Stupid News

[moofomoo]

Alright guys I had to share this with you cuz every morning I am on the express bus into Manhattan, the radio station I listen to plays a special segment I love to listen to called-what else? "STUPID NEWS!" (Well, that and "what stupid thing will Greg T do today," but this is more fun to report back to you guys!)

Stupid news report for today (make yourself feel smarter) and one extra I remembered from Wednesday:

***A woman named Christine (I forget where) was pulled over for travelling 7 miles down a one way street going the WRONG WAY! When asked to comment about her driving she said, "I was driving safely, I don't know why I got pulled over, everything would have been fine if the people coming towards me wouldn't have been swerving so much!" The comment from the newscasters? Yeah...they were pretty much laughing and making miscellaneous comments about her driving, especially since she plead "not guilty" for reckless driving. She thinks she did nothing wrong. (what was she smoking?)

***A man (again, I forget where) drove up to a lady on the side of a street and kidnapped her. (It gets better...really!) He took her to his place where he made her do his laundry and clean his dishes! Then he took her back to where he found her and dropped her off. (Ok, my comments are as simple as the newscasters---I guess he got fed up with the mess and was too lazy to do it himself, but not too lazy to figure out a kidnapping scheme!)

***A man (if only I paid attention to where these things happened...it'd be easier to tell) who robbed a house figured it would have had better stuff in it, so when he got back to his place, he called up the people he had just stolen from to complain about how crappy their stuff was. (Who said beggars can't be chosers? lol) OOPS on his part though, they traced the call and the cops picked him up within hours! (Next time, use a payphone? 1-800-CALL-ATT!)

***From Wednesday: A man in Merced California (I remember California, I used to live there...lol) went in to rob a bank telling them he had a gun in his briefcase, and ordered they give him all their money or he'd shoot. When he started rummaging in his briefcase to show he wasn't joking, he didn't find the gun after all...newscasters said he "hung his head in shame and apologized for taking up their time" before leaving. (They also joked that they figured he left it in the OTHER briefcase, and he should come back tomorrow.)


And there you have the STUPID NEWS! Something to hopefully make you laugh and feel smarter about what you do in your daily routine. http://www.sitcomsonline.com/ubb/biggrin.gif

**Gracie**

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Delivery guy: "Blanche Deverux?"
Dorothy: "That's Devereaux...it's only pronounced the other way in limericks."
~~~~~~~~~~
Sophia: "Let me tell you girls the three most important things I learned about life: number one, hold fast to your friends; number two, there's no such thing as security; and number three, don't go see "Ishtar." Woof!"
~~~~~~~~~~
Dorothy: "You'll have to excuse my mother, she recently had a stroke rendering her totally annoying."
~~~~~~~~~~
Sophia: "Sticks and stones may brake your bones, but cement pays homage to tradition!"
~~~~~~~~~~
Sophia: "I think im pregnant."
Dorothy: "What happened, the rabbit died laughing?"
~~~~~~~~~~
Rose: "Sophia, why are you in such a bad mood?"
Sophia: "Excuse me Rose, I haven't had sex in fifteen years and its starting to get on my nerves."

[marmalade]

http://www.sitcomsonline.com/ubb/lol.gif

[ks]

LOL! I would love to have some daily STUPID news on my radio station http://www.sitcomsonline.com/ubb/biggrin.gif LOVED the last one! http://www.sitcomsonline.com/ubb/lol.gif

[tonicapollo]

http://www.sitcomsonline.com/ubb/biggrin.gif thats pretty kool http://www.sitcomsonline.com/ubb/grineyes.gif stuff did it really happen http://www.sitcomsonline.com/ubb/lol.gif they gatta be morons lol

http://www.sitcomsonline.com/ubb/rotflmao.gif http://www.sitcomsonline.com/ubb/biggrin.gif

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hello all

humans are viruses all we do is breed spread out like germs a devaur everything we can..So killing the comon cold is the same as alians killing us!!!!!!!!!!

[Beruche]

It really does make me feel smarter http://www.sitcomsonline.com/ubb/biggrin.gif

[Sean Snow]

LOL My Station Has This Too! But They're at around 8:20 AM, I leave for school 50 minutes earlier! But Some of These People Are Dumber Then Dirt!

[moofomoo]

Yes guys, silly and SAD as it may be, that is all TRUE!!!!

I tell ya what, to make people keep feeling smarter, I'll post the stupid news of the day Monday through Friday mornings, ok? I'll hear it and be able to post it right then (location and all this time...lol) and everyone can get a laugh.

To keep it from making the board bigger (and of course to keep TJ happy http://www.sitcomsonline.com/ubb/biggrin.gif) I'll keep it under this topic.
http://www.sitcomsonline.com/ubb/dizzy.gif
**Gracie**

PS-Anyone in the NYC area can listen to the Zoo Crew on Z100 and verify they said this on the "stupid news" broadcast.

[Max Whittaker]

http://www.sitcomsonline.com/ubb/lol.gif

Yes, please post it rregularly, if of course, it is not copyright infringement.

[Kay Scarpetta]

OMG http://www.sitcomsonline.com/ubb/rotflmao.gif that is SO funny!! What idiot would call the people and practically tell them that they just robbed them?!?! http://www.sitcomsonline.com/ubb/rotflmao.gif

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°·.*¤*-Karli Cauble-the Lisa Cult-*¤*.·°

**In the year 2005, Lauren and I are driving to California to beg and pleed Lisa Whelchel and Nancy McKeon to become our mothers. She will become "Lauren McKeon" and I will become "Karli-wait a minute. I can't become 'Karli Cauble' AGAIN, can I???" Oh well, Just remember us as the "Cauble/McKeon kids!!"**

This song shows an important message

*Look at me, You may think you see who I really am, but you'll never know me. Every day it's as if I play a part. Now I see if I wear a mask, I can fool the world, but I cannot fool my heart. Who is that girl I see, staring straight back at me? When will my reflection show who I am inside? I am now in a world where I have to hide my heart, and what I believe in. But somehow, I will show the world what's inside my heart, and be loved for who I am. Who is that girl I see, staring straight back at me? Why is my reflection someone I don't know? Must I pretend that I'm someone else, for all time? When will my reflection show who I am inside? There's a heart that must be free to fly. That burns with a need to know the reason why. Why must we all conceal,
what we think, how we feel? Must there be a secret me, I'm forced to hide? I won't pretend that I'm someone else, for all time. When will my reflection show who I am inside, when will my reflection show who I am inside?*

[Montana Ponine]

http://www.sitcomsonline.com/ubb/lol.gif!!!! Hahahaha! lol! thats hilarious!

[Meg07945]

Originally posted by moofomoo:
PS-Anyone in the NYC area can listen to the Zoo Crew on Z100 and verify they said this on the "stupid news" broadcast.


