Friends who abandon you when someone better comes along

[Brad Russ]

Have any of you ever had this happen?? I'm going through it right now. I became friends with this lady about a year ago, and we did absolutely everything together. Went to movies, watched movies at her place, went out to dinner, you name it, we did it. I was always there for her when she needed a friend to turn to, and she was always there for me. Unfortunately, over the last couple months, she's made some other friends, and now she treats me like I don't even exist. It's weird because before, if I needed her she'd be over in a split second, and wouldn't hesitate, but now I always get her answering machine, and rarely get a return call. If I do, it'll be a minute long, and then her telling me she's got to go cause she's got plans. I mean, I can totally understand that a person's life changes and all, and that they won't always have as much time for you as they once did, but for a person to just stop associating with you without any rhyme or reason, is just plain cruel!! I know I'm not always the greatest friend, and don't always stay in contact with people as much as I should, but I would never ever just totally stop being friends with someone who I was extremely close with, without any kind of explanation. Especially when they've done nothing but love, and be loyal to me. I don't know, it's just a really crappy feeling to be forgotten about, by someone you love so much. :( Anyway, sorry if I sound pathetic. I didn't write this to get anyone's pity, I'm just having a really hard time dealing with this, and needed to get it out, and not keep it bottled up inside me anymore.

[Brad Russ]

I am so deeply sorry that you are going through this Brad. I know the feeling. I was the best of friends with this woman; we were so close, that I loved her like she was my sister, then out of the blue, she just vanished from my life; and I have not heard from her in YEARS!, so I know what you are going through (it sucks and it is uncalled for); all I can say, either move on, make new friends, or realize that this is a part of life (and life can be so callous) and accept that fact..Hey, you are a wonderful person, and you know that you have me for a friend (for life)..hang there, sweety, be strong!!!:)

Thanks so much Tara!! :) You have been such a TRUE friend to me, and I am so incredibly thankful for that. I actually read that poem you dedicated to me three times today, and I read it everyday, and it really does help me to feel better when I'm feeling depressed. I just need to remember that tomorrow is a new day, and that the sadness I'm feeling now, is only temporary. Thanks so much for the advice, as well as for your amazing friendship. You have truly made my heart feel better with your words, and I appreciate that. You're awesome!!! :hug:

[Brad Russ]

Awwww, that really warms my heart; but, people will come and go in your life, remember that; friends, lovers, even family members...:)

I will always keep that in mind. :)

[GARFIELDKOOL]

My best friend Mike did this. He didn't really abandon me, but he became a little distant. We had met and became best friends in 5th grade. We did everything together and we were inseperable. if I got jumped in school, he had my back. He also backed me up vocally, no one ever did that for me up until that point of time. I transferred out of the school in the middle of 5th grade and didn't see him until 7th grade. We picked up where we left off. It was fine for a few months until he started hanging with this dude that he met in one of his classes. Before he became distant, I would arrive in the cafeteria before he did and I would put my book bag in a seat letting him know I was there. He started hanging with the other dude and I would wonder where he was and I knew he was in school. Then I would see him at another table with the guy. At first I didn't think too much of it, but it threw me off. But it would happen consistantly and I was wondering what I did to him. But he would see me and tell me to come over and sit with where they were sitting. That was cool, but three is a crowd, and I didn't know his new friend. We lost that one on one friendship right at hat point. I came back at him by hanging with some people in my other classes. His cousin came to me and asked why we weren't hanging anymore, I told her I didn't know and just left it at that. She even scolded him for that. Oh well, some friendships are just meant to be childhood friendships, that's all.

