Frank Gannucci
04-12-2008, 08:41 AM
Episode #11
TV: Attached to "Manager of The Baseball Team" (1953 version.)
VCR: Attached to "My Fair Landlord."
DVD: Attached to "Songs & Witty Sayings" & "Norton Moves In."
The episode opens up with Ralph going crazy looking for his Income Tax form. He also said he went over one form several times before finding out that it was an old bowling score. Ha!
He and Alice eventually sit down to try to do the Income Tax form. Ralph reads the instructions. Alice asks Ralph if he knows what to do. Ralph says he doesn't know what the instructions are much like in "The Worry Wart" where Ralph reads the "Penalty For Failure to Report Income" section.
After Ralph reads some of the instructions, Alice says an idiot can figure that out. Ralph: "Don't worry. I'll get it." Basically, Ralph just admitted that he's beyond an idiot. Ha!
Ed Norton comes down. He says he just got Trixie a gift that proves that he still loves her. You know what it is? A new broom. Ha. Ralph tells Ed how much of a hard time he is having by doing his Income Tax form. Ed: "Maybe you'll get pneumonia by March 15th." Yes a folk, during this time, Tax Day was on March 15th. Ralph wonders why. Ed says that is the best time to catch that sickness. After that, Ed leaves.
Ralph and Alice go over the form some more. Ralph reads over all the insurance about injuries and such. Alice says that he hasn't experienced any of them. Ralph: "I guess I am the unluckiest guy in the world." Ralph talks about the how costs are going up. Alice counters by saying that the cost of milk is going down. Ralph: "That's true, but has the cow said that milk is going down? No."
Finally, Ralph has figured that he owes $15 but he is planning on using that $15 to buy a new bowling ball. A priest comes by and asks for some money. Ralph gives him the $15. Ralph then goes on to make a speech saying how great a country America is.
Episode #85
TV: Half-hour.
VCR: Attached to "Lost Baby."
DVD: Attached to "Finders Keepers" & "Kramden Vs. Norton."
This episode's film quality is not exactly 100% perfect. As you watch this episode, you will notice a line appearing on the screen AT ALL TIMES EVEN ON DVD. Anyhow, back to the episode. Ralph is demanding complete silence while he is doing his taxes. So when Trixie comes in and they only make minor noises, Ralph comes out all mad and is saying he needs silence when he is doing his taxes. Alice offers to help. Ralph obliges and as she is doing it, he yells in her ears to throw her off. It doesn't work. She does her end perfectly even with Ralph yelling. That doesn't say much for Ralph, doesn't it? Ed Norton comes down. He is having a tough time doing his taxes too. They compare income and expenses like one of Ralph's ideas which is making Secaucus, New Jersey a honeymooner's paradise, and when Ralph realizes that he and Norton between them are paying $90 a month in rent, he proposes that they pool their money and share an apartment. Ralph says that he knows Ed's faults and if he himself had any, Ed would know it. Gee, Ralph is 100% perfect? Something about that doesn't make sense.
The Kramdens and Nortons take a look at an apartment in 23 Mockingbird Lane in Flushing, Queens, New York. Years later, Mockingbird Lane would be that famous street on The Munsters. Ralph says that the kitchen is in a room all by itself. The benefits of the move are immediately obvious: at Chauncey Street the view from Ralph's window was the back of a Chinese restaurant; from the new apartment he can see the front of a Chinese restaurant. They take the apartment, but they don't know who should get the bigger bedroom. Ralph, of course says that he and Alice will take it. Ed Norton says that we will run this apartment like a democracy. Ralph says that we will but he and Alice will take the big bedroom. Ed: "Fine Ralph, have it your way but remember on this date April 9, 1955 (the day this episode aired on TV by the way), will go down as one of the biggest blows to democracy that has ever happened. It's all as you were then except you are theres." Ed says that when Ralph gets into that bedroom, it will be a small bedroom and not a big one. They announce that they took the apartment. Ralph: "That is it. One big happy family." Ralph and Ed sing which causes someone upstairs to complain. Ed: "It's just like home."
During the next scene, that line that appears on the screen now turns into a bigger white line for a few seconds before shrinking back to its original size. The euphoria of new surroundings wears off quickly though, when Norton spends all morning in the bathtub washing a toy boat while Ralph's waiting to bathe before going to work. When Ralph finally gets into the bathroom he takes a tumble on the soap Norton dropped on the floor and then can't get any hot water. Ralph tries to salvage his morning with a few waffles but Norton gets to them first, causing more friction. Ralph complains that Norton is only caring for himself and that last night there was two meatballs and that Ed grabbed the big one. Ralph: "If I were you, I would have grabbed the little one." Ed: "What are you complaining about? You got the little one." Today is Ed's day off. Ralph yells about the fact that Ed kept him waiting for a bath and he didn't have to go to work so he challenges Ed to a fight which ends when Ralph realizes that Ed has his glasses on and he can't punch him with glasses on.