I used to listen to that....what time is on?! I usually listen to PST in the morning while I'm in the shower. A few years ago school started at like 9 and I would listen to like everything on Z100 (what the hell is this, and the one that sounded like pomp and circumstance (lol it was like random facts or something)...lol but6 now I am listening to Chris's Corner cause it fits into my schedule better (6:15!!) I used to do sound of the celebrity and stuff on PST, but thats on at 8:15! ahh... ok well on the z100 site there is a page for stupid news too...www.z100.com


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MEG
¤Friends don't let friends get mullets!¤

[~*hosebabe87*~]

hahaha!! that was funny moofomoo!!!! and I also really enjoyed your siggy!!!! I love the Golden GirlS!!!

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~*MaRtA*~
me, marie, katie, driscoll, blake<~~~anti-socialists!!! WORD UP!! LOL!
everyone else sucks and we're great!! AH!!!! FISH!!!
um...there's an idiot at the door...lol!!
what's up all u message board people?! good times! lol! gotta fly! peace out!!!! WORD!~*!~*!~*!~*

[moofomoo]

Meg---it's the early morning zoocrew i listen between 8 and 9:15 because that's my commute generally. I love the stupid things they have Greg T do...reminds me of what my friend listens to in San Diego in the morning with Bromo (a guy like Greg T...but he keeps getting in situations where he ends up naked) and they're both freaks! Makes me feel better.

hosebabe---thanks, gotta love the Golden Girls, eh? I don't usually put my signature at the end cept when I put up a new topic or if I'm posting under the GG board.

**Gracie**

[Sitcomwriter]

I used to listen to that station but I have my own now but I'm a http://www.sitcomsonline.com/ubb/cool.gif person who only listens to http://www.sitcomsonline.com/ubb/lol.gif stuff ya dig?

America's favorite http://www.sitcomsonline.com/ubb/cool.gif writer

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Next time on:

"Three's a Club"

"Meet Susan"
The new neighbor has a thing for Larry.

"The New Three's Company"

"Chrissy's job offer"
Chrissy considers taking a job in Alaska.

"American Women"

"American Sissy"
Chrissy thinks Sarah is a sissy.

Those are just some of Sitcomwriter's TC Spinoffs.

-------------------------
"Melody and Chrissy"
August 16th 2001-September 23rd 2001
May it rest in peace

[moofomoo]

Originally posted by Sitcomwriter:
I used to listen to that station but I have my own now but I'm a http://www.sitcomsonline.com/ubb/cool.gif person who only listens to http://www.sitcomsonline.com/ubb/lol.gif stuff ya dig?


Nope, but then again I hardly ever understand stuff you say, to be perfectly honest with you. *shrugs*
http://www.sitcomsonline.com/ubb/lol.gif

**Gracie**

[Acting Girl 19]

http://www.sitcomsonline.com/ubb/rotflmao.gif that was great lol

[moofomoo]

Stupid news for today (sorry I been sick, not slacking, I swear!)

(This one's kinda sad, not as funny) Phyllis ____, a nurse of Minnesota-or Massachusetts, but I think it was Minnesota-had to have a surgical procedure on her rear end and was the brunt of a joke while she was under anesthesia. Her friends used a marker to make a heart on her backside and put "I love (the doctor's name who was doing the procedure)" then they took pictures and circulated them around the hospital. When she came to, she didn't find it funny and is now suing her co-workers/former friends and the hospital for being degraded.


Another STUPID HOLDUP!!!:
(They never said where this one took place) A man went and robbed a bank again, this time asking for large bills-only $50s and $100s. He might have gotten away with it too, had he not gone around the corner and asked for spare change to make a phone call from some passerby on the street. (He could ask for $50s and $100s, but he couldn't have asked for a roll of quarters or used 1-800-COLLECT?)

Picture's worth a 1,000 words...or 10-20 in the local slammer:
A recently paroled inmate from Massachusettes decided to have a little gathering of his friends to celebrate his release. Being the party animal he was, he had plenty of booze and illegal drugs for everyone, and took tons of pictures. As a way of waving the idea of "haha look at me, I'm living the life and you're behind bars" in their faces, he sent those pictures to former cellmates...obviously forgetting that the prison mail is always searched before cellmates get it. (Can we say...OOPS!)

That's today's issue. Tune in tomorrow! I know I will!

**Gracie**

[moofomoo]

Forgot to mention...they announce Stupid News to the tune of "Stupid Girl."

"Stupid Newwwwws.....Stupid Newwwwwwwws"

lol

**Gracie**

[Max Whittaker]

http://www.sitcomsonline.com/ubb/lol.gif That second one was great!

[moofomoo]

Due to last nights' events and the fact that I got no sleep atall and slept through the whole morning show (there's 30 mins left, but I am barely coherant...lol) today's stupid news will be only an exerpt of what they had in the past. (aka-I had to go to the website for these.) Tomorrow will be better, I hope. And maybe I'll have some witty comments to make on them as well by then...right now I'm too dang tired.

Archived 10-19-01:
The National Hazards Research and Applications Information Center has just finished a research project to find out how Americans can prevent being victimized by natural disasters. After five years of study by 132 scientists, and the expenditure or thousands of taxpayer dollars, the researcher's findings are in... According to them, fewer Americans would be affected by natural disasters if... Americans would try not living in areas where natural disasters are likely to occur. Wow, why didn't I think of that?

Archived 10-22-01:
Security has been increased at all the nation’s airports since Sept. 11th. Wanna know how it's been going at a typical airport? Let's take Tampa International since Sep 11, where security screeners are confiscating anything even remotely "weapon-like." Some examples of items seized recently from carry-on luggage. One jet setter just couldn't leave home without a vegetable peeler. Two others simply couldn’t fly without a meat thermometer within reach. And 10 other fliers considered a pair of handcuffs an essential travel item.

[Montana Ponine]

http://www.sitcomsonline.com/ubb/lol.gif loved the last one!

[moofomoo]

Those of you who read these, I'm sorry... I'm not making excuses, I'm telling it like it is. Today was just...well, I was...
http://www.sitcomsonline.com/ubb/sleep2.gif
And that's my story.

I'll put a joke or two here so you can read it instead though ok? (I'd rather make up for my mistakes and make ya laugh http://www.sitcomsonline.com/ubb/biggrin.gif)

"Honey," said this husband to his wife, "I invited a friend home for
supper."
"What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I haven't been shopping, all
the dishes are dirty, and I don't feel like cooking a fancy meal!"
"I know all that."
"Then why did you invite a friend for supper?"
"Because the poor fool's thinking about getting married."
* * * * *

"How was your game, dear?" asked Jack's wife Tracy.
"Well, I was hitting pretty well, but my eyesight's gotten so bad I couldn't see where the ball went," he answered.
"But you're 75 years old, Jack!" admonished his wife, "Why don't you take my brother Scott along?"
"But he's 85 and doesn't play golf anymore," protested Jack.
