jokes

[Warm & Fuzzy]

What is the funniest/korniest joke you've ever heard?

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I don't care whose fault it is! I'm the one who has to tell a man the size of a skyscraper that his living room looks like Seaworld!!!~Jo
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Jenny aka Jinny!

[Penny Lane]

What did the fish say when he swam into a cement wall?


Dam!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Cupcake

[XoVanillaRain90oX]

I dont know but imma make one up http://www.sitcomsonline.com/ubb/biggrin.gif

The duck was in a store, shopping. When he got to the cash register and paid for all his items, he asked "Wheres my bill?" and the cashier goes, "Its on your face!'

um okay. LOL

[Kay Scarpetta]

There was a girl flying to CA. When she got to the airport, she went through the metal detectors. They went off. So the airport people checked her luggage first, and they found a pair of knitting needles. She got in trouble, because they thought she was going to knit an "afghan". Does anyone even get that? LOL.

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°·.*¤*-Blair Warner-*¤*.·°

I lerb Lisa Whelchel! LERB is me and Morganne's word lol.

Blair: Well, you don't see me getting all upset when people tell me how gorgeous I am!

Watch out for the Scary Pie man Dana he is gonna come get you!

Check out my site about the bestest most awesomeness person in the world:
The Beautiful, Wonderful, Talented, Exquisite... Lisa Whelchel (http://www.angelfire.com/celeb2/lisawhelchel)

[Warm & Fuzzy]

Originally posted by Lisa Whelchel Forever:
Does anyone even get that? LOL.

Not me! lol


here's one:
Why did Osama Bin Laden cross the road?

He can't! Afhaganistan has no roads! hehe http://www.sitcomsonline.com/ubb/wink.gif



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I don't care whose fault it is! I'm the one who has to tell a man the size of a skyscraper that his living room looks like Seaworld!!!~Jo
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Jenny aka Jinny!

[ISmellFine]

This grasshopper walks into a bar, and the bartender says, "Hey, we have a drink named after you!" The grasshopper replies, "You have a drink named Steeeeeeeve?!"

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-Queen Kaley Jinny Exstead: Prez of the ILOTI Club

On April 24, 2008, Dana and I are going to handcuff ourselves to Nancy McKeon and Jay Harrington.

Five Queens, one code: Hell Raising

The one and only [dum dum dum]: Nancy McKeon Supersite (http://www.angelfire.com/stars2/NancyMcKeon)!

[AllIWantIsYourClutch]

Why are there no Wal-Marts in Afghanistan??

There's a target on every corner!!!!!!!!!


Whats the difference between an American turkey and an Afghanistan turkey???

An American turkey says, "Gobble gobble," but an Afghanistan turkey says,"Kabul kabul!"

oh....btw I get the afghan joke!




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~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
~*Amy*~
CookieCupcake24@aol.com
AIM- MacNCheeze565
SFPDInspectorCD
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"Oh please, folks, don't be shy! Apparently anyone is welcome to crap all over me tonight,so step right on up!"~ Jinny Exstead.
/*\/*\/*\/*\/*\/*\/*\/*\
"You're born, you move on, you die. That's life!"~ Jo
/*\/*\/*\/*\/*\/*\/*\/*\
Blair~ Feast your eyes on this....
Jo~ Ah! Booze!
Blair~ Booze? You heathen! This is Pouilly-Fuissé
Jo~ Gezuntiet
/*\/*\/*\/*\/*\/*\/*\/*\
"Uh...I haven't had an idea since '79..."~Jo
/*\/*\/*\/*\/*\/*\/*\/*\
Rose~ It's a letter from St. Olaf. It's from the Department of Water and Coffee.
Blanche~ Coffee?
Rose~ No thanks. It makes me jumpy.
/*\/*\/*\/*\/*\/*\/*\/*\
Too often we lose sight of life's simple pleasures. Remember, when someone annoys you it takes 42 muscles in your face to frown, BUT, it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and b*t*h-slap that mother @#?!&! upside the head.
/*\/*\/*\/*\/*\/*\/*\/*\
Remember....It's OK to be slow. We all have our moments...

Easy Mac and Happy Meal!!!

