Frank Gannucci
08-01-2008, 09:18 AM
(both versions taped from CBS):
Episode #177
TV: Hour (edited).
DVD: Attached to "Nephew of The Bride" & "Two For The Money."
Color version: "Out of Sight, Out of Mind":
Lost version: "A Little Man Who Wasn't There"
MPI Video says that the lost episode version of this episode goes down as one of the funniest Honeymooners episodes ever made. I
disagree with that because although this episode is funny, it isn't one that will make you laugh until your eyes water (because of laughter.)
I have the CBS version of this episode that I think was recorded in the late '60s. The reason? One of the sponsors is Marlboro (the other one is Bulova.) This version of this episode I don't think was reran in the 70s in this form because by that time, the cigarette ad ban went into effect. I remember watching the last episode of Monday Night Football on ABC in 2005 and when they showed the bginning of the first episode shown on ABC in 1970, the commentator made reference to the cigarette sponsor and said that this episode (meaning the MNF episode obviously) was shown just a short time before the ban was made. If you get this episode on MPI, unlike the other episodes, you will get the sponsor plugs.
The June Taylor Dancers come out. They put their clothes out to dry and wash and sing “Weekly Wash.” They dance too. After that, they leave. The Nortons come up to hang up their clothes on the clothesline. Ed is afriad that he has to hang up clothes with his wife because he thinks that his friends will think he is henpecked. Ed asked his wife to hang up Ed's unmentionables (his pajamas I think.) His pajamas are loud. Trixie leaves. Ed puts on a pair of funnylooking glasses to disguise himself and it works because when Ralph comes up, he can't recognize him. Ed says that it's him and explains why is wearing the mask. Ralph comes home all steamed up. Some passengers on Ralph's bus who have been offended by him have complained to the bus company, so Ralph's boss orders him to see the company psychiatrist. Ralph thinks that the boss thinks he's crazy. Ralph: "My boss is the one that's crazy. I'm just as sane as he is." Ralph is worried that if the psychiatrist sends in a bad report, Ralph will lose his job. Ed says that there is nothing to worry about. Ed decides to give Ralph a knee test (i.e. leting one person hitting your knee to see if it will go up.) Ed hits Ralph in the knee with a small hammer but his knee didn't go up. Both Ed and Ralph says that it should and that Ed should hit it harder. He is going to do it again by counting so Ralph says to do it unexpectedly. Ed sings: "The foot bone is connected to the ankle bone..." Ed starts to dance as Ralph starts to dance too and he snaps his fingers. Eventually, Ralph has had enough and yells at Ed. Ed (sings): "And the shoe bone is connected to the knee." Ralph groans in pain and walks around in pain. Ed: "Your knee didn't go up. Do you want me to hit the other knee?" Ralph says no. Ralph says that he is nervous. Ed: "Today, you think you are nervous. Tomorrow, you will think that you are Napoloean." Ed hangs up more clothes. Alice comes up to hang clothes and greets Ralph and Ed. Ed asks Alice to hnag up his laundry. Ed leaves. Ralph tries tp explain to Alice his situation. Ralph: "Alice, my leg won't go up. I hit it with a hammer, but it won't go up." Alice (with a look that looks like she is trying her best not to laugh): "You keep talking like that, and they will come with a net and take you away." Ralph explains what happend to him today and that Alice says that Ralph isn't crazy just because he is going to see a psychiatrist. The reason could be that the boss thinks that Ralph may be stressed out about a problem and he doesn't know what it is Ralph calms down. Ralph says that he feels better. Ralph & Alice sing: "It's The Little Things That Make You What You Are." After that, they go downstairs.
Ralph takes Norton with him to the psychiatrist's office. Ed is wearing a very loud jacket. Ed says Ralph not to worry about being put in a straightjacket because there isn't one big enough. Ralph says he brought Ed won because he doesn't want to be alone with that psyciatrist. Ed says that Ralph is a big bundle of nerves. Ralph disagrees. Ed puts him to the test by saying: "The ceiling is falling down." Ralph is so scared. When he realizes that Ed was joking, he asks Ed to put 'em up. Ed hops on the desk. When the psyciatrist comes, he sees Ed on the desk and thinks that it's Mr. Kramden. Ralph says that that's his friend Ed Norton and he's Ralph. Ed: "See doc? Nothing wrong with me." The doctor sits down and Ralph says that he's no crackpot. Doctor: "We call them patients, not crackpots." The intercom rings. Doctor (into intercom): "Don't bother me Ms. Wilson. I'm in here with a patient." Ralph is now more worried. The doctor says he's going to give Mr. Kramden a word association test. Ralph: "Aren't you going to give me the knee test? I've been practicing all night with a hammer." Yeah, the doctor isn't going to think he's crazy at all. He gives him the word association test. Doctor: "Man." Ralph: "Woman." Doctor: "House." Ralph: "Furniture." Doctor: "Dog." Ralph: "Cat." Doctor: "Bus." Ralph: "Those dirty rotten passengers." The doctor is puzzled. Ralph: "That wasn't the first thing that popped into my head. My first thought was: 'Gee, I would love to drive my bus.'" The doctor says Ralph did fine on the test. The doctor brings out the coordination test for Ralph. He has to put shapes into their appropriate holes on a board. Ed: "Can three people play?" Ralph tries to force one object into a hole, so the doctor says that isn't needed. Ed: "A five-year-old can do this." Ralph: "Don't worry. I'll do it." Ed also says: "You can't put a sqaure block into a round hole?" Ralph: "No? Then how did you get your head in your hat?" Ralph is getting frustrated with the game and when Ed leaves the room (after saying that Ralph is a sick boy), Ralph is able to concentrate. Ralph says that he has known Ed for a long time. The doctor says that Ed is his problem and that if he hung around him any loner, he would get a nervous breakdown. Ralph sings a ver emotional song called: "How Do You Say Goodbye To A Buddy?" Ralph leaves the place (without telling Ed what the doctor told him.)
