing. "Never Put Anything In Writing." After this, the kid comes out and asks Ralph if he mailed his letter. He forgot to and accidentally gives his hateful-letter and then the kid puts it in the mailbox. He realizes this when he takes "his" letter out of his pocket and reads: Santa Claus. North Pole?" (This episode was shown right before Christmas in '67.)
The next day, Ralph tries to get the letter before his boss reads it, even going as far as messing up the mail that his secretary put on Mr. Marshall's desk. He fails. The secretary congratulates Ralph on his promotion and she tells him that he is replacing Mr. Sullivan who got fired for calling Mr. Marshall an old fuddy-duddy. She leaves. The boss (who gets an ovation) comes in and he reads Ralph's letter. He doesn't mind the insults because he always gets them but becomes mad when the author didn't sign his name. He thinks the letter is from Mr. Sullivan. I guess Mr. Sullivan lives in the same apartment building as Ralph.
In the next scene, you can tell that the first few minutes were edited because the girls are already in mid-conversation. Ralph Kramden comes home with Chinese food. Ralph: "We are going to celebrate." The audience laughs probably because they know the ending of this episode. Ralph explains to the girls that due to Ed's stupidity in writing "Etc. Etc. Etc." at the end of his letter, Ralph still has his promotion. They all sing: "There Is No One Lucky As I. Ed comes down to explain the fact that he went down and said Ralph didn't mean all of those insults that he wrote in the letter. He felt he had to do it out of niceness. Everyone is upset.
During the curtain call, Jackie says that the coffee he is drinking is mountain grown. It must be Folgers. He praises the Miami Beach audience and introduces the cast. We never found out who really played Mr. Marshall (at least I didn't.)
TV: Hour (edited).
DVD: Attached to "The Two Faces of Ralph Kramden" & "To Whomever It May Concern"
Color Episode Title: "The Main Event."
Lost Episode Title: "The Next Champ."
In the intro, Nick Clooney says that Marylin Gleason's favorite Jackie Gleason movie was "Geigo." Jackie played the death mute in the movie. During this intro, fire engine sirens are heard.
Ralph and Ed go to an ice cream soda shop before bowling. Ed orders a Cherry Fosate Dash of Wintergreen. I think that is what he ordered. Ralph says that he has to take off some weight. He orders a bowl of peach ice cream with some chocolate fudge and marshmellow sauce. (He will make up those calories tomorrow when he doesn't have any grapefruit). Ed says that Ralph is 255 pounds of willpower. Dynamite Moran from Altoona comes by. He has come to New York to make it big. He needs a manager. Ed says that Dynamite KOed his first opponents in 15 seconds and 12 seconds respectively in the first round. Ralph: "That 12 seconds must be a record." Ralph says that KO must have been a record. If it was in real life, then Mike Tyson broke that record in 1988 by KOing his opponent in 2 seconds. Dynamite says that he needs a manager and it has to be someone who knows that he can fight. Ed: "Why don't you get the guy you KOed in 12 seconds?" Dyanmite says that the manager that gets him is getting the next champ. Dynamie starts punching in the air. Dynamite shows him his fight clippings. A person across the room is having trouble getting a pack of cigarettes from the vending machine, so Ed hits the machine and nothing hapens. Ralph hits the machine and nothing happens. Dynamite helps him by punching the machine which helps him get the pack of cigarettes out. Dynamite hit it no harder than Ralph and Ed did. Dynamite says he has to use the phone and call the "Y" to find a place to stay. Ralph then gets his crazy idea of becoming Dynamite's manager. Ralph: "Do you know what amanager and a trainer get of the purse? A third. Do you know what a boxer can get? $300,000 to $400,000 a fight." Ed: "A strong kid like that can fight five or six times a week." Sure, he could. When Dynamite comes back in, he still needs a place to stay. Ralph says that Dynamite can live with him. Ralph says that Alice will love for him to bring a friend home. Ed: "Ralph, are you sill married to Alice?" Alice will like the fact that another person is coming to live with them, will she? Ralph then says that he will become his manager and Norton will train him and he will live with Ralph. Ralph says that he will get Dyanmite a fight. Ed: "I think you will get that fight with Alice when she finds out about this." It's a deal. Ralph syas that his apartment is 3b. Dynamite gets his stuff. Ralph & Ed sing: "A Sporting World Is A Wonderful World."
