Frank Gannucci
06-14-2007, 10:13 PM
(Ralph & Alice are going out to eat with Alice's parents.)
Ralph: "Why do we have to go to the Colonade Room? That is the most expensive restauarant in the world. Name me one truck driver that eats there."
Alice: "Ralph, we are going to the Colonade Room. It's Father's Day. Remember, your parents are on vacation."
Ralph: "Lucky them. They get to go to Miami Beach."
Alice: "Ralph, there is the Colonade Room. Right there."
(They meet Alice's parents.)
Alice: "Happy Father's Day Dad."
Ralph: "Happy Father's Day."
Alice's Dad: "Thank you Alice and Ralph. I hope that you don't mind that we brought Uncle Leo."
Uncle Leo: "Ralph, it is GOOD to see ya."
Alice's Mom: "Ralph, don't you eat too much. I know that you eat ALice out of house and home."
Ralph (whispering): "Bang! Zoom!"
(They go inside the Colonade Room.)
Alice's Dad: "So Ralph, are you still driving?"
Ralph: "Yes. I am. I am in the transportation business and I run things."
Alice's Mom: "Looks like to me that you need to do some more running Sonny Boy."
Ralph: "Oh ho ho ho ho ho! You are a riot."
(The waiter comes by and takes their orders.)
Alice: "Dad, here is a gift from me and Ralph."
(Alice's Dad opens it.)
Alice's Dad: "Wow! An Ipod. I need this when I exercise. I love acting young. Age is just a number."
Ralph: "So is weight mom. Ha ha ha ha."
Alice's Mom: "Yeah, you are a right Ralph."
(Music plays.)
Alice's Mom: "Lets dance."
(Alice's parents dance. The Kramdens dance also. Ralph accidentally knocks Alice's Dad down.)
Ralph: "Sorry."
Alice's Mom: "Why don't you watch where you are going, you big elephant."
Ralph (yells): "WHO ARE YOU CALLING AN ELEPHANT? IT WAS A MISTAKE."
C
Alice's Mom (yells): "IT WAS A MISTAKE THE MY ALICE MARRIED YOU. THE ONLY ONE IN THAT FAMILY THAT LOOKS PREGNANT IS YOU."
Alice's Dad (yells): "PLEASE, DON'T RUIN MY DAY. IT WAS AN HONEST MISTAKE. RALPH APOLOGIZED. APOLOGY ACCEPTED." (yells to Alice's Mom): "MAYBE YOU NEED TO STOP BEING SO MEAN TO RALPH."
Ralph: "I couldn't agree more."
(They retunr to the booth.)
Alice's Mom: "I am sorry Ralph. I guess that you do care for people after all other than yourself."
Ralph: "Yes. I do. Hey, what are the plans after dinner?"
Alice's Dad: "I would love to play pool. I haven't played that game in years."
Ralph: "Good. Me and you can go down to the pool hall. It will be a lot of fun. Maybe you want to join the Raccoons. I belong there."
Alice's Dad: "I will think about it."
Ralph: "Oooh, this day is turning out better that I expected."
(They all sing a song about Father's Day.)
(Jackie Gleason comes on stage.)
Jackie: "As usual, the Miami Beach audiences are the BEST. GOOD NIGHT."
"The Loudspeaker":
Ralph: "Do you realize that at the annual clambake I have the honor of opening the first clam! And as we take our cruise up the Hudson River I get to go up to the bridge and steer - as we pass Raccoon Point."
Alice: "Well golly gee!"
"Little Man Who Wasn't There Part 1":
Doctor: "I notice that you have a slight limp. Is that disability permanent?"
Ralph: "No, it isn't. I got it this morning. I hit myself with a hammer."
Doctor: "You hit yourself with a hammer?"
Ralph: "Don't get the wrong idea. Ed hit my leg with the hammer."
"A Dog's Life":
Ralph: "Gee, I remember when I used to weigh 165. Did you see me when I weighed 165?"
Ed: "No Ralph. I never did see your baby pictures."
"Movies Are Better Than Ever":
(Trixie & Ed enter into the pool room. Ralph & Alice are already in the pool room. Ralph and Ed are in the middle of a fight.)
Ralph: "I didn't know anything escaped from the zoo today."
Ed: "If it was an elephant, I can tell them where to look."
"Lost Baby":
(Ralph found a "baby" on his bus.)
Ed: "I still say that baby is John Wadamaker's (sp?) baby."
Ralph: "Are you crazy? John is a millionaire."
Ed: "You're right. If he was that rich, he would have left that baby in a taxi."
"Hair To A Fortune":
Ed: "Here's on bottle. H2O."
Ralph: "H2O. Oh, that is pronounced ho."
"Please Leave The Premises":
Ralph: "I'm the General - what I say goes."
Alice: "Then you better say Alice because I'm going."
"Hot Dog Stand":
Mr. Foster: "Loans are a bank's lifeblood."
Ralph: "Good because we are in desperate need of a transfusion."
"The Main Event":
Ralph: "Did you just see how Dynamite walloped that machine?"