At home, Ralph is thinking about how he should get rid of Ed. Writing a letter is his only good option. Ralph (writing letter): "Dear Norton: Friend, chum, life-long buddy. Don't ever come near me again." Ralph changes what he wrote and says in his letter that he would have to put an end to it (their friendship that is). When Ralph is in the other room, Ed comes in with a friend to pick him up to go bowling. Ed sees the letter and thinks that Ralph will commit suicide. He decides to stick to Ralph like glue, to prevent him from killing himself. The friend (Cassidy) leaves, saying that he can't bowl at a time like this, so he will go to a movie. Ralph tries building a model airplane together Ralph tries to get him mad so their friendship would be dissolved but to no avail. So when Ed annoys Ralph more (by eating celery loudly), Ralph kicks him out. Ed leaves. Ralph is even more upset. A knock on the door is heard and Ed comes in with those funny-looking glasses he ahd on in the first scene. Ed: "Pardon me stranger. I am running for Congress..." Ralph (yells): "WILL YOU GET OUT OF HERE!"
At a poolhall, the next day, Ralph is talking to a friend named Joe and explains that even though he wanted to break up his friendship with Ed. Ralph: "Nobody told me to do this, like a psychiatrist or anything. But even since I have broken up my friendship with him, I haven't been seeing him but I have been seeing him. I know it isn't him because he is at work." Ralp doesn't even know if he IS SEEING him. The friend explains something similar that happened to a friend of his named Shorty and his dog when the dog got sick. He kept on seeing the dog, even though he was at home, so the friend ended up being put away. Ralph tries to play pool and when he sees Ed in the telephone booth, he is convinced (or so he thinks) that he is crazy. Ralph leaves. Ed sings: “Ralph, You Are outA Fortunate Man” in which another story about how Ed & Ralph met is told. According to the song, Ed met Raleph when Ralph fell down the stairs in their apartment building.
Ralph comes home and says to Alice that he isn't nervous, jumpy and upset anymore. He is completly nuts. He explains the whole situatuion of him seeing Ed but he knows that he is at work. Alice is convinced that Ralph needs medicine to calm him down and when Ed comes in, Ralph thinks it is her. Ed leaves. Alice comes in and Ralph said that she looked like Norton. Ralph takes some nerve tonic and drinks it from the bottle. Alice tells Ralph to get ahold of himself. The doctor is coming and Alice wants Ralph to tell him the whole situation. Ralph doesn't want to. Ralph: "They will put me in the funny farm and throw the key away." The doctor comes in and gets told of the whole situation, so he thinks that Ralph is crazy. Ed comes in. Alice: "You are fine Ralph. You are perfect. I want you to turn around and greet Ed." Ralph sees Ed and says that Alice and the doctor are against Ralph. He also says that he doesn't see Norton. The doctor says that Ed is there. Ralph: "Sure he is. Julius Cesear is over there and Cleopatra is taking a bath in the sink." Ed: "Va-va-voom Ralph! Where?" Ralph finally realizes that Ed is there. Ed says to Ralph not to take a long walk again. Ed explains that he has stuck to Ralph like glue because he didn't want to commit suicude like he said in the letter. Ralph explains that the letter was to tell him not to see him (Ralph) again because the doctor said that was made him (Ralph) crazy. After hearing this, the doctor says that Ralph and Ed need to remain friends so that Ralph can keep an eye on Ed at all times. The doctor leaves and Alice lies down. Ralph & Ed sing "Take A Look At Mr. Lucky."
At teh curtain call, Jackie says: "How Sweet It Is" and praises the Miami Beach audience. Jackie introduces the cast (including Johnny Morgan who played many character roles, Joey Faye and Howard St. John) and says goodnight to everybody.
Episode #178
TV: Hour-long musical (edited.)
DVD: Attached to "The Main Event" & "To Whomever It May Concern."
Color Episode Title: "Two Faces of Ralph Kramden."
Lost Episode Title: "Stand-In For Murder."
Out of all the Color Honeymooners episodes, this one is probably the most important one even though there are a lot of differences between this episode and the lost episode version (especially the ending.) When the lost episode version of this aired, only the studio audience saw the ending of this episode. As Leonard Stern recalls, the show had not ended by nine o 'clock and without explanation CBS just cut away from the sketch before it finished. "There was so much laughter we ran out of time before the solution,'' he says. ''The television audience was left up in the air. Each of the major dailies, certainly the tabloids, did stories on it, speculating how it would end. It made page two, page one, in each of the New York newspapers. The following week Gleason, who never did superb monologues, tried to explain this convoluted story on the air so the audience would have satisfaction. In so doing, he took up so much time that they ran over again." Oh my! Can you imagine what would happen if NBC did that same thing with a new episode of SNL? Imagine the backlash. By the way, when I went to the Museum of TV and Radio in 1998, I saw the Honeymooners Reunion special in which Audrey talked about this whole scenario but after they showed Ralph saying: "So that's why she called me Harry." A knock on the door is heard. Ralph answers it and the announcer says (with the Jackie Gleason Production logo on the screen): "This has been a Jackie Gleason Production." By the way, if you get the lost episode on DVD and VHS, you will not get the ending that was not shown to the TV audience. Bummer! Another thing, many people think one of the reasons for that in addition to being CBS' fault, it was the blooper in which Art Carney couldn't escape out of the apartment thus delaying the ending by a few seconds. Somehow, I doubt hat it was completely the fault of Art not being able to open the door. Yet another thing, when this episode was redone again as a lost episode, they managed to get it done on time but this episode was not the one chosen for syndication as well as VHS release (in the 80s) & DVD release (n the early 2000s.)
