Frank Gannucci
04-05-2008, 09:55 AM
"The Deciding Vote":
(Ralph turns on the vaccum cleaner. It doesn't work.)
Ed: "I think that motor needs a drop or erl."
Ralph: "Yeah, that is all that it needs. A drop of oil."
Alice: "A drop of oil? It wouldn't help if you dipped it in Texas."
"Ralph's Sweet Tooth":
Alice: "I read in a magazine once where they said 50% of the pain is mental. 50% of that toothache is here (in the mouth). The other 50% is here (head)."
Ralph: "For your information, 100% of it is in here (mouth). There is nothing up there (head)."
"Peacemaker":
Ralph: "You know that when I lay down on that bed, it takes me an hour to get to sleep."
Alice: "Remarkable. Every night for fifty-nine minutes, you snore before you go to sleep."
"Flushing Ho":
(Ed comes out with a sailboat. Ralph wants to take a bath.)
Ralph: "You don't mean to tell me that you kept me waiting out here for 20 minutes while you were in there playing with a boat in the tub?"
Ed: "I'm sorry Ralph. This is a new boat. We were on the Shakedown Cruise!"
"Boy Next Door":
(Ralph and Mrs. Paterson think that Ed loves Alice but the feeling isn't matual.)
Mrs. Paterson: "Why don't you give your wife the benefit of a doubt?"
Ralph: "All right, maybe they don't love each other but if they do, they are going to have a lot of fun on the moon."
"On Stage":
Ed: "While I was in the Navy, I studied typing under the G.I. Bill and I happened to be the best in the class."
Ralph: "Then why didn't you get a job in an office instead of one down the sewer?"
Ed: "I couldn't stand the thought of being cooped up in a stuffy office all day."
"On Stage":
Mr. Faversham: "Mr. Norton, did you notice that when he came in here how his (Ralph's) voice filled this room?"
Ed: "I did notice that the room got a little crowded."
"Quiz Show":
Ed: "I was on a quiz show once. I was so nervous that I couldn't answer the first question they asked me."
Ralph: "What was that?"
Ed: "My name."
"In Twenty-Five Words Or Less":
Ralph: "If Frank can win a contest, so can I. Because I am smarter than he is."
Ed: "That's because you have me helping you."
(Ralph turns on the vaccum cleaner. It doesn't work.)
Ed: "I think that motor needs a drop or erl."
Ralph: "Yeah, that is all that it needs. A drop of oil."
Alice: "A drop of oil? It wouldn't help if you dipped it in Texas."
"Ralph's Sweet Tooth":
Alice: "I read in a magazine once where they said 50% of the pain is mental. 50% of that toothache is here (in the mouth). The other 50% is here (head)."
Ralph: "For your information, 100% of it is in here (mouth). There is nothing up there (head)."
"Peacemaker":
Ralph: "You know that when I lay down on that bed, it takes me an hour to get to sleep."
Alice: "Remarkable. Every night for fifty-nine minutes, you snore before you go to sleep."
"Flushing Ho":
(Ed comes out with a sailboat. Ralph wants to take a bath.)
Ralph: "You don't mean to tell me that you kept me waiting out here for 20 minutes while you were in there playing with a boat in the tub?"
Ed: "I'm sorry Ralph. This is a new boat. We were on the Shakedown Cruise!"
"Boy Next Door":
(Ralph and Mrs. Paterson think that Ed loves Alice but the feeling isn't matual.)
Mrs. Paterson: "Why don't you give your wife the benefit of a doubt?"
Ralph: "All right, maybe they don't love each other but if they do, they are going to have a lot of fun on the moon."
"On Stage":
Ed: "While I was in the Navy, I studied typing under the G.I. Bill and I happened to be the best in the class."
Ralph: "Then why didn't you get a job in an office instead of one down the sewer?"
Ed: "I couldn't stand the thought of being cooped up in a stuffy office all day."
"On Stage":
Mr. Faversham: "Mr. Norton, did you notice that when he came in here how his (Ralph's) voice filled this room?"
Ed: "I did notice that the room got a little crowded."
"Quiz Show":
Ed: "I was on a quiz show once. I was so nervous that I couldn't answer the first question they asked me."
Ralph: "What was that?"
Ed: "My name."
"In Twenty-Five Words Or Less":
Ralph: "If Frank can win a contest, so can I. Because I am smarter than he is."
Ed: "That's because you have me helping you."