Alice is shown in the apartment with cans of food. Trixie comes in and helps Alice out as far as figuring out the males for the week. She says that with prices the way they are, she barely gets by. Given how prices have skyrocketed since then, the prices back then seem pretty good. Ralph comes home with a box of sweets probably because he knows that Alice will not like the idea of him managing a boxer. Alice naturally doesn't. Ralph says that it won't cost money and it will just be a hobby. Ralph says that he will be moving in a half-hour. Alice feels like KOing Ralph when she hears the news. Ralph says that Dynamite will sleep in the kitchen and just have an occasional meal like four or five times a day). Ralph says that all throughout life he wanted to be something in the sports world. He wanted to baseball, but he was to slow. He wanted to play basketball, but he was too short. He wanted to be a jockey, but he was a little too heavy. Alice: "You're too fat to be a horse." Ha! Alice scrimps on Ralph's salary, $85 a week which is not a fortune. (I guess his salary increased because in earlier episodes it was much lower.)Ralph and Alice do more arguing and Ralph starts eating chocolates. Alice goes into the bedroom. Dynamite comes in with his stuff as well as a box of candy for Alice that looks the smae as the one Ralph gave her (which is chocolates in a heart-shaped candy box). Ralph: "Alice Dynamite is here." Alice slams the door. Ralph: "She must be asleep."
Ralph & Dynamite arrive at an Italian restaurant in which the waiter is played by George Petrie. Ralph asks Dynamite to sit at the bar while Ralph & Ed get a table. When Ed arrives, Dynamite is to sent Ed to Ralph's table. Ralph makes sure he gets the table that is next to the table that Mr. Cosgrove the fight promoter sits at normally. Ed comes in and sits at Ralph's table. Ralph has been trying to get him at his office but to no avail. He is going to do more than talk to him. He is going to show Mr. Cosgrove how good Dynamite is. Mr. Cosgrove is going to have lunch with the toughest fighter there is. His name is "Killer" Cucco. Ed thinks that "Killer" Cucco is a woman. "Killer" is the leading contender for the World's Heavyweight Championship and Dynamite is going to knock him out in the restaurant. Ed says that won't happen because Dynamite won't KO anyboy for no good reason. Ralph agrees but if someone called "Killer" a yellow fink, a stumblebum and a punch-drunk powderpuff, he will be mad enough to fight. Then Dynamite will hit him. Ed says if "Killer" hears all those insults, he will be a murderer. Ralph says that Dynamite won't call him those names, but Ed will. What a great friend, huh? Ed is petrified. Ralph syas that Dynmaite will rescue him before Ed gets hurt. All Ralph has to do is say: "How dare you!" Ed is still scared that he will get killed and that he will run away. Ralph is ashamed of Ed. According to Ralph, "Killer" Cucco's hands are lethal weapons and that he can't hit anybody unless it's a fighter. He read that rule in a story called "Steamboat" Jones vs. The late Mike Dan. Ralph says he won't trade places with Ed because as his manager, he has to uphold his dignity. Ed: "In other words, you are the yellow fink." Ralph (yells): "YOU ARE GOING TO DO IT!" Ed orders some roast turkey, some mashed potatoes, a bottle of champagne, a big cigar and a priest. Mr. Cosgrove, his wife and Killer come in and sit at the table. They order lunch. Unbeknownst to Ralph & Ed, a policeman comes in and orders Dynamite to move his car because it's illegally parked. Dynamite leaves. Oh boy! This is going to throw a wrench into Ralph's plan. Ralph orders Ed to start the fight, but every time Ed does, he gets scared and sits back down. Ralph has had enough and starts to pick the fight on his own. Oh boy! Ralph (seeing how big Cucco is): "Mr friend says that you are a yellowfink, a stumblebum and a punch-drunk powder puff." Ed says that he didn't. Ralph (yells): "HOW DARE YOU!" Dynamite doesn't come. Mr. Cosgrove stops the fight from happening and says that since Cucco is a fighter, he can't hurt anybody. But Cucco's wife wants to fight Ralph and hits him with her purse. Ralph (yells): "HOW DARE YOU!" Dynamite comes in and "Killer" Cucco greets him. He tells Mr. Cosgrov that Dynamite what a great puncher. Ralph & Ed explain what is going on. Mr. Cosgorv says that he will stop by tomorrow and watch Dynamite train. Ralph says that he has him training at his place. Mr. Cosgrove and his entourage leave. Ralph, Ed & Dynamite sing: "That is What It Takes To Make The Champ." All of them actually step off the set and onto the stage.