Another episode that I know was taped from CBS in ’71 or in the 60s. I can tell because I did a tape trade with Videowhack in early 2007 before this episode was released.
Finally,the episode. In the beginning, one of the Gleason girls says that Barbara Nickels, Robert Strauss and Bruce Gordon will star in this episode. This episode opens up with a shot of the inside of the Kitty Kat Klub. We finally get to see what the inside of that place looks like, I guess. The girls sing and dance to: "Daddy Buy Me Some More." As they finish, one of the girls (who is really ugly) asks a man when they are going to South America like Sam promised. The man says that Sam can't take them anywhere as long as Bugsy Malone and his gang are out to get him. Woman: "I said to Sam: `Make Love. Not War.'" She goes up to the hideout. Ralph Kramden enters and asks if he can use the phone since his bus broke down. He says sure. He looks at him and sees something strange. Another man enters and the audience applauds (he probably is Robert Strauss).They both see that he looks a lot like Sam. They bring out Sam. (Sam is played by Jackie Gleason in a dual role.) Sam sees Ralph in the "phone booth." Sam: "He's me. A little fatter of course." Sam thinks up a plan. They will get Ralph to dress up like him. Bugsy's boys will kill him and then they will be off to South America. Sam identifies the smaller man as Harry (the person who came in and when he did, the audience applauded him.) Sam says to Harry that he will have to know what he does and that he likes the way he treats people and their personality. Sam: "Tell him that you might have an opening in your organization. Of course, don't tell him the name of the organization. Make it legit, like the insurance business. If he wants the job, report back to me and I will tell you what to do." Sam goes to get Kitty (the ugly woman) and will see them at the hideout. Harry leaves. Bugsy's boys as well as Bugsy (I guess he was played by Bruce Gordon.) He asks for big Sam. The man, frightened, says he doesn't know. Bugsy: "If I see his face, I will kill him." Bugsy and his boys leave. Ralph thanks the guy for letting him use his phone. Noise is heard and the man thinks that Ralph may have been killed. Ralph comes back inside and asks if he can use his phone again because two of his tires blew out.
At the Kramden apartment, Alice is busy doing knitting something. Ed comes down. Alice asks if Trixie has blue thread upstairs. Ed checks the different color patches on his shirt to make sure. (The patches were covered by his vest. His shirt is otherwise white.) Alice goes upstairs. Ed then drinks some milk from the milk bottle and then puts water in the milk to make it seem like milk hasn't been consumed by a thief. He did the same thing in "A Little Man Who Wasn't There." Ralph comes home. He asks what Ed has been doing. Ed responds by saying he didn't do anything, so Ralph says that he has been stealing milk again. As Ralph is getting bread for a sandwich, he asks Ed for a sandwich. Ed: "Thank you. It won't spoil my supper because I already ate." Ralph says that after he got back on his route, one person offered him the job. Ed starts to make himself a big sandwich. Ralph (yells): "WAIT A MINUTE!" Ed: "I skipped my dessert." The man offered him a job of being an insurance executive of an insurance company. Ed talks about a similar situation that happened to him about someone offering him a better job than the one he had. That is how he got his job in the sewer. Ha! Harry comes by. Ralph: "The first time I saw you, I knew that you were honest and sincere." Gee, how gullible is Ralph? Harry says that Ralph has been hired already and Ralph believes it. Gee, how gullible is Ralph? Harry explains the duties and offers him $600 a week and already offers him the week salary in advance. Ralph says that he will have to kill himself in order to do a good job. Harry says: "On this job, you won't have to kill yourself. Everything is taken care off for you. You are now the boss of the Eastern district of our insurance company." Harry says that the president will tell Ralph the insurance business in a short time. Harry then says that tomorrow morning; his new limo will take him to his new Park Avenue apartment. Alice can't stay with Ralph for the first days because the president will be in town and having Alice around will make the situation worse. He says that Alice will move in about a month. Harry introduces Ralph & Ed the secret knock. Harry: "There is another insurance company bothering us." Ed asks Ralph for a job. Ralph: "What qualifications do you have for selling?" Ed: "I never drove a bus." Ralph asks Ed to stop by tomorrow. Ralph doesn't know the name of the insurance company. They sing: "Open Up And Opportunity Knocks." As Ralph & Ed look like they are knocking on something, a knocking noise is heard.
At the hideout, Sam identifies one of is henchmen that was earlier threatened by Bugsy as Bruno. He gives Kitty some money to get some new clothes when they go to South America. Kitty isn't in on the plan to knock off a guy that looks like Sam. Sam goes into the bedroom. Bruno comes in and tells Sam to stay in the bedroom. He lets Ralph in. Ralph: "This apartment looks better than mine when it was brand new." Bruno lets Ralph see the bedroom. Ralph: "Since we are going to be living here, I may need to get my wife some new clothes." Bruno: "Don't worry about it. All she will need is a black dress." The phone rings as Bruno directs Ralph to his room. Bruno answers the phone and tells Harry (who is on the other line) that he can get things rolling. Sam comes out. Ed knocks on the door and Bruno lets him in. Ed talks to the boss thinking that it is Ralph. He even takes the bosses hat and "improves" it. That's funny. Ed goes into the kitchen. Ralph leaves just as Harry comes in. Harry says to Bugsy that he is on their side and will help them kill Sam. They are going to put Ralph in the apartment as bait and when he opens up the blinds, that will be the signal for the Bugsy's mob to shoot and kill. Harry says that they will call Kramden and tell him to open the blinds and look at his new convertible. Ralph comes out with his new clothes on. The two henchmen leave. Incidentally, the henchmen didn't think that Ralph not only looks like his boss but SOUNDS like him too. Ed emerges from the kitchen. Ralph asks him when he got here. Ed says that he was just talking to him. Ralph: "I guess I didn't hear you." The phone rings and its Nick. He says that they just got Ralph a new car. Ralph goes to the window to open the blinds but changes his mind when Ed says that they can view it outside. They leave and slam the door which causes the blinds to open and the mob from across the street (which incidentally is the Hackett mob) starts shooting. I don't know how they did that without using real bullets. After the shooting ends, Ralph comes back to get his hat. Amazingly, Ralph & Ed supposedly didn't hear the shooting.
