Frank Gannucci
03-25-2008, 12:00 AM
"The Golfer":
Ralph: "I deserve that promotion, Norton - I worked hard to get it! Just because Mr. Harper doesn't know I'm alive I'm not going to get the promotion, huh? Well, it's the same ol' story: it’s not what you know, it’s who you know! If you don't have any connections you're dead. You can be the smartest guy in the world, know everything about everything, and know the encyclopedia backwards and forwards. But, if you don't have any connections you get nowhere."
Ed: "Now wait a minute, I don't think that applies to every case. I didn't have any connections when I got my job in the sewer."
"Opportunity Knocks, But":
(Ralph's boss made Ed Ralph's supervisor.)
Ralph: "It's not my pride."
Alice: "Well, your job is still the same."
Ralph: "Let's face it Alice. When Norton becomes my boss, I'm quitting."
Alice: "Why?"
Ralph: "I got my pride."
"Lunchbox":
(Ralph thinks that Alice packed an awful lunch.)
Ralph: "What is a shoe doing in the stove?"
Alice: "What did you think it was stupid, your dinner?"
Ralph: "After today, I wouldn't be surprised."
"On Stage":
Ralph (reading the script and walking towards the window): "'Come here, my dear. Look out there Rachael. Say yes and all of that is yours."
(Ed laughs.)
Ralph: "What's so funny?"
Ed: "What does Rachael want with a back of a Chinese restaurant and a
pizzeria?"
"Hot Dog Stand":
(Ed hands a man a hot dog to eat.)
Ralph: "By the way I look; you wouldn't know that I was driving a bus
yesterday."
Man: "Oh."
Ed: "I was working in the sewer."
(The man stops himself from eating.)
Man: "Funny. I'm not hungry anymore."
"Play It Again, Norton":
Ed: "Ralph, I think I got a splinter from sitting on this bench."
Ralph: "Stay there."
"Two-Family Car":
Ralph: "All right. You will have the car Monday-Friday. I will have the car on the weekends."
Ed: "Wait a minute. I work those days. You take the car five days and let me take the car two days."
Ralph: "Okay, your days are Wednesday and Thursday."
"Flushing Ho":
Ralph: "You don't mean to tell me that you kept me waiting out here for twenty minutes, while you were playing with a boat in that tub?"
Ed: "I'm sorry Ralph. This is a new boat. We were on the Shakedown Cruise."
"Hair to a Fortune":
Ed: "Bottle #2: Ho (H2O)"
(Ed dumps the H2O in the bowl in a rather unique way.)
Ralph: "Take it easy with that H20. What do you think it is, water?"
Ralph: "I deserve that promotion, Norton - I worked hard to get it! Just because Mr. Harper doesn't know I'm alive I'm not going to get the promotion, huh? Well, it's the same ol' story: it’s not what you know, it’s who you know! If you don't have any connections you're dead. You can be the smartest guy in the world, know everything about everything, and know the encyclopedia backwards and forwards. But, if you don't have any connections you get nowhere."
Ed: "Now wait a minute, I don't think that applies to every case. I didn't have any connections when I got my job in the sewer."
"Opportunity Knocks, But":
(Ralph's boss made Ed Ralph's supervisor.)
Ralph: "It's not my pride."
Alice: "Well, your job is still the same."
Ralph: "Let's face it Alice. When Norton becomes my boss, I'm quitting."
Alice: "Why?"
Ralph: "I got my pride."
"Lunchbox":
(Ralph thinks that Alice packed an awful lunch.)
Ralph: "What is a shoe doing in the stove?"
Alice: "What did you think it was stupid, your dinner?"
Ralph: "After today, I wouldn't be surprised."
"On Stage":
Ralph (reading the script and walking towards the window): "'Come here, my dear. Look out there Rachael. Say yes and all of that is yours."
(Ed laughs.)
Ralph: "What's so funny?"
Ed: "What does Rachael want with a back of a Chinese restaurant and a
pizzeria?"
"Hot Dog Stand":
(Ed hands a man a hot dog to eat.)
Ralph: "By the way I look; you wouldn't know that I was driving a bus
yesterday."
Man: "Oh."
Ed: "I was working in the sewer."
(The man stops himself from eating.)
Man: "Funny. I'm not hungry anymore."
"Play It Again, Norton":
Ed: "Ralph, I think I got a splinter from sitting on this bench."
Ralph: "Stay there."
"Two-Family Car":
Ralph: "All right. You will have the car Monday-Friday. I will have the car on the weekends."
Ed: "Wait a minute. I work those days. You take the car five days and let me take the car two days."
Ralph: "Okay, your days are Wednesday and Thursday."
"Flushing Ho":
Ralph: "You don't mean to tell me that you kept me waiting out here for twenty minutes, while you were playing with a boat in that tub?"
Ed: "I'm sorry Ralph. This is a new boat. We were on the Shakedown Cruise."
"Hair to a Fortune":
Ed: "Bottle #2: Ho (H2O)"
(Ed dumps the H2O in the bowl in a rather unique way.)
Ralph: "Take it easy with that H20. What do you think it is, water?"