The next day, Alice & Trixie go down to the basement of the building. (Dynamite's Training Facility complete with dressing room). Alice & Trixie complain about the amount of food that Dynamite eats. the milk and orange juice he drinks. Dynamite comes in. He just ran around the block several times with Ed. Ralph is more exhausted than the two and he was just counting the laps. Dyanmite & Ed must be in real good shape or the block is really short (especially when you consider that Ed said they must have ran around the block 150 times.) Ralph says that it was coming down the steps that made him exhausted. The girls leave. Ed is going to spar with Dynamite but Ed wears a tin head as headgear for protection. Ralph demands him to take it off. Ed puts on the regular headgear. Ed is going to show off some of his boxing fancy footwork. He demonstrates it. The fancy footwork that he has is stupid. Ralph stops him. Ed says that he used that footwork in the Navy and he was the Middleweight Champ but not in the Navy but in Teebo (sp?). There were too fat guys and two skinny guys and Ed was bigger than the skinny guys and slimmer than the fat ones. Ralph demands that Ed demonstrate his boxing skills. Ed: "The most important thing is to protect yourself at all times." He tells Ralph to put up his hands and he does. Ed tells Ralph to portect his face. Ralph does and Ed hits him in the stomach. Yeah, just like in "The Bensonhurst Bomber". This scene is such a riot. As a matter of fact, the scene in which Ed punched Ralph in the stomach and Ralph yelling in pain was shown on the Larry King Live Honemooners Special in 2002. Ed was only trying to teach Dynamite not to trust anybody in the ring. Alice comes down with Mr. Cosgrov. Dynamite goes into his dressing room to put on his trunks. Mr. Cosgrove says that Dynamite is still a little green and to groom a fighter takes a lot of money. Mr. Cosgrove offers Ralph a $1,000 for his contract because he is a sucker for a guy that can punch. Dynamite comes back with his trunks on. Mr. Cosgrove says that he will try to get Dynamite a fight anyway so Ralph declines the money much to Alice's chagrin. Ed sparrs with Dynamite and accidentally "KOes" him. Of course, you can tell that Art never really hit him that hard. Ralph is upset that Dynamite got KOed by Ed. "Glass jaw" says Mr. Cosgrove. Mr. Cosgrove leaves. Alice takes Dynamite upstairs. Ed apologizes. Ralph is upset. Ralph demands that Ed fight with him and Ed hits Ralph in the stomach again causing Ralph to holler in pain again. Ralph chases Ed out.
The next day, Ralph comes back down to the basement. Dynamite comes back out. His jaw is much better. Dynamite goes back into the dressing room. Alice comes down with stakes. She is steaming mad that Ralph hasn't given up on his idea. Ralph says that Alice can't call him a quitter. Alice: "Sure I can't. But I can call you a bunch of things starting with the letter A. Absolutely nuts. B: Brainless. Coo-Coo..." Ralph says for her to stop. Ralph is now the manager and Dynamite is the trainer of Ed "Tiger" Norton. Ed is now going to be a boxer. He comes out with his hat, tanktop and shorts. He starts punching in the air. Ralph, Ed and Dynamite all leave. Dynamite and Ed are going to run outside.
During the curatin call, Jackie says: "How sweet it is!" He drinks his coffee and says in Ralph Kramden fashion: "Wow!" Jackie: "There is nothing like a good cup of coffee after a hard day's work. This coffee is mountain grown you know." It must have been Folgers Coffee. Jackie: "Little still. Way up on the mountains." Jackie praises the Miami Beach audience. Jackie: "The people who write our scripts. Marvin Stone." Yeah, he made a blooper. Jackie: "Marvin Marx, Walter Stone and Rod Parker. Lyn Dudley and Jerry Bressler write the music lyrics." He mentions that people thought he was nuts when he hired a Swedish woman to make the coffee backstage. Jackie introduces Jesse White (the person who played Mr. Cosgrove). He introduces George Petrie (the guy who played the waiter and incidentally Jackie pronounces his last name as Pet-ree. I thought it was pronounced as Peet-ree.) Jackie introduces Peter Palmer (the guy who played "Dynamite"). Jackie of course introduces the regular cast. Art steals the last few minutes of the curatin call by running onto the stage, shaking Gleason's hand, and running to the opposite side of the stage. Everybody in the audience was laughing and the camera zoomed out so much during his introduction that we finally got to see what the edge of the stage looked like back then. Jackie says goodnight.
Episode #179
TV: Hour-long musical.
DVD: Attached to "The Main Event" & "Two Faces of Ralph Kramden"
Color Honeymooners Title: "To Whomever It May Concern."
Lost Episode Title: "Letter To The Boss."