I should mention that since the copy of this episode was recorded in the late 60s or early 70s, the person who recorded it also recorded the middle commercial break bumper when one of the Gleason Girls says: "Stay tuned for more of the Jackie Gleason Show." He also recorded the end commercial bumper in which the same girl says: "Welcome back to the Jackie Gleason Show." These bumpers are not shown on AmericanLife TV.
At the restaurant room of Bugsy's hideout, Bugsy rips his henchmen for not killing Sam. Bugsy: "With the way he's built, I don't know how you could have missed him." He tells his men to leave. Bugsy leaves the room along with the bartender when he sees Ralph & Ed. Ralph & Ed arrive at Bugsy's so he can "sell him insurance." A bug is buzzing and Ed is trying to swat it. The bug's buzzing is so loud that you can tell it's not a real bug that is buzzing. The bartender comes back in. Ed finally gets the bug with his hand that startles the bartender to get Bugsy. (He was afraid that Ralph and/or Ed was going to kill him if he didn't give them Bugsy and didn't know Ed was swatting a bug.) When Bugsy walks in, he is ready for a showdown with his archenemy looking for a showdown but Ralph is clueless. They sit down. Ed: "Later on, he (Ralph) might let me take a shot at you." Bugsy's gang is shown to Ralph and Bugsy calls him his boys. Ralph: "Lovely family." Bugsy: "They were going to see you today." alph: "Sorry, I missed you." Bugsy: "They won't miss you tonight." Bugsy says that they will take care of Ralph. He asks them to stand up. Ralph reaches into his jacket and everyone thinks he is getting his gun. Ralph: "All I wanted was to give you a cigar." Bugsy and his gang stand up and show their guns. Bugsy: "Get moving. We are all going in my limo and we will all take you for a little ride." They leave.
They arrive at the hideout. Ralph & Ed are still being held at gunpoint. Ralph says that he is not Sam and he is now an insurance executive. Ed does his best James Cagney impression. That doesn't work. Ralph: "If I was Sam, I wouldn't have a nut like that working for me. I showed you my driver's license." Bugsy: "That could be a phony." Bugsy still isn't 100% convinced that he is Bugsy. Bugsy: "I promised my mom, I wouldn't kill an innocent man." Ralph: "You are a fine man." A knock on the door is heard. They leave to go to the bedroom just as Bugsy says that if Ralph spills the beans, Ed and Ralph will get shot as well as the person who knocked at the door. Ralph gets the door and it's Alice. Alice says that the place is a mess. He asks her to get out. Alice isn't happy that Ralph is kicking her out. Ralph shows her the door. Ralph: "I have a business appointment." Kitty is at the door and thinking that Ralph is Sam, she hugs and kisses him. Alice (imitating Kitty): "So that is your business appointment." Ralph doesn't know Kitty and tries to tell her that. Kitty doesn't believe him. Ralph calls Kitty a nut, so Kitty hits him. A bang is heard when she hit him. Kitty leaves. Alice is upset because she thought that Ralph was cheating on her. She also continues to imitate Kitty's voice. Ralph tries to say the truth. Alice doesn't believe him and says she won't leave. Bugsy and his boys get Alice and put her and Ralph in the bedroom so they can tie them up. This is almost like the scene in "Trapped", only Ralph asked Ed to get out and Ralph wasn't going to get tied in that episode. Bruno and Harry come in and go in the opposite room. Bugsy goes to get more rope. Sam then Gives Bruno and Harry instructions. Barry and Bruno leave. Sam goes into the same room that Harry and Bruno were in moments ago. The phone rings. Bugsy and Sam go to get it. They finally see the fact that they are in the same apartment. The cops come in with Kitty. Kitty thinks Sam double-crossed her. She must have tipped off the cops that he was there. Kitty: "No one two-times me." Sam: "You are a fruitcake." Sam gets caught and leaves with some cops. The rest of the cops rescue the Kramdens and Ed and get Bugsy and his gang. The cop says that he will stop by here later on, so Ed gives him the secret knock. Cop (to Ralph): "You look like someone I saw: Jackie Gleason." Alice somehow, finally got told the truth that Ralph wasn't two-timing her. The Kramdens and Ed don't know what was this all about. Ralph says that from now on, he will stay in his own backyard. They all sing: "I'm Keeping Close To You." Just like in the song "Open Up And Opportunity Knocks" as the people who are singing the song look like they are knocking on something, a knocking noise is heard. Also, during the song, Ralph says that he will never trust a stranger again. Sure.
During the curtain call, Jackie says: "How Sweet It Is". He praises the Miami Beach audience and introduces Shelia and Art. He then says goodnight. He doesn't introduce the supporting cast nor does he explain the significance of this episode.