Things are no better that night; everything Norton does--eating, tapping on the table, cleaning his eyeglasses--drives Ralph crazy. Ralph complains about Ed being selfish. Alice asks Ralph to look at a broken toaster. Ed says that the radio stat conductor is not making proper conduct with the electro curl. Translation: A screw is loose. Ed asks Ralph to put a knife on the loose screw while Ed plugs in the toaster. Alice is actually not smart enough to stop Ed and Ralph. Ralph is getting "electrocuted." Ralph throws Norton out which causes the man upstairs earlier to complain. Ralph (yells to the guy): "SHUT UP BEFORE I REPORT YOU TO THE SUPERINTENDENT!" Man (yells): "I AM THE SUPERINTENDENT." D'oh! Ralph reads the newspaper and listens to the radio. Ed comes back in and turns on the TV to Captain Video and His Video Rangers even though judging by the noise; it looks like a Western show. They complain. Ralph turns up the volume on the radio louder which causes Ed to turn up the volume on the set. They act like babies, each turning up the volume up on each of their respective appliances that they are using. The radio "blows up." Ralph pulls the plug on the TV set. He complains to Trixie. Trixie: "You don't have to take that from him. Put it back in." Ralph and Ed yell at each other. Soon Ralph and Norton, Trixie and Ralph, and Alice and Trixie are squabbling. The superintendent of the building comes down and kicks the blabbermouths from Bensonhurst out of the apartment house. Alice scolds Ralph for ruining the one good idea he ever had. Ralph says that he takes the fault. Ed says that he takes the fault and the episode ends with Ralph and Norton quarreling over who was to blame for the whole mess.
Episode #119
TV: Half-hour.
VCR: Attached to "A Matter of Life & Death."
DVD: Attached to episodes #23 - #30 (or #31) of the classic 39.
Ed comes to visit. He talks to Alice about her going to MSG with him & Trixie to see an antiques show. Ed loves antiques. Alice says that she doesn't have to go to MSG to see antiques; she has them in her house. Alice goes into the bedroom. Ed inspects the ice box and says it looks like early Ma and Pa Kettle. He inspects the ice box while eating some chicken that was in the ice box. Ralph comes home and catches Ed eating their chicken. Ralph doesn't like the fact that Ed raided the ice box. Ed says to Ralph that he just had supper at home Alice comes out and greets Ralph. Alice prepares dinner for Ralph. Ralph says to Ed that it might be uncomfy for him to watch him and Alice eat, so what does Ed do? He asks Alice for some spaghetti. Ralph: "I thought you had supper." Ed: "Dizzy Dean always warms up in the bullpen before pitching." Alice gives Ed some food too. Ralph opens up a letter. It's from the IRS. Ralph has been waiting for this. He thinks that it's his tax refund. He says when he gets the refund; he will spend it on a vacation at Fred's Landing. He tells a story to Ed. Ralph: "You should have seen Alice run away from that snake. I thought I would die laughing." Alice: "How could you see me running? You were way ahead of me." Ralph doesn't get his refund. The letter says: "Dear Mr. Kramden: Come down to the IRS office tomorrow morning." Ralph gets all worried. He thinks that he made an error on his taxes since he thinks that the government is investigating him. Alice says that the IRS will probably take money out of his refund, (which is $42). Ralph counters by saying that he plans on spending the refund in its entirety and worries about his planned trip to Fred's Landing. Alice: "We will have to compromise Ralph. Just ask Fred to get us a cheaper tent with a smaller snake." All this time Ed is asking for some pickilly, then chow chow and then some bread. Ralph gets mad at Ed for doing that and says that the government is investigating him. Alice: "You are not the first person to be investigated by the government." Ed: "Yeah, the jails are full of them." Ed then tells Ralph to calm down, which he does. Ed wonders where the bread that he asked Ralph for is. That gets Ralph steamed and threatens to kill Ed. He says that if Ed hasn't left here by the time he has counted to ten, there will be some serious consequences. Ed: "I'm not scared of you. If you could count, you wouldn't have messed up doing your taxes." Ralph (yells): "GET OUT!"
