Purposely Pissing Off Friends....

[swedeace]

How do you backtrack or apologize over it? Do you wait for some time to pass by, or...?

I kinda-sorta wrote a statement to a friend whom we are having some space from each other in communication. Knowing the statement was a little vindictive, I kept writing it and sent it via email this morning without slowing down or stopping. I just kept writing and hit "send." It was a statement I purposely used against him at this moment that deals partly with stuff he's having trouble with in his life. In one way, I was so angry that I wanted to "hurt" his feelings because of my anger over the phase we are going through.

I think he got hurt and feels angry over it because I got back a simple name-calling email put in one word. That shows me he is majorily pissed and hurt. I replied back that I didn't mean it to be that mean, but I also mentioned I am not responsible for how he takes the meaning of my original email. I was kinda lying, but I was trying to sound neutral to not show any anger or hurt feelings on my behalf.

Sooo.... I am soooo lost. How long do you think I should wait before sending another email? I don't even know if he's going to reply to this email or not. But...how can I backtrack or make this run like "normal." We're going through a weird era of this friendship. So, it's like a test. I just wanted him to wake up. I dunno. It's a long story, but what is the best thing to do after this to help make it feel better or explain myself better?

I'd really appreciate suggestions for this. Thanks. :wave:

[consentida]

I did that once to a very dear friend. She came to my job the next day and said "I came here so you could apologize for that nasty email you sent me." But it turned out ok. She was joking around about it. And then I explained why I said what I said. And that was it.

[Sharop]

I'd suggest, wait a few days, and then send another email. Maybe you could apologise for some of the things you said, and tell him again that you didn't mean to upset him. If you don't mind my asking, what was it you wrote?

[swedeace]

I'd suggest, wait a few days, and then send another email. Maybe you could apologise for some of the things you said, and tell him again that you didn't mean to upset him.
That's a good idea. I sent an email shortly after reading his angry/hurt email on Saturday afternoon. I haven't heard a second reply, so that shows me he didn't feel like responding to it. Okay, that's okay because I can understand that blowing off steam for a while does help.

I have thought a lot about it since Saturday, and I was sorta trying to be mean by purposely making him feel down by lifting my self-esteem. I just handled it wrong, so I hope he will forgive me.

Oooops. I regret it, but I don't know how long to wait before sending an apologetic email. What do you all recommend?

If you don't mind my asking, what was it you wrote?
I don't mind. I will tell you about it in a PM because I don't want to talk about it openly in public.

[consentida]

That's a good idea. I sent an email shortly after reading his angry/hurt email on Saturday afternoon. I haven't heard a second reply, so that shows me he didn't feel like responding to it. Okay, that's okay because I can understand that blowing off steam for a while does help.

I have thought a lot about it since Saturday, and I was sorta trying to be mean by purposely making him feel down by lifting my self-esteem. I just handled it wrong, so I hope he will forgive me.

Oooops. I regret it, but I don't know how long to wait before sending an apologetic email. What do you all recommend?

You sound just like me. Its kind of weird. But I think my situation was a tiny bit different.

Anyway, I think the best thing you can do for now is wait until he responds. And when he does, just apologize and give an explanation of what's going on with you and why you did what you did. Maybe he'll understand.

On the other hand, if he doesn't respond, I think you should just wait a while until things cool off and then send another email or something. Maybe you could suggest having a talk with him about how you're feeling and such. Good luck. :)

[dawsongirl]

I've done that. But I ruin for permanent, so I don't want to give advice.

[Sharop]

Oooops. I regret it, but I don't know how long to wait before sending an apologetic email. What do you all recommend?

Maybe you could wait for a week or ten days, or so, and if he hasn't responded by then, you could send him another email. Some people need more time than others. I really hope he'll be receptive to you.

[Moonlight Lady]

I'm not sure how many emails you've sent to him so far, but, I think you should cool it. One email would have been plenty. Wait for him to respond to you. It make take longer than a week, depending on how angry and hurt he is.

I'm sure that you are sincerely sorry for what has been said but sometimes, I've found that apologizing too much only makes the other person angrier to the point where they start ignoring you which will make you feel worse. Nobody wants that.

[swedeace]

Anyway, I think the best thing you can do for now is wait until he responds. And when he does, just apologize and give an explanation of what's going on with you and why you did what you did. Maybe he'll understand.
That's what I am aiming for. It's difficult at times to see how he feels about things because he will either reply or he won't reply. He likes to open his feelings at his own will rather than have me ask him how he feels.

[swedeace]

I'm not sure how many emails you've sent to him so far, but, I think you should cool it. One email would have been plenty. Wait for him to respond to you. It make take longer than a week, depending on how angry and hurt he is.
I have only sent one email, actually. I didn't want to send anymore emails for the same reason you listed - too much apologizing can sometimes make the situation worse. I already know his pattern well enough. With him, he will either respond then and there or he won't bother replying. But that still doesn't tell me whether or not he's really hurt/angry or if he has gotten over it.

[Seth]

Most of my friends "get" that I can be a real [blank]hole when I get too ticked off, so they've just kind've learned to forget

[Moonlight Lady]

I have only sent one email, actually. I didn't want to send anymore emails for the same reason you listed - too much apologizing can sometimes make the situation worse. I already know his pattern well enough. With him, he will either respond then and there or he won't bother replying. But that still doesn't tell me whether or not he's really hurt/angry or if he has gotten over it.

Well, if he's not really hurt/angry then he could also be really busy with work or personal life and doesn't have time to respond until things have settled down. I think you just need to give him time, like Consentida, Sharop and others have said.

[Shine]

I'm sorry that you are having a problem with your friend, Mona.:( I think you should wait a while and then send him an email saying that you are sorry and explain your actions. I hope that he will understand and be forgiving. Sadly, over the last year I have learned that there are people who actually get off on holding grudges against others.

[swedeace]

I'm sorry that you are having a problem with your friend, Mona.:( I think you should wait a while and then send him an email saying that you are sorry and explain your actions. I hope that he will understand and be forgiving. Sadly, over the last year I have learned that there are people who actually get off on holding grudges against others.
Thanks, Mike. Yeah, that's my intention on waiting before writing an apologetic email. I know he isn't a "holding onto grudges" type of a person, so I am sure he was just pissed at that moment and has already calmed down. It's just getting to the part of hearing his words is the tricky part. He doesn't always tell me what he is feeling, so if he doesn't feel like responding (whether positive or negative), then he just forgoes it and moves on. It's a healtyh attitude, but I just wanna know just for the sake of "just knowing."

It's already been eight days later, and I started a rough draft email trying to explain several things: my honesty that I wrote the email out of hurt and anger feelings, an apology over it, talking about what I am frustrated about, and also mentioning how I am waiting on this phase.

How can I talk about this phase without sounding mushy? That last part is difficult. I keep referring to it and just thinking and thinking, but I need some similar advice to someone who has experienced a similar situation. That will help out a lot.

[passionsfan79]

I have done that to several times with my friend. But then I always tell him I was kidding. But I've stopped doing it now though.

[swedeace]

I have done that to several times with my friend. But then I always tell him I was kidding. But I've stopped doing it now though.
Yeah, I think I have learned my lesson from this. I just now want to apologize and hope there are no hard feelings. I just don't know how long it will be until this person will actually take in my words at some neutral level.

Anyone have advice on how long to wait/attempt to apologize?

[Tootie]

I did it too many times and now I don't have any friends except for my friends here lol