[Brad Russ]

My best friend Mike did this. He didn't really abandon me, but he became a little distant. We had met and became best friends in 5th grade. We did everything together and we were inseperable. if I got jumped in school, he had my back. He also backed me up vocally, no one ever did that for me up until that point of time. I transferred out of the school in the middle of 5th grade and didn't see him until 7th grade. We picked up where we left off. It was fine for a few months until he started hanging with this dude that he met in one of his classes. Before he became distant, I would arrive in the cafeteria before he did and I would put my book bag in a seat letting him know I was there. He started hanging with the other dude and I would wonder where he was and I knew he was in school. Then I would see him at another table with the guy. At first I didn't think too much of it, but it threw me off. But it would happen consistantly and I was wondering what I did to him. But he would see me and tell me to come over and sit with where they were sitting. That was cool, but three is a crowd, and I didn't know his new friend. We lost that one on one friendship right at hat point. I came back at him by hanging with some people in my other classes. His cousin came to me and asked why we weren't hanging anymore, I told her I didn't know and just left it at that. She even scolded him for that. Oh well, some friendships are just meant to be childhood friendships, that's all.

Yeah, I had a similar situation to that back when I was in school. There was this kid who had been my buddy from kindergarten, all the way up to the 5th grade. Then once he got to Middle School, he became popular, and pretty much forgot about me. It didn't take me long to get over that, because he was a kid, and it was something I'd expect from a kid. What made the situation above so difficult is that this person was an adult, who I never would have expected that kind of behavior from.

[KissMyGrits]

I had a problem like this with my best friend. We have been friends for 17 years. We met at work. We would do everything together. If she needed something I was there. Then she stopped calling. I would call her all the time and nothing in return. About a month after I stopped calling, she finally called me back! She apologized and said that she had alot of things going on in her life. I think that when I stopped calling, she realized what she was missing.

Our friendship survived and it is actually stronger than ever now. It survived my getting married and having a baby. It survived her loosing a baby and getting a divorce. We call each other when we can, and we know that we will always be there for one another. Even if we don't talk all the time, we know that we are always thinking about each other!

So, I guess what I am trying to say is that sometimes it is best to give the person a bit of space and time. If the friendship is meant to last then the person will realize what they are missing and come back. If not, then it wasn't meant to be.....

[TVFactFan]

I was going to say if she had met a GUY then you should know why but I can;t understand she met other friends thing. I'm a little confused by that

[Ireneparalegal]

I am really sorry for what you must be going through. Really I am. It's her loss and she is totally wrong for not even returning a phone call. Only she can tell you why she did that and you deserve an answer.

[Brad Russ]

I was going to say if she had met a GUY then you should know why but I can;t understand she met other friends thing. I'm a little confused by that

It's not a boyfriend she met, it's just a new group of friends of both sexes. I would understand it myself if it was because she got a new boyfriend, but that's not the situation.

[Brad Russ]

I am really sorry for what you must be going through. Really I am. It's her loss and she is totally wrong for not even returning a phone call. Only she can tell you why she did that and you deserve an answer.

Awww, thanks Irene!!! :D It turns out my S.O. friends are more loyal than my flesh and blood ones.

:bighug:

[Ireneparalegal]

A true friend doesn't abandon friends. Could it be she didn't have friends and was "using" you? That pisses me off. It really does because people think they can just throw people away like yesterdays garbage.

[Number 9 Dream]

That pisses me off as well, and I've been on the brunt of it many times (not only did this person stop talking to me, but she started spreading rumors about me to our other friends).

All I can say is this--It hurts, yes. But, in the end, I say good riddance! A true friend would never leave you in the dust like that. I understand people move on and grow apart, but you deserve an explanation. You don't deserve to be strung along or brushed off like you meant nothing to her. A true friend would tell you, "I love you and appreciate you, but I just need a little space right now, or time with my other friends". I could understand if that was the case, but it truly seems like this woman has just left you in the dust, Brad. And you don't deserve that! You're an awesome guy who deserves the best!

Hang in there, hun :)


A true friend doesn't abandon friends. Could it be she didn't have friends and was "using" you? That pisses me off. It really does because people think they can just throw people away like yesterdays garbage.

[Number 9 Dream]

A little aside: I've had many people in my life that have been nothing other than 'convenience friends'. Meaning, they basically used me for the convenience factor--perhaps they had no other friends to hang out with at the time, so they used me for comfort and companionship because they were lonely or bored. I've had friends that used me because I had a job (therefore had a little bit of money to spend on weekends) and a car, and they had neither. I've had friends use me because I was 21 and could buy them beer (and, what do you know, they stopped hanging out with me so much once they hit 21).