It's now 2am and Ralph is still worried. He is going over his taxes and when Alice comes out, she begs him to go to bed and get a good night's sleep. Ralph says that a good night's sleep won't help him tomorrow. Alice asks Ralph to forget about it by reading the paper. That works for a few seconds, then Ralph wonders why the government is is investigating him. Ed comes down because he can't get any sleep. Alice goes into the bedroom. Ed offers to help Ralph find the error that he thinks is in Ralph's taxes. First, Ralph reads the Income Tax book and when he reads the first question, he doesn't know what he's talking about. The first question is very complicated. Ed offers some help by saying that Ralph should put down on his Income Tax form some of the things that he won or got, just like Ed has done things like: The horse with the clock in its stomach and finding money. They talk over business write-offs like when Ed uses his apartment for business reasons. (He practices in the bathtub.) They also go over the filing out of Ralph's form. Ed reads Ralph's SS Number and thought that it was Ralph's weight. Ralph: "Now would you tell me why I would put down my weight on an income tax form?" Ed: "How should I know? You're the one being investigated." After a while, Ralph is even more worried but he calms down and goes into the bedroom. Ed: "The worst thing they can possibly do to you is send you to the federal pen." Ralph is now even more worried about going to the office, so Ed suggests that when he goes in there to stand behind one of the amendments in the constitution and say that he was drunk when he filed out his taxes. Upon hearing that comment, Ralph kicks Ed out.
At the IRS office there's a picture of all the men who were U.S. presidents at the time including the president at the time this episode was made. Ralph suggests keeping calm and cool. He does but when the IRS man gets in the office, Ralph gets excited. Ralph says that he didn't do it (meaning cheat the government) but the IRS man doesn't pick it up. Ralph forgot to sign his income tax form. When he does, he is free to leave. Ralph is relieved. He signs and leaves, but comes back to say that he didn't know he had to put down on an income tax form the things that he won or got. Ed also said that he forgot to put down on his form finding money in the sewer. The IRS appreciates their honesty. Ralph and Ed then leave. When Ralph leaves, he says: "Ralph Kramden will never be accused of not putting down winning a horse with a clock in its stomach on his income tax form."
Episode #170
TV: One hour long musical
DVD: Attached to "Hair To A Fortune" & "The People's Choice."
Ralph is demanding complete silence while doing his taxes, so when he hears noise on the streets like hollering and yelling on Chauncey Street, he yells at all the people on the street to get away from his building. The Ice Cream man comes pushing an ice cream cart and says to Ralph, he has a peddler's license. Ralph: "Get on your bicycle and start peddling." The Ice Cream says that all men are equal. Ralph still says for him to get away from his building. He gets Callaghan, the cop and asks him if there is a city ordinance against loud and unnecessary noise on the streets. Callaghan says there is and tells Ralph to stop yelling or he would be put in jail. Ha! The Ice Cream man leaves. The Roasted Peanuts man comes by and Ralph yells at him to get away. Then, the Pizza Man comes by. Ralph yells at the pizza man but then tells him to make him to pizzas with anchovies and send them up to 2B. We finally know Ralph's apartment number.
Ralph is now in his apartment looking for his paper that had his social security number on it. Alice tells Ralph that is in the top bureau drawer. Ralph thinks that he found it. Ralph: "56-68-73." Alice: "Those are the measurements for that new suit you bought." Ralph is getting more upset. He finally finds the paper. Alice offers to help Ralph with his taxes. Ralph is having a hard time understanding one of the questions. Ralph says that it is too hard and doesn't care if he gets sent off to jail. Alice asks Ralph why he doesn't fill out the short form and Ralph says it's because he needs to put down his business deductions like getting his uniform cleaned last year. It costs him $3 every time he got it done once last year. Alice suggests taking a straight 10%. Ralph says that all Alice does is spend, spend, spend. He complains about the time that Alice spent money for a 100 watt bulb for the bathroom. Ralph: "'Ralph, I want the ice box painted.' 'I want a curtain for the bedroom window.' Why do we need a curtain for the bedroom window? All you see is a brick wall. You are not married to Nelson Rockefeller." Alice: "I got news for you Ralph. You are not married to Happy either." She goes into the bedroom. Ed Norton comes in. He is having a tough time doing his taxes too. He puts his glasses on for the first time in the four months he had them. Ed talks about deductions that he has like getting his rubber boots vulcanized, taking a course on becoming a lifeguard and candles. Ed: "When the candle goes out, that means that there is no air and it's safe to breathe." They talk about their business losses like the $125 they spent on that uranium field in Asbury Park and the $200 they sunk on that fund to make Hoboken, New Jersey a Honeymooners paradise. They also talk about the lawyer's fees when they went into bankruptcy. Ed: "We didn't pay them yet." Ralph: "We'll put it down as a bad debt." There's no way you can do that in real life. After doing a little math, Ralph figures that he has $3,165.12. Ralph thinks that he made a mistake because he doesn't even have the 12 cents. Ed: "The 12 cents is living expenses." When Ralph realizes that he and Norton between them are paying $65 a month in rent, he proposes that they pool their money and share an apartment in a swell neighborhood, like Flushing. Ralph says that he knows Ed's faults and if he himself had any, Ed would know it. Gee, Ralph is 100% perfect? Something about that doesn't make sense. They sing: "Let's Consolidate."