These episode beings with an "overhead" shot of Ralph's bus pulling into the bus terminal. Laughter is heard (maybe on of the June Taylor Dancers did something funny. I can't tell if they did or not because I have the edited version of this episode.) After that, Ralph greets Ed in the lobby of the bus terminal. Ralph says that there ought to be a law that forbids women to ride the bus. Ralph: "They ought to ride the subway. Where the driver is in a booth and they can't bother him." Ralph says that a woman is going to report her. Ralph picked her up at Cline's on 14th street. She comes on the bus and has nothing smaller than a twenty dollar bill. Ralph didn't do it because the bus company says that he doesn't have to change anything over $5 and the union says that he doesn't have to change anything over $1. Ha! She was steamed at Ralph because he broke her lamp. Ralph: "I told her to get off the bus. She wouldn't move." Ed: "Was that after you broke her lamp?" Ralph: "No, that was after I broke her umbrella." Ralph would have called a cop but while he was arguing with her, he ran into the back of a police car. A guy named Fred comes by and says to Ralph that he got a call from the main office. Mr. Marshall says that Ralph should turn in his uniform Monday morning. Ralph isn't driving a bus anymore. Fred doesn't have any more details and leaves. Ralph is worried that he lost his job because that woman filled a complaint against him, so he tries to call him. Ralph is unsuccessful in trying to get him. Ralph complains about all the inconveniences he had to put up with as a driver like drunks trying to get on the bus without paying, old women yelling at him etc. Ed: "Don't worry Ralph you will get another job." Ralph: "Sure, I will but not a good one like this one." Ha! Ed tries to cheer Ralph up, but only makes Ralph feel worse. Ralph wonders what he will do after this job because he doesn't have a decent education. He was a school drop out. Ed: "I was working in the sewer all these years because I was a drop in." Ralph & Ed sing a very important song called: "Stay In School." That song should be sung to everyone who thinks of dropping out.
Alice is home and Trixie stops by to borrow some onions. Alice is making new curtains for the bedroom window. Alice is using an old sports shirt of Ralph's to make the curtain. Ha! Trixie wishes that she would do something with Ed's old shirts. She washes, scrubs, boils and then burns them. Trixie leaves. Ralph comes home with Ed and after telling Ed that right now he doesn't want to have Alice know that he lost his job, Ralph tells Alice just that. Ralph: "As of Monday, I am no longer driving a bus for the Madison Avenue Bus Company." I guess that the name of the bus company changed. Ralph says that the reason that he was fired was because some woman made a complaint about him. Ralph says that he was fired at a very significant time after 17 years. Ralph: "They had plenty of reasons to fire me, but Mr. Marshall waited until the last minute Just until I was about to get my pension. I had 13 years to go." Their pension is gone as well as their plans for the future. Their dreams about retiring to Miami Beach with them getting $135 a month is gone. Ed: "It is cruel. Cruel. Cruel. Cruel." Alice says that they will have to live of whatever money they have. Ralph: "Swell. That will take care for tonight, but what about tomorrow?" Ha! Ralph has to pay the gas, electric, insurance as well as payments on the ice box. Ralph wonders what he will tell the landlord about the rent. Alice suggests telling the landlord to wait a few days. Ralph: "I told him that when I was working." Ed suggests that Ralph do what Ed and his fellow workers do to their boss in the sewer which is drown him. Ha! Ralph hits on the idea that he will write a nasty letter to Mr. J.J. Marshall. Alice objects but her opinion falls on deaf ears. Ralph tells Alice to write what Ralph says but Alice says no and goes upstairs. Ralph then gets Norton to write what Ralph says. Ed warms up, so Ralph yells at him to stop. Ralph doesn't want his boss to think that this is some crank letter and wrote this letter with consideration. Here is the letter that Ralph wanted to write to him:
"Dear Mr. Marshall:
You dirty bum! After giving you the best years of my life, you fired me. You are a miserable worm. You ought to turn in your membership card to the human race. After what you did to me, I can truthfully say that you are the world's meanest man. You dirty bum!"
Respectfully yours,
Etc. Etc. Etc.
P.S.: In the future, I may need a reference. So you may hear from me again.
MPI Video, in regards to the lost episode version called "Letter To The Boss", says that the letter used in that version is a classic Kramden letter. The old Honeymooners.net, in regards to the lost episode version, says that the line of: "You dirty bum!" is delivered with such conviction that it looks like Ralph invented the insult for the occasion. This should to be shown to every getting a job-related class under the heading: "What NOT to write to your boss after you get fired." Ralph says that the address of the bus company is River Street, New York City. I guess that were are supposed to believe that the bus company changed it's name and moved back to River Street since in the lost episode version, the company was located at 255 River Street and then in the Classic 39, it moved somewhere else. Either that, or Ralph now works at a different bus company. Ed goes out to mail the letter and leaves. Alice comes back down and suggests that he get a manager at a restaurant called The 5 and 10. Ralph says no because he doesn't want her to work no matter what. A bus driver named Scottie (played by George Petrie) comes by and says that Ralph hasn't been fired, but promoted. Scottie leaves. Ralph leaves to go get Ed before he mails the letter and tells Alice to make sure that she can get that job at the 5 and 10.