[Bootsy Whoosh]

Originally posted by Nancy McKeon Rox:
This grasshopper walks into a bar, and the bartender says, "Hey, we have a drink named after you!" The grasshopper replies, "You have a drink named Steeeeeeeve?!"


http://www.sitcomsonline.com/ubb/rotflmao.gif That's a good one. I think it was the multiple "e's" that did it for me. I can just see this grasshopper going "Steeeeeeeeeve", lol!

Originally posted by NEWHART FAN:
What did the fish say when he swam into a cement wall?


Dam!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



I like this one too! Short and sweet! I can never remember jokes, but maybe I can remember this one!

Originally posted by Lisa Whelchel Forever:
There was a girl flying to CA. When she got to the airport, she went through the metal detectors. They went off. So the airport people checked her luggage first, and they found a pair of knitting needles. She got in trouble, because they thought she was going to knit an "afghan". Does anyone even get that? LOL.



I get it. An afghan is a knitted blanket. An Afghan is a native of Afghanistan. Does that clear it up for you?

[Kay Scarpetta]

Originally posted by Bootsy Whoosh:
I get it. An afghan is a knitted blanket. An Afghan is a native of Afghanistan. Does that clear it up for you?


Ha ha yea that's what I thought.. just wanted to be sure. Thanks

[Bootsy Whoosh]

Originally posted by Lisa Whelchel Forever:
Ha ha yea that's what I thought.. just wanted to be sure. Thanks



No prob. It was a funny joke, BTW.

This is a good topic. I am not going to get any sleep tonight because I have 2 papers to write, so I'm gonna need some entertainment! Keep 'em coming people! http://www.sitcomsonline.com/ubb/wink.gif

[Kitt]

True story-
My partners and I sent a package for a Texan with a drawl to Tyler Texas. The package made it to Tyler but he complained that he hadn't recieved it. Come to find out, he had said, in his drawl, "Send it to Taylor Texas."

[Lynn]

OK, you asked for it. This is a pretty dumb joke:

Three ropes walk into a bar. They each sit down on a stool. The first rope says, "Hey bartender can I get a beer?" The bartender looks at him and asks, "Aren't you a rope?" and the first rope says, "Yeah, I am." The bartender says "We don't serve ropes in this bar." The first rope sulks out of the bar.

The second rope decides to try. He says to the bartender, "I'll have a beer." And the bartender says, "Hey, aren't you a rope?" and the rope says, "Yeah you got me. I'm a rope." And the second rope leaves the bar.

The third rope quickly ties himself in a knot and unravels the ends. When the bartender approaches him he says, "I'll take a nice cold beer." The bartender looks at him and says, "Aren't you a rope, too?" and the third rope replies, "I'm a frayed knot!"

Whew, that was long. Here's a shorter one:

Two guys walk into a bar and the third one ducks.


[This message has been edited by Lynn (edited 11-29-2001).]

[Bootsy Whoosh]

Originally posted by Lynn:
Two guys walk into a bar and the third one ducks.


http://www.sitcomsonline.com/ubb/lol.gif

[Warm & Fuzzy]

Why do skeletons play the piano?

Because they have no organs!hehe

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I don't care whose fault it is! I'm the one who has to tell a man the size of a skyscraper that his living room looks like Seaworld!!!~Jo
----------
Jenny aka Jinny!

[KerriBerri687]

why did the honey-dew and the watermelon have a big fancy wedding?

cause they cantalope! (get it..cant...alope...yea...)

[Penny Lane]

Cute!!!!!!! I love corny jokes! Bring on some more! http://www.sitcomsonline.com/ubb/crazy.gif

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Cupcake

[Penny Lane]

If athletes get athletes foot, what do astronauts get?

missle toe!

What did Adam say on the night before Christmas?

"It's Christmas, Eve!"

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Cupcake

[Penny Lane]

What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?

Claustrophobic!

What is special about the Christmas alphabet?

It has No El

Ok! I'm done! http://www.sitcomsonline.com/ubb/wave.gif

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Cupcake

[Warm & Fuzzy]

How can you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut!

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I don't care whose fault it is! I'm the one who has to tell a man the size of a skyscraper that his living room looks like Seaworld!!!~Jo
----------
Jenny aka Jinny!

[Ags2000]

Why is six afraid of seven?

