Frank Gannucci
06-26-2007, 12:23 PM
"A Promotion Part 1":
(Ralph has just told Alice not to tell the Nortons about his promotion, but unbeknownst to Ralph, she did.)
Ralph: "I have been promoted. I am now an executive."
Ed: "What a surprise."
(Ed tries to act like he's surprised.)
Ralph (to Alice): "So you told him, huh?"
"Two-Family Car":
(Alice cleans the fire escape and the mop fell off the rod. It landed on Ralph.)
Alice: "I see that you found my mop."
Ralph: "What this? This one of those new Italian haircuts."
"Be It Ever So Humble":
(Ralph is ready to paint the Norton's apartment.)
Ed: "I want the walls to be brown. Not as dark as a hazel-nut brown. Not as brown as morbid milk brown. There's a certain way that the sun at Coney Island has a way of striking the a hot dog's mustard which reflects off the hot dog through the sauerkraut. That's the kind of brown that I want."
Ralph: "What about the moldings and window frames?"
Ed: "I sort of visualize them as a misty gray. Did you see that technicolor movie with Ricardo Cortez? I want the grey from his eyes. Not the iris part of his eyes, but the cornea."
Ralph: "That kind of grey huh? What about the door?"
Ed: "The door I haven't really thought to much about."
Ralph: "I think it should be something neutral so it doesn't clash with anything."
Ed: "Good thinking. It should be a delicate badge. Not a harsh badge, just a neutral delicate badge."
Ralph: "Let me see if I got all this right. You want the walls to be a brown like the sun striking through the mustard and saurkraut on a hot dog. You want the moldings and window frames to be the gray of Robert Cortez's eyes. Not the iris, but the cornea and you want the door to be a nice delicate badge."
Ed: "Yeah."
Ralph: "I'm painting the whole joint green."
"Ralph Kramden Presents":
Ralph: "Pardon me sir. On the Jackie Gleason Show, who's funnier, Jackie Gleason or Art Carney?"
Man: "I can't say. I watch Flipper."
"Funny Money":
Ralph: "Money. I am a millionaire."
Ed: "There is enough in here to keep you in pizza for the rest of your life."
"The Bensonhurst Bomber":
Ralph: "Why did he say: 'Hey, get a load of fatso there.'?"
Ed: "I don't know. Maybe the phrase just fits."
"Pal O' Mine":
Ralph: "Butter on my finger?" (yells): "AT 89 CENTS A POUND."
(normally): "Would you stop throwing my money around? Is there any lard around here?"
Alice: "Yeah about 300 lbs. of it."
"Great Jewel Robbery":
Ralph: "In the race to get ahead, I am way out in front."
Ed: "Yes, you certainly are way out in front."
"Ralph Kramden Presents":
(Ralph has every Raccoon believing that he knows Jackie Gleason and will get him to come to the Raccoon Dance.)
Ralph: "Do you remember the last time that the Grand High Exalted Mystic Ruler bought everybody a round of beer?"
Alice: "Yeah, the time that you told them that you knew Rudy Valee."
(Ralph has just told Alice not to tell the Nortons about his promotion, but unbeknownst to Ralph, she did.)
Ralph: "I have been promoted. I am now an executive."
Ed: "What a surprise."
(Ed tries to act like he's surprised.)
Ralph (to Alice): "So you told him, huh?"
"Two-Family Car":
(Alice cleans the fire escape and the mop fell off the rod. It landed on Ralph.)
Alice: "I see that you found my mop."
Ralph: "What this? This one of those new Italian haircuts."
"Be It Ever So Humble":
(Ralph is ready to paint the Norton's apartment.)
Ed: "I want the walls to be brown. Not as dark as a hazel-nut brown. Not as brown as morbid milk brown. There's a certain way that the sun at Coney Island has a way of striking the a hot dog's mustard which reflects off the hot dog through the sauerkraut. That's the kind of brown that I want."
Ralph: "What about the moldings and window frames?"
Ed: "I sort of visualize them as a misty gray. Did you see that technicolor movie with Ricardo Cortez? I want the grey from his eyes. Not the iris part of his eyes, but the cornea."
Ralph: "That kind of grey huh? What about the door?"
Ed: "The door I haven't really thought to much about."
Ralph: "I think it should be something neutral so it doesn't clash with anything."
Ed: "Good thinking. It should be a delicate badge. Not a harsh badge, just a neutral delicate badge."
Ralph: "Let me see if I got all this right. You want the walls to be a brown like the sun striking through the mustard and saurkraut on a hot dog. You want the moldings and window frames to be the gray of Robert Cortez's eyes. Not the iris, but the cornea and you want the door to be a nice delicate badge."
Ed: "Yeah."
Ralph: "I'm painting the whole joint green."
"Ralph Kramden Presents":
Ralph: "Pardon me sir. On the Jackie Gleason Show, who's funnier, Jackie Gleason or Art Carney?"
Man: "I can't say. I watch Flipper."
"Funny Money":
Ralph: "Money. I am a millionaire."
Ed: "There is enough in here to keep you in pizza for the rest of your life."
"The Bensonhurst Bomber":
Ralph: "Why did he say: 'Hey, get a load of fatso there.'?"
Ed: "I don't know. Maybe the phrase just fits."
"Pal O' Mine":
Ralph: "Butter on my finger?" (yells): "AT 89 CENTS A POUND."
(normally): "Would you stop throwing my money around? Is there any lard around here?"
Alice: "Yeah about 300 lbs. of it."
"Great Jewel Robbery":
Ralph: "In the race to get ahead, I am way out in front."
Ed: "Yes, you certainly are way out in front."
"Ralph Kramden Presents":
(Ralph has every Raccoon believing that he knows Jackie Gleason and will get him to come to the Raccoon Dance.)
Ralph: "Do you remember the last time that the Grand High Exalted Mystic Ruler bought everybody a round of beer?"
Alice: "Yeah, the time that you told them that you knew Rudy Valee."