The Kramdens and Nortons take a look at an apartment in 23 Mockingbird Lane in Flushing, Queens, New York. Ralph: "We are used to much better." Ed: "We lost a lot of money in the Mentalated Dental Floss Crash." Ralph says that the kitchen is in a room all by itself. Ed asks for the bedroom with the North light so it will help him with the painting as far as seeing the numbers go. Huh? (The apartment did need painting.) Ralph has plans as far as putting Ed's furniture in the apartment in the living room and not his. Alice: "We can't mesh two periods: early modern and early depression." Ralph was going to donate his furniture. One of the benefits of the move is immediately obvious: at Chauncey Street the view from Ralph's window was the back of a Chinese restaurant; from the new apartment he can see the front of a Chinese restaurant. They take the apartment, but they don't know who should get the bigger bedroom. Ralph: "That is it. One big happy family." They sing: "One Big Happy Family."
The euphoria of new surroundings wears off quickly though, when Norton spends all morning in the bathtub washing a toy boat while Ralph's waiting to bathe before going to work. When Ralph finally gets into the bathroom, Ed says: "I think the people on bus #802 are going to get theirs today." Ralph takes a tumble on the soap Norton dropped on the floor and then can't get any hot water. Ralph accidentally sits down on Ed's boat. Ralph tries to salvage his morning with a few waffles but Norton gets to them first, causing more friction. Ralph complains that Norton is only caring for himself and that last night there was two potatoes and that Ed grabbed the big one. Ralph: "If I were you, I would have grabbed the little one." Ed: "What are you complaining about? You got the little one." Ralph is late and tells Norton to get ready for work. Today is Ed's day off. Ralph yells about the fact that Ed kept him waiting for a bath and he didn't have to go to work so he challenges Ed to a fight which ends when Ralph realizes that Ed has his glasses on and he can't punch him with glasses on. You can actually see the camera zoom out a little too much and see part of the real stage. Ed: "It's too bad Ralph isn't on color TV. When his face gets red like that, it's sensational."
Ralph gets home after a day's work. Things are no better that night; Ralph not seeing the bathroom since he moved in. Norton comes in with painting attire. Everything Norton does--whistling, singing, tapping on the table, folding the paper, cleaning his eyeglasses—drives Ralph crazy. Ralph complains about Ed being selfish as far as food goes. Ed also ate a whole pie much to Ralph's chagrin as well as having four pork chops compared to Ralph's six. Alice asks Ralph to look at a broken toaster. Ed says that the electro curl is not connected to this screw here. Translation: A screw is loose. Ed asks Ralph to hold the knife on the loose screw while Ed plugs in the toaster. Alice is actually not smart enough to stop Ed and Ralph. Ralph is getting "electrocuted." Ralph throws Norton out which causes the man upstairs earlier to complain. Ralph turns on the radio. Ed comes back in and kicks Ralph out since it's his apartment. Ed turns on the TV much to Ralph's chagrin. Ralph yells at Ed to turn off the TV. Ed & Ralph yell some more. Ed turns on the TV with the volume turned up and Ralph turns up the volume on the radio. Alice turns both electronics off. The guy from upstairs complains. Ralph (yells to the guy): "SHUT UP BEFORE I REPORT YOU TO THE SUPERINTENDENT!" Man (yells): "I AM THE SUPERINTENDENT." Ralph warns Ed not to turn on the set or he will throw it out the window. Ed says to Trixie that Ralph warned him not to turn on the TV. Trixie & Ed sing: "Why Do You Act So Defenseless and Weak?" Ed says that if he put the TV plug back in, he would get hit by Ralph. Trixie does it. Ralph comes out. Ed says: "Trixie turned it on. Hit her." Ralph and Ed yell at each other. Soon Ralph and Norton, Trixie and Ralph, and Alice and Trixie are squabbling. You can see part of the real stage again. The superintendent of the building comes down and kicks the blabbermouths from Bensonhurst out of the apartment house. Alice scolds Ralph for ruining the one good idea he ever had. Ralph is upset that it was his and Ed's fault. They all agree to move back into their old apartments. All four of them sing: "Two Big Happy Families."
At the curtain call, Jackie has a cup of coffee and introduces the cast.