"But he's got perfect eyesight. He would watch the ball for you," Tracy pointed out.
The next day Jack teed off with Scott looking on. Jack swung and the ball disappeared down the middle of the fairway.
"Do you see it?" asked Jack.
"Yup," Scott answered.
"Well, where is it?" yelled Jack, peering off into the distance.
"I forgot."
* * * * *

FINISHING OFF WITH:
"Laws Of Slow People"

1. Slow people always walk side by side, even if they don't know each other.
2. They drive side by side, too. If they can't find another slow driver to pair up with, they drive in the fast lane.
3. Slow walkers never look back. When they drive, they never look in their rearview mirrors, either.
4. Slow people drift sideways so they'll block the path of anyone trying to pass them. If two people or vehicles are trying to get around them at the same time, they drift into the path of the one that is moving at the highest speed.
5. If you follow behind a slow person in the grocery store and you'll wind up with soggy ice cream every time.

**Gracie**
"Make em laugh, make em laugh..." ~Singin in the Rain

[moofomoo]

REAL news, but this is in place of hearing "Stupid News" this morning. And this was real stupid in my eyes...not to mention my friends think so too.


CHICAGO, Illinois (CNN) -- There is no indication of any terrorist activity in a weekend incident in which a man tried to board a United Airlines flight armed with nine knives, a can of tear gas and a stun gun, federal investigators suggested today. Subash Gurung, 27, passed through a security checkpoint Saturday at O'Hare International Airport in Chicago, Illinois, with most of his weapons, officials said. The weapons, which came to light during a routine baggage check before Gurung boarded a flight, prompted officials to suspend eight security workers, including a supervisor.


Can we say DUH!?! How stupid can a person get when it's already war time and everyone is paranoid?

**Gracie**
Tomorrow I get the real "stupid news" from the radio...not CNN.

[Max Whittaker]

http://www.sitcomsonline.com/ubb/lol.gifI heard about that. You'd be surprise what stupid things the local news casters say over here. If they weren't so annoying It would be quite funny.

[moofomoo]

For today...11/07~~~Have a HOOT!

In PARIS! People constantly try to extinguish the flame at the Arc de Triumph, but one guy was creative. He used his BUTT! Good luck to him as he's recovering in a hospital then gonna be fined for doing so. (Do you really want to use THAT part of your body to put out a fire?)

The Atlanta Journal, Georgia: There was an ad that read something like "Are you looking for an honest, sincere man? Tired of all the phonies?" etc...and apparently hundreds replied to the ad. Come to find out--It was placed by an inmate in a California prison serving life without parole for murder and theft among other things. (Why can't they use the internet for romance like the rest of the weirdos in jail?)

Thailand! Yesh, even in Thailand people have to have their weed. These guys who grow marijuana are constantly having to replace their guards who roam the grounds to scope out for cops. Recently, the police came by for a raid and had no trouble getting on the property. Apparently, the guards were off getting stoned. (Ok, yeeeeahh, who didn't see that coming? LOL)

Close to home, if not in your backyard! A guy traveled over 1,000 miles to go to Claudia Schiffer's house, being a HUGE fan of hers. He arrived outside her door with a pin on his shirt saying "WILL YOU MARRY ME?" trying to propose. He was arrested almost immediately on the spot for stalking, and had been stalking her for some time. (Isn't she already married to David Copperfield? What a tough choice...weird wacko or a magician...hmmmm...)

For more STUPID NEWS, tune in to the local newscast on CNN...lol!

**Gracie**

[marmalade]

Originally posted by moofomoo:
For more STUPID NEWS, tune in to the local newscast on CNN...lol!

**Gracie**

http://www.sitcomsonline.com/ubb/lol.gif
So true.

[teddys_lil_jinnygirl]

Originally posted by moofomoo:
For today...11/07~~~Have a HOOT!

In PARIS! People constantly try to extinguish the flame at the Arc de Triumph, but one guy was creative. He used his BUTT! Good luck to him as he's recovering in a hospital then gonna be fined for doing so. (Do you really want to use THAT part of your body to put out a fire?)


**Gracie**
:ROTFLMAO: omg hahahahaha!!!!!!!!!

[moofomoo]

They just keep getting funnier... 11/08

United Kingdom: Trevor Harvey went to his son's soccer game and when he disagreed with something the coach did, he punched him in the nose. They put him in jail overnight, making him miss "MAD DAD" apparently an organization against violence. (Uhhh... *pauses* yeah.)

Poland: A man took a taxi and tried to ditch the fare because he didn't want to pay the $3. He ran out of the car, got chased, and CLIMBED A TREE. Just when he thought he got away, he realized he was stuck. Authorities were called and he was rescued. He had to not only pay the $3 fare, but the $4,300 for his rescue! (Guys, this is like the cutting off the nose to spite your face story...let this be a lesson-pay the $3.)

Italy: (They even titled this one "Dial S for STUPID!") A man called the cops to complain that the prostitute he had picked up was overcharging him for services. He told them he would "hold her til they got there." (Why is it when people pick up the phone, their IQ and smarts drop like 50 points? Common sense says...PUT.THE.PHONE.DOWN!)

And locally: Apparently last night Justin Timberlake and Britney Spears were out at a bar (wait, isn't she like only 19? oooh, im tellin!) and their bodyguards/goons/whatever told the waitress that they wanted their own server and that person was to wait on NO ONE ELSE but them. After being rude they wanted to skip out on the check (what is it with people being cheap?) and their server had to go out to the limo and knock repeatedly on the window to get them to pay the check. (Justin...Britney...5 seconds onstage doing a concert will get you that money you had to spend back in your pocket, would it kill you to be like the rest of us if only for a little while?)

**Gracie**
There are two kinds of people in the world...those who wake up and say "Good morning God!" and those who say "Good GOD, it's morning!" ...then there's those who cant count...

[Max Whittaker]

Originally posted by moofomoo:

**Gracie**
There are two kinds of people in the world...those who wake up and say "Good morning God!" and those who say "Good GOD, it's morning!" ...then there's those who cant count...

Words of advise! http://www.sitcomsonline.com/ubb/lol.gif


More! More! I need more STUPIDNESS! http://www.sitcomsonline.com/ubb/dizzy.gif

[tonicapollo]

hi yall ok i got one this is in pueblo
http://www.sitcomsonline.com/ubb/biggrin.gif http://www.sitcomsonline.com/ubb/biggrin.gif
the radio guy was making a joke and said if you wanna pick up chicks in your car you fallow her till she stops at a light then you barly tap her bumper so there aint no damage to be seen then you offer to take her to dinner for her troubles then there you go... then this stupid moron actually did this but he ramed her bumper and she had a 1 of a kind bumper werth lots of money and re just plowed it so she jumped out the car and started screaming at him and is suwing him for 200,000,00... aint that a moron there!!!!!!!!!!!!!!lol http://www.sitcomsonline.com/ubb/rotflmao.gif http://www.sitcomsonline.com/ubb/lol.gif

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Spellchequer

eye halve a spelling chequer
it came with my pea sea
it plainly marques four my revue
miss steaks eye kin knot sea.

