Growing Apart

[swedeace]

Ever been in a friendship or a romantic relationship where the people grew apart? How did you take it? How did they take it? What happened exactly? Were you ever able to later recur together?

[retrochick9]

Unfortunately, it's just one of those things that happens. People change or move, and you just have to deal with it. It's hard, but that's life. I had 2 best friends from elementary school all the way through our early 20's. We were all "attached at the hip", but now we only speak to each other a couple of times a year :( We still all live in the same state, but different cities and not real close together. As far as romantic relationships, it's kinda weird if you break up and still see each other, I personally don't want to see the person anymore. Of course I've run into guys I've dated years later and it didn't bother me anymore.

[Mr. Stefani]

Something i'm just now learning i'm way too familiar with and is apart of growing up. Through out high school it was me and my 4 close guy friends. A year later I only talk to one of them now. It's sad, we had a lot of good times together, but we just all grew apart, got girlfriends and other friends. I saw one of them the other day, I barely knew what to say. The people I least thought i'd be friends with are now the people i'm closest to now. and then there's the ex-girlfriend. That also kills me. We were on and off for 2 years, but regardless of that we were always good friends. No one knew me like she did. Grew apart I guess, I can't even be in the same room as her anymore.

[swedeace]

So, usually "growing apart" doesn't mean "the end?" Would you all say it's more sort of a "break" most of the time?

[Mr. Stefani]

So, usually "growing apart" doesn't mean "the end?" Would you all say it's more sort of a "break" most of the time?
I'd say its the end. At least for me.

[Number 9 Dream]

Yeah, I'm kind of seeing this happen with my current best friend :( It's just so hard because we hardly ever see each other anymore, especially now that she lives in another state.

We've been best friends since our senior year in high school (in the year 2000), but I've actually known her since 9th grade. We graduated together, went to the same community college together, and well...did everything together. Then her Mom decided that it would be best to move to her birthplace in Ohio (it was getting hard for their family to live on Long Island and she was a single parent), so my best friend went with her, naturally. They moved over the summer of 2003 and it was the hardest thing I've ever had to do to say goodbye to my best friend. It was hard not to have her down the block from me within walking distance.

At first it was ok. She visited me several times and we had our annual Beatlefests. I even made the trek to Ohio by Greyhound to see her. We kept in contact regularly through letters, emails, IMs, phone calls.

But now, over these past few months, it seems like I hardly talk to her anymore. She goes to a university in Ohio and is getting her own apartment with some of her college friends. I'm busy with my life on Long Island, trying to complete school and hopefully transfer. It just seems we hardly have time for each other anymore--hell, I don't even see her on AIM now.

This is depressing me :(

[retrochick9]

So, usually "growing apart" doesn't mean "the end?" Would you all say it's more sort of a "break" most of the time?
It depends on the situation, but it's usually the end. Life is all about people coming and going it seems. Sometimes you get together with old friends, but it's not the same. Sometimes old boyfriends/girlfriends come back, but it might not work out again. I've had a couple of guys break up with me and I was soooooo upset at the time. And then years later I've had them come back and be really interested in getting back together and I was like, "ehh", not interested at all anymore, LOL. It's nice when that happens though, lol.

[PZelda]

That happened to me a few years ago. This gal and I were best friends *shudders*. She seemed pretty nice when we first met, which was about 15 or so years ago. We hit it off, had a blast growing up together, etc. but around the time we started high school 7 years ago, her true personality started showing. I guess sometime around the summer before our junior year in HS (2001), we went our own separate ways, but still had to see each other daily at school.

The last time I saw her was on our graduation day on May 23, 2003. Frankly, I could care less if I never saw her for the rest of my life.

[dawsongirl]

Pretty much everyone I've been friends with at some point just sort of stops talking to me. It's like they grow tired of me. I don't know what I do, but apparently I annoy people. That and most people refuse to try and understand anxiety/depression.

I also seemed to have friended girls who thought they were better than me all of a sudden. This one girl I grew up with did that. She and I were inseperable when we were kids, but, I dunno, around JH I guess, she stopped acting like she even knew who I was. Popularity ruined her.

At my age, a bunch of them have gotten married or moved out of state, which is understandable, but an occasional email doesn't hurt. No one is that busy.

[Number 9 Dream]

Oh, I forgot to add that whenever my best friend and I get together (maybe once or twice a year if we're lucky...we usually see each other every April for Beatlefest), it's like old times again. So, I guess I should be grateful for that. It's not awkward or like we can't relate anymore.

[dawsongirl]

So, usually "growing apart" doesn't mean "the end?" Would you all say it's more sort of a "break" most of the time?
Not necessarily. Depends on the people. I grew apart from another childhood best friend, but then I found her on myspace and we talk to each other thru there and emails a couple times a week like none of that growing apart ever happened.