Credit goes to Yahoo! Groups You're A Riot!
TV: Attached to "Manager of The Baseball Team" (1953 version.)
VCR: Attached to "My Fair Landlord."
DVD: Attached to "Songs & Witty Sayings" & "Norton Moves In."
The episode opens up with Ralph going crazy looking for his Income Tax form. He also said he went over one form several times before finding out that it was an old bowling score. Ha!
He and Alice eventually sit down to try to do the Income Tax form. Ralph reads the instructions. Alice asks Ralph if he knows what to do. Ralph says he doesn't know what the instructions are much like in "The Worry Wart" where Ralph reads the "Penalty For Failure to Report Income" section.
After Ralph reads some of the instructions, Alice says an idiot can figure that out. Ralph: "Don't worry. I'll get it." Basically, Ralph just admitted that he's beyond an idiot. Ha!
Ed Norton comes down. He says he just got Trixie a gift that proves that he still loves her. You know what it is? A new broom. Ha. Ralph tells Ed how much of a hard time he is having by doing his Income Tax form. Ed: "Maybe you'll get pneumonia by March 15th." Yes a folk, during this time, Tax Day was on March 15th. Ralph wonders why. Ed says that is the best time to catch that sickness. After that, Ed leaves.
Ralph and Alice go over the form some more. Ralph reads over all the insurance about injuries and such. Alice says that he hasn't experienced any of them. Ralph: "I guess I am the unluckiest guy in the world." Ralph talks about the how costs are going up. Alice counters by saying that the cost of milk is going down. Ralph: "That's true, but has the cow said that milk is going down? No."
Finally, Ralph has figured that he owes $15 but he is planning on using that $15 to buy a new bowling ball. A priest comes by and asks for some money. Ralph gives him the $15. Ralph then goes on to make a speech saying how great a country America is.
Episode #85
TV: Half-hour.
VCR: Attached to "Lost Baby."
DVD: Attached to "Finders Keepers" & "Kramden Vs. Norton."
This episode's film quality is not exactly 100% perfect. As you watch this episode, you will notice a line appearing on the screen AT ALL TIMES EVEN ON DVD. Anyhow, back to the episode. Ralph is demanding complete silence while he is doing his taxes. So when Trixie comes in and they only make minor noises, Ralph comes out all mad and is saying he needs silence when he is doing his taxes. Alice offers to help. Ralph obliges and as she is doing it, he yells in her ears to throw her off. It doesn't work. She does her end perfectly even with Ralph yelling. That doesn't say much for Ralph, doesn't it? Ed Norton comes down. He is having a tough time doing his taxes too. They compare income and expenses like one of Ralph's ideas which is making Secaucus, New Jersey a honeymooner's paradise, and when Ralph realizes that he and Norton between them are paying $90 a month in rent, he proposes that they pool their money and share an apartment. Ralph says that he knows Ed's faults and if he himself had any, Ed would know it. Gee, Ralph is 100% perfect? Something about that doesn't make sense.
The Kramdens and Nortons take a look at an apartment in 23 Mockingbird Lane in Flushing, Queens, New York. Years later, Mockingbird Lane would be that famous street on The Munsters. Ralph says that the kitchen is in a room all by itself. The benefits of the move are immediately obvious: at Chauncey Street the view from Ralph's window was the back of a Chinese restaurant; from the new apartment he can see the front of a Chinese restaurant. They take the apartment, but they don't know who should get the bigger bedroom. Ralph, of course says that he and Alice will take it. Ed Norton says that we will run this apartment like a democracy. Ralph says that we will but he and Alice will take the big bedroom. Ed: "Fine Ralph, have it your way but remember on this date April 9, 1955 (the day this episode aired on TV by the way), will go down as one of the biggest blows to democracy that has ever happened. It's all as you were then except you are theres." Ed says that when Ralph gets into that bedroom, it will be a small bedroom and not a big one. They announce that they took the apartment. Ralph: "That is it. One big happy family." Ralph and Ed sing which causes someone upstairs to complain. Ed: "It's just like home."
During the next scene, that line that appears on the screen now turns into a bigger white line for a few seconds before shrinking back to its original size. The euphoria of new surroundings wears off quickly though, when Norton spends all morning in the bathtub washing a toy boat while Ralph's waiting to bathe before going to work. When Ralph finally gets into the bathroom he takes a tumble on the soap Norton dropped on the floor and then can't get any hot water. Ralph tries to salvage his morning with a few waffles but Norton gets to them first, causing more friction. Ralph complains that Norton is only caring for himself and that last night there was two meatballs and that Ed grabbed the big one. Ralph: "If I were you, I would have grabbed the little one." Ed: "What are you complaining about? You got the little one." Today is Ed's day off. Ralph yells about the fact that Ed kept him waiting for a bath and he didn't have to go to work so he challenges Ed to a fight which ends when Ralph realizes that Ed has his glasses on and he can't punch him with glasses on.