eye strike a key and type a word
and weight four it two say
weather eye am wrong oar write
it shows me strait a weigh.

as soon as a mist ache is maid
it nose bee for two long
and eye can put the error rite
its rare lea ever wrong.

eye have run this poem threw it
i am shore your pleased two no
its letter perfect awl the weigh
my chequer tolled me sew.

[ILuvJo&Blair]

Originally posted by moofomoo:
They just keep getting funnier... 11/08


Poland: A man took a taxi and tried to ditch the fare because he didn't want to pay the $3. He ran out of the car, got chased, and CLIMBED A TREE. Just when he thought he got away, he realized he was stuck. Authorities were called and he was rescued. He had to not only pay the $3 fare, but the $4,300 for his rescue! (Guys, this is like the cutting off the nose to spite your face story...let this be a lesson-pay the $3.)

Italy: (They even titled this one "Dial S for STUPID!") A man called the cops to complain that the prostitute he had picked up was overcharging him for services. He told them he would "hold her til they got there." (Why is it when people pick up the phone, their IQ and smarts drop like 50 points? Common sense says...PUT.THE.PHONE.DOWN!)

And locally: Apparently last night Justin Timberlake and Britney Spears were out at a bar (wait, isn't she like only 19? oooh, im tellin!) and their bodyguards/goons/whatever told the waitress that they wanted their own server and that person was to wait on NO ONE ELSE but them. After being rude they wanted to skip out on the check (what is it with people being cheap?) and their server had to go out to the limo and knock repeatedly on the window to get them to pay the check. (Justin...Britney...5 seconds onstage doing a concert will get you that money you had to spend back in your pocket, would it kill you to be like the rest of us if only for a little while?)

**Gracie**
There are two kinds of people in the world...those who wake up and say "Good morning God!" and those who say "Good GOD, it's morning!" ...then there's those who cant count...

http://www.sitcomsonline.com/ubb/rotflmao.gif http://www.sitcomsonline.com/ubb/rotflmao.gif http://www.sitcomsonline.com/ubb/rotflmao.gif http://www.sitcomsonline.com/ubb/rotflmao.gif
Oh my god. How stupid can you get?

[moofomoo]

Again I've been sick so for your reading pleasure til I get to tomorrow/today's Stupid News, I'm leaving you something to laugh at.
http://www.engrish.com/

Enjoy, and see you in the morning.

**Gracie**

[moofomoo]

Morning all, Gracie's back listening to the radio again... 11/14/01

London: Neil Gill, a detective mind you, said about the discovery of a corpse in an airport parking lot that the death may be suspicious. (*pause* Ya think?)

German Opera Company: a double bassist thought it would be funny when the opera company checked into a hotel that he would use an alias as a practical joke. Well yeah, people do that all the time, but there were two problems with this guy. A-he signed things under the name Adolf Hitler and B-the hotel was in Israel. (I hope he got lynched. LOL)

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, YOUR TAX DOLLARS AT WORK!!! : 3 phase study FINALLY completed came out with the results that people who drink and smoke marijuana at the same time don't drive as well as those who don't. (It took them 3 phases to find that out? Boy I'm glad I pay taxes...*rolls eyes*)


**Gracie**

Yeah, I've been sick a lot off and on, so sorry this hasn't been up to date lately.

[Montana Ponine]

http://www.sitcomsonline.com/ubb/lol.gif http://www.sitcomsonline.com/ubb/rotflmao.gif http://www.sitcomsonline.com/ubb/lol.gif http://www.sitcomsonline.com/ubb/rotflmao.gif
that's hilarious!!!

[triple19]

LOL! This "Stupid News" is so funny! Keep posting this stuff! It gave me a much needed laugh today.

[This message has been edited by triple19 (edited 11-14-2001).]

[Beruche]

http://www.sitcomsonline.com/ubb/rotflmao.gif

Finally I found something to laugh today!

http://www.sitcomsonline.com/ubb/lol.gif

[Bootsy Whoosh]

Hey Gracie, thanks for posting that Engrish website. I've always heard that you can find things with english writing on them that make no sense in Japan, but now I can actually see it with my own eyes! Too funny!

[moofomoo]

You're all welcome guys. Only happy to oblige. http://www.sitcomsonline.com/ubb/biggrin.gif

I'll keep up with this as best as possible, but like I said, I've been fighting some strange sick thing/cold/whatever making me overly tired, so I'm glad this keeps me a little humored. http://www.sitcomsonline.com/ubb/smile.gif

**Gracie**

[moofomoo]

I have to email the Zoo crew and complain. I only heard 2 of the 3 stories, and even those were fuzzy because I take the tunnel to get to work, and they put the Na-Nas AFTER the Stupid News instead of doing them beforehand, so it happened in a bad area of the tunnel. Ah well, here goes anyway:

Tennessee: Some guy went in undercover in the prison system to find out how to fix it and make it better, and found the #1 complaint from inmates is how they get treated by the guards. "They treat us like we're common criminals." (Heaven forbid! Someone get the president on this one, eh? Prison inmates are being treated like *common* criminals! Let's give them the first class criminal treatment maybe?)

Minnesota: During a Vikings practice, they had to stop for safety reasons. One of the players had a strange white powder substance on his uniform and they stopped to test it. Apparently it was the powder from the goal line. (I'm only saying one word here...JOCKS! *smacks head* yikes)

**Gracie**

Feel smarter, go back to elementary school and talk to the teachers. Avoid the students, they know too much.

[neo123]

We kinda have something like that on the talk radio here...here are some of the most memorable:

When an elderly lady's cat got stuck up a tree in London in 1978, a British Army unit gallantly came to aid her and rescue the animal. After receiving the woman's thanks and acknowledging the applause of onlookers, the soldiers climbed back into their truck and drove off - running over the cat as they went.

Two German motorists had a 'head on' collision in heavy fog. Each had been driving their car at a snails pace near the centre of the road with there heads out the side window, when they smacked together. Both men were taken to hospital with severe head injuries. Their cars weren't scratched.

In 1976, a hijacker got up from his airline seat, took out a gun and told the captain, "take me to Detroit". "But sir we are already going to Detroit". "oh good, said the hijacker and sat back down again".

In 1957 a newspaper in California issued this weather report: Clear today except for some early fog, followed by smog, followed by evening fog.

In 1979 a Saudi Arabia newspaper issued this statement: We regret we are unable to give you the weather. We rely on weather reports from the airport, which is closed because of the weather. Whether we are able to give you the weather tomorrow depends on the weather.

