Frank Gannucci
10-24-2007, 03:31 PM
"Oh My Aching Back":
(Ed uses a lit match to look at the thermometer.)
Ed: "What is a normal temperature, around 98 isn't it?"
Ralph: "98.6."
Ed: "What would you saya bad temperature is?"
Ralph: "102. 103. What is it Norton? What is my temperature?"
(A pause.)
Ralph (yells): "WHAT IS MY TEMPERATURE NORTON?"
Ed (starting to cry, yells): "111."
"Ralph's Big Mouth" (aka "Head of The House"):
Ralph: "I am a horse. You are a mouse."
Ed: "Well, let me say this. I rather be a live mouse than a dead horse."
"TV or Not TV":
Ralph: "Alice wants a TV set."
Ed: "Hey Ralph, how did Alice know of something like TV sets. I thought you kept her in the dark on things like that."
"Jellybeans":
Ralph: "All I know is that when I win the jellybean contest, I am going to get myself that leather lumbar jacket, a pair of bowling shoes and before I am finished, you will have a string of pearls."
Alice: "Yeah, and if you lsoe, I will have a string of jellybeans around my neck."
"Songwriters":
Ralph: "I wear the pants around this house."
Alice: "Believe me, those pants would fit around this house."
"Songwriters":
Ralph: "If you can play music, you can play any kind of music."
"Ed: "Oh yeah? Name me one Rhumba that Beethoven wrote."
"Be It Ever So Humble":
Ralph: "You work in the sewer and you can't stand the smell of paint?"
Ed: "I got sick down there too. They were painting the sewer."
"Be It Ever So Humble":
Ed: "I want the walls to be brown. Not as dark as a hazel-nut brown. Not as brown as morbid milk brown. There's a certain way that the sun at Coney Island has a way of striking the a hot dog's mustard which reflects off the hot dog through the mustard and sauerkraut. That's the kind of brown that I
want."
Ralph: "What about the moldings and window frames?"
Ed: "I sort of visualize them as a misty gray. Did you see that technicolor
movie with Ricardo Cortez? I want the grey from his eyes. Not the iris part of his eyes, but the cornea."
Ralph: "That kind of grey huh? What about the door?"
Ed: "The door I haven't really thought to
much about."
Ralph: "I think it should be something neutral so it doesn't clash with anything."
Ed: "Good thinking. It should be a delicate badge. Not a harsh badge, just a neutral delicate badge."
Ralph: "Let me see if I got all this right. You want the walls to be
a brown like the sun striking through the mustard and saurkraut on a
hot dog. You want the moldings and window frames to be the gray of
Robert Cortez's eyes. Not the iris, but the cornea and you want the
door to be a nice delicate beige."
Ed: "Yeah."
Ralph: "I'm painting the whole joint green."
"Nephew of The Bride":
Trixie: "I married two dummies in one day."
Ed: "Are you insuinuating that I am the other dummy?"
Trixie: "Yes dear."
(Ed uses a lit match to look at the thermometer.)
Ed: "What is a normal temperature, around 98 isn't it?"
Ralph: "98.6."
Ed: "What would you saya bad temperature is?"
Ralph: "102. 103. What is it Norton? What is my temperature?"
(A pause.)
Ralph (yells): "WHAT IS MY TEMPERATURE NORTON?"
Ed (starting to cry, yells): "111."
"Ralph's Big Mouth" (aka "Head of The House"):
Ralph: "I am a horse. You are a mouse."
Ed: "Well, let me say this. I rather be a live mouse than a dead horse."
"TV or Not TV":
Ralph: "Alice wants a TV set."
Ed: "Hey Ralph, how did Alice know of something like TV sets. I thought you kept her in the dark on things like that."
"Jellybeans":
Ralph: "All I know is that when I win the jellybean contest, I am going to get myself that leather lumbar jacket, a pair of bowling shoes and before I am finished, you will have a string of pearls."
Alice: "Yeah, and if you lsoe, I will have a string of jellybeans around my neck."
"Songwriters":
Ralph: "I wear the pants around this house."
Alice: "Believe me, those pants would fit around this house."
"Songwriters":
Ralph: "If you can play music, you can play any kind of music."
"Ed: "Oh yeah? Name me one Rhumba that Beethoven wrote."
"Be It Ever So Humble":
Ralph: "You work in the sewer and you can't stand the smell of paint?"
Ed: "I got sick down there too. They were painting the sewer."
"Be It Ever So Humble":
Ed: "I want the walls to be brown. Not as dark as a hazel-nut brown. Not as brown as morbid milk brown. There's a certain way that the sun at Coney Island has a way of striking the a hot dog's mustard which reflects off the hot dog through the mustard and sauerkraut. That's the kind of brown that I
want."
Ralph: "What about the moldings and window frames?"
Ed: "I sort of visualize them as a misty gray. Did you see that technicolor
movie with Ricardo Cortez? I want the grey from his eyes. Not the iris part of his eyes, but the cornea."
Ralph: "That kind of grey huh? What about the door?"
Ed: "The door I haven't really thought to
much about."
Ralph: "I think it should be something neutral so it doesn't clash with anything."
Ed: "Good thinking. It should be a delicate badge. Not a harsh badge, just a neutral delicate badge."
Ralph: "Let me see if I got all this right. You want the walls to be
a brown like the sun striking through the mustard and saurkraut on a
hot dog. You want the moldings and window frames to be the gray of
Robert Cortez's eyes. Not the iris, but the cornea and you want the
door to be a nice delicate beige."
Ed: "Yeah."
Ralph: "I'm painting the whole joint green."
"Nephew of The Bride":
Trixie: "I married two dummies in one day."
Ed: "Are you insuinuating that I am the other dummy?"
Trixie: "Yes dear."