It does hurt a lot, though, because at the time you don't realize they are using you. You want to believe the best, you want to see the good in them. And, yeah, some of these people are nice people, so it's hard to know sometimes.

I hope everything works out, Brad :bighug:

[Sharop]

I'm sorry this is happening to you, Brad. So far, I've never been in a situation like that before, and I hope I never am.

I really hope you feel better soon.

[Ireneparalegal]

Hang in there Brad.

[Dr. John Becker]

I was in a situation like that once myself. Hang in there, that person wasn't a true friend anyway.

[*Pleasant Tomorrow*]

That's what caused half of the misery I'm still suffering from today. I was best friends with my neighbor since I was 4 years old. We did EVERYTHING together and grew up together. By the time we reached middle school (shocker) it went downhill. She found other people to hang out it, it was like I wasn't good enough anymore. So...that really screwed me up. To be so close to someone for so long and to all of a sudden be not good enough for them and for them to find people who are better, yet they barely know them.

Same thing is happening to my sister. Her best friend thinks she's hot **** all of a sudden and ditching her. People suck.

But that's typical teenage stuff. I'd say itd be less common in the adult world, but I'm sure it still happens. I'm sorry about your situation :(

[Courtnee]

that blows. She deserves a swift kick in the balls.

[Ireneparalegal]

that blows. She deserves a swift kick in the balls.
I know I can always rely on my daughter to tell it like it is!!!!!!!

[The Modfather]

i am going through something fairly similar. it hurts. but, you sadly can't do anything about it.

best of luck to you.

[Hollow]

<sarah's life story> abandonment and betrayal by friends </sarah's life story>

[cmcb06]

There not really friends than are they.

[Brad Russ]

Hey, thanks so much for the kind words and support everyone, I really do appreciate it. :) I realize that everybody goes through stuff like this, and that it's just a part of life, Iv'e just been feeling real bad about this recently, (to the point of making myself sick), and just really needed to get this off my chest. Thanks for listening, as well as for all the advice. I really do appreciate all your guys' support!! :D

[Dr. John Becker]

Hey, thanks so much for the kind words and support everyone, I really do appreciate it. :) I realize that everybody goes through stuff like this, and that it's just a part of life, :D

I think that's exactly right. Everyone I know has been through this at least once.

[TheGreatPretender]

ALL of my friends were and are like that. Just today i've dealt with a girl who suddenly decided not to sit next to me witout any reason and thought it was weird when i got angry at her. i don't know who to trust and i remain distant from people and that keeps me from making real firends now. When I try to be a true close friend wiht someone im just setting myself up for betrayal and hurt. im still bitter about that but at least now i know never to give all of my heart to any friend. Like number nine said "convienience friends"
I can't even trust my former phsycologist, back in sept she broke proffesional confidence and told my mother private things because she thought she was "protecting me" things like : I go on messageboards.She's the damn reason i can only go on at the library and barely get any time at home. It's liek i lost control over what's happening to me. While i was crying at how much she hurt me she said to me harshly "im not your buddy." At least i had control when I refused to go back to her.

i am greatful that i have my older brother who knows my situation and i can vent any feelings and he will actually LISTEN.

[EmoJoe]

crap like this is pretty much the story of middle school (at least my middle school years) so i've gone through stuff like this. it hurts, but then you reliaze the person probably wasnt a true friend and that you're better off without them.

[dawsongirl]

Story of my life, Brad. I've lost damn near all my friends. Some of it is probably me, because I'm a very selfish person and my feeling outweigh other's, but to just act like you never existed is a bit rude and chicken. Tell me to my face.

[Brad Russ]

Story of my life, Brad. I've lost damn near all my friends. Some of it is probably me, because I'm a very selfish person and my feeling outweigh other's, but to just act like you never existed is a bit rude and chicken. Tell me to my face.

I'm really sorry you've had so many bad experiences Cathy. :( You're a great person, and you truly deserve better than that!!