http://www.sitcomsonline.com/ubb/biggrin.gif

[Max Whittaker]

Originally posted by neo123:
We kinda have something like that on the talk radio here...here are some of the most memorable:

When an elderly lady's cat got stuck up a tree in London in 1978, a British Army unit gallantly came to aid her and rescue the animal. After receiving the woman's thanks and acknowledging the applause of onlookers, the soldiers climbed back into their truck and drove off - running over the cat as they went.

Two German motorists had a 'head on' collision in heavy fog. Each had been driving their car at a snails pace near the centre of the road with there heads out the side window, when they smacked together. Both men were taken to hospital with severe head injuries. Their cars weren't scratched.

In 1976, a hijacker got up from his airline seat, took out a gun and told the captain, "take me to Detroit". "But sir we are already going to Detroit". "oh good, said the hijacker and sat back down again".

In 1957 a newspaper in California issued this weather report: Clear today except for some early fog, followed by smog, followed by evening fog.

In 1979 a Saudi Arabia newspaper issued this statement: We regret we are unable to give you the weather. We rely on weather reports from the airport, which is closed because of the weather. Whether we are able to give you the weather tomorrow depends on the weather.

http://www.sitcomsonline.com/ubb/biggrin.gif

Oh oh, Gracie, looks like somebody is gunning for your job! http://www.sitcomsonline.com/ubb/smile.gif

This stupid news is a great way to get the blood pumping!

[moofomoo]

Originally posted by Max Whittaker:
Oh oh, Gracie, looks like somebody is gunning for your job! http://www.sitcomsonline.com/ubb/smile.gif

NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! Not my JOB!!!!
http://www.sitcomsonline.com/ubb/eek2.gif

*cries* I'm slippin! *snickers* well I have been sick, whatdya expect? http://www.sitcomsonline.com/ubb/wink.gif

**Gracie**

[neo123]

Originally posted by Max Whittaker:
Oh oh, Gracie, looks like somebody is gunning for your job! http://www.sitcomsonline.com/ubb/smile.gif
!

I am merely posting from a talk show here, that is similar to hers. Sharing..if you will. I don't think Gracie, and I know I, don't consider this a job. It's just posting humor. So just laugh and get on with it. lol http://www.sitcomsonline.com/ubb/biggrin.gif



------------------
"Reality is merely an illusion...howbeit a very persistant one!"
Albert Einstien

"You can get more accomplished with a kind word and a gun, than a kind word alone." Al Cappone.

Hey ALF fans visit
my ALF site (http://www.alf-online.net/).

[moofomoo]

Originally posted by neo123:
I am merely posting from a talk show here, that is similar to hers. Sharing..if you will. I don't think Gracie, and I know I, don't consider this a job. It's just posting humor. So just laugh and get on with it. lol http://www.sitcomsonline.com/ubb/biggrin.gif

Nah, I was just being dramatic about the whole thing. Just messin around. Besides, I don't call it a job either...or I'd be fired for not doing it constantly...lol.

Yeah thanks for sharing though, those were cool.

**Gracie**

[Ags2000]

Since nothing has been posted today, I found this old story I had that I found very funny. Enjoy it.

At the 1994 annual awards dinner given by the American Association for Forensic Science, AAFS President Don Harper Mills astounded his audience in San Diego with the legal complications of a bizarre death. Here is the story.

"On 23 March 1994, the medical examiner viewed the body of Ronald Opus and concluded that he died from a shotgun wound of the head. The decedent had jumped from the top of a ten-story building intending to commit suicide (he left a note indicating his despondency). As he fell past the ninth floor, his life was interrupted by a shotgun blast through a window, which killed him instantly. Neither the shooter nor the decedent was aware that a safety net had been erected at the eighth floor level to protect some window washers and that Opus would not have been able to complete his suicide anyway because of this."

"Ordinarily," Dr. Mills continued, "a person who sets out to commit suicide ultimately succeeds, even though the mechanism might not be what he intended. That Opus was shot on the way to certain death nine stories below probably would not have changed his mode of death from suicide to homicide. But the fact that his suicidal intent would not have been successful caused the medical examiner to feel that he had homicide on his hands. "The room on the ninth floor whence the shotgun blast emanated was occupied by an elderly man and his wife. They were arguing and he was threatening her with the shotgun. He was so upset that, when he pulled the trigger, he completely missed his wife and the pellets went through the window striking Opus.

"When one intends to kill subject A but kills subject B in the attempt, one is guilty of the murder of subject B. When confronted with this charge, the old man and his wife were both adamant that neither knew that the shotgun was loaded. The old man said it was his long-standing habit to threaten his wife with the unloaded shotgun. He had no intention to murder her -- therefore, the killing of Opus appeared to be an accident. That is, the gun had been accidentally loaded.

"The continuing investigation turned up a witness who saw the old couple's son loading the shotgun approximately six weeks prior to the fatal incident. It transpired that the old lady had cut off her son's financial support and the son, knowing the propensity of his father to use the shotgun threateningly, loaded the gun with the expectation that his
father would shoot his mother. The case now becomes one of murder on the part of the son for the death of Ronald Opus.

There was an exquisite twist. "Further investigation revealed that the son (Ronald Opus) had become increasingly despondent over the failure of his attempt to engineer his mother's murder. This led him to jump off the ten-story building on March 23, only to be killed by a shotgun blast through a ninth story window.

"The medical examiner closed the case as a suicide."

D

[Ags2000]

I came across others while looking for that one, so I'll post those as well.

A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving revolvers. The first one shouted, "Nobody move!" When his partner moved, the startled first bandit shot him.

A man in Orange County Municipal Court had been ticketed for driving alone in the carpool lane. He claimed that the four frozen cadavers in the mortuary van he was driving should be counted. The judged ruled that passengers must be alive to qualify.

The judge called the case of People vs. Steven Lewon Crook. The bailiff opened the door to the holding cell and called, "Crook, come forward." Five of the prisoners entered the courtroom.

When asked for her occupation, a woman charged with a traffic violation said she was a schoolteacher. The judge rose from the bench. "Madam, I have waited years for a schoolteacher to appear before this court," he smiled with delight. "Now sit down at that table and write 'I will not pass through a red light' five hundred times."

A judge in Louisville decided a jury went "a little bit too far" in recommending a sentence of 5,005 years for a man who was convicted of five robberies and a kidnapping. The judge reduced the sentence to 1,001 years.

A lawyer defending a man accused of burglary tried this creative defense: "My client merely inserted his arm into the window and removed a few trifling articles. His arm is not himself, and I fail to see how you can punish the whole individual for an offense committed by his limb." "Well put," the judge replied. "Using your logic, I sentence the defendant's arm to one year's imprisonment. He can accompany it or not, as he chooses." The defendant smiled. With his lawyer's assistance he detached his artificial limb, laid it on the bench, and walked out.


TENNESSEE: A man successfully broke into a bank after hours and stole the bank's video camera. While it was recording, remotely (That is, the videotape recorder was located elsewhere in the bank), so he didn't get the videotape of himself stealing the camera.