Credit goes to Yahoo! Groups You're A Riot!
Episode #177
TV: Hour (edited).
DVD: Attached to "Nephew of The Bride" & "Two For The Money."
Color version: "Out of Sight, Out of Mind":
Lost version: "A Little Man Who Wasn't There"
MPI Video says that the lost episode version of this episode goes down as one of the funniest Honeymooners episodes ever made. I
disagree with that because although this episode is funny, it isn't one that will make you laugh until your eyes water (because of laughter.)
I have the CBS version of this episode that I think was recorded in the late '60s. The reason? One of the sponsors is Marlboro (the other one is Bulova.) This version of this episode I don't think was reran in the 70s in this form because by that time, the cigarette ad ban went into effect. I remember watching the last episode of Monday Night Football on ABC in 2005 and when they showed the bginning of the first episode shown on ABC in 1970, the commentator made reference to the cigarette sponsor and said that this episode (meaning the MNF episode obviously) was shown just a short time before the ban was made. If you get this episode on MPI, unlike the other episodes, you will get the sponsor plugs.
The June Taylor Dancers come out. They put their clothes out to dry and wash and sing “Weekly Wash.” They dance too. After that, they leave. The Nortons come up to hang up their clothes on the clothesline. Ed is afriad that he has to hang up clothes with his wife because he thinks that his friends will think he is henpecked. Ed asked his wife to hang up Ed's unmentionables (his pajamas I think.) His pajamas are loud. Trixie leaves. Ed puts on a pair of funnylooking glasses to disguise himself and it works because when Ralph comes up, he can't recognize him. Ed says that it's him and explains why is wearing the mask. Ralph comes home all steamed up. Some passengers on Ralph's bus who have been offended by him have complained to the bus company, so Ralph's boss orders him to see the company psychiatrist. Ralph thinks that the boss thinks he's crazy. Ralph: "My boss is the one that's crazy. I'm just as sane as he is." Ralph is worried that if the psychiatrist sends in a bad report, Ralph will lose his job. Ed says that there is nothing to worry about. Ed decides to give Ralph a knee test (i.e. leting one person hitting your knee to see if it will go up.) Ed hits Ralph in the knee with a small hammer but his knee didn't go up. Both Ed and Ralph says that it should and that Ed should hit it harder. He is going to do it again by counting so Ralph says to do it unexpectedly. Ed sings: "The foot bone is connected to the ankle bone..." Ed starts to dance as Ralph starts to dance too and he snaps his fingers. Eventually, Ralph has had enough and yells at Ed. Ed (sings): "And the shoe bone is connected to the knee." Ralph groans in pain and walks around in pain. Ed: "Your knee didn't go up. Do you want me to hit the other knee?" Ralph says no. Ralph says that he is nervous. Ed: "Today, you think you are nervous. Tomorrow, you will think that you are Napoloean." Ed hangs up more clothes. Alice comes up to hang clothes and greets Ralph and Ed. Ed asks Alice to hnag up his laundry. Ed leaves. Ralph tries tp explain to Alice his situation. Ralph: "Alice, my leg won't go up. I hit it with a hammer, but it won't go up." Alice (with a look that looks like she is trying her best not to laugh): "You keep talking like that, and they will come with a net and take you away." Ralph explains what happend to him today and that Alice says that Ralph isn't crazy just because he is going to see a psychiatrist. The reason could be that the boss thinks that Ralph may be stressed out about a problem and he doesn't know what it is Ralph calms down. Ralph says that he feels better. Ralph & Alice sing: "It's The Little Things That Make You What You Are." After that, they go downstairs.
Ralph takes Norton with him to the psychiatrist's office. Ed is wearing a very loud jacket. Ed says Ralph not to worry about being put in a straightjacket because there isn't one big enough. Ralph says he brought Ed won because he doesn't want to be alone with that psyciatrist. Ed says that Ralph is a big bundle of nerves. Ralph disagrees. Ed puts him to the test by saying: "The ceiling is falling down." Ralph is so scared. When he realizes that Ed was joking, he asks Ed to put 'em up. Ed hops on the desk. When the psyciatrist comes, he sees Ed on the desk and thinks that it's Mr. Kramden. Ralph says that that's his friend Ed Norton and he's Ralph. Ed: "See doc? Nothing wrong with me." The doctor sits down and Ralph says that he's no crackpot. Doctor: "We call them patients, not crackpots." The intercom rings. Doctor (into intercom): "Don't bother me Ms. Wilson. I'm in here with a patient." Ralph is now more worried. The doctor says he's going to give Mr. Kramden a word association test. Ralph: "Aren't you going to give me the knee test? I've been practicing all night with a hammer." Yeah, the doctor isn't going to think he's crazy at all. He gives him the word association test. Doctor: "Man." Ralph: "Woman." Doctor: "House." Ralph: "Furniture." Doctor: "Dog." Ralph: "Cat." Doctor: "Bus." Ralph: "Those dirty rotten passengers." The doctor is puzzled. Ralph: "That wasn't the first thing that popped into my head. My first thought was: 'Gee, I would love to drive my bus.'" The doctor says Ralph did fine on the test. The doctor brings out the coordination test for Ralph. He has to put shapes into their appropriate holes on a board. Ed: "Can three people play?" Ralph tries to force one object into a hole, so the doctor says that isn't needed. Ed: "A five-year-old can do this." Ralph: "Don't worry. I'll do it." Ed also says: "You can't put a sqaure block into a round hole?" Ralph: "No? Then how did you get your head in your hat?" Ralph is getting frustrated with the game and when Ed leaves the room (after saying that Ralph is a sick boy), Ralph is able to concentrate. Ralph says that he has known Ed for a long time. The doctor says that Ed is his problem and that if he hung around him any loner, he would get a nervous breakdown. Ralph sings a ver emotional song called: "How Do You Say Goodbye To A Buddy?" Ralph leaves the place (without telling Ed what the doctor told him.)