Becasue seven ate(eight) nine.

This is a knock knock joke so bare with me.

Knock Knock!
"Who's there?"
"Impatient Cow."
"Impatient cow..."
"MOO!"

http://www.sitcomsonline.com/ubb/biggrin.gif
D

[Montana Ponine]

lol Ags!! Loved that one! http://www.sitcomsonline.com/ubb/biggrin.gif

[Bootsy Whoosh]

Originally posted by Ags2000:
Knock Knock!
"Who's there?"
"Impatient Cow."
"Impatient cow..."
"MOO!"

http://www.sitcomsonline.com/ubb/biggrin.gif
D

I love that one! It's always been one of my favorites!

[LaverneShirley]

Okay this is a RELLY stupid joke that's not really a joke, but... yeah..

So, there's this cow, right? And the cow was big.

That's it...

And this is a really long joke, but I've got time.

A duck walked into a convenience store and asked the cashier, "Hey, got any grapes?" The cashier says "No, we don't sell grapes here; this is a convenince store." The duck just smiles and walks away.

10 minutes later, the duck walks in again. He asks "Got any grapes?" The cashier, slightly annoyed, says again, "No, I told you, we don't sell grapes here; this is a convenience store." The duck just smiles and walks away.

10 minutes later, the duck comes back. "Got any grapes?" The cashier's really mad. "No! I told you! We don't SELL grapes here! THIS IS A CONVENIENCE STORE!" The duck just smiles and walks away.

10 minutes later, the duck comes back. "Got any grapes?" The cashier is steaming. He yells "NO! I TOLD YOU! WE DON'T SELL GRAPES HERE! THIS IS A CONVENIENCE STORE! AND IF YOU ASK ME FOR GRAPES ONE MORE TIME, I'M GOING TO NAIL YOUR FLAT FEET TO THE FLOOR!" The duck just smiles and walks away.

10 minutes later, the duck comes back. "Got any nails?" "No." "Good, got any grapes?"

[Warm & Fuzzy]

Why does it get hot after a babseball game?

Beacuse all the fans leave....hehe

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~Jenny aka Jinny~
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I don't care whose fault it is! I'm the one who has to tell a man the size of a skyscraper that his living room looks like Seaworld!!!~Jo
----------
Visit my FOL Reunion HP at http://www.geocities.com/bluemountain318/frame.html

[Ewan's My Man]

Ok...this is so dumb...but here it is:

A tomato walks into an arcade and an employee said, "You can't come here." So the tomato leaves. 5 minutes later a mushrrom walks into the arcade. The tomato goes to the employee and asked, "Why is the mushroom aloud in her but not me?". And the employee replies, "Because he is a 'fun guy'".
Get it...fungi, fun guy? http://www.sitcomsonline.com/ubb/rotflmao.gif

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~Lauren/Laudie~
Ya Born, Ya Move On, Ya Die, That's Life-Jo
Ya not a cat ya don't have 9 lives so don't push it!-Me
Email: Lavenderangel7@aol.com
or
musicdiva467@hotmail.com
or
chicago6789@hotmail.com
or
irishhottie77@hotmail.com
or
nancy_jo_rox4466@hotmail.com
as some of u can see I went a little hotmail crazy. HEHE!
If u have MSN messenger contact me using nancy_jo_rox4466@hotmail.com
Visit my Nancy McKeon page that is nowhere near done!
www.angelfire.com/tv2/nancy_jo

[Bootsy Whoosh]

Ok this is really long and really stupid, so daon't say I didn't warn you....

A man was hiking through the forest one day, when he came to a clearing and noticed a gorilla on the other side of the clearing. The gorilla looked up at him and starting running towards him! The man was racing through the forest but every time he looked behind him the gorilla was still in pursuit. He came upon a river, and noticed a boat. He thought to himself, "I'll loose him if I can get across the river". He started paddling across the river, but when the gorilla came to the river, it also got into a boat, and began paddling across. The man made it to the other side of the river and began to run through the forest again on the other side. The gorilla also made it to the other side and continued to chase the man. The man came upon an old biplane, and thought to himself "Thank goodness! Surely I can loose the gorilla now!" He climbed in the plane and took off. After he'd been up for a little while, he looked around him, and to his shock and horror, he saw the gorilla in hot pursuit in another plane. The man crashed his airplane into the forest, climbed out and began running. The gorilla crashed nearby, and continued after the man. Finally, the man, thoroughly exhausted, decided he couldn't go another step. The man thought to himself "Fine. It's over. This gorilla is going to kill me, but I can't take another step." He laid down on the ground and awaited his fate. The gorilla came rushing up to him, stretched out it's arm, and touched the man on the shoulder. The gorilla said "Tag. You're it."

