Frank Gannucci
10-04-2007, 10:26 PM
(The Cleveland Indians beat the NY Yankees 12-3.)
(Ralph & Ed come home from the poolroom. Ralph is in a rage.)
Ralph: "I can't believe that the Yankees lost. They will lose another chance at the World Series if they keep this up."
Ed: "Yeah, this is so sad. First the Mets blow a seven game lead in the season. Now this."
Ralph: "Don't even remind me of those Mets. They played like BUMS."
(Alice comes out.)
Alice: "Hi Ralph!"
Ralph: "The Yankees lost again. They lost bad. They lost 12-3. I wanted them in the World Series. I want them to perhaps beat a team like the Cubs or Phillies."
Ed: "Ralph, all they did was lose the first game. New York won the first game last season but lost the next three to Detroit."
Ralph: "Ooooh, don't remind me. THey lost to Detroit. They shouldn't have. Earlier this season, everyone was counting out the Yankees. They were in last place earlier. That had thier worst start in 14 years. But they came back. All I can say is that if the Yankees lose this series in a sweep, I will eat Ed's hat."
Alice: "I believe you Ralph. You will eat anything."
(Ed laughs.)
Ralph (yells): "SHUT UP NORTON!"
Ed: "I hope the Yankees win tomorrow. I want to celebrate a win while I am working during high tide."
Ralph: "Don't worry. They Yankees will win."
(Ralph goes out to the window.)
Ralph (yells): "HEY EVERYONE! THE YANKES WILL WIN! RALPH KRMADEN GUARANTEES IT!"
All (yells): "AHH SHUT UP!"
(Ralph is upset.)
(Jackie Gleason walks on stage.)
Jackie: "As usual, the Miami Beach audiences are the BEST! GOOD NIGHT!"
"Boys & Girls Together":
Ralph: "I'm very important to the Hurricanes. I'm the anchor man."
Alice: "Of what, the Queen Mary?"
"Boys & Girls Together":
(Alice wants to go to the movies.)
Ralph: "The Hurricanes need me."
Alice: "I feel very sorry for the Hurricanes because the biggest wind of them all isn't going to be there."
"Mama Loves Mambo":
Carlos: "If your wives want you guys to do these simple things, like opening a door for them, why don't you do it?"
Ralph: "He wants to know why we don't do it. Why we don't do it....Why we don't do it....Because it's too much trouble. That's why we don't do it."
"This Is Your Life Part 1":
(The waiter gives Ralph & Ed food for their lunch. He takes Ed's hat so it can be hung up.)
Waiter: "Your hat sir?"
Ralph: "What?"
Waiter: "Your hat?"
Ralph: "No, it's my hat. I'll keep it."
"Ralph Kramden Presents":
(Ed goes into the elevator so he can wash up.)
Elevator Operator: "Where to sir?"
Ed: "Follow that cable."
"Better Living Through TV":
Ralph: "Nobody is 100% Alice."
Alice: "You are. You have been wrong every time."
"Better Living Through TV":
Ralph: "This is the biggest thing that I ever got into."
Alice: "The biggest thing you ever got into was your pants."
"Sleepy Time Gal":
(Mike Case is about to hypnotize Alice to get her to tell Ralph where the money is so he can use it on the convention.)
Ralph (to Mike Case): "You might think that this is a little underhanded, but all's fair in love and war."
Ed: "In this family, it's a little bit of both."
"Sleepy Time Gal":
(Ed & Ralph are trying to think of a way to get that woman, as they refer to her as, out of the phone booth. Unbeknownst to them, the woman is Alice.)
Ed: "Why don't we go across the street, call here, tell this lady she is wanted home. She leaves. Then, we come back here to call up the hypnotist."
Ralph: "Did you just say to go across the street, call here, tell this lady she is wanted home, then when she leaves, we use this phone to call up the hypnotist?" (yells): "I NEVER HEARD ANYTHING MORE STUPID IN MY LIFE. THIS PHONE WOULD BE BUSY IF WE DID THAT."