At home, Ralph is thinking about how he should get rid of Ed. Writing a letter is his only good option. Ralph (writing letter): "Dear Norton: Friend, chum, life-long buddy. Don't ever come near me again." Ralph changes what he wrote and says in his letter that he would have to put an end to it (their friendship that is). When Ralph is in the other room, Ed comes in with a friend to pick him up to go bowling. Ed sees the letter and thinks that Ralph will commit suicide. He decides to stick to Ralph like glue, to prevent him from killing himself. The friend (Cassidy) leaves, saying that he can't bowl at a time like this, so he will go to a movie. Ralph tries building a model airplane together Ralph tries to get him mad so their friendship would be dissolved but to no avail. So when Ed annoys Ralph more (by eating celery loudly), Ralph kicks him out. Ed leaves. Ralph is even more upset. A knock on the door is heard and Ed comes in with those funny-looking glasses he ahd on in the first scene. Ed: "Pardon me stranger. I am running for Congress..." Ralph (yells): "WILL YOU GET OUT OF HERE!"
At a poolhall, the next day, Ralph is talking to a friend named Joe and explains that even though he wanted to break up his friendship with Ed. Ralph: "Nobody told me to do this, like a psychiatrist or anything. But even since I have broken up my friendship with him, I haven't been seeing him but I have been seeing him. I know it isn't him because he is at work." Ralp doesn't even know if he IS SEEING him. The friend explains something similar that happened to a friend of his named Shorty and his dog when the dog got sick. He kept on seeing the dog, even though he was at home, so the friend ended up being put away. Ralph tries to play pool and when he sees Ed in the telephone booth, he is convinced (or so he thinks) that he is crazy. Ralph leaves. Ed sings: “Ralph, You Are outA Fortunate Man” in which another story about how Ed & Ralph met is told. According to the song, Ed met Raleph when Ralph fell down the stairs in their apartment building.
Ralph comes home and says to Alice that he isn't nervous, jumpy and upset anymore. He is completly nuts. He explains the whole situatuion of him seeing Ed but he knows that he is at work. Alice is convinced that Ralph needs medicine to calm him down and when Ed comes in, Ralph thinks it is her. Ed leaves. Alice comes in and Ralph said that she looked like Norton. Ralph takes some nerve tonic and drinks it from the bottle. Alice tells Ralph to get ahold of himself. The doctor is coming and Alice wants Ralph to tell him the whole situation. Ralph doesn't want to. Ralph: "They will put me in the funny farm and throw the key away." The doctor comes in and gets told of the whole situation, so he thinks that Ralph is crazy. Ed comes in. Alice: "You are fine Ralph. You are perfect. I want you to turn around and greet Ed." Ralph sees Ed and says that Alice and the doctor are against Ralph. He also says that he doesn't see Norton. The doctor says that Ed is there. Ralph: "Sure he is. Julius Cesear is over there and Cleopatra is taking a bath in the sink." Ed: "Va-va-voom Ralph! Where?" Ralph finally realizes that Ed is there. Ed says to Ralph not to take a long walk again. Ed explains that he has stuck to Ralph like glue because he didn't want to commit suicude like he said in the letter. Ralph explains that the letter was to tell him not to see him (Ralph) again because the doctor said that was made him (Ralph) crazy. After hearing this, the doctor says that Ralph and Ed need to remain friends so that Ralph can keep an eye on Ed at all times. The doctor leaves and Alice lies down. Ralph & Ed sing "Take A Look At Mr. Lucky."
At teh curtain call, Jackie says: "How Sweet It Is" and praises the Miami Beach audience. Jackie introduces the cast (including Johnny Morgan who played many character roles, Joey Faye and Howard St. John) and says goodnight to everybody.
Episode #178
TV: Hour-long musical (edited.)
DVD: Attached to "The Main Event" & "To Whomever It May Concern."
Color Episode Title: "Two Faces of Ralph Kramden."
Lost Episode Title: "Stand-In For Murder."
Out of all the Color Honeymooners episodes, this one is probably the most important one even though there are a lot of differences between this episode and the lost episode version (especially the ending.) When the lost episode version of this aired, only the studio audience saw the ending of this episode. As Leonard Stern recalls, the show had not ended by nine o 'clock and without explanation CBS just cut away from the sketch before it finished. "There was so much laughter we ran out of time before the solution,'' he says. ''The television audience was left up in the air. Each of the major dailies, certainly the tabloids, did stories on it, speculating how it would end. It made page two, page one, in each of the New York newspapers. The following week Gleason, who never did superb monologues, tried to explain this convoluted story on the air so the audience would have satisfaction. In so doing, he took up so much time that they ran over again." Oh my! Can you imagine what would happen if NBC did that same thing with a new episode of SNL? Imagine the backlash. By the way, when I went to the Museum of TV and Radio in 1998, I saw the Honeymooners Reunion special in which Audrey talked about this whole scenario but after they showed Ralph saying: "So that's why she called me Harry." A knock on the door is heard. Ralph answers it and the announcer says (with the Jackie Gleason Production logo on the screen): "This has been a Jackie Gleason Production." By the way, if you get the lost episode on DVD and VHS, you will not get the ending that was not shown to the TV audience. Bummer! Another thing, many people think one of the reasons for that in addition to being CBS' fault, it was the blooper in which Art Carney couldn't escape out of the apartment thus delaying the ending by a few seconds. Somehow, I doubt hat it was completely the fault of Art not being able to open the door. Yet another thing, when this episode was redone again as a lost episode, they managed to get it done on time but this episode was not the one chosen for syndication as well as VHS release (in the 80s) & DVD release (n the early 2000s.)