I told you it was stupid. It's probably funnier when you hear it told.

Here's a short and sweet one:

Robbers broke into the Gap over the weekend. The suspects were described as being armed and casual.

[This message has been edited by Bootsy Whoosh (edited 12-01-2001).]

[FOLrocks1]

You have to read this!!

There were three perfect ladies. They never did anything wrong. But one day, they wanted to do something wrong. so, they went to the priest, and asked if they could do something wrong. He said yes, one thing that night. Then they all did something wrong.

The next day, They went back to the priest.

He asked the first lady, "What did you do wrong last night?" She said, "I robbed a bank." The priest says, "Go drink the Holy water and you'll be revived."

The second lady says, "I shot someone."
The priest says, "Go drink the Holy water and you'll be revived."

The priest askes the third lady what she did wrong last night.
She said, "I PEED IN THE HOLY WATER"

LOL!!


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FOLrocks1 and BlairW_1!!! I like her so much! We are boyfriend and Girlfriend!
We are like 2 lovebirds! LOL! <3
Check out all my fan fictions: It's A Warner Thing, A New Face In Peekskill, Back In Town
and Those Dreadful Double Dates. I also have a TC spin-off called "College Company."
WEB SITE:
www.geocities.com/stooge321/T.html

Joyce DeWitt, if you are reading these things that i post, i want to say that i love you and i hope to meet you
*Jacob*

[Ewan's My Man]

LOL...I started cracking up!!

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~Lauren/Laudie~
Ya Born, Ya Move On, Ya Die, That's Life-Jo
Ya not a cat ya don't have 9 lives so don't push it!-Me
Email: Lavenderangel7@aol.com
or
musicdiva467@hotmail.com
or
chicago6789@hotmail.com
or
irishhottie77@hotmail.com
or
nancy_jo_rox4466@hotmail.com
as some of u can see I went a little hotmail crazy. HEHE!
If u have MSN messenger contact me using nancy_jo_rox4466@hotmail.com
Visit my Nancy McKeon page that is nowhere near done!
www.angelfire.com/tv2/nancy_jo

[DJM77]

Here is a real corny joke:


What happened after the frog's car broke down?

It was toad away.

[folfan01]

Here's a funny blonde joke. There were these three girls stranded on an Island. One of them was blonde, one was brunette, and one had black hair. One time a genie or somethin like that came and said they could all have one wish to be granted. First the brunette went and she wished for a plane so a plane came and she flew home. The black haired lady wished for a boat so a boat came and she sailed home. Then the blonde was lonely and stuff so she wished for her friends back and they didn't get anymore wishes LOL!!

[JoPol_wannabe]

There are 2 men sitting at the bar and one man says to the other so would you consider using Viagra and the other man says I don't believe in putting a new flag on a condemned building.

[Kay Scarpetta]

This is a real stupid one-

These 2 guys were working on the corner of a street one day, when all of a sudden an ambulance comes whipping around the corner. There was some kind of igloo thing in the road that had either fallen off or out of the ambulance. The 2 workmen brought it to the sidewalk and picked it up and opened it, and inside was a human toe. They called one of the two nearest hospitals, but they didn't have anyone with a missing toe. They called the other hospital, but they didn't know anything about it either. They had no clue where to put it, so you know what they did?

They called a TOE truck!

[Warm & Fuzzy]

Q: What does a kitten become after its three days old?

A: Four days old! (I don't get that...but, okay)

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Q: What do bees use to bruch their hair?

A: A honeycomb

_____________

What did the sick Checken have?

