Shine
03-01-2006, 09:45 PM
These different Solomon Shorts are taken from the novels A Matter For Men and A Rage For Revenge by David Gerrrold. Most of them are meant as jokes.
1. "The most important invention in the history of the human race is the written contract. It makes it possible for individual parties to list all the different ways they distrust each other."
2. "There is no such thing as the absolute truth. That is absolutely true."
3. "I'm all in favor of keeping dangerious weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters." (written in 1983)
4. "History is written by the survivors."
5. "Cats don't adopt people. They adopt refrigerators."
6. "History is full of revisionists. Where it used to say, 'THOU SHALT NOT KILL' it now says 'except as specified in section III-B, Paragraph 12, Sub-section D, Schedule 3." If that still doesn't suit you, wait until next year's commandments come out and trade it for something that does."
7. "You are NOT entitled to an opinion. An opinion is what you have when you don't have any facts. When you have the facts, you don't need an opinion."
8. "A diploma proves only that you know how to look up an answer."
9. "The Constitution of the United States guarantees every individual the right to make a damn fool out of himself-in public or private, however he chooses."
10. "A lot of what I say comes off as political satire. In that, I have a lot in common with congress."
11. "The minute you start to analyze why sex feels so good, it stops feeling good and starts feeling silly."
12. "People don't hire lawyers because they want justice. People hire lawyers because they want revenge."
13. "No one is afraid to die without first being afraid to live."
1. "The most important invention in the history of the human race is the written contract. It makes it possible for individual parties to list all the different ways they distrust each other."
2. "There is no such thing as the absolute truth. That is absolutely true."
3. "I'm all in favor of keeping dangerious weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters." (written in 1983)
4. "History is written by the survivors."
5. "Cats don't adopt people. They adopt refrigerators."
6. "History is full of revisionists. Where it used to say, 'THOU SHALT NOT KILL' it now says 'except as specified in section III-B, Paragraph 12, Sub-section D, Schedule 3." If that still doesn't suit you, wait until next year's commandments come out and trade it for something that does."
7. "You are NOT entitled to an opinion. An opinion is what you have when you don't have any facts. When you have the facts, you don't need an opinion."
8. "A diploma proves only that you know how to look up an answer."
9. "The Constitution of the United States guarantees every individual the right to make a damn fool out of himself-in public or private, however he chooses."
10. "A lot of what I say comes off as political satire. In that, I have a lot in common with congress."
11. "The minute you start to analyze why sex feels so good, it stops feeling good and starts feeling silly."
12. "People don't hire lawyers because they want justice. People hire lawyers because they want revenge."
13. "No one is afraid to die without first being afraid to live."