Sometimes people need space, and once they get that, the friendship can resume.

[Number 9 Dream]

Very true...I mean, there are some friendships that grow apart so much that it's hard to go back to how it once was. Other times, you don't want to be friends again for whatever reason. I've had plenty instances of that in my life and I can honestly say that I am relieved we don't see each other anymore. Others, I miss dearly.

I think it depends on the people in relationship.


Not necessarily. Depends on the people. I grew apart from another childhood best friend, but then I found her on myspace and we talk to each other thru there and emails a couple times a week like none of that growing apart ever happened.

Sometimes people need space, and once they get that, the friendship can resume.

[swedeace]

Pretty much everyone I've been friends with at some point just sort of stops talking to me. It's like they grow tired of me. I don't know what I do, but apparently I annoy people.
That is sort of happening to me lately. I know what you mean about how you feel they are growing tired of you. It feels the same for me, and I feel so helpless. I know I cannot control their thoughts or emotions/feelings, but I feel the need to explain so much to them. Not only that, but it seems to have been happening with a variety of others that it's depressing me....

[swedeace]

Sometimes people need space, and once they get that, the friendship can resume.
In a recent situation, I really hope this is the case. I am keeping my fingers crossed.

[swedeace]

Oh, I forgot to add that whenever my best friend and I get together (maybe once or twice a year if we're lucky...we usually see each other every April for Beatlefest), it's like old times again. So, I guess I should be grateful for that. It's not awkward or like we can't relate anymore.
That sounds a lot like what I have heard as "come and go" friendships. You can, literally, spend years apart and get back and still feel that nothing's changed much or very little. It's as though the people know they are never forgotten. My friend Laura has that with one of her high school friends. They do that every year and hang out after losing/finding each other. Then again, her friend has moved around different states.

[LuLu Rogers]

This has happened to me several times. I'll become best friends with someone, we'll be inseperable for years, then something comes up in our lives and we go our separate ways. I had a best friend from Preschool through the 8th grade and then we just grew apart. As you grow up, your interests change and your friends interests change, so what you used to have in common that made you so close is now gone. It's kind of sad. I really don't have a best friend right now, but I really wish I did. :(

[swedeace]

What about friendships in adulthood? It seems a bit easier - yet challenging - to maintain an adult friendship as far as a break/space goes. What do you all think?

[AllIWantIsYourClutch]

Pretty much everyone I've been friends with at some point just sort of stops talking to me. It's like they grow tired of me. I don't know what I do, but apparently I annoy people. That and most people refuse to try and understand anxiety/depression.

I also seemed to have friended girls who thought they were better than me all of a sudden. This one girl I grew up with did that. She and I were inseperable when we were kids, but, I dunno, around JH I guess, she stopped acting like she even knew who I was. Popularity ruined her.

At my age, a bunch of them have gotten married or moved out of state, which is understandable, but an occasional email doesn't hurt. No one is that busy.
That is the story of my life. Seriously, everything you just said applies to me.

[Tuesday Weld]

I think this type of thing happens to everyone, unfortunately. :(

[Shine]

I think this type of thing happens to everyone, unfortunately. :(

I think it does.:(

[dawsongirl]

That is the story of my life. Seriously, everything you just said applies to me.
:( Doesn't exactly help our self esteem.

[KissMyGrits]

It happened to me back when I first got married. My best friend is a single girl for life. She does not want kids and is very happy being single. Well, I got married and had my son and we kind of drifted apart for awhile. Then about a year after he was born we reconnected and boy what a difference a year made. Now she is there for every major event in my life. She takes my son on the weekends and loves every minute of it.

We have been friends for most of my adult life and I am so glad we reconnected again!! She is taking me and my son to the Bahamas this summer for a week of fun in the sun! I can't wait and neither can my son!!

[swedeace]

I may be crazy, naive, or oblivious, but I still believe in the notion of "time heals all wounds." That phrase doesn't necessarily hold for arguments but more like "as time passes by." I dunno. It sounds silly, but even if people do grow apart/move on, they can still cosmically recur later in life in one form or another.

I just strongly believe in possibilities.

[dawsongirl]

I may be crazy, naive, or oblivious, but I still believe in the notion of "time heals all wounds." That phrase doesn't necessarily hold for arguments but more like "as time passes by." I dunno. It sounds silly, but even if people do grow apart/move on, they can still cosmically recur later in life in one form or another.

I just strongly believe in possibilities.
There's nothing wrong with being optimistic. :)

I'm the kind of person who holds grudges forever and ever, so if you drifted away from me for lame reason, I'll probably never forgive you. Many of my HS friends are like that. I don't care to ever see those backstabber again.