Another episode that I know was taped from CBS in ’71 or in the 60s. I can tell because I did a tape trade with Videowhack in early 2007 before this episode was released.
Finally,the episode. In the beginning, one of the Gleason girls says that Barbara Nickels, Robert Strauss and Bruce Gordon will star in this episode. This episode opens up with a shot of the inside of the Kitty Kat Klub. We finally get to see what the inside of that place looks like, I guess. The girls sing and dance to: "Daddy Buy Me Some More." As they finish, one of the girls (who is really ugly) asks a man when they are going to South America like Sam promised. The man says that Sam can't take them anywhere as long as Bugsy Malone and his gang are out to get him. Woman: "I said to Sam: `Make Love. Not War.'" She goes up to the hideout. Ralph Kramden enters and asks if he can use the phone since his bus broke down. He says sure. He looks at him and sees something strange. Another man enters and the audience applauds (he probably is Robert Strauss).They both see that he looks a lot like Sam. They bring out Sam. (Sam is played by Jackie Gleason in a dual role.) Sam sees Ralph in the "phone booth." Sam: "He's me. A little fatter of course." Sam thinks up a plan. They will get Ralph to dress up like him. Bugsy's boys will kill him and then they will be off to South America. Sam identifies the smaller man as Harry (the person who came in and when he did, the audience applauded him.) Sam says to Harry that he will have to know what he does and that he likes the way he treats people and their personality. Sam: "Tell him that you might have an opening in your organization. Of course, don't tell him the name of the organization. Make it legit, like the insurance business. If he wants the job, report back to me and I will tell you what to do." Sam goes to get Kitty (the ugly woman) and will see them at the hideout. Harry leaves. Bugsy's boys as well as Bugsy (I guess he was played by Bruce Gordon.) He asks for big Sam. The man, frightened, says he doesn't know. Bugsy: "If I see his face, I will kill him." Bugsy and his boys leave. Ralph thanks the guy for letting him use his phone. Noise is heard and the man thinks that Ralph may have been killed. Ralph comes back inside and asks if he can use his phone again because two of his tires blew out.
At the Kramden apartment, Alice is busy doing knitting something. Ed comes down. Alice asks if Trixie has blue thread upstairs. Ed checks the different color patches on his shirt to make sure. (The patches were covered by his vest. His shirt is otherwise white.) Alice goes upstairs. Ed then drinks some milk from the milk bottle and then puts water in the milk to make it seem like milk hasn't been consumed by a thief. He did the same thing in "A Little Man Who Wasn't There." Ralph comes home. He asks what Ed has been doing. Ed responds by saying he didn't do anything, so Ralph says that he has been stealing milk again. As Ralph is getting bread for a sandwich, he asks Ed for a sandwich. Ed: "Thank you. It won't spoil my supper because I already ate." Ralph says that after he got back on his route, one person offered him the job. Ed starts to make himself a big sandwich. Ralph (yells): "WAIT A MINUTE!" Ed: "I skipped my dessert." The man offered him a job of being an insurance executive of an insurance company. Ed talks about a similar situation that happened to him about someone offering him a better job than the one he had. That is how he got his job in the sewer. Ha! Harry comes by. Ralph: "The first time I saw you, I knew that you were honest and sincere." Gee, how gullible is Ralph? Harry says that Ralph has been hired already and Ralph believes it. Gee, how gullible is Ralph? Harry explains the duties and offers him $600 a week and already offers him the week salary in advance. Ralph says that he will have to kill himself in order to do a good job. Harry says: "On this job, you won't have to kill yourself. Everything is taken care off for you. You are now the boss of the Eastern district of our insurance company." Harry says that the president will tell Ralph the insurance business in a short time. Harry then says that tomorrow morning; his new limo will take him to his new Park Avenue apartment. Alice can't stay with Ralph for the first days because the president will be in town and having Alice around will make the situation worse. He says that Alice will move in about a month. Harry introduces Ralph & Ed the secret knock. Harry: "There is another insurance company bothering us." Ed asks Ralph for a job. Ralph: "What qualifications do you have for selling?" Ed: "I never drove a bus." Ralph asks Ed to stop by tomorrow. Ralph doesn't know the name of the insurance company. They sing: "Open Up And Opportunity Knocks." As Ralph & Ed look like they are knocking on something, a knocking noise is heard.
At the hideout, Sam identifies one of is henchmen that was earlier threatened by Bugsy as Bruno. He gives Kitty some money to get some new clothes when they go to South America. Kitty isn't in on the plan to knock off a guy that looks like Sam. Sam goes into the bedroom. Bruno comes in and tells Sam to stay in the bedroom. He lets Ralph in. Ralph: "This apartment looks better than mine when it was brand new." Bruno lets Ralph see the bedroom. Ralph: "Since we are going to be living here, I may need to get my wife some new clothes." Bruno: "Don't worry about it. All she will need is a black dress." The phone rings as Bruno directs Ralph to his room. Bruno answers the phone and tells Harry (who is on the other line) that he can get things rolling. Sam comes out. Ed knocks on the door and Bruno lets him in. Ed talks to the boss thinking that it is Ralph. He even takes the bosses hat and "improves" it. That's funny. Ed goes into the kitchen. Ralph leaves just as Harry comes in. Harry says to Bugsy that he is on their side and will help them kill Sam. They are going to put Ralph in the apartment as bait and when he opens up the blinds, that will be the signal for the Bugsy's mob to shoot and kill. Harry says that they will call Kramden and tell him to open the blinds and look at his new convertible. Ralph comes out with his new clothes on. The two henchmen leave. Incidentally, the henchmen didn't think that Ralph not only looks like his boss but SOUNDS like him too. Ed emerges from the kitchen. Ralph asks him when he got here. Ed says that he was just talking to him. Ralph: "I guess I didn't hear you." The phone rings and its Nick. He says that they just got Ralph a new car. Ralph goes to the window to open the blinds but changes his mind when Ed says that they can view it outside. They leave and slam the door which causes the blinds to open and the mob from across the street (which incidentally is the Hackett mob) starts shooting. I don't know how they did that without using real bullets. After the shooting ends, Ralph comes back to get his hat. Amazingly, Ralph & Ed supposedly didn't hear the shooting.