Outside, before Ralph can get Norton to not mail that letter, Ed just put letter in the mail box. Ralph: "I wasn't fired. I was promoted." Ed: "Congratulations Ralph." Ralph: "What are you congratulating me for?" Ralph tries to get Ed to put his arm into the mailbox. Ed says no because it's a federal offense and he can go to jail for 20 years Ralph: "That is a chance that we will have to take." Wow! What a friend. Ed: "I can't stand the thought of being cooped up in a dark place with no running water. Ralph tries to get the letter out, but Ed says that someone is coming. Ed was just practicing to say that, so Ralph gets angry with him. Ralph tries to put his arm in again. He puts his arm down further, but it gets stuck…just in time for a policeman to come. Ralph tries to act like nothing is happening. Ed: "I am not with that young man by the mailbox. Isn't that right Ralph?" The cop leaves. Ed tries to free Ralph. Ed: "The mailbox is easier to move than you are even though the mailbox is bolted to the ground." Ed goes into the ice cream shop to get some butter to lubricate his arm to get it out. He leaves. A kid (probably the same one that appeared in "Confusion, Italian Style") comes by and asks Ralph if he can mail his letter for him. This is one of those rare Honeymooners episodes that Jackie allowed a kid to star in. Ralph is acting mean in front of the kid by saying that he won't mail the kid's letter. All this time, Jackie moved his arm out of the mailbox a little bit to reveal the fact that it wasn't really stuck. The kid kicks Ralph's leg and a thump sound is heard. Ralph screams in pain. He then agrees to mail the kid's letter. The kid leaves. Ed comes back with the butter. Ralph tries to lubricate his arm. Ed tries to pull on Ralph's other arm. Ed accidentally rips Ralph's sleeve off. That plan didn't work. So Ed tries to make the mailbox vibrate in hopes that it will free Ralph since he thinks it will loosen metal things from bolts. He gets the Bus Stop sign and hits the mailbox with it. Not only does the mailbox "vibrate", but so does Ralph. That works Ralph is upset but he realizes that he is now free. The mailman comes by to collect the mail so Ralph tries to get his mailed letter from the mailman. The mailman says that he can't. Ralph explains to him what he did. The mailman relents and gives him the letter. Ed wrote down SWAK on the back of it. Ralph: "You wrote Sealed with a Kiss?" Ed: "No. Sewer Workers Are Kings." Ralph & Ed are happy that they got the letter back so they sing. "Never Put Anything In Writing." After this, the kid comes out and asks Ralph if he mailed his letter. He forgot to and accidentally gives his hateful-letter and then the kid puts it in the mailbox. He realizes this when he takes "his" letter out of his pocket and reads: Santa Claus. North Pole?" (This episode was shown right before Christmas in '67.)
The next day, Ralph tries to get the letter before his boss reads it, even going as far as messing up the mail that his secretary put on Mr. Marshall's desk. He fails. The secretary congratulates Ralph on his promotion and she tells him that he is replacing Mr. Sullivan who got fired for calling Mr. Marshall an old fuddy-duddy. She leaves. The boss (who gets an ovation) comes in and he reads Ralph's letter. He doesn't mind the insults because he always gets them but becomes mad when the author didn't sign his name. He thinks the letter is from Mr. Sullivan. I guess Mr. Sullivan lives in the same apartment building as Ralph.
In the next scene, you can tell that the first few minutes were edited because the girls are already in mid-conversation. Ralph Kramden comes home with Chinese food. Ralph: "We are going to celebrate." The audience laughs probably because they know the ending of this episode. Ralph explains to the girls that due to Ed's stupidity in writing "Etc. Etc. Etc." at the end of his letter, Ralph still has his promotion. They all sing: "There Is No One Lucky As I. Ed comes down to explain the fact that he went down and said Ralph didn't mean all of those insults that he wrote in the letter. He felt he had to do it out of niceness. Everyone is upset.
During the curtain call, Jackie says that the coffee he is drinking is mountain grown. It must be Folgers. He praises the Miami Beach audience and introduces the cast. We never found out who really played Mr. Marshall (at least I didn't.)