LOUISIANA: A man walked into a Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer? Fifteen dollars. [If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, was a crime committed?]

FLORIDA: [Uh, pardon the language] A thief burst into the bank one day wearing a ski mask and carrying a gun. Aiming his gun at the guard, the thief yelled, FREEZE, MOTHER-STICKERS, THIS IS A FxxK-UP!" For a moment, everyone was silent. Then the snickers started. The guard completely lost it and doubled over laughing. It probably saved his life, because he'd been about to draw his gun. He couldn't have drawn and fired before the thief got him. The thief ran away and is still at large. In memory of the event, the bank later put a plaque on the wall engraved "Freeze, Mother-Stickers, this is a fxxk-up!"

ARKANSAS: Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block thru a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. Seems the liquor store window was made of Plexi-Glass. The whole event was caught on videotape.

NEW YORK: As a female shopper exited a convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police had apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the cruiser and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied "Yes Officer... that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."

SEATTLE : When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motorhome parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find an ill man curled up next to a motorhome near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his hose into the motorhome's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.

Rural Carbon County, PA. A group of men were drinking beer and discharging firearms from the rear deck of a home owned by Irving Michaels, age 27. The men were firing at a raccoon that was wandering by, but the beer apparently impaired their aim and, despite the estimated 35 shots the group fired, the animal escaped into a 3 foot diameter drainage pipe some 100 feet away from Mr. Michaels deck. Determined to terminate the animal, Mr. Michaels retrieved a can of gasoline and poured some down the pipe, intending to smoke the animal out. After several unsuccessful attempts to ignite the fuel, Michaels emptied the entire 5 gallon fuel can down the pipe and tried to ignite it again, to no avail. Not one to admit defeat by wildlife, the determined Mr. Michaels proceeded to slide feet-first approximately 15 feet down the sloping pipe to toss the match. The subsequent rapidly expanding fireball propelled Mr. Michaels back the way he had come, though at a much higher rate of speed. He exited the angled pipe "like a Polaris missile leaves a submarine," according to witness Joseph McFadden, 31. Mr. Michaels was launched directly over his own home, right over the heads of his astonished friends, onto his front lawn. In all, he traveled over 200 feet through the air. "There was a Doppler Effect to his scream as he flew over us," McFadden reported, "Followed by a loud thud." Amazingly, he suffered only minor injuries. "It was actually pretty cool," Michaels said, "Like when they shoot someone out of a cannon at the circus. I'd do it again if I was sure I wouldn't get hurt."


ONLY IN MERRY OLDE ENGLAND (actual trial) A young woman who was several months pregnant boarded a bus. When she noticed a young man smiling at her she began feeling humiliated on account of her condition. She changed her seat and he seemed more amused. She moved again and then on her fourth move he burst out laughing. She had him arrested. When the case came before the court, the young man was as asked why he acted in such a manner. His reply was: When the lady boarded the bus I couldn't help noticing she was pregnant. She sat under an advertisement which read "Coming Soon The Gold Dust Twins", then she moved under one that read "Sloans Liniments remove Swelling". I was even more amused when she sat under a shaving advertisement which read "William Stick Did The Trick". Then I could not control myself any longer when on the fourth move she sat under an advertisement which read "Dunlop Rubber would have prevented this accident." He won the case.

[moofomoo]

Originally posted by Ags2000:
Since nothing has been posted today, I found this old story I had that I found very funny. Enjoy it.

Silly Ags, I hadn't gotten here yet to post the Stupid News! :P Surprisingly, I got it this morning, but had to type it, and something else at the same time, so I got the jist of them at least.

(Something I've noticed, people don't like to sit there and read looooong posts, so it's best to post them in moderation http://www.sitcomsonline.com/ubb/wink.gif just a suggestion.)

Antioch: A woman arrested for walking into a police department with cocaine. She apparently went in with the substance to ask police to test it because she was afraid her boyfriend might have put stuff in it to make her paranoid. (Safe bet that he did.)

I didn't hear the whole story, but here's the idea: some guy broke into vending machine to only steal a 60 cent candy. Not many...ONE. (I guess sometimes you actually CAN only have just one.)

A smuggler named Farakesh made a connection in LAX with an estimated $2million and of course was caught-seeing as security at all major airports has been beefed up. Authorities say he could have chosen a less heavily guarded airport to change planes, but didnt because his frequent flier miles allowed the connection in LA. (Yeah, those frequent flier miles say when where and how much...brutal.)

Have a good one all!

**Gracie**
"May you live as long as you want and not want as long as you live."

[moofomoo]

HAPPY TUESDAY ALL! Especially stupid people making up the Stupid News for you today!

Jersey City, NJ: A woman stopped at a gas station and called the police over to despute her $166 charges for gas charged to her credit card that had been recently stolen. As she was telling the police this, a car pulled up to the pumps and a woman named Beatrix (Potter? lol, kidding) used the stolen card to get gas and was apprehended. (Talk about timing eh? Sometimes you are just in the right place at the right time.)

London: An ad was rejected for a Santa due to the fact that it was descriminating against women being allowed to play Santa, and was removed until it would change to allow for both sexes. You think that's bad? They actually rewrote it! The new ad read something like this: "Applicants for Santa either male or female must have a deep voice, beard preferable, and no distinguishable breasts." (Oh yeah, I know lots of women like that.)

Olafanshook (that's spelled phonetically, so I apologize for spelling if it's wrong) South Africa: Police department there is so poor apparently that they have no money for their own squad cars. When they get to an accident, they ask to hitch a ride to the scenes from regular people and ask to use the victims cars to drive them to the hospital. (Think they could find a way to fit maybe ONE car in the budget sometime?)


**Gracie**

Somewhere in the world, there's a stupid person being taken for everything they have...let's hope it isn't you.

[moofomoo]

Last Stupid News til Monday! (And they had to go and play it AGAIN as I was under the tunnel and getting static...UGH...oh well, I got 2 for ya.)

New Zealand: Robbers held up a store and sped off in their car, only to roll over into a ditch. When people stopped to help them, they got them out and beat them, taking the loot they stole and leaving the scene. (You just can't trust anyone nowadays eh?)

Canada: (Ok, this is REALLY freaky funny.) Police found an odd device bound in electrical tape in a woman's lavatory (didn't catch where) that seemed to be a bomb. They called in the bomb squad and tried to diffuse it. While trying to diffuse the alleged "bomb" they found it wasn't a bomb atall, but a home made vibrator. (Yeah, have to admit, more freaky than funny...I don't wanna know what it looked like.)


I'll try to post something else before Monday's Stupid News, just for laughs, but tomorrow I'm off for a couple days.

**Gracie**
Gobble Gobble everybody!

[BlairW_2]

Lol, this is hilarious.

------------------
************************
Love Always and Forever,
************************
XoXo *Cassie* XoXo
************************
http://www.theunholytrinity.org/cracks_smileys/otn/angels/newangel.gif

[moofomoo]

Everyone forget about me? I'm baaaaaaaack!