I should mention that since the copy of this episode was recorded in the late 60s or early 70s, the person who recorded it also recorded the middle commercial break bumper when one of the Gleason Girls says: "Stay tuned for more of the Jackie Gleason Show." He also recorded the end commercial bumper in which the same girl says: "Welcome back to the Jackie Gleason Show." These bumpers are not shown on AmericanLife TV.
At the restaurant room of Bugsy's hideout, Bugsy rips his henchmen for not killing Sam. Bugsy: "With the way he's built, I don't know how you could have missed him." He tells his men to leave. Bugsy leaves the room along with the bartender when he sees Ralph & Ed. Ralph & Ed arrive at Bugsy's so he can "sell him insurance." A bug is buzzing and Ed is trying to swat it. The bug's buzzing is so loud that you can tell it's not a real bug that is buzzing. The bartender comes back in. Ed finally gets the bug with his hand that startles the bartender to get Bugsy. (He was afraid that Ralph and/or Ed was going to kill him if he didn't give them Bugsy and didn't know Ed was swatting a bug.) When Bugsy walks in, he is ready for a showdown with his archenemy looking for a showdown but Ralph is clueless. They sit down. Ed: "Later on, he (Ralph) might let me take a shot at you." Bugsy's gang is shown to Ralph and Bugsy calls him his boys. Ralph: "Lovely family." Bugsy: "They were going to see you today." alph: "Sorry, I missed you." Bugsy: "They won't miss you tonight." Bugsy says that they will take care of Ralph. He asks them to stand up. Ralph reaches into his jacket and everyone thinks he is getting his gun. Ralph: "All I wanted was to give you a cigar." Bugsy and his gang stand up and show their guns. Bugsy: "Get moving. We are all going in my limo and we will all take you for a little ride." They leave.
They arrive at the hideout. Ralph & Ed are still being held at gunpoint. Ralph says that he is not Sam and he is now an insurance executive. Ed does his best James Cagney impression. That doesn't work. Ralph: "If I was Sam, I wouldn't have a nut like that working for me. I showed you my driver's license." Bugsy: "That could be a phony." Bugsy still isn't 100% convinced that he is Bugsy. Bugsy: "I promised my mom, I wouldn't kill an innocent man." Ralph: "You are a fine man." A knock on the door is heard. They leave to go to the bedroom just as Bugsy says that if Ralph spills the beans, Ed and Ralph will get shot as well as the person who knocked at the door. Ralph gets the door and it's Alice. Alice says that the place is a mess. He asks her to get out. Alice isn't happy that Ralph is kicking her out. Ralph shows her the door. Ralph: "I have a business appointment." Kitty is at the door and thinking that Ralph is Sam, she hugs and kisses him. Alice (imitating Kitty): "So that is your business appointment." Ralph doesn't know Kitty and tries to tell her that. Kitty doesn't believe him. Ralph calls Kitty a nut, so Kitty hits him. A bang is heard when she hit him. Kitty leaves. Alice is upset because she thought that Ralph was cheating on her. She also continues to imitate Kitty's voice. Ralph tries to say the truth. Alice doesn't believe him and says she won't leave. Bugsy and his boys get Alice and put her and Ralph in the bedroom so they can tie them up. This is almost like the scene in "Trapped", only Ralph asked Ed to get out and Ralph wasn't going to get tied in that episode. Bruno and Harry come in and go in the opposite room. Bugsy goes to get more rope. Sam then Gives Bruno and Harry instructions. Barry and Bruno leave. Sam goes into the same room that Harry and Bruno were in moments ago. The phone rings. Bugsy and Sam go to get it. They finally see the fact that they are in the same apartment. The cops come in with Kitty. Kitty thinks Sam double-crossed her. She must have tipped off the cops that he was there. Kitty: "No one two-times me." Sam: "You are a fruitcake." Sam gets caught and leaves with some cops. The rest of the cops rescue the Kramdens and Ed and get Bugsy and his gang. The cop says that he will stop by here later on, so Ed gives him the secret knock. Cop (to Ralph): "You look like someone I saw: Jackie Gleason." Alice somehow, finally got told the truth that Ralph wasn't two-timing her. The Kramdens and Ed don't know what was this all about. Ralph says that from now on, he will stay in his own backyard. They all sing: "I'm Keeping Close To You." Just like in the song "Open Up And Opportunity Knocks" as the people who are singing the song look like they are knocking on something, a knocking noise is heard. Also, during the song, Ralph says that he will never trust a stranger again. Sure.
During the curtain call, Jackie says: "How Sweet It Is". He praises the Miami Beach audience and introduces Shelia and Art. He then says goodnight. He doesn't introduce the supporting cast nor does he explain the significance of this episode.
Credit goes to Yahoo! Groups You're A Riot!