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Frank Gannucci
04-09-2008, 07:20 AM
"A Weighty Problem Part 1":

(At the Raccoon lodge, Ed goes in the "Out" door to go to the kitchen. He bumps into Ralph. Ralph & Ed have an argument about which door [the ones being marked "In" or "Out"] Ed should use to enter the Raccoon kitchen at the lodge.)

Ralph: "You are supposed to go in the door marked 'In.'"

Ed: "I wasn't going in that room. I was coming out of this room."

Ralph: "You were not going out of this room. You were going in that room."

Ed: "How could I go into that room without coming out of this room?"

"Without Reservations":

Ralph: "Your brother is a moocher, a swindler, and a bum."

Alice: "What did you say?"

Ralph: "I said that your brother is a bum."

Alice: "My brother is just as good as any member of your family."

Ralph: "He's still a bum."

"Better Living Through TV":

Ralph: "You can't put your arms around a memory."

Alice: "I can't even put my arms around you."

"This Is Your Life Part 1":

Ralph: "Fourteen years, I fractured myself just to take care of Alice. Now, I see here coming out of a restaurant and get into a cab with another guy. That's loyalty for you."

Ed: "The least she could have done was take a bus."

"The Next Champ":

(Ralph just became Dynamite's manager.)

Ralph: "This is a historical spot. Right here they are going to have a sign. Do you know what it is going to say?"

Ed: "Yeah: 'Cigarette machine is out of order.'"

"Hello Mom":

Ralph: "What are you doing with all of that material? Making a bedspread?"

Alice: "No, I'm taking your pants out again."

"Dial J For Janitor":

Ralph: "One hand washes the other while both hands wash the face."

Ed: "Never mind that. Just give me some water. I know how to wash."

"Lawsuit" (Color version):

Ralph: "I am trying to put some weight on my broken leg."

Ed: "You are just the boy that could do it."

"The Honeymoon Is Over":

(Reluctantly, Ralph let the stage manager put lipstick on him so that it will make him look better on the Mike Douglas Show. While the Kramdens & Nortons are on the show, Ralph and Alice tell everyone that they love each other DEARLY. Ralph kisses Alice.)

Alice: "Ralph, are you wearing lipstick?"

Ralph: "Shut up!"