A: People-pox

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~Jenny aka Jinny~
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I don't care whose fault it is! I'm the one who has to tell a man the size of a skyscraper that his living room looks like Seaworld!!!~Jo
----------
Visit my FOL Reunion HP at http://www.geocities.com/bluemountain318/frame.html

[folfan01]

Here's another blonde joke-

A blonde lady was getting her haircut and she had headphones on. The barber told her to take them off but she refused. He asked her why but she just said she couldn't. Then he left to get some supplies and he said that when he gets back she better have the headphones off. When he came back she was on the floor dead with the headphones off. The barber listened to the headphones to see what was so important about them. It was saying "Breathe in...breathe out. Breathe in...breathe out."

http://www.sitcomsonline.com/ubb/rotflmao.gif

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~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~~
§°*¤*°<$arah Joanne Polniaczek>°*¤*°§
~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~~
Gal: Hi. What's your name?
Kevin: Kevin. Kevin Arnold.
Gal: Hi Kevin Kevin Arnold!

(after steph drove joey's car in the kitchen)
Joey: AHHHHHHH! Is this my punishment for not refilling the ice tray?!
~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~~
:D {WAAAASSSSSSSUUUPP!!!!)
~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~~
See ya! *leaves*

[Warm & Fuzzy]

Originally posted by folfan01:
Here's another blonde joke-

A blonde lady was getting her haircut and she had headphones on. The barber told her to take them off but she refused. He asked her why but she just said she couldn't. Then he left to get some supplies and he said that when he gets back she better have the headphones off. When he came back she was on the floor dead with the headphones off. The barber listened to the headphones to see what was so important about them. It was saying "Breathe in...breathe out. Breathe in...breathe out."

http://www.sitcomsonline.com/ubb/rotflmao.gif

http://www.sitcomsonline.com/ubb/rotflmao.gif That one was really funny!



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~Jenny aka Jinny~
----------
I don't care whose fault it is! I'm the one who has to tell a man the size of a skyscraper that his living room looks like Seaworld!!!~Jo
----------
Visit my FOL Reunion HP at http://www.geocities.com/bluemountain318/frame.html

[disturbed child]

Q: Wanna hear a dirty joke?
A: The pig fell in the mud!

Q: Wanna hear a clean joke?
A: The pig took a bath with bubbles!

Q: Wanna hear another dirty joke?
A: Bubbles was the neighbors dog!

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Q: How do you kill a dumb blonde?
A: Put a scratch-and-sniff sticker at the bottom of a swimming pool!

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Q: What did the O say to the other O?
A: Oh, hi O! (Ohio)

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Q: What's the capitol of Kentucky?
A: Fried chicken!


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~*Morganne, a.k.a. glitterbabie, a.k.a the gurl formerly known as Sourbabie*~

It's not like you to say sorry, I was waiting on a different story. This time I'm mistaken for handing you a heart worth breaking. And I've been wrong, I've been down into the bottom of every bottle. These five words in my head scream, "Are we having fun yet?" ~ Nickelback

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Luka: Why do you have to make such a big deal out of everything, like you have an insect up your anus!

Abby: It's bug up my ass, Luka. Bug up my ass. If you're going to insult me, you can at least get the words right.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I'm a Jinanybody and a Carby (that's ER). Britt is a Jineddy!

*Me, Britt, and Dana are self appointed message board bad gurls...we rebel against self appointed moderators...You know who you are!*

[folfan01]

I love blonde jokes.....

One time a blonde lady walked into a store and she says "Can I buy that TV?" and the worker says "No" and she's like "Why not?" and he says "Cause you're a blonde"

So she goes out of the store, dies her hair, and comes back.

She asks if she can buy the TV again. The worker says no and she's like "Why not?" and he's like "Cause it's not a TV it's an oven."

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~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~~
§°*¤*°<$arah Joanne Polniaczek>°*¤*°§
~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~~
Gal: Hi. What's your name?
Kevin: Kevin. Kevin Arnold.
Gal: Hi Kevin Kevin Arnold!

(after steph drove joey's car in the kitchen)
Joey: AHHHHHHH! Is this my punishment for not refilling the ice tray?!
~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~~
:D {WAAAASSSSSSSUUUPP!!!!)
~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~~
See ya! *leaves*

[Penny Lane]

Why did the blonde get fired from the M &M factory?

Because she kept throwing away the W's!

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Cupcake