Frank Gannucci
05-23-2007, 07:51 PM
"Unconventional Behavior":
Conductor: "Gentlemen, what seems to be the trouble?"
Ralph: "What seems to be the trouble? I'll tell you what the trouble is. First, he makes his and my wife miss the train because he can't keep an eye on them. Then, he comes in here and puts handcuffs on my wrists. That isn't enough. I ask him does he want a drink of water, no. I ask him if he wants something to eat, no. He doesn't want anything until he gets up there and says that he wants a match. Then on top of everything, I have to be handcuffed to this idiot all the way to Minneapolis."
Conductor: "Minneapolis? Gentlemen, this train isn't going to Minneapolis. We are going in the other direction to Norfolk, Virginia."
"Goodbye Aunt Ethel Part 2":
(Aunt Ethel and Fred are alone in the kitchen. A record is being played.)
(Ed comes in.)
Ed: "Howdy folks. I heard the phonograph playing. I thought you would
like some of my records better. Here is a good one."
(Ed puts it on.)
(Loud big band music plays. Ed dances to it.)
(Ralph comes out and takes Ed's record off.)
Ralph (yells): "GET OUT! GET OUT!"
"Alice & The Blonde":
Ralph: "It just so happens that the Raccoon Lodge is going through a
financial crisis. And I'm the Treasurer Alice, I'm responsible. If I don't get some money into that treasury you know what might happen? The Bensonhurst chapter of the Raccoon Lodge may no longer be! Do you know what that means?"
Alice: "Yeah, real estate values in Bensonhurst will go up 100%."
"Movies Are Better Than Ever":
(Ed just won himself a TV using a movie theater ticket that Ralph got for him.)
Ed: "It's just like the guys said: 'A lesser man would have said: 'I bought the ticket. The set belongs to me.''"
Ralph: "I bought the ticket. The set belongs to me."
"The Honeymoon Is Over":
(Ed puts a beauty mark on Ralph's left cheek after the makeup put some makeup on Ralph's eyes and lipstick.)
Ralph: "What did you just do?"
Ed: "I put a beauty mark on your left cheek."
Ralph: "Why did you do that?"
Ed: "Without it, you look exactly like Barbara Streisand."
"Unconventional Behavior":
(Ralph invites Alice to come along so he can get money for the convention. Alice was going to give him the money anyway. The men are upset that they know that Alice, and subsequently Trixie are coming along.)
Ed: "Can I ask you a question? How do you get us in these fixes?"
Ralph: "Very simple. Very simple Norton." (yells): "I HAVE A BIIIIIIG MOUTH!"
"Two Tickets To The Fight":
Ralph: "Throw a punch at me and I will duck."
(Ed throws a punch and hits Ralph.)
Ed: "Hey, that's some ducking Ralph. I can never hit you the second time."
"Cottage For Sale Part 2":
(The Kramdens and Nortons are in the lemon that is their cottage.)
Ralph: "What do you think is the first thing we should do here?"
Alice: "Burn it down."
"Hair To A Fortune":
(Ralph accidently pours Ed's beer into the mixture that they are making to make the bair-growing formula.)
Ed: "I was looking for my beer."
Ralph: "You stupid stupe! You made me poor the beer into the mixture."
Ed: "Why are you calling me stupid for? I wouldn't have done it."
Conductor: "Gentlemen, what seems to be the trouble?"
Ralph: "What seems to be the trouble? I'll tell you what the trouble is. First, he makes his and my wife miss the train because he can't keep an eye on them. Then, he comes in here and puts handcuffs on my wrists. That isn't enough. I ask him does he want a drink of water, no. I ask him if he wants something to eat, no. He doesn't want anything until he gets up there and says that he wants a match. Then on top of everything, I have to be handcuffed to this idiot all the way to Minneapolis."
Conductor: "Minneapolis? Gentlemen, this train isn't going to Minneapolis. We are going in the other direction to Norfolk, Virginia."
"Goodbye Aunt Ethel Part 2":
(Aunt Ethel and Fred are alone in the kitchen. A record is being played.)
(Ed comes in.)
Ed: "Howdy folks. I heard the phonograph playing. I thought you would
like some of my records better. Here is a good one."
(Ed puts it on.)
(Loud big band music plays. Ed dances to it.)
(Ralph comes out and takes Ed's record off.)
Ralph (yells): "GET OUT! GET OUT!"
"Alice & The Blonde":
Ralph: "It just so happens that the Raccoon Lodge is going through a
financial crisis. And I'm the Treasurer Alice, I'm responsible. If I don't get some money into that treasury you know what might happen? The Bensonhurst chapter of the Raccoon Lodge may no longer be! Do you know what that means?"
Alice: "Yeah, real estate values in Bensonhurst will go up 100%."
"Movies Are Better Than Ever":
(Ed just won himself a TV using a movie theater ticket that Ralph got for him.)
Ed: "It's just like the guys said: 'A lesser man would have said: 'I bought the ticket. The set belongs to me.''"
Ralph: "I bought the ticket. The set belongs to me."
"The Honeymoon Is Over":
(Ed puts a beauty mark on Ralph's left cheek after the makeup put some makeup on Ralph's eyes and lipstick.)
Ralph: "What did you just do?"
Ed: "I put a beauty mark on your left cheek."
Ralph: "Why did you do that?"
Ed: "Without it, you look exactly like Barbara Streisand."
"Unconventional Behavior":
(Ralph invites Alice to come along so he can get money for the convention. Alice was going to give him the money anyway. The men are upset that they know that Alice, and subsequently Trixie are coming along.)
Ed: "Can I ask you a question? How do you get us in these fixes?"
Ralph: "Very simple. Very simple Norton." (yells): "I HAVE A BIIIIIIG MOUTH!"
"Two Tickets To The Fight":
Ralph: "Throw a punch at me and I will duck."
(Ed throws a punch and hits Ralph.)
Ed: "Hey, that's some ducking Ralph. I can never hit you the second time."
"Cottage For Sale Part 2":
(The Kramdens and Nortons are in the lemon that is their cottage.)
Ralph: "What do you think is the first thing we should do here?"
Alice: "Burn it down."
"Hair To A Fortune":
(Ralph accidently pours Ed's beer into the mixture that they are making to make the bair-growing formula.)
Ed: "I was looking for my beer."
Ralph: "You stupid stupe! You made me poor the beer into the mixture."
Ed: "Why are you calling me stupid for? I wouldn't have done it."