Things are no better that night; everything Norton does--eating, tapping on the table, cleaning his eyeglasses--drives Ralph crazy. Ralph complains about Ed being selfish. Alice asks Ralph to look at a broken toaster. Ed says that the radio stat conductor is not making proper conduct with the electro curl. Translation: A screw is loose. Ed asks Ralph to put a knife on the loose screw while Ed plugs in the toaster. Alice is actually not smart enough to stop Ed and Ralph. Ralph is getting "electrocuted." Ralph throws Norton out which causes the man upstairs earlier to complain. Ralph (yells to the guy): "SHUT UP BEFORE I REPORT YOU TO THE SUPERINTENDENT!" Man (yells): "I AM THE SUPERINTENDENT." D'oh! Ralph reads the newspaper and listens to the radio. Ed comes back in and turns on the TV to Captain Video and His Video Rangers even though judging by the noise; it looks like a Western show. They complain. Ralph turns up the volume on the radio louder which causes Ed to turn up the volume on the set. They act like babies, each turning up the volume up on each of their respective appliances that they are using. The radio "blows up." Ralph pulls the plug on the TV set. He complains to Trixie. Trixie: "You don't have to take that from him. Put it back in." Ralph and Ed yell at each other. Soon Ralph and Norton, Trixie and Ralph, and Alice and Trixie are squabbling. The superintendent of the building comes down and kicks the blabbermouths from Bensonhurst out of the apartment house. Alice scolds Ralph for ruining the one good idea he ever had. Ralph says that he takes the fault. Ed says that he takes the fault and the episode ends with Ralph and Norton quarreling over who was to blame for the whole mess.
Episode #119
TV: Half-hour.
VCR: Attached to "A Matter of Life & Death."
DVD: Attached to episodes #23 - #30 (or #31) of the classic 39.
Ed comes to visit. He talks to Alice about her going to MSG with him & Trixie to see an antiques show. Ed loves antiques. Alice says that she doesn't have to go to MSG to see antiques; she has them in her house. Alice goes into the bedroom. Ed inspects the ice box and says it looks like early Ma and Pa Kettle. He inspects the ice box while eating some chicken that was in the ice box. Ralph comes home and catches Ed eating their chicken. Ralph doesn't like the fact that Ed raided the ice box. Ed says to Ralph that he just had supper at home Alice comes out and greets Ralph. Alice prepares dinner for Ralph. Ralph says to Ed that it might be uncomfy for him to watch him and Alice eat, so what does Ed do? He asks Alice for some spaghetti. Ralph: "I thought you had supper." Ed: "Dizzy Dean always warms up in the bullpen before pitching." Alice gives Ed some food too. Ralph opens up a letter. It's from the IRS. Ralph has been waiting for this. He thinks that it's his tax refund. He says when he gets the refund; he will spend it on a vacation at Fred's Landing. He tells a story to Ed. Ralph: "You should have seen Alice run away from that snake. I thought I would die laughing." Alice: "How could you see me running? You were way ahead of me." Ralph doesn't get his refund. The letter says: "Dear Mr. Kramden: Come down to the IRS office tomorrow morning." Ralph gets all worried. He thinks that he made an error on his taxes since he thinks that the government is investigating him. Alice says that the IRS will probably take money out of his refund, (which is $42). Ralph counters by saying that he plans on spending the refund in its entirety and worries about his planned trip to Fred's Landing. Alice: "We will have to compromise Ralph. Just ask Fred to get us a cheaper tent with a smaller snake." All this time Ed is asking for some pickilly, then chow chow and then some bread. Ralph gets mad at Ed for doing that and says that the government is investigating him. Alice: "You are not the first person to be investigated by the government." Ed: "Yeah, the jails are full of them." Ed then tells Ralph to calm down, which he does. Ed wonders where the bread that he asked Ralph for is. That gets Ralph steamed and threatens to kill Ed. He says that if Ed hasn't left here by the time he has counted to ten, there will be some serious consequences. Ed: "I'm not scared of you. If you could count, you wouldn't have messed up doing your taxes." Ralph (yells): "GET OUT!"