Ed: "Good thing it wasn't a Pepsi-Cola machine or we would all drown."
Ralph: "Why do we have to go to the Colonade Room? That is the most expensive restauarant in the world. Name me one truck driver that eats there."
Alice: "Ralph, we are going to the Colonade Room. It's Father's Day. Remember, your parents are on vacation."
Ralph: "Lucky them. They get to go to Miami Beach."
Alice: "Ralph, there is the Colonade Room. Right there."
(They meet Alice's parents.)
Alice: "Happy Father's Day Dad."
Ralph: "Happy Father's Day."
Alice's Dad: "Thank you Alice and Ralph. I hope that you don't mind that we brought Uncle Leo."
Uncle Leo: "Ralph, it is GOOD to see ya."
Alice's Mom: "Ralph, don't you eat too much. I know that you eat ALice out of house and home."
Ralph (whispering): "Bang! Zoom!"
(They go inside the Colonade Room.)
Alice's Dad: "So Ralph, are you still driving?"
Ralph: "Yes. I am. I am in the transportation business and I run things."
Alice's Mom: "Looks like to me that you need to do some more running Sonny Boy."
Ralph: "Oh ho ho ho ho ho! You are a riot."
(The waiter comes by and takes their orders.)
Alice: "Dad, here is a gift from me and Ralph."
(Alice's Dad opens it.)
Alice's Dad: "Wow! An Ipod. I need this when I exercise. I love acting young. Age is just a number."
Ralph: "So is weight mom. Ha ha ha ha."
Alice's Mom: "Yeah, you are a right Ralph."
(Music plays.)
Alice's Mom: "Lets dance."
(Alice's parents dance. The Kramdens dance also. Ralph accidentally knocks Alice's Dad down.)
Ralph: "Sorry."
Alice's Mom: "Why don't you watch where you are going, you big elephant."
Ralph (yells): "WHO ARE YOU CALLING AN ELEPHANT? IT WAS A MISTAKE."
C
Alice's Mom (yells): "IT WAS A MISTAKE THE MY ALICE MARRIED YOU. THE ONLY ONE IN THAT FAMILY THAT LOOKS PREGNANT IS YOU."
Alice's Dad (yells): "PLEASE, DON'T RUIN MY DAY. IT WAS AN HONEST MISTAKE. RALPH APOLOGIZED. APOLOGY ACCEPTED." (yells to Alice's Mom): "MAYBE YOU NEED TO STOP BEING SO MEAN TO RALPH."
Ralph: "I couldn't agree more."
(They retunr to the booth.)
Alice's Mom: "I am sorry Ralph. I guess that you do care for people after all other than yourself."
Ralph: "Yes. I do. Hey, what are the plans after dinner?"
Alice's Dad: "I would love to play pool. I haven't played that game in years."
Ralph: "Good. Me and you can go down to the pool hall. It will be a lot of fun. Maybe you want to join the Raccoons. I belong there."
Alice's Dad: "I will think about it."
Ralph: "Oooh, this day is turning out better that I expected."
(They all sing a song about Father's Day.)
(Jackie Gleason comes on stage.)
Jackie: "As usual, the Miami Beach audiences are the BEST. GOOD NIGHT."
"The Loudspeaker":
Ralph: "Do you realize that at the annual clambake I have the honor of opening the first clam! And as we take our cruise up the Hudson River I get to go up to the bridge and steer - as we pass Raccoon Point."
Alice: "Well golly gee!"
"Little Man Who Wasn't There Part 1":
Doctor: "I notice that you have a slight limp. Is that disability permanent?"
Ralph: "No, it isn't. I got it this morning. I hit myself with a hammer."
Doctor: "You hit yourself with a hammer?"
Ralph: "Don't get the wrong idea. Ed hit my leg with the hammer."
"A Dog's Life":
Ralph: "Gee, I remember when I used to weigh 165. Did you see me when I weighed 165?"
Ed: "No Ralph. I never did see your baby pictures."
"Movies Are Better Than Ever":
(Trixie & Ed enter into the pool room. Ralph & Alice are already in the pool room. Ralph and Ed are in the middle of a fight.)
Ralph: "I didn't know anything escaped from the zoo today."
Ed: "If it was an elephant, I can tell them where to look."
"Lost Baby":
(Ralph found a "baby" on his bus.)
Ed: "I still say that baby is John Wadamaker's (sp?) baby."
Ralph: "Are you crazy? John is a millionaire."
Ed: "You're right. If he was that rich, he would have left that baby in a taxi."
"Hair To A Fortune":
Ed: "Here's on bottle. H2O."
Ralph: "H2O. Oh, that is pronounced ho."
"Please Leave The Premises":
Ralph: "I'm the General - what I say goes."
Alice: "Then you better say Alice because I'm going."
"Hot Dog Stand":
Mr. Foster: "Loans are a bank's lifeblood."
Ralph: "Good because we are in desperate need of a transfusion."
"The Main Event":
Ralph: "Did you just see how Dynamite walloped that machine?"
Ed: "Good thing it wasn't a Pepsi-Cola machine or we would all drown."