(Ralph & Ed come home from the poolroom. Ralph is in a rage.)
Ralph: "I can't believe that the Yankees lost. They will lose another chance at the World Series if they keep this up."
Ed: "Yeah, this is so sad. First the Mets blow a seven game lead in the season. Now this."
Ralph: "Don't even remind me of those Mets. They played like BUMS."
(Alice comes out.)
Alice: "Hi Ralph!"
Ralph: "The Yankees lost again. They lost bad. They lost 12-3. I wanted them in the World Series. I want them to perhaps beat a team like the Cubs or Phillies."
Ed: "Ralph, all they did was lose the first game. New York won the first game last season but lost the next three to Detroit."
Ralph: "Ooooh, don't remind me. THey lost to Detroit. They shouldn't have. Earlier this season, everyone was counting out the Yankees. They were in last place earlier. That had thier worst start in 14 years. But they came back. All I can say is that if the Yankees lose this series in a sweep, I will eat Ed's hat."
Alice: "I believe you Ralph. You will eat anything."
(Ed laughs.)
Ralph (yells): "SHUT UP NORTON!"
Ed: "I hope the Yankees win tomorrow. I want to celebrate a win while I am working during high tide."
Ralph: "Don't worry. They Yankees will win."
(Ralph goes out to the window.)
Ralph (yells): "HEY EVERYONE! THE YANKES WILL WIN! RALPH KRMADEN GUARANTEES IT!"
All (yells): "AHH SHUT UP!"
(Ralph is upset.)
(Jackie Gleason walks on stage.)
Jackie: "As usual, the Miami Beach audiences are the BEST! GOOD NIGHT!"
"Boys & Girls Together":
Ralph: "I'm very important to the Hurricanes. I'm the anchor man."
Alice: "Of what, the Queen Mary?"
"Boys & Girls Together":
(Alice wants to go to the movies.)
Ralph: "The Hurricanes need me."
Alice: "I feel very sorry for the Hurricanes because the biggest wind of them all isn't going to be there."
"Mama Loves Mambo":
Carlos: "If your wives want you guys to do these simple things, like opening a door for them, why don't you do it?"
Ralph: "He wants to know why we don't do it. Why we don't do it....Why we don't do it....Because it's too much trouble. That's why we don't do it."
"This Is Your Life Part 1":
(The waiter gives Ralph & Ed food for their lunch. He takes Ed's hat so it can be hung up.)
Waiter: "Your hat sir?"
Ralph: "What?"
Waiter: "Your hat?"
Ralph: "No, it's my hat. I'll keep it."
"Ralph Kramden Presents":
(Ed goes into the elevator so he can wash up.)
Elevator Operator: "Where to sir?"
Ed: "Follow that cable."
"Better Living Through TV":
Ralph: "Nobody is 100% Alice."
Alice: "You are. You have been wrong every time."
"Better Living Through TV":
Ralph: "This is the biggest thing that I ever got into."
Alice: "The biggest thing you ever got into was your pants."
"Sleepy Time Gal":
(Mike Case is about to hypnotize Alice to get her to tell Ralph where the money is so he can use it on the convention.)
Ralph (to Mike Case): "You might think that this is a little underhanded, but all's fair in love and war."
Ed: "In this family, it's a little bit of both."
"Sleepy Time Gal":
(Ed & Ralph are trying to think of a way to get that woman, as they refer to her as, out of the phone booth. Unbeknownst to them, the woman is Alice.)
Ed: "Why don't we go across the street, call here, tell this lady she is wanted home. She leaves. Then, we come back here to call up the hypnotist."
Ralph: "Did you just say to go across the street, call here, tell this lady she is wanted home, then when she leaves, we use this phone to call up the hypnotist?" (yells): "I NEVER HEARD ANYTHING MORE STUPID IN MY LIFE. THIS PHONE WOULD BE BUSY IF WE DID THAT."