It's now 2am and Ralph is still worried. He is going over his taxes and when Alice comes out, she begs him to go to bed and get a good night's sleep. Ralph says that a good night's sleep won't help him tomorrow. Alice asks Ralph to forget about it by reading the paper. That works for a few seconds, then Ralph wonders why the government is is investigating him. Ed comes down because he can't get any sleep. Alice goes into the bedroom. Ed offers to help Ralph find the error that he thinks is in Ralph's taxes. First, Ralph reads the Income Tax book and when he reads the first question, he doesn't know what he's talking about. The first question is very complicated. Ed offers some help by saying that Ralph should put down on his Income Tax form some of the things that he won or got, just like Ed has done things like: The horse with the clock in its stomach and finding money. They talk over business write-offs like when Ed uses his apartment for business reasons. (He practices in the bathtub.) They also go over the filing out of Ralph's form. Ed reads Ralph's SS Number and thought that it was Ralph's weight. Ralph: "Now would you tell me why I would put down my weight on an income tax form?" Ed: "How should I know? You're the one being investigated." After a while, Ralph is even more worried but he calms down and goes into the bedroom. Ed: "The worst thing they can possibly do to you is send you to the federal pen." Ralph is now even more worried about going to the office, so Ed suggests that when he goes in there to stand behind one of the amendments in the constitution and say that he was drunk when he filed out his taxes. Upon hearing that comment, Ralph kicks Ed out.
At the IRS office there's a picture of all the men who were U.S. presidents at the time including the president at the time this episode was made. Ralph suggests keeping calm and cool. He does but when the IRS man gets in the office, Ralph gets excited. Ralph says that he didn't do it (meaning cheat the government) but the IRS man doesn't pick it up. Ralph forgot to sign his income tax form. When he does, he is free to leave. Ralph is relieved. He signs and leaves, but comes back to say that he didn't know he had to put down on an income tax form the things that he won or got. Ed also said that he forgot to put down on his form finding money in the sewer. The IRS appreciates their honesty. Ralph and Ed then leave. When Ralph leaves, he says: "Ralph Kramden will never be accused of not putting down winning a horse with a clock in its stomach on his income tax form."
Episode #170
TV: One hour long musical
DVD: Attached to "Hair To A Fortune" & "The People's Choice."
Ralph is demanding complete silence while doing his taxes, so when he hears noise on the streets like hollering and yelling on Chauncey Street, he yells at all the people on the street to get away from his building. The Ice Cream man comes pushing an ice cream cart and says to Ralph, he has a peddler's license. Ralph: "Get on your bicycle and start peddling." The Ice Cream says that all men are equal. Ralph still says for him to get away from his building. He gets Callaghan, the cop and asks him if there is a city ordinance against loud and unnecessary noise on the streets. Callaghan says there is and tells Ralph to stop yelling or he would be put in jail. Ha! The Ice Cream man leaves. The Roasted Peanuts man comes by and Ralph yells at him to get away. Then, the Pizza Man comes by. Ralph yells at the pizza man but then tells him to make him to pizzas with anchovies and send them up to 2B. We finally know Ralph's apartment number.
Ralph is now in his apartment looking for his paper that had his social security number on it. Alice tells Ralph that is in the top bureau drawer. Ralph thinks that he found it. Ralph: "56-68-73." Alice: "Those are the measurements for that new suit you bought." Ralph is getting more upset. He finally finds the paper. Alice offers to help Ralph with his taxes. Ralph is having a hard time understanding one of the questions. Ralph says that it is too hard and doesn't care if he gets sent off to jail. Alice asks Ralph why he doesn't fill out the short form and Ralph says it's because he needs to put down his business deductions like getting his uniform cleaned last year. It costs him $3 every time he got it done once last year. Alice suggests taking a straight 10%. Ralph says that all Alice does is spend, spend, spend. He complains about the time that Alice spent money for a 100 watt bulb for the bathroom. Ralph: "'Ralph, I want the ice box painted.' 'I want a curtain for the bedroom window.' Why do we need a curtain for the bedroom window? All you see is a brick wall. You are not married to Nelson Rockefeller." Alice: "I got news for you Ralph. You are not married to Happy either." She goes into the bedroom. Ed Norton comes in. He is having a tough time doing his taxes too. He puts his glasses on for the first time in the four months he had them. Ed talks about deductions that he has like getting his rubber boots vulcanized, taking a course on becoming a lifeguard and candles. Ed: "When the candle goes out, that means that there is no air and it's safe to breathe." They talk about their business losses like the $125 they spent on that uranium field in Asbury Park and the $200 they sunk on that fund to make Hoboken, New Jersey a Honeymooners paradise. They also talk about the lawyer's fees when they went into bankruptcy. Ed: "We didn't pay them yet." Ralph: "We'll put it down as a bad debt." There's no way you can do that in real life. After doing a little math, Ralph figures that he has $3,165.12. Ralph thinks that he made a mistake because he doesn't even have the 12 cents. Ed: "The 12 cents is living expenses." When Ralph realizes that he and Norton between them are paying $65 a month in rent, he proposes that they pool their money and share an apartment in a swell neighborhood, like Flushing. Ralph says that he knows Ed's faults and if he himself had any, Ed would know it. Gee, Ralph is 100% perfect? Something about that doesn't make sense. They sing: "Let's Consolidate."