Stupid News that was on the regular news (I wonder if it'll be on the Stupid News tomorrow) was that a guy went into the airport with a gun in his bag and when he was showing that it "wasn't loaded" it went off and ricocheted all over the place. I don't think anyone was injured.

Sorry my laughter wasn't around through the holidays, but hopefully you all have enough memories from Turkey Day dinner to make the stupid news eh? http://www.sitcomsonline.com/ubb/wink.gif

**Gracie**

[moofomoo]

"Stupid Newwwwwwwwwws"

Florida: Welsey Gonzales didn't think he'd like to be on the OJ Simpson jury for whatever OJ did in Florida, so he thought he'd get out of it by having a friend call his home and leave a message as OJ threatening to kill him. The plan might have worked had the guy not had a thick Carribean accent and referred to his former wife as "Nicole Kidman." In a way it did work, the man is not on the jury, but instead is serving time for the stunt. (Stupid...lol)

Oslo, Norway: Apparently the body cavity searches there need to be a tad more thorough. A person was strip searched, cavity searched, and sent to a woman's holding cell for weeks. Turned out, it was only a man with makeup and woman's clothing. (Ummm...yeah. Some cavity search *snickers*)

England: A man named James went on vacation to the USA and got so drunk in Vegas he got married. When he returned home, his long term girlfriend dumped him when he told her. Apparently he is now on a search to find his wife-an Australian optician-as he DOES NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS! He wants an anullment so he can get back with his girlfriend. (Ok, drinking and marrying is BAD guys, ok? remember that.)

Thats it for Stupid News today! Enjoy!

**Gracie**

[Max Whittaker]

http://www.sitcomsonline.com/ubb/lol.gif

[moofomoo]

Hey guys,

I take a short break from the Stupid News and it ends up on the next page? NOOOOO!!! http://www.sitcomsonline.com/ubb/lol.gif Ah well, here's something to tide you over til Monday.

Stupid News Archives 11/09/01:

A Belgian man got himself into a little trouble recently. He was brought in for questioning by police in connection with an allegation of assault. When the interrogation began, a police officer said to him, "OK, you know why you are here." The bad guy dropped his head and said "OK you got me-" and confessed to 40 burglaries, the police knew nothing about.

Weeee.
http://www.sitcomsonline.com/ubb/dizzy.gif
**Gracie**

[Max Whittaker]

http://www.sitcomsonline.com/ubb/eek2.gif http://www.sitcomsonline.com/ubb/lol.gif
That is just like on tv! I can't believe someone actually did that!!!! http://www.sitcomsonline.com/ubb/lol.gif I hope he was only kidding but... http://www.sitcomsonline.com/ubb/lol.gif


This is precious!

[moofomoo]

Ok, because I have been busy this weekend and missed the stupid news, I'm sharing the stupid news I think everyone will think is truly DUMB!

I had to take my friends back to the airport and of course they tell you to be there 2 hours beforehand right? Well I go to take my friend to her gate at 4am seeing as her flight was at 6:30...and the ticketing booth wasn't open til 5!!! Then the gates weren't open til close to 5:30!

So much for "two hours ahead" when it comes to the morning rush.

More stupid news tomorrow. Promise http://www.sitcomsonline.com/ubb/biggrin.gif

**Gracie**

[moofomoo]

TJ was trying to stop me from posting the Stupid News today, I'm sure of it!!!!! (Ok, enough of being paranoid, lol, back to the stupid news)

In the UK: apparently, the postal system there had to go with a temp agency to hire new people, but had slight problems. Their temps were sent out to deliver the mail, but had to be picked up because they couldn't read ENGLISH. They were all let go and needless to say, the post office isn't using that temp agency anymore. (Ok, I can understand not understanding Englsh here in the USA, but England? OY!)

Indiana: Some restaurant named Dutchman something or other had a man who wanted to protest the "No Shoes, No Shirt, No Service" sign. He streaked through the restaurant wearing nothing but green hat and false beard. As he went through he said, "Don't worry, I'm not hungry." (All I gotta say is :D)

Youngstown, Ohio: A DJ called up a woman pretending to be her husband's boss as a prank and said he was fired for sleeping with the boss' wife and stealing from the company. When the wife heard, she said, "Now I don't feel bad for sleeping with his brother" on radio JUST before her husband came on to say it was only a joke. (When something seems too weird to be true, wait for the punchline before saying something like that. LOL)


Stupid News returns again tomorrow for more hilarity to keep you feeling smart. Unless of course, one of these stories ends up being about YOU.

**Gracie**

[moofomoo]

MORNING ALL!!!

Malaysia: A finance company was robbed 2 times in one month, so they decided to hire a guard for protection. They got a wrestler. The next time the company was robbed, the wrestler was confronted by robbers with guns...and fainted. (I knew it was all fake!)

Detroit: A man stole $600,000 from his company and tried to make it look like a theft from outside the company. He went up to the parking lot and locked himself in his trunk to make it look like he had been there 5 days, but 6 minutes later the police came and rescued him. Apparently someone called from the road who had seen a car drive up and a man place himself in the trunk. (I wonder if he was gonna blow little bullet holes in the trunk so he could breathe?)

Indonesia: Robbers wanted the coin box from the phone booth, and couldn't get it out. Being persistant, they tried another approach-and were caught by police as they were lugging the whole phone booth into their car. (Thieves are the dumbest sometimes, aren't they? Think it's worth it for pocket change in a phone booth? *rolls eyes*)


More and more stupid people today tomorrow and forever making the news, and keeping the rest of us on our toes.

**Gracie**

[moofomoo]

I'm just checkin here, but are people READING the Stupid News I post? Max, I know you are. Just seeing if anyone else comes here still.

:confused:

**Gracie**

[Bootsy Whoosh]

I am! I admit I don't read it everyday, and I don't usually reply, but I do pop in and catch up every now and then. In fact I just read it this morning.

[Beruche]

I'm reading too.Everyday I come home from school feeling like the dumbest person on earth and when I read the stupid news.I know there still might be hope I won't turn out like them. :D

[moofomoo]

I feel a lot better about posting the Stupid News, and sorry I can't post it every day. I'll do my best to even keep some funny things up when the news doesn't have enough stupidity. :D

**Gracie**

[Kristina]

:lol:

[Seth]

I'm reading it, then :rotflmao: afterwards

[moofomoo]

Dearly beloved we are gathered here in the sight of God/Jehovah/whoever you believe in to pay tribute to the Stupid News and bring together in the state of holy matrimony the Stupid News and John Bell who reads it. May they be truly happy together.

Sadly, I went and sold my CD player with the radio on it to a friend because I'm getting an mp3 player in its place...but I forgot to get a tiny radio to get the Stupid News when I go to work in the morning, so I don't have anything from the Stupid Newsroom today...let's hope I get one for tomorrow, eh?