[dawsongirl]

I'm really sorry you've had so many bad experiences Cathy. :( You're a great person, and you truly deserve better than that!!
Thanks, Brad. :) You deserve the same.

[Brad Russ]

Thanks, Brad. :) You deserve the same.

Awww, thanks!! :hug:

[tdf4077]

Man...I hear you guys! I don't really have a lot of friends. I have one really good friend that I can always rely on, but I'm really shy and sarcastic...not a good combo. Well, throughout the past year, I kinda made friends with this person, but it turns out he was really just using me. He was nice whenever he needed something (money/rides/help with a project), but God forbid he actually try to have any form of true friendship! Lately it's become anytime he's become interested in a girl, he ditches me until they break up or stop being as committed. He just started doing that crap again in the past few weeks, but I've decided finally that I'm just sick of being his doormat! Fickle friends are NOT worth it 'cause they're not friends. I'd personally rather just have one or two true friends instead of 5-10 fair-weather ones!

[dragster58]

Actually no. I've got lots and lots of friends and TOO MUCH of a life out there, but I'm a firm believer that FRIENDS ARE NOT FOREVER like many TV junk shows like Melrose Place, etc. would like us to believe!!!!
BEWARE!!!!!!!!!!

[swedeace]

I've had that happen to me. I used to feel that one of my now ex-coworkers was nearly a best friend of mine. We'd talk and everything, but when a new girl came in, I wasn't the one the ex-coworker no longer hung out with at work anymore. I felt I had been replaced. They became instant best friends practically overnight. I tried harder and harder to join in and get noticed, but then the ex-coworker soon became generally moody towards nearly everyone at work. Shortly after the ex-coworker left our job and moved out of the state, I didn't know how to befriend the new girl. It took me a couple of months to actually befriend the new girl, and now she is one of the greatest friends I know.

It can be such an insulting feeling when this happens, but I guess that's just life. Some people just seem to gravitate and click. It's soooo easy to take personally because I feel I just make regular/casual friends but find it difficult to click or gravitate towards people where they are a best friend. I've never had that happen in a mutual manner. It's usually me who feels closer to people. I mean, they like me and all, but they don't feel I am their best friend or anything. Sometimes I feel I will never have a best friend.

[Czas na Zywiec]

unreciprocated love sucks

[tdf4077]

unreciprocated love sucks

Yes. Yes it does :(

[swedeace]

The reason why I am bumping up this thread; well, that person, whom I was referring about in this message, well, tonight, I was at this club, and there she was; we literally ran into each other, (and I have not seen this woman in over 3 years) I had a hunch, that I was going to see her again (and soon) and tonight, we sat down and had a long talk, etc (and exchanged phone numbers); the reason why she lost contact, was that she fell in love, moved to Montana, the relationship did not work, returned back to California; it was just a weird experience. I had mixed emotions, but I was also very happy to see her again, and she had also mentioned, that out of all of her female friends, I was the ONLY one that did not stab her in the back, and was always there for her.
Wow...that's an interesting story. You're the second person I heard about a recent reuniting after a falling out with a friend. I really hope I can recuperate a friendship like that, even if things will never be 100% the same. I still would like a reconnection. I still believe in that "time heals most wounds."

[Brad Russ]

The reason why I am bumping up this thread; well, that person, whom I was referring about in this message, well, tonight, I was at this club, and there she was; we literally ran into each other, (and I have not seen this woman in over 3 years) I had a hunch, that I was going to see her again (and soon) and tonight, we sat down and had a long talk, etc (and exchanged phone numbers); the reason why she lost contact, was that she fell in love, moved to Montana, the relationship did not work, returned back to California; it was just a weird experience. I had mixed emotions, but I was also very happy to see her again, and she had also mentioned, that out of all of her female friends, I was the ONLY one that did not stab her in the back, and was always there for her.

Oh wow, I'm so happy to hear this Tara, that's great news!! One of the worst feelings in the world, is when you lose a friend, and have absolutely no idea why they left your life. I'm so glad that you found out why, and that you've been reunited!! :)

[Crimson and Clover]

My friends abandoned me when Lor came along. But thats ok, she is much better.

[dragster58]

*WINK*