The Kramdens and Nortons take a look at an apartment in 23 Mockingbird Lane in Flushing, Queens, New York. Ralph: "We are used to much better." Ed: "We lost a lot of money in the Mentalated Dental Floss Crash." Ralph says that the kitchen is in a room all by itself. Ed asks for the bedroom with the North light so it will help him with the painting as far as seeing the numbers go. Huh? (The apartment did need painting.) Ralph has plans as far as putting Ed's furniture in the apartment in the living room and not his. Alice: "We can't mesh two periods: early modern and early depression." Ralph was going to donate his furniture. One of the benefits of the move is immediately obvious: at Chauncey Street the view from Ralph's window was the back of a Chinese restaurant; from the new apartment he can see the front of a Chinese restaurant. They take the apartment, but they don't know who should get the bigger bedroom. Ralph: "That is it. One big happy family." They sing: "One Big Happy Family."
The euphoria of new surroundings wears off quickly though, when Norton spends all morning in the bathtub washing a toy boat while Ralph's waiting to bathe before going to work. When Ralph finally gets into the bathroom, Ed says: "I think the people on bus #802 are going to get theirs today." Ralph takes a tumble on the soap Norton dropped on the floor and then can't get any hot water. Ralph accidentally sits down on Ed's boat. Ralph tries to salvage his morning with a few waffles but Norton gets to them first, causing more friction. Ralph complains that Norton is only caring for himself and that last night there was two potatoes and that Ed grabbed the big one. Ralph: "If I were you, I would have grabbed the little one." Ed: "What are you complaining about? You got the little one." Ralph is late and tells Norton to get ready for work. Today is Ed's day off. Ralph yells about the fact that Ed kept him waiting for a bath and he didn't have to go to work so he challenges Ed to a fight which ends when Ralph realizes that Ed has his glasses on and he can't punch him with glasses on. You can actually see the camera zoom out a little too much and see part of the real stage. Ed: "It's too bad Ralph isn't on color TV. When his face gets red like that, it's sensational."
Ralph gets home after a day's work. Things are no better that night; Ralph not seeing the bathroom since he moved in. Norton comes in with painting attire. Everything Norton does--whistling, singing, tapping on the table, folding the paper, cleaning his eyeglasses—drives Ralph crazy. Ralph complains about Ed being selfish as far as food goes. Ed also ate a whole pie much to Ralph's chagrin as well as having four pork chops compared to Ralph's six. Alice asks Ralph to look at a broken toaster. Ed says that the electro curl is not connected to this screw here. Translation: A screw is loose. Ed asks Ralph to hold the knife on the loose screw while Ed plugs in the toaster. Alice is actually not smart enough to stop Ed and Ralph. Ralph is getting "electrocuted." Ralph throws Norton out which causes the man upstairs earlier to complain. Ralph turns on the radio. Ed comes back in and kicks Ralph out since it's his apartment. Ed turns on the TV much to Ralph's chagrin. Ralph yells at Ed to turn off the TV. Ed & Ralph yell some more. Ed turns on the TV with the volume turned up and Ralph turns up the volume on the radio. Alice turns both electronics off. The guy from upstairs complains. Ralph (yells to the guy): "SHUT UP BEFORE I REPORT YOU TO THE SUPERINTENDENT!" Man (yells): "I AM THE SUPERINTENDENT." Ralph warns Ed not to turn on the set or he will throw it out the window. Ed says to Trixie that Ralph warned him not to turn on the TV. Trixie & Ed sing: "Why Do You Act So Defenseless and Weak?" Ed says that if he put the TV plug back in, he would get hit by Ralph. Trixie does it. Ralph comes out. Ed says: "Trixie turned it on. Hit her." Ralph and Ed yell at each other. Soon Ralph and Norton, Trixie and Ralph, and Alice and Trixie are squabbling. You can see part of the real stage again. The superintendent of the building comes down and kicks the blabbermouths from Bensonhurst out of the apartment house. Alice scolds Ralph for ruining the one good idea he ever had. Ralph is upset that it was his and Ed's fault. They all agree to move back into their old apartments. All four of them sing: "Two Big Happy Families."
At the curtain call, Jackie has a cup of coffee and introduces the cast.
Credit goes to Yahoo! Groups You're A Riot!