Well...something I heard that sorta fits here is that Martha Stewart is being sued by this guy who claims to have been the writer of her tv show's opening number. If he actually did write it, I hope she ends up paying up good.

Take care all...we'll be back tomorrow!

**Gracie**


ADDITION : one joke below


A guy traveling through the prairies of the USA stopped at a small town and went to a bar. He stood at the end of the bar, ordered a drink, and lit up a cigar. As he sipped his drink, he stood there quietly blowing smoke rings.

After he blew nine or ten smoke rings into the air, an angry American Indian stomped up to him and said,

"One more remark like that and I'll smash your face in!"

[moofomoo]

Kansas: Plainclothed police search this house and neighborhood for drug dealers and kept getting interrupted by people looking to BUY drugs. It got so bad they called in a marked police car, but that didn't stop the people from trying to buy drugs. In the end they had a line from the front of the house, through the house, through the back of the house and into the police cars of dealers/users they were arresting. (When you gotta have it, you gotta have it!)

Iran: It is customary for Iranian brides and bridegrooms to lick honey off each other's fingers at their wedding ceremony to ensure a sweet and prosperous marriage. One guy recently apparently licked the honey from his wife's fingers and choked to death on her fake fingernails. (Yikes...what a way to go. :()

Philadelphia: Ladies (and guys) be on the look out of a pervert FLASHER on the loose...who apparently picks and chooses where he flashes. He's been flashing female employees in fast food places, saying picked out phrases specifically for the place he is in. He was seen in McDonald's saying "check out my Big Mac" and Burger King saying "prepare yourself for MY Whopper!" He has a tattoo on his neck that says "Mikey" or something like that (it was garbled). (Side note as usual: Ummmmmm...he wouldn't try to hit all the places in NYC so I think I'm safe when I go eat.)


And that's it for today. I hear John Bell and the zoo crew is going on vacation (as am I but not for at least a week for me) after tomorrow, so Stupid News will be on hold after tomorrow til the New Year unless I get on to post something to keep this topic alive.

**Gracie...MOOOOOOOO!**

[moofomoo]

Now I have the last Stupid News of 2001 from the zoo crew, but that doesn't mean people aren't being STUPID out there all the time to begin with! Hopefully stupid things will be posted here on a semi regular basis...otherwise I'll revive this in 2002.

Sweden: A burglar was in this house late at night and grabbed about everything that was most valuable until he felt the call of the wild. He went into the bathroom because, well...when you gotta go, you gotta go. He would have gotten away with the loot but he flushed the toilet and woke up the family. The dad held him there with a pistol until the police arrived. (When you're a burglar, shouldn't you go potty BEFORE leaving your own house? At least he was curteous enough to flush.)

Michigan: Richard Overton tried to sue Anheuser-Busch for $10,000 as his claim was he had been drinking Bud Light for ages and not once ever found himself surrounded by beautiful women. Needless to say, the court threw the case out. (Kids, let this be a lesson to you...drinking will NOT bring you gorgeous hunks and beautiful models...just hangovers the next morning.)

Iowa: Mr. and Mrs. Clemens (not Roger Clemens, mind you) became agressive when they found out their room was rented out to someone else in Las Vegas (this is how the story read, folks, I'm guessing they were FROM Iowa but IN Vegas) and a brawling match ensued. Glass was kicked out, many things were broken and 4 cops were soon trying to subdue Mrs. Clemens...which is when Mr. Clemens finally jumped in. (Meow, lol)

:cool:

Alrighty folks...That's it from my end. Unless at my ex-bf's house he does something stupid and I can report it...I have no stupid news till 2002!

**Gracie**

[moofomoo]

So I dont forget to keep this up in 2002, I have to say something in this topic...

Anyone who wants to see stupid news type stuff in life can always turn on TLC and watch Police Chases...lol...we're watching it now (the ex bf and I *rolls eyes*) and these people are STUPID!!!!!

Anyhews...I could tell you stupid things about this trip, but *shakes head* you really don't want to kill another human being for being so dumb, do you? LOL

**Gracie moo, the adventurous**

[moofomoo]

FOR MY 600th POST~*~*~*~I chose to revive the Stupid News!

Wisconsin: A bank robber thought he covered everything from covering his face, taking care of the security cameras, and all that. Then of course what went wrong? He was arrested for running out of the bank with 2 marked bags full of money. (You just never know what's gonna happen, do you? Even when you're careful!)

Indonesia: Loggers are stripping forests left and right, but it's illegal. How are they supposed to succeed then without getting caught? They get their wives to strip naked and run through the forest before they do anything, and apparently no one notices the loggers. (Hmmmmmm, I wonder why! And side note: would YOU want to be a logger's wife?)

Florida: There is a hotel that has been a LONG TIME COMING and still has yet to be finished. Apparently the past year or more they have had to fix many things, and this recent problem was a doozy. While finishing touches were being done, they found their main problem was busted pipes causing flooding. Professionals shouldn't have this problem...but who's overseeing this whole hotel? The "Plumbers' Union" has been the ones building the hotel from the ground up. (You know, I'm not EVEN gonna comment on this one...lol)

The Stupid News is BACK for 2002...with more stupidity than ever!

**Gracie moo, your stupid news reporter**

[Sitcomwriter]

Whatever happened to Gracie Moo

***Moo Misses Gracie Moo***

[moofomoo]

:confused:

3 jobs, 2 websites, and one REALLY BUSY LIFE...

Here's STUPID NEWS for ya, even though it isn't broadcast anywhere!

My roommate of going on 2 years checked herself into the psych ward at a local Queens hospital back in July, and then again not 2 weeks ago. When asked for comment, she said, "I've cracked...I can't take the pressure anymore!"

Medicaid made her leave after a week saying she was cured, but she still wanders the house muttering to herself and talking to her dog-a chihuahua she named Pinky.

Needless to say, her father in Pennsylvania wants the NYer to "come home" where he would pay for her schooling and take care of her the way she should be taken care of, but her response is that she refuses to go.

"I won't do it...I have my pride."

She is now in the running for "THE stupidest person alive"


...and that's the Stupid News for the time being. :D

[Penny Lane]

Stupid news is SOOOOOOOOOOOOO refreshing! Thanks Gracie!:lol: :wave:

[Plata]

Those were funny. Especially loved the ones where that guy forgot the gun and telling the people in the bank that he had one. That security story was funny, too. I can't believe people would pack handcuffs when they went travelling. That guy climbing the tree because he didn't want to pay $3. That was hilarious. :lol: Oh, and that hijacker guy was a riot. He should have listened to the announcement for where the plane was flying to before he even considered the plan to hijack. Loved those weather reports, too.:lol:

[moofomoo]

:lol: Good to know an old thread is good for some